Valentine’s Day - Two Therapist Versions, Single and Married with Kids

Since Valentine’s Day can be a holiday that brings up a lot of feelings for many people, Ying-Ying and I thought it might be fun to blog a bit about the way we view the holiday given our different life situations. I still remember the best advice I received while I was single, which was to remember that most likely I would one day wish for the things that were tough then. I remember feeling lonely and having too much time on my hands at times. While I always found things I enjoyed doing, I often wanted to spend that time with someone else doing things. 

Now, as a mom and wife (and business owner!), I would LOVE to have that kind of downtime and alone time that I used to have in abundance. Ying-Ying and I were chatting about this and it gave us the idea for doing a collaborative blog comparing what things are like for each of us around Valentine’s Day. We hope you like it!
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How do you typically spend your Valentine’s Day?

My husband and I usually spend Valentine’s Day with our son celebrating family love. We used to go out for a date night pre-pandemic but lately will just cook something nice and try to open a nice bottle of wine. 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​

I usually spend my Valentine’s Day giving to others and spreading love. I haven’t had a Valentine in years, and I know that there must be others who might be on the same boat or feel a little lonely too. I’ll make little gifts (e.g., origami boxes with candy in them) with small cards attached or bake some treats to give out. That way, everyone can feel a little love. At night, I’ve usually spent it with some close friends watching chick flicks or I’ve babysat so that parents can enjoy a night out and some quality time together.

Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

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What’s your ideal Valentine’s Day?

Without extended family around, we have never been able to do this but it would be my ideal Valentine’s Day. I would love to be able to spend the morning as a family celebrating family love and then head out for a weekend/overnight date slightly out of town as a getaway. Sleeping in for me is now the ultimate gift (and one rarely received!).

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​

As a single person, I really enjoy spending Valentine’s Day treating myself and hanging out with close friends. Eating sweets, watching movies, pigging out on favorite snacks, and maybe even doing a spa night like mani/pedis and face masks.

​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

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Stay in or go out for Valentine’s Day?

We cook a lot all the time so this is definitely going out for me! Anytime I can reduce dishes - I’m in! 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​

​DEFINITELY staying in. I feel like it’s too crowded and overwhelming (not to mention probably overpriced) to go out. I’d rather just stay in and maybe celebrate on a different day when it’s less so.

​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

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What’s the most difficult part about Valentine’s Day?

Embracing our life as it is post-child. I love our family and my son but sometimes it would be nice to be able to just indulge ourselves. This is true of any holiday or birthday though - with a toddler, our life revolves around our son much of the time. I try to embrace it because these days are long but the years are truly short and one day we will likely barely see him! 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​

Having my singleness be so apparent. Valentine’s Day decorations are everywhere and all my coupled up friends have plans to hang out with their significant others. It makes it tough sometimes to have alternative plans because everyone is already busy or preoccupied.

​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

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What’s been your best Valentine’s Day?

My now husband proposed on Valentine’s Day in 2015! 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​

Well, I definitely can’t top Erica’s answer and in all honesty, I can’t really remember. But I’ve greatly enjoyed my last few Valentine’s Days because now I feel like I know what I like to do and know what I want out of it.

​​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

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What’s your view on Valentine’s Day? Day to celebrate love or commercial scam?

I think it is a little of both. I used to be more frustrated by the scam part BUT now that our life is relatively boring/mundane, it is nice to have a holiday designed to celebrate our life together. 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​​

I agree with Erica. It’s a little bit of both! There are definitely companies that monopolize profits on the holiday, which seems silly because every day should be a celebration of love! However, I do think having a holiday is a helpful reminder to make extra efforts and gestures towards those we care about.

​​​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

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Favorite Valentine’s Day movie?

Not that we watch many movies these days given that we are pretty tired by the time our son goes to bed… but all time favorite romantic movies would be Untamed Heart, The Notebook, or Love and Basketball. 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​​​

It depends on what I’m in the mood for. You’ve Got Mail is always a good one or Legally Blonde. With Legally Blonde, you can also watch all the sequels too. The movie, Valentine’s Day, has also made the list for obvious reasons. I’ve also watched Mean Girls.

​​​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

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What advice would you give someone who does not have a person to celebrate Valentine’s Day with?

To enjoy being able to spoil yourself. I’m a believer in cultivating a relationship with yourself and having faith that even if things are lonely in your life for a time, they likely won’t stay that way. When you're single you get to just do what you want to do without compromise. So, order your favorite food, kick your feet up, and treat yourself in some way!  So many of us don’t do this because we want to have a relationship when we are single, but believe me, the most important relationship is likely always going to be the one with yourself since that is the foundation of how you will relate to others too. 
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Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​​​

​​​Celebrate love! Self-love included. And just because you don’t share someone to share the day with, doesn’t mean that you can’t share the day with others. Find others to hang out with if you want and make it a point to really treat yourself. I ALWAYS eat my favorite ice cream and wear comfy sweats/pajamas. It’s a time to indulge yourself because you deserve it!

​​​​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

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