Child, Teen and Adult Psychotherapy Services in San Diego
  • Welcome
  • About Thrive
    • Meet the Thrive Team >
      • Dr. Erica Wollerman
      • Dr. Maria Fowlks
      • Jennifer Gonzalez, LMFT
      • Ying-Ying Shiue, LPCC
      • Kim Macias, APCC
      • Dr. Andrea Seldomridge
      • Molly Llamas, AMFT
      • Abbey Stewart, AMFT
    • Appointment Information
  • Contact
  • Services
    • Group Therapy at Thrive >
      • Anxiety Group For Teens
      • Parent Support Group
      • Middle School Social-Emotional Processing Group
      • Young Adults Group (18-24)
    • Therapy for Children
    • Therapy for Teens and Young Adults
    • Therapy for Adults
    • Family Therapy
    • Parent Consultation
  • Resources
    • Information About Therapy
    • Academic Resources
    • San Diego Resources
    • Covid-19 Resources
    • Anti-Racism Resources
    • Recommended Reading
    • Resources for Specific Challenges >
      • Addiction and Recovery Information
      • ADHD
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism/Developmental Disorders
      • Child Abuse and Domestic Violence
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders/Body Image Issues
      • Personal Growth/Managing Perfectionism
      • LGBTQIA
      • Parenting
      • Relationships
      • Stress Management/Mindfulness
      • Teen Issues
  • Blog
Picture

The Relentlessness of Parenting, Coronavirus Edition

4/30/2020

 
Picture
As a therapist, business owner, and mom myself, I have reflected often on the relentless nature of modern parenting. The standards and ideals many of us hold very dear and genuinely feel are important, if not vital, are challenging in our typical lives. Now we have the challenge of living during a global pandemic which is placing an unreasonable amount of pressure on parents, particularly parents of kids who are not entirely independent and working parents.
 
We are also getting mixed signals in the world about how to handle this… do we relax our expectations?  Do we just need to get even more efficient and sleep less to get everything we need to get done?  Do we need more color-coded charts perhaps?
 
I am of the belief that we likely will need to relax our expectations of ourselves in order to survive this situation as well as we can. We are just not going to be able to meet every deliverable at work, be our best parenting selves 24 hours a day, and have our lives look up to our ideal standards (whatever that might be for you).
 
Without the government stepping in and providing more relief to parents, this is an unsustainable situation for most of us. While we might be able to do it for a short period of time, when we start talking about many many more months, parents deservedly start wondering what in the world are we going to do?  The choices many parents are facing feel pretty grim as none of them feel like the “right” thing to do. Many of us have the privilege that we have not had to face a list of options that all feel terrible but are the only things we can do in a given situation. What a rude awakening we are having!
 
Here are some of the questions parents are facing…
  • Do I send my medically fragile child back to daycare so I can get work done?
  • Do I involve other family members and risk exposing them to Coronavirus so that I can get work done?
  • Do I take a leave of absence from work?
  • Do I just not get my work done even though that places my job/career at risk and I clearly have bills to pay?
  • Do I just give up and let my kids watch TV all day?
  • Do I stop paying my bills so I can hire a babysitter? 
  • Do we crowd source and share child care with other families?
 
Additionally, parents are feeling so mixed about almost any choice we make. When all of the choices have very clear negatives but there is not one that is guaranteed to be better/easier/manageable, it puts us in an uncomfortable position. Often, I would say we are faced in the most direct way possible with the truth that we cannot do it all. Definitely not right now, and I would argue most likely not ever because the standards have always been unrealistic. However, in order to cope and survive, we as families are having to lower our bars even more, which is uncomfortable particularly for those of us who are perfectionistic and already felt that we were not entirely doing things “ideally.”
 
I wanted to write about this as I feel that parents need to know they are not alone. So many of the parents I speak to feel alone in this and like they are the only ones struggling. I am here to tell you that you are not. This is really hard and most parents I know are really having a hard time.
 
Our coping is going to need a dramatic overhaul in the coming weeks. It is likely not going to be good enough to just take 5 minutes for yourself a day or to throw yourself even more into color coded charts. We are going to need to take some deep looks at our lives, values, and priorities and make some really tough decisions. While there are certainly no quick fixes, and often there are going to be no “right” or “perfect” or even “good enough” answers, we need to work on how we relate to ourselves through this situation.
 
The kinder, more compassionate, and gentle we can be with ourselves – the better. While I may not be able to solve the challenges your family is facing, I can offer some thoughts of ways to work in some self-compassion.
 
  1. Daily affirmations – Practice talking to yourself as you would to a loved one. Remind yourself you are doing the best you can and that you will get through this somehow. This is a season of our lives that will not last forever.
  2. Gratitude – Whatever it is, practicing gratitude for the small wins or positives in your life will help.
  3. Journal - Letting yourself acknowledge the challenges you are having and how you are feeling is powerful in feeling less confused or conflicted about what you are feeling. This can help you cope and feel less stressed.
 
In times of transition and change, the most important thing for all of us is to try to be flexible and understanding with ourselves. We need to re-define our parenting ideals and make it okay for parents to be imperfect and to have that be okay. I always tell clients in my office that perfect parents are not welcome or even helpful for kids.
 
Kids and teens need us to be imperfect and to show them how to relate to our challenges and mistakes with compassion so that they can do the same. If you are struggling in this situation to communicate the way you want with your child or maybe you are losing your patience, being inconsistent, or whatever other “parenting no-no” you are having – work on repairing with them and with yourself. Talk to them and let them know you love them and are trying your best.
 
Most of all, hang in there parents. This is really hard and there is a crazy amount of pressure on us these days. Let’s not add to it ourselves with even more expectations!

As always, we at Thrive are here for parents and teens, particularly during this unprecedented time in our world. We want to help you make the most of the pandemic but also help you cope with it if you are struggling. Please make sure to balance any advice you are taking with a healthy dose of self-care and realistic expectations!​
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Comments are closed.

    Blogs from the Thrive Family!

    Musings from Erica, Jennifer, Maria, Kim, Andrea, Molly, Abbey, and Ying-Ying

    Categories

    All
    Acceptance
    ADHD
    Alexina Clarke
    Andrea Seldomridge
    Angela Bianco
    Anoushey Nazir Khan
    Anxiety
    Attachment
    Autism
    Behavioral Challenges
    Communication
    Copin
    Coping
    Coronavirus
    COVID 19
    COVID-19
    Depression
    Divorce
    Early Childhood
    Emotional Expression
    Erica Wollerman
    Family
    Gratitude
    Group Therapy
    Holidays
    Intention
    Jennifer Gonzalez
    Lauren Spinelli
    Managing Stress
    Maria Fowlks
    Mindfulness
    Motivation
    New Mother
    Panicha McGuire
    Parenting
    Parenting Teens
    Perfectionism
    Play Therapy
    Resilience
    Self Esteem
    Teens
    Telehealth
    Therapy At Thrive
    Thrive Team
    Ying Ying Shiue
    Ying-Ying Shiue
    Young Adult

    Archives

    August 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2015
    October 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015

    RSS Feed

Picture

Call Today!  858-342-1304

Thrive Therapy Studio
5230 Carroll Canyon Rd. Ste 110
​San Diego, CA 92121
"Watch your thoughts, 
They become words. 
Watch your words, 
They become actions. 
Watch your actions, 
They become habits. 
Watch your habits, 
They become character; 

It becomes your destiny."

Contact Us


Thrive Therapy Studio Therapists Offer Child, Teen, Adult, Marriage and Family Psychotherapy Counseling Services in San Diego, California.
Thrive's Notice of Privacy Practices 

Picture
  • Welcome
  • About Thrive
    • Meet the Thrive Team >
      • Dr. Erica Wollerman
      • Dr. Maria Fowlks
      • Jennifer Gonzalez, LMFT
      • Ying-Ying Shiue, LPCC
      • Kim Macias, APCC
      • Dr. Andrea Seldomridge
      • Molly Llamas, AMFT
      • Abbey Stewart, AMFT
    • Appointment Information
  • Contact
  • Services
    • Group Therapy at Thrive >
      • Anxiety Group For Teens
      • Parent Support Group
      • Middle School Social-Emotional Processing Group
      • Young Adults Group (18-24)
    • Therapy for Children
    • Therapy for Teens and Young Adults
    • Therapy for Adults
    • Family Therapy
    • Parent Consultation
  • Resources
    • Information About Therapy
    • Academic Resources
    • San Diego Resources
    • Covid-19 Resources
    • Anti-Racism Resources
    • Recommended Reading
    • Resources for Specific Challenges >
      • Addiction and Recovery Information
      • ADHD
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism/Developmental Disorders
      • Child Abuse and Domestic Violence
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders/Body Image Issues
      • Personal Growth/Managing Perfectionism
      • LGBTQIA
      • Parenting
      • Relationships
      • Stress Management/Mindfulness
      • Teen Issues
  • Blog