Thrive Therapy Blog

Meet Dr. Erica Wollerman, our Founder

8/9/2022

By: CanvasRebel
This is an excerpt from an interview between our founder, Dr. Erica Wollerman, and CanvasRebel. To read the interview in full, check it out here!

Alright, Erica thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Can you recount a time when the advice you provided to a client was really spot on? (Please note this response is for education/entertainment purposes only and shouldn’t be construed as advice for the reader)

One of the most common themes that comes up in my work, and my life personally, is around limits. People often really struggle to know their limits in the sense of “how much can I take on, how much more can I do, or am I doing too much?” This is something that resonates with me personally as well and I have finally understood a better way to approach the questions around doing too much or not enough. The thing I encourage people to consider is that everything, and I mean everything, has a cost. Since I work often with working parents who have demanding careers, this is so true for them and for me and my family. For example, if you are choosing to work hard for a promotion or have a job that is too demanding for you, the cost might be to your energy, ability to engage with your kids, or mental health. I usually frame conversations about our choices in this light and understanding the cost so that we can make more conscious choices. Otherwise, we end up with unrealistic expectations that will just never be met.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

I founded Thrive Therapy Studio in 2017 after approximately 11 years in the field of mental health and therapy. I am a licensed clinical psychologist and I LOVE working with working parents who are struggling to balance it all. Since I have a background working with children with a variety of diagnoses, my understanding of children informs my work with parents to help benefit the whole family. I am a firm believer that if parents are coping better, their kids will also be coping better. My approach is similar to my parenting style – firm with lots of compassion and understanding. I am most proud of being gable to develop an office where my team loves to work, our clients love to come, and where we truly can support the whole family.

We also wanted to share with you some pictures of our updated office! We have expanded our office space so that we can better serve our community, increase our in person session offerings, and further grow our team!

Check them out below!

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.

As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.

To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

5 Ways to Address Suicidal Ideation as a Parent

1/26/2022

By: Andrea Seldomridge

Wondering if your child is at risk of hurting themselves can feel incredibly scary. Sometimes it is hard to know if your child’s depressed mood is another part of being a child or teen, or if it is a sign of something more urgent. Maybe you are concerned that your child is feeling suicidal or they might have already communicated that they are indeed having suicidal thoughts. It can be hard to know how to keep your child safe when it comes it suicide or how to even broach the topic. If you are wondering if your child is experiencing suicidal thoughts or are concerned that their depression is something more than depression, here are some ways you can address suicidal ideation as a parent.

Check for warning signs. There are several potential warning signs of suicidal thoughts. These include experiencing a depressed mood, loss of interest in activities, increased substance use, saying statements like “I wish I could sleep and never wake up” or “no one would miss me if I was gone”, or talking about death and suicide.
Ask them directly if they are having suicidal thoughts. There is a common myth that asking someone if they are suicidal or bringing up the topic of suicide can put the idea in their mind. Research shows that this is not only a myth, but it is actually best to ask directly. This can look like “have you been having thoughts of killing yourself or thoughts of suicide?” This lets your child know that you see their pain, care enough to ask, and that you want to support them.
Assess risk. When we assess for risk in therapy, we always assess for if someone has a plan to commit suicide, an intent on doing so, and if they have the means to. As a parent, you can ask “have you made a plan to attempt suicide? have you thought about how you would attempt suicide?” and if so asking if they have access to the items they would use. If they answer yes to any of these, let them know you are glad they could share this information with you and that you will continue to be there for them. It would then be important to seek out professional help, such as contacting a therapist, calling a suicide hotline, or visiting your local emergency room if the risk is imminent.
Make the situation safe. Removing the means someone would commit suicide with is a way to help keep someone safe. For example, if a child shares that they would use medication to attempt suicide, you can keep the medication locked in a different cabinet. Additionally, I would highly encourage you to keep firearms locked and kept out of access.
Ask how you can support them. This can be different for every child, but if they are able to identify a way you can be there for them, thank them for letting you know. Be sure to avoid minimizing pain or providing a quick fix. If they are not ready to talk, you can let them know that it is okay if they are not ready and that you will be there to listen whenever they are. For many children, attending therapy can be a great place where they can begin talking with another person who will listen and support them. Lastly, another way to support them is finding small activities to engage in together, such as going on a walk or watching a movie. This shows them that you are there for them without feeling a pressure to talk.

If you are ever concerned for the safety of your child, seek out professional help. This can look like seeking out therapy for your child or calling the Access and Crisis line (1-888-724-7240). If your child is at immediate risk, call 911 or go to your local emergency room.

5 Ways to Support Teens with Low Self-Esteem

1/19/2022

By Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

Being a teen can be difficult to say the least. While it is a time of self-exploration, figuring out who you are and what you value, it is also a time when it becomes especially easy to compare yourself to others. A teen might not make the sports team or pass that difficult class, or may start to compare how they look to their peers. Most teens end up struggling with low self-esteem at some point. It can feel painful as a parent to see your child doubt themselves, but thankfully there are a few things parents can do to help their teen gain confidence in themselves.

Make space to listen rather than problem-solve. I think this is hands down the best thing one could do. Providing a space where your teen can share how they are feeling without providing a solution can make them feel heard and seen. It can be so easy to quickly point out what is great about them - there are likely several things that are great about them! However, sometimes it can end up feeling invalidating. Instead, you can just reflect to them how they are feeling by saying “I know you’re feeling down” or “I know you’re really frustrated with this class”.
Focus on efforts rather than outcomes. For myself, science was always the most difficult class and the tests that I never quite got the grade I was hoping for. I remember when someone told me “you worked really hard and that matters a lot”. It was so encouraging to have someone praise the effort I put into it, because even when I did not get the grade I could still be proud of myself for the extra studying. If your teen is dealing with low self-esteem regarding a class, not making the sports team, or just not meeting their expectations, try praising them for the efforts they put into it.
Encourage them to try new things. Encouraging your teen to try a new activity can help boost confidence and gain practice in putting themselves out there. Whether they do well or do not meet their expectations, you can reflect the courage it takes to try new activities.
Speak kindly to yourself. This is a great way to model positive self-talk! Many of us (including myself) are skilled in identifying the things we dislike about ourselves. Creating the habit of using positive self-talk with ourselves can be a good way to demonstrate it to teens.
Help them reflect on ways they have grown. When experiencing low self-esteem, all-or-nothing thinking can set it. It might leave them feeling like they have never been good enough and won’t ever be. Helping them identify things that were once difficult for them that they now do with ease can increase self-confidence.

Gaining self-esteem is a gradual process. Listening to your teen, reflecting their feelings, and being there for them are some of the best ways to help them increase their self-confidence.

Help! My Kids Are Driving Me Insane in Quarantine!

5/1/2020

Have you been feeling like your house has turned into a zoo? If so, then you are not alone! When the shelter-in-place order started, these are some things that my younger clients have told me:

“I love coronavirus. I get to stay home. I don’t have school.”
“I’m good! I don’t have math.”
“I got to watch movies and play all day! It’s great!”
“It’s like vacation and I’m with my family.”

And as expected, these statements did not last that long. Children don’t process loss or tragedy and adapt as quickly as adults do. In about two weeks after my clients made these statements, I started to get phone calls and emails from parents about their children “acting out” and having behavioral issues. It has started to sink in that the changes might not be so fun after all, and they are grieving their old lifestyle more than they knew. And before you know it, the confusion, uncertainty, and frustration (combined with cabin fever) start to hit them all at once. Although I can’t guarantee when things will get better for your child, there are ways that you can help support them and make staying at home more tolerable for everyone.

The first and most important rule of thumb is to be patient and be an active listener. Chances are, your child is not “acting out” on purpose. I’m a firm believer that there is always an underlying cause for a behavior. Often times, my clients have shared that they felt unheard or are angry about something in their lives. Acting out is just a way to externalize those feelings. Imagine if I had taken out half of the words in your vocabulary and you weren’t able to convey your thoughts to me. Your child’s behaviors are their way of conveying what’s going on inside. It may not be easy but patience can help your children feel that everything will be okay.

Staying active. Children who don’t get enough physical exercise during the day can often become restless when it is time to settle down. Anxiety, fear, and sadness can also show up as irritability in younger children. Keeping their heart rate up, and spending the extra energy will help ease their anxiety and (hopefully) help them feel tired when it is time for bed. Children are used to using both mental and physical energy 8 hours a day when they were going to school. Because this component is missing, try filling it with other ways to keep them engaged. Notice I didn’t say keep them entertained. I know there is a lot of stress out there for parents trying to keep their children happy now that they are home all day, but that does not have to be the case. This is about helping them spend excess mental and physical energy. And for parents who work from home, some of these activities can be done independently after showing them. Below are some ideas you can try:

Mentally challenging activities

Starting a jigsaw puzzle
Learning to knit/sew
Learning an instrument (there are apps out there for this!)
Scavenger hunt (can be done on a walk or in the home)
Crafting (I’ve had clients stay engaged by making and donating masks to neighbors or hospitals)
Commit to learning a new language for the whole family (maybe even practice holding a conversation in that language during dinner)

Physical activities

Dancing (Just Dance 2020 on the Switch is super fun!)
Walking or grooming your pet
Jumping on the trampoline
Relay races or obstacle courses in the home
Twister
The floor is lava (remember this one?)
Musical chairs
Virtual fitness classes for kids

Limit their exposure. This may seem strange for an article about behavioral issues in children; however, the current news coverage about COVID-19 has triggered a lot of fear response in children. Children are always listening and observing even when you think they aren’t. I’ve had young clients expressing their fears about getting sick, when things will open, how many cases are in San Diego and so much information that even I have not yet seen. Children can easily misinterpret what they hear and become frustrated about something they can’t understand. In turn, this can bring about more confused feelings that may already exist.

Lastly, staying connected to family and friends can help bring about some normalcy in their lives. Has your child facetimed their grandparents, aunts, or uncles lately? It may be helpful to reach out to other parents and set up virtual play dates. They might just show each other their toys or their room, but it is good to help them feel connected especially if they miss their friends. I’ve recently helped a client set up a Netflix Party with their friends so they can have a virtual slumber party (it was a hit!). This can be a real mood booster for some kids!

Remember that you, as a parent, are grieving too. It’s okay that you may feel short lately and found that you can’t have as much patience as you would like. Your children learn by example, so as long as you are trying and showing them that it is okay to pick yourself back up… that is an important life lesson on its own!

Tips on "Adulting"

9/30/2019

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

I personally absolutely love that the word “adulting” has come to be commonly used. Using a verb to describe what it is like to be an adult really makes sense to me, possibly because I am a millennial or maybe because I remember feeling like I was most definitely not an adult when I turned 18. Sure, I loved the privileges of being an “adult” but I certainly have never loved the responsibility. As I’ve gotten older and am now a mom, wife, business owner, employer, and a new home owner, this has not really changed. I still remember when they let us leave the hospital with our son and my reaction was like, “wait, are you sure? We’re the mom and dad now, uh oh?” Now that our list of grown up tasks grows with our responsibilities, it is nice to have a verb to use to describe those things (I need to do some adulting) rather than to describe a state of being (I am an adult).

Anyways, needless to say, this word resonates with me and seems to resonate with a lot of my therapy clients who struggle with being overwhelmed with the adult tasks in life. I thought it would be helpful to put together a list of tips to help us all through our more adult days!

1. One thing at a time
This has to be one of the most important pieces of advice I ever give as a therapist. So often, we feel overwhelmed with the massive number of tasks we might find ourselves with when in essence, it is not even possible to do them all at once. Make a list and just start moving down the list. If you are overwhelmed, take a deep breath and focus on just one thing you can do, even if it is small, it’s a start!

2. Remember, no one truly feels ready for adult like responsibilities
Most people feel overwhelmed when you look at the enormity of what we take on in our lives as people. We go from having things taken care of for us, to being the ones taking care of things for others either in our personal or professional lives. There is this false belief in childhood that our parents and the adults around us truly have it all together that perpetuates our feelings of not being ready or feeling inadequate for the tasks we have ahead. However, we have to remember that adults are just people who have learned to have more things they are responsible for and most likely use different tools to help them remember to do them. For example, it can be so helpful to put reminders in your phone for things like paying bills, rent, taking the trash to the curb, etc. It’s important to remember that you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed and that there are lots of tips and tricks to help you figure out how to “adult” successfully.

3. Talk to people who have already done what you are working on
I believe it takes a village, not just to raise kids but to live our lives effectively. It is so incredibly important that we learn that we can reach out and ask people for advice and ways to accomplish the things we are trying to accomplish ourselves. For example, when I started my private practice and later expanded it into Thrive, I asked so many colleauges about their practices and experiences to help me understand both what I was taking on but also how to go about it in a way that would hopefully work for me. If you are a more private person, reading books, blogs, or listening to podcasts can be helpful too!

4. Don’t be afraid to ask questions
I have found that people can be so generous in the sharing of their knowledge both in regards to business situations and personal situations. If you are unsure of how often you need to pay a bill or what the process is to do something, go ahead and call the office you need to call and ask questions. It’s okay to admit you have no idea about something and would appreciate an explanation! Many people are happy to walk their customers through these kinds of steps if you are kind about asking and thank them for their time.

5. Reminders
This one may be a bit redundant as I mentioned it in the above comments, but reminders on our digital calendars or on paper calendars can be so helpful. In our current culture, we are all balancing so many different things and it is truly easy to forget due dates or appointments. Putting a reminder in whatever kind of calendar you use can be extremely helpful in staying on top of things!

I hope this is helpful information for you! If you have other tips or strategies that help you stay organized in your “adulting,” please feel free to comment on this blog or reach out to us at Thrive!

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.

As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.

To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.

Why All Teens and Young Adults Need a Therapist

5/16/2019

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

At Thrive, we love working with teens and young adults! There are so many reasons for this passion and I thought it might be helpful to share more about WHY teens and young adults benefit so much from therapy, rather than just sharing about why we love working with them so much! This post is especially geared towards parents whose young adult kids are not interested in sharing much more than one syllable comments with them. (PS, you are not alone, this is not at all uncommon as I will discuss below!)

The teen and young adult years are filled with so many exciting changes, including a huge growth in independence and interest in relationships outside of the immediate family. While for parents, this can be a difficult, tumultuous, and almost scary time, for teens, this is a time of amazing growth and development. Interestingly, while some teens and young adults stay connected emotionally with their parents and continue sharing information with them about the things they are experiencing, many others pull away from their parents. This is a normal part of the process of growing up and individuating away from our family of origin, but it can be difficult for parents who are used to being in the loop on what is going on for their kid.

I believe that if you are a parent of a teen or young adult who is growing in independence and no longer sharing information with you, it is dramatically helpful to have another adult in their life. Ideally, a therapist who can connect with them, build a relationship of trust, and who can help guide their personal development or at least help them think through their choices. As a therapist who works with teens and young adults all the time, I can’t tell you how often I hear the thought process behind their decisions and can then share my more adult based perspective, which helps them make more thought through decisions. While I can’t guarantee any certain outcome or that they will notengage in things you don’t want them to, I can say with a good amount of certainty that they are thinking more about what they are doing. This helps reduce the amount of recovery time from mistakes, and often the overall number of dramatic mistakes.

While many of the teens and young adults I work with have great judgment, many of them still struggle with impulse control and managing their reactions while feeling upset, emotional, or insecure. Working with a therapist that they trust, can help them cope differently and see situations from another person’s perspective. Often, my clients will tell me that while they don’t particularly love their parents’ decisions, they do understand them and know that they are helping them in the long run. It’s always interesting when my clients are able to reflect that they would probably do the same thing if they were the parent in any given situation. I’ve even had teens tell me they would probably be more strict or set other boundaries with their kids in the future!

Just like in toddlerhood, teenage and young adult years come with a certain level of parent resistance. It’s almost like they are “programmed” to disagree with you! Working with a therapist, is a great way to divert some of this. Since we are not their parents, our relationship with them does not carry the same emotionality or reactivity so they are often more receptive to our suggestions or thoughts. My clients often tell me that I don’t feel like another adult but a friend, big sister, or mentor. These relationships produce less resistance, which is super helpful in terms of my ability to make suggestions and provide support and guidance.

Another reason why I believe therapy should at least be offered to most teens and young adults is this... Being a teen or young adult can be really lonely. Especially if you are struggling with emotions, friends, relationships with your family, and feeling that you need to do things on your own. It can be a time when you feel that you have to do everything and don't really want advice from anyone else but where you also feel deep down that you have no idea what you are doing. I remember what this was like and though I would have resisted, would have loved to have an adult on my side!

While I know that my initial statement of "every teen or young adult" needs therapy, may seem dramatic, I really do believe that this is an age group that particularly benefits from therapy for the reasons I described above and honestly, many more! Given the fact that we practice therapy at our office from a place of growth, self-understanding, and compassion, we strive to help our clients feel at home and never to feel that we are saying something is "wrong" with them. This approach helps teens feel at home with us and that it is okay to seek support when you need it!

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.

As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.

To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.

Five Reasons Young Adults Love Therapy

4/16/2019

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

At Thrive, we love supporting new and returning college students and young adults! For many, the process of moving towards independence from our parents can be really challenging but also exciting!  The number of transitions faced by young adults can be so numerous – many are moving away from their parents for the first time, managing responsibilities that can feel overwhelming, balancing work and school perhaps for the first time, renting an apartment, trying to plan or start a career, entering into or leaving serious relationships, or starting a family. I remember while working at a college counseling center, just how often we talked with students about how all transitions, even positive ones, can be stressful and anxiety provoking.

It really makes sense that during a time of so much transition, between the ages of 17-25 or so, having a supportive person to talk things through with can be so helpful.

Here’s a list of 5 reasons why young adults LOVE coming to therapy.

1. Support!
While most of us crave more independence as we near our adult years, it can also feel very lonely to be handling more things on your own as you age. Whether you live with your family or on your own, it can be difficult to feel supported especially if you are making more independent decisions. A therapist can help you feel that you have someone in your corner no matter what choices you make.

2. No judgment here
Many people explore a lot of different ways of being in the world in their young adult years. This might include differing levels of partying, sexual encounters, risky choices in general, and varying interest in careers, work, and education. It is often difficult to talk with other friends about these experiences and most certainly can be difficult to talk with family about them! A therapist can provide a safe place to explore your choices while not feeling judged or controlled.

3. We are not your parent
Many of us talk less to our parents while we start or continue the process of “launching” from their home. While this level of contact varies from person to person, it can be so helpful and reassuring to have another adult in your life who cares about you and can provide some level of advice and direction. While a therapist serves a much different role than a parent, we can help buffer the loneliness and challenge of navigating the world more independently.

4. Who am I?  Where is my life headed?
Therapists usually LOVE talking about identity and different paths people are going to take in their lives. This is a reason why young adults are so much fun for us to work with!  Interestingly, we are not the only ones who love talking about these challenges! Our young adult clients usually want to explore them too and sometimes, it is better to do so in a space without parental involvement. Parents often have more emotional connection with their children’s development and goals which makes it difficult to give neutral feedback and space to make mistakes. We are here for you to sort things out and to walk with you no matter the choices or mistakes you may make!

5. Why me?
I believe making meaning out of challenging life situations can be a reason many people love therapy but particularly our young adult clients appreciate having a space to process the challenges and difficult situations they face or have faced. We can help you make meaning and resolve challenges from your past so that you hopefully do not carry them as much into your future!

While these are only a few reasons why young adults love working with our office, there are many more and perhaps you will have your own! We are passionate about helping young adults reach their full potential at our office and would love to work with you!

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.

As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen, or young adult psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.

To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.

Meet Dr. Erica Wollerman, our Founder

By: CanvasRebel
This is an excerpt from an interview between our founder, Dr. Erica Wollerman, and CanvasRebel. To read the interview in full, check it out here!

We also wanted to share with you some pictures of our updated office! We have expanded our office space so that we can better serve our community, increase our in person session offerings, and further grow our team!

Check them out below!

5 Ways to Address Suicidal Ideation as a Parent

5 Ways to Support Teens with Low Self-Esteem

Help! My Kids Are Driving Me Insane in Quarantine!

Tips on "Adulting"

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

Why All Teens and Young Adults Need a Therapist

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

Five Reasons Young Adults Love Therapy

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

Blogs from the Thrive Family!

Categories

Archives

Call Today! 858-342-1304

Contact Us

Meet Dr. Erica Wollerman, our Founder

By: CanvasRebel This is an excerpt from an interview between our founder, Dr. Erica Wollerman, and CanvasRebel. To read the interview in full, check it out here!

We also wanted to share with you some pictures of our updated office! We have expanded our office space so that we can better serve our community, increase our in person session offerings, and further grow our team! Check them out below!

5 Ways to Address Suicidal Ideation as a Parent

5 Ways to Support Teens with Low Self-Esteem

Help! My Kids Are Driving Me Insane in Quarantine!

Tips on "Adulting"

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

Why All Teens and Young Adults Need a Therapist

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

Five Reasons Young Adults Love Therapy

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

Blogs from the Thrive Family!

Categories

Archives

Call Today! 858-342-1304

Contact Us

By: CanvasRebel
This is an excerpt from an interview between our founder, Dr. Erica Wollerman, and CanvasRebel. To read the interview in full, check it out here!

We also wanted to share with you some pictures of our updated office! We have expanded our office space so that we can better serve our community, increase our in person session offerings, and further grow our team!

Check them out below!