Child, Teen and Adult Psychotherapy Services in San Diego
  • Welcome
  • About Thrive
    • Meet the Thrive Team >
      • Dr. Erica Wollerman
      • Dr. Maria Fowlks
      • Jennifer Gonzalez, LMFT
      • Ying-Ying Shiue, LPCC
      • Kim Macias, APCC
      • Dr. Andrea Seldomridge
      • Molly Llamas, AMFT
      • Abbey Stewart, AMFT
    • Appointment Information
  • Contact
  • Services
    • Group Therapy at Thrive >
      • Anxiety Group For Teens
      • Parent Support Group
      • Middle School Social-Emotional Processing Group
      • Young Adults Group (18-24)
    • Therapy for Children
    • Therapy for Teens and Young Adults
    • Therapy for Adults
    • Family Therapy
    • Parent Consultation
  • Resources
    • Information About Therapy
    • Academic Resources
    • San Diego Resources
    • Covid-19 Resources
    • Anti-Racism Resources
    • Recommended Reading
    • Resources for Specific Challenges >
      • Addiction and Recovery Information
      • ADHD
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism/Developmental Disorders
      • Child Abuse and Domestic Violence
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders/Body Image Issues
      • Personal Growth/Managing Perfectionism
      • LGBTQIA
      • Parenting
      • Relationships
      • Stress Management/Mindfulness
      • Teen Issues
  • Blog
Picture

Getting Through Tough Times as a Parent - A Therapist’s Personal Reflection

10/25/2021

 
Picture
If you are a regular Thrive blog reader, you will have noticed that I have not blogged in quite some time. Initially, I was just focused on some other areas of the business and my client and family needs and then this fall, our family life became very intense due to a Covid school closure after a planned school break and I feel like I am just now catching my breath over here! 

With everything that has happened recently, I have not been the only one in my family struggling unfortunately. My son, Luca, who I adore, has seemed to also be struggling a bit. I have to admit that this recent period of challenge threw me for a loop!  While I routinely work with my clients on remembering that their child’s development is not linear and to avoid catastrophic thinking, I struggled with this myself recently. You see, Luca, who has been in daycare his whole life essentially, started struggling with going to school after the planned vacation/time away, new school year, and then a two week closure due to Covid. Things are improving now, but wow, this really was tough for me as well! I thought it might be helpful to share about this as it has helped me clarify certain things about parenting that can be so tough for all of us, even me. 

Here are my suggestions when you are dealing with a bump in your child’s development and believe me, these are all things I incorporated eventually and were helpful for me as well! 


  1. Breathe. Take a break. Enjoy the fun moments with your child.  Even during difficult times, it is crucial that we communicate love and joy to our child. Even after Luca was having explosive meltdowns about not wanting to go to school, I tried to connect with him and help us both remember how much love we have for each other and how much I love him. I really tried to remember that he is doing the best he can and that he is struggling, which is okay, even if it is hard. 
  2. Talk to your “go to” parent friends. Get support. Even as someone who offers parents support on a daily basis, without judgment, I initially struggled with talking about what was happening and my fears. I am truly lucky that I have a great group of friends and colleagues that I can lean on, but it was still hard to reach out and share just how much I was struggling with this situation. When I did though, my friends were supportive and shared similar situations that they went through. Not only did this help me feel less alone, scared, and crazy - it helped me remember that most of the time these situations are temporary. 
  3. Keep it in perspective. As I mentioned above, most of the time these situations are temporary. Once I was able to get some support from my friends and family, I realized that I was completely catastrophizing the situation. Partially because of my work and seeing how difficult it can be to parent a child who doesn’t like school and might eventually struggle intensely with school refusal, I was very scared that we were heading down a difficult path. It really helped for me to remember that kids go through bumps, and they usually come out on the other side just fine. 
  4. Empathize and validate while holding boundaries.  One of the most interesting things that I have reflected on for me about this situation was that I felt an instant need to solve the problem. You see, Luca had a very big meltdown one day going to school seemingly out of the blue (not necessarily true but it happened with such a delay after the vacation, school closure, and class change that it took me by surprise). I immediately began thinking of behavioral strategies like sticker charts that could help us get through this quickly. I was honestly anxious and very worn out from the past month myself and just couldn’t tolerate the idea of struggling with something after we finally had him back in school. While I was talking with my support system, I realized that this might not be a quick fix but it also likely wouldn’t be permanent and was something we could get through with skills I have well developed - empathy and validation plus boundaries. I remember one of the conversations I had where I realized this, oh, so to help Luca, I should just be a therapist about it? While funny now, I felt a bit silly that I had looked for so many quick answers instead of going to strategies that I myself recommend to parents! 

Here is what it looked like for us in that situation… Luca would comment in the morning that he did not want to go to school. I would reply with “I hear you love, you don’t want to go to school” and then a few minutes later would direct him to the next task on our morning routine like brushing teeth. He would often keep commenting and at times crying a bit and I would tell him, “I know you don’t want to go to school love, this is really hard for you right now. And I believe you can handle it because we can do hard things.” This pattern continued with him sharing his feelings with me, and I would welcome him sharing about it and listen, validate his experience, while affirming that I am confident he will be okay and not giving any room for him to think he can negotiate by being unsure about his need to go to school. While this didn’t always feel great because I would rather he go to school happily, it was certainly better than the power struggles we could have had! 

Lately, we seem to be in a better place where this is coming up periodically but not daily which is a relief. We only had one truly explosive and aggressive meltdown directly outside of school, which is also a relief. I am grateful for the reminder of things I know in my heart to be true, which is that kids will struggle and it is okay. They will struggle, we will not know what to do, and it will work out eventually. Plus, this experience strengthens our ability to pivot as parents and our kids’ ability to cope with challenges as they get older. 

We just need to focus on our connection and relationship with them to get through those times as well as our village. In case you are curious, my village involves my team at Thrive and I am so grateful for them and their ability to support parents. If you are in need of support as a parent, please feel free to reach out to us as we truly get it and want to help!

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Tex Hooper link
9/12/2022 02:32:35 pm

Great tip about helping your kids work through meltdowns with empathy. I need to get a psychologist to work with my son. I think he is having a hard time with suicidal thoughts.


Comments are closed.

    Blogs from the Thrive Family!

    Musings from Erica, Jennifer, Maria, Lauren, Kim, Andrea, Molly, Abbey, and Ying-Ying

    Categories

    All
    Acceptance
    ADHD
    Alexina Clarke
    Andrea Seldomridge
    Angela Bianco
    Anoushey Nazir Khan
    Anxiety
    Attachment
    Autism
    Behavioral Challenges
    Communication
    Copin
    Coping
    Coronavirus
    COVID 19
    COVID-19
    Depression
    Divorce
    Early Childhood
    Emotional Expression
    Erica Wollerman
    Family
    Gratitude
    Group Therapy
    Holidays
    Intention
    Jennifer Gonzalez
    Lauren Spinelli
    Managing Stress
    Maria Fowlks
    Mindfulness
    Motivation
    New Mother
    Panicha McGuire
    Parenting
    Parenting Teens
    Perfectionism
    Play Therapy
    Resilience
    Self Esteem
    Teens
    Telehealth
    Therapy At Thrive
    Thrive Team
    Ying Ying Shiue
    Ying-Ying Shiue
    Young Adult

    Archives

    August 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2015
    October 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015

    RSS Feed

Picture

Call Today!  858-342-1304

Thrive Therapy Studio
5230 Carroll Canyon Rd. Ste 110
​San Diego, CA 92121
"Watch your thoughts, 
They become words. 
Watch your words, 
They become actions. 
Watch your actions, 
They become habits. 
Watch your habits, 
They become character; 

It becomes your destiny."

Contact Us


Thrive Therapy Studio Therapists Offer Child, Teen, Adult, Marriage and Family Psychotherapy Counseling Services in San Diego, California.
Thrive's Notice of Privacy Practices 

Picture
  • Welcome
  • About Thrive
    • Meet the Thrive Team >
      • Dr. Erica Wollerman
      • Dr. Maria Fowlks
      • Jennifer Gonzalez, LMFT
      • Ying-Ying Shiue, LPCC
      • Kim Macias, APCC
      • Dr. Andrea Seldomridge
      • Molly Llamas, AMFT
      • Abbey Stewart, AMFT
    • Appointment Information
  • Contact
  • Services
    • Group Therapy at Thrive >
      • Anxiety Group For Teens
      • Parent Support Group
      • Middle School Social-Emotional Processing Group
      • Young Adults Group (18-24)
    • Therapy for Children
    • Therapy for Teens and Young Adults
    • Therapy for Adults
    • Family Therapy
    • Parent Consultation
  • Resources
    • Information About Therapy
    • Academic Resources
    • San Diego Resources
    • Covid-19 Resources
    • Anti-Racism Resources
    • Recommended Reading
    • Resources for Specific Challenges >
      • Addiction and Recovery Information
      • ADHD
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism/Developmental Disorders
      • Child Abuse and Domestic Violence
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders/Body Image Issues
      • Personal Growth/Managing Perfectionism
      • LGBTQIA
      • Parenting
      • Relationships
      • Stress Management/Mindfulness
      • Teen Issues
  • Blog