How can parents squeeze in more alone time?

I know that when I had the realization about my toddler, my lovely but also monstrous at times toddler, that he just doesn’t leave our house anymore. It helped me recognize what I was needing a lot more of, which is a little bit of time alone where I don’t have to take care of anyone but me.

I’m sure we have all seen, and laughed at, the posts on Insta and Facebook about parents going to great lengths to get some time alone these days. Like the one about sending your kids in another room to look for a toy you have in your pocket?  I definitely laughed and then realized that maybe we should all pool together ideas that parents are using to help themselves get a bit of alone time while we are all home together so much more.

Here are some of my ideas and strategies I have been using:

• Taking Turns – if you have a partner at home who can help with things like bedtime, bath, or even homework – taking turns can be immensely helpful. I feel like what I used to get from a “date night” where we didn’t have to worry about putting our son to bed, is now replicated by getting 30 minutes extra time to myself in a day.
• Long drives – I know several families that have started having one parent take the kids on a drive to get them out of the house as well as let the other parent have some time alone at the house. And if kids are able to get some sort of treat along the way (screen time, ice cream, maybe a contactless pickup at a favorite restaurant or store?), they will likely also be happy customers!
• Playing in the car – One of my son’s favorite things to do is to play in our cars in the driveway. He just loves to pretend to drive so for Mother’s Day, my husband took him to his car for about 20 minutes so I had some unplanned alone time in the house to relax. It was amazing!
• Walks alone – I have been taking my son on walks every day during this time but on weekends, I like to go alone so that I can either catch up with a friend or listen to a favorite podcast (PS if you need a recommendation, I highly recommend “Unlocking Us” by Brene Brown.
• Babysitter after bedtime – I know a friend who has started letting a babysitter come over after her kids are in bed so that she and her husband can go for a walk and just spend some time alone out of the house. This might be a good solution for families who do not feel entirely ready to invite someone else in their “social distancing circle” but who need some time together and away from home.
• Sleeping in – While this one might be obvious to many; I think trying to take turns sleeping in is also super helpful!  I personally, like to get up early to have some time alone to start the day but for other parents, having that time to rest might help even more!
• “Alone time” – for families with young or elementary aged kids, incorporating some time that is designated for family members to have quiet time alone will be helpful. This almost mimics naptime for younger kids but can be explained as some time to just relax and complete something alone so that you can be ready to be engaged as a family again after.
• Keeping a schedule – I know a lot of families in the beginning of this situation treated it much like a vacation with more flexible everything – flexible screen time, flexible bedtimes, flexible scheduling in general. While I think that is great and likely helped in the beginning, I also think it is important to think about the cost of that choice. If you used to love having an hour or two after the kids went to bed to be alone or with your spouse, it’s probably a good idea to start working towards re-instating your old routines so that you can have that time back.

 
These are just a few ideas I had!  I’d love to hear more in the comments and for parents to share out of the box ways to get some time alone. Also, I want to remind everyone that it is perfectly natural to struggle without having time alone… If you have an ideal version of yourself as a parent who is always kind, patient, and loving and also around your kids 24/7 – you might be struggling with that as it is entirely unrealistic. In order to help ourselves be the best, most intentional versions of our parenting selves, we likely need some time to recharge our batteries and regroup. Especially during hard days and unfortunately, during a pandemic, there is just no shortage of hard days!

​At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
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