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 Have you been feeling like your house has turned into a zoo? If so, then you are not alone! When the shelter-in-place order started, these are some things that my younger clients have told me:
And as expected, these statements did not last that long. Children don’t process loss or tragedy and adapt as quickly as adults do. In about two weeks after my clients made these statements, I started to get phone calls and emails from parents about their children “acting out” and having behavioral issues. It has started to sink in that the changes might not be so fun after all, and they are grieving their old lifestyle more than they knew. And before you know it, the confusion, uncertainty, and frustration (combined with cabin fever) start to hit them all at once. Although I can’t guarantee when things will get better for your child, there are ways that you can help support them and make staying at home more tolerable for everyone. The first and most important rule of thumb is to be patient and be an active listener. Chances are, your child is not “acting out” on purpose. I’m a firm believer that there is always an underlying cause for a behavior. Often times, my clients have shared that they felt unheard or are angry about something in their lives. Acting out is just a way to externalize those feelings. Imagine if I had taken out half of the words in your vocabulary and you weren’t able to convey your thoughts to me. Your child’s behaviors are their way of conveying what’s going on inside. It may not be easy but patience can help your children feel that everything will be okay. Staying active. Children who don’t get enough physical exercise during the day can often become restless when it is time to settle down. Anxiety, fear, and sadness can also show up as irritability in younger children. Keeping their heart rate up, and spending the extra energy will help ease their anxiety and (hopefully) help them feel tired when it is time for bed. Children are used to using both mental and physical energy 8 hours a day when they were going to school. Because this component is missing, try filling it with other ways to keep them engaged. Notice I didn’t say keep them entertained. I know there is a lot of stress out there for parents trying to keep their children happy now that they are home all day, but that does not have to be the case. This is about helping them spend excess mental and physical energy. And for parents who work from home, some of these activities can be done independently after showing them. Below are some ideas you can try: Mentally challenging activities
Lastly, staying connected to family and friends can help bring about some normalcy in their lives. Has your child facetimed their grandparents, aunts, or uncles lately? It may be helpful to reach out to other parents and set up virtual play dates. They might just show each other their toys or their room, but it is good to help them feel connected especially if they miss their friends. I’ve recently helped a client set up a Netflix Party with their friends so they can have a virtual slumber party (it was a hit!). This can be a real mood booster for some kids! Remember that you, as a parent, are grieving too. It’s okay that you may feel short lately and found that you can’t have as much patience as you would like. Your children learn by example, so as long as you are trying and showing them that it is okay to pick yourself back up… that is an important life lesson on its own! At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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 By: Dr. Erica WollermanI personally absolutely love that the word “adulting” has come to be commonly used. Using a verb to describe what it is like to be an adult really makes sense to me, possibly because I am a millennial or maybe because I remember feeling like I was most definitely not an adult when I turned 18. Sure, I loved the privileges of being an “adult” but I certainly have never loved the responsibility. As I’ve gotten older and am now a mom, wife, business owner, employer, and a new home owner, this has not really changed. I still remember when they let us leave the hospital with our son and my reaction was like, “wait, are you sure? We’re the mom and dad now, uh oh?” Now that our list of grown up tasks grows with our responsibilities, it is nice to have a verb to use to describe those things (I need to do some adulting) rather than to describe a state of being (I am an adult). Anyways, needless to say, this word resonates with me and seems to resonate with a lot of my therapy clients who struggle with being overwhelmed with the adult tasks in life. I thought it would be helpful to put together a list of tips to help us all through our more adult days! 1. One thing at a time This has to be one of the most important pieces of advice I ever give as a therapist. So often, we feel overwhelmed with the massive number of tasks we might find ourselves with when in essence, it is not even possible to do them all at once. Make a list and just start moving down the list. If you are overwhelmed, take a deep breath and focus on just one thing you can do, even if it is small, it’s a start! 2. Remember, no one truly feels ready for adult like responsibilities Most people feel overwhelmed when you look at the enormity of what we take on in our lives as people. We go from having things taken care of for us, to being the ones taking care of things for others either in our personal or professional lives. There is this false belief in childhood that our parents and the adults around us truly have it all together that perpetuates our feelings of not being ready or feeling inadequate for the tasks we have ahead. However, we have to remember that adults are just people who have learned to have more things they are responsible for and most likely use different tools to help them remember to do them. For example, it can be so helpful to put reminders in your phone for things like paying bills, rent, taking the trash to the curb, etc. It’s important to remember that you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed and that there are lots of tips and tricks to help you figure out how to “adult” successfully. 3. Talk to people who have already done what you are working on I believe it takes a village, not just to raise kids but to live our lives effectively. It is so incredibly important that we learn that we can reach out and ask people for advice and ways to accomplish the things we are trying to accomplish ourselves. For example, when I started my private practice and later expanded it into Thrive, I asked so many colleauges about their practices and experiences to help me understand both what I was taking on but also how to go about it in a way that would hopefully work for me. If you are a more private person, reading books, blogs, or listening to podcasts can be helpful too! 4. Don’t be afraid to ask questions I have found that people can be so generous in the sharing of their knowledge both in regards to business situations and personal situations. If you are unsure of how often you need to pay a bill or what the process is to do something, go ahead and call the office you need to call and ask questions. It’s okay to admit you have no idea about something and would appreciate an explanation! Many people are happy to walk their customers through these kinds of steps if you are kind about asking and thank them for their time. 5. Reminders This one may be a bit redundant as I mentioned it in the above comments, but reminders on our digital calendars or on paper calendars can be so helpful. In our current culture, we are all balancing so many different things and it is truly easy to forget due dates or appointments. Putting a reminder in whatever kind of calendar you use can be extremely helpful in staying on top of things! I hope this is helpful information for you! If you have other tips or strategies that help you stay organized in your “adulting,” please feel free to comment on this blog or reach out to us at Thrive! At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Dr. Erica WollermanAt Thrive, we love working with teens and young adults! There are so many reasons for this passion and I thought it might be helpful to share more about WHY teens and young adults benefit so much from therapy, rather than just sharing about why we love working with them so much! This post is especially geared towards parents whose young adult kids are not interested in sharing much more than one syllable comments with them. (PS, you are not alone, this is not at all uncommon as I will discuss below!) The teen and young adult years are filled with so many exciting changes, including a huge growth in independence and interest in relationships outside of the immediate family. While for parents, this can be a difficult, tumultuous, and almost scary time, for teens, this is a time of amazing growth and development. Interestingly, while some teens and young adults stay connected emotionally with their parents and continue sharing information with them about the things they are experiencing, many others pull away from their parents. This is a normal part of the process of growing up and individuating away from our family of origin, but it can be difficult for parents who are used to being in the loop on what is going on for their kid. I believe that if you are a parent of a teen or young adult who is growing in independence and no longer sharing information with you, it is dramatically helpful to have another adult in their life. Ideally, a therapist who can connect with them, build a relationship of trust, and who can help guide their personal development or at least help them think through their choices. As a therapist who works with teens and young adults all the time, I can’t tell you how often I hear the thought process behind their decisions and can then share my more adult based perspective, which helps them make more thought through decisions. While I can’t guarantee any certain outcome or that they will notengage in things you don’t want them to, I can say with a good amount of certainty that they are thinking more about what they are doing. This helps reduce the amount of recovery time from mistakes, and often the overall number of dramatic mistakes. While many of the teens and young adults I work with have great judgment, many of them still struggle with impulse control and managing their reactions while feeling upset, emotional, or insecure. Working with a therapist that they trust, can help them cope differently and see situations from another person’s perspective. Often, my clients will tell me that while they don’t particularly love their parents’ decisions, they do understand them and know that they are helping them in the long run. It’s always interesting when my clients are able to reflect that they would probably do the same thing if they were the parent in any given situation. I’ve even had teens tell me they would probably be more strict or set other boundaries with their kids in the future! Just like in toddlerhood, teenage and young adult years come with a certain level of parent resistance. It’s almost like they are “programmed” to disagree with you! Working with a therapist, is a great way to divert some of this. Since we are not their parents, our relationship with them does not carry the same emotionality or reactivity so they are often more receptive to our suggestions or thoughts. My clients often tell me that I don’t feel like another adult but a friend, big sister, or mentor. These relationships produce less resistance, which is super helpful in terms of my ability to make suggestions and provide support and guidance. Another reason why I believe therapy should at least be offered to most teens and young adults is this... Being a teen or young adult can be really lonely. Especially if you are struggling with emotions, friends, relationships with your family, and feeling that you need to do things on your own. It can be a time when you feel that you have to do everything and don't really want advice from anyone else but where you also feel deep down that you have no idea what you are doing. I remember what this was like and though I would have resisted, would have loved to have an adult on my side! While I know that my initial statement of "every teen or young adult" needs therapy, may seem dramatic, I really do believe that this is an age group that particularly benefits from therapy for the reasons I described above and honestly, many more! Given the fact that we practice therapy at our office from a place of growth, self-understanding, and compassion, we strive to help our clients feel at home and never to feel that we are saying something is "wrong" with them. This approach helps teens feel at home with us and that it is okay to seek support when you need it! At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Dr. Erica WollermanAt Thrive, we love supporting new and returning college students and young adults! For many, the process of moving towards independence from our parents can be really challenging but also exciting! The number of transitions faced by young adults can be so numerous – many are moving away from their parents for the first time, managing responsibilities that can feel overwhelming, balancing work and school perhaps for the first time, renting an apartment, trying to plan or start a career, entering into or leaving serious relationships, or starting a family. I remember while working at a college counseling center, just how often we talked with students about how all transitions, even positive ones, can be stressful and anxiety provoking. It really makes sense that during a time of so much transition, between the ages of 17-25 or so, having a supportive person to talk things through with can be so helpful. Here’s a list of 5 reasons why young adults LOVE coming to therapy. 1. Support! While most of us crave more independence as we near our adult years, it can also feel very lonely to be handling more things on your own as you age. Whether you live with your family or on your own, it can be difficult to feel supported especially if you are making more independent decisions. A therapist can help you feel that you have someone in your corner no matter what choices you make. 2. No judgment here Many people explore a lot of different ways of being in the world in their young adult years. This might include differing levels of partying, sexual encounters, risky choices in general, and varying interest in careers, work, and education. It is often difficult to talk with other friends about these experiences and most certainly can be difficult to talk with family about them! A therapist can provide a safe place to explore your choices while not feeling judged or controlled. 3. We are not your parent Many of us talk less to our parents while we start or continue the process of “launching” from their home. While this level of contact varies from person to person, it can be so helpful and reassuring to have another adult in your life who cares about you and can provide some level of advice and direction. While a therapist serves a much different role than a parent, we can help buffer the loneliness and challenge of navigating the world more independently. 4. Who am I? Where is my life headed? Therapists usually LOVE talking about identity and different paths people are going to take in their lives. This is a reason why young adults are so much fun for us to work with! Interestingly, we are not the only ones who love talking about these challenges! Our young adult clients usually want to explore them too and sometimes, it is better to do so in a space without parental involvement. Parents often have more emotional connection with their children’s development and goals which makes it difficult to give neutral feedback and space to make mistakes. We are here for you to sort things out and to walk with you no matter the choices or mistakes you may make! 5. Why me? I believe making meaning out of challenging life situations can be a reason many people love therapy but particularly our young adult clients appreciate having a space to process the challenges and difficult situations they face or have faced. We can help you make meaning and resolve challenges from your past so that you hopefully do not carry them as much into your future! While these are only a few reasons why young adults love working with our office, there are many more and perhaps you will have your own! We are passionate about helping young adults reach their full potential at our office and would love to work with you! At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen, or young adult psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. |
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Thrive Therapy Studio Therapists Offer Child, Teen, Adult, Marriage and Family Psychotherapy Counseling Services in San Diego, California.
