Child, Teen and Adult Psychotherapy Services in San Diego
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      • Dr. Erica Wollerman
      • Dr. Maria Fowlks
      • Jennifer Gonzalez, LMFT
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      • Dr. Andrea Seldomridge
      • Molly Llamas, AMFT
      • Abbey Stewart, AMFT
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Why Starting Therapy Can Be So Intimidating

2/19/2021

 
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What do you mean I’m supposed to talk to a STRANGER?! And tell them my deep dark secrets?! I barely even share that to the people I actually know!

I get why starting therapy can be overwhelming and intimidating. It’s hard enough to talk to people you actually know, so why would you want to talk to someone you don’t know?

But actually, talking to someone outside of your circle can be liberating and refreshing. Here’s why:
  1. A therapist has no idea who your family or friends are or what your life is like. You could talk about your life and the people in your life, and what is said in the room, stays in the room. There are no prejudgments or expectations and there shouldn’t be! Your therapist also has no preconceived notions of you because they have yet to discover who you are. So feel free to spill your guts!
  2. You don’t need to impress your therapist. Your therapist does not care if you wear your best outfit or sweats. You could be at your worst or the messiest version of yourself, and your therapist will still hold space for you to just be you. 
  3. Your therapist is there for YOU. Just you. Whatever you need. It’s literally what you’re paying them for.
  4. In a private practice setting, 99.9% guaranteed that you are not your therapist’s most difficult client. Trust me. (And if you’re thinking that you’re the 0.1%, then it’s DEFINITELY not you. The difficult ones would never acknowledge that they are difficult.)
  5. You really don’t have to tell them your deepest darkest secrets if you don’t want to. You also don’t have to do it in the first session if you aren’t ready. Every relationship, including the therapeutic one, should be built. It’s a process, and it takes some time.
  6. If you don’t like your therapist, find a different one! If you are finding that your therapist is not working for you, you never have to talk to them again. Breaking up with a therapist is not like a dating relationship where you still have to see your ex on occasion and it’s awkward. You have zero obligation or responsibility to continue talking to that person, and there are no ramifications (as long as you tell them that you no longer want to see them so you don’t get charged a no-show fee if an appointment has already been made). Note: this does not mean that your therapist will not sometimes tell you something difficult to hear or that you should bounce around until you find someone who tells you only the things you want to hear, but finding the right FIT is important.

Anyway, in a therapy session, you have all the power to dictate whether you want to stay or go and what you want to say or don’t say. You can also tell your therapist how you’re feeling and address your concerns or anxieties with them during session. It’s crazy to think that you can tell someone all these things right off the bat, but here’s the craziest thing of all, it works. When you find YOUR therapist, someone who you actually like talking to, someone who understands you and will listen to you, someone who really gets you… it works.
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Valentine’s Day - Two Therapist Versions, Single and Married with Kids

2/12/2021

 
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Since Valentine’s Day can be a holiday that brings up a lot of feelings for many people, Ying-Ying and I thought it might be fun to blog a bit about the way we view the holiday given our different life situations. I still remember the best advice I received while I was single, which was to remember that most likely I would one day wish for the things that were tough then. I remember feeling lonely and having too much time on my hands at times. While I always found things I enjoyed doing, I often wanted to spend that time with someone else doing things. 

Now, as a mom and wife (and business owner!), I would LOVE to have that kind of downtime and alone time that I used to have in abundance. Ying-Ying and I were chatting about this and it gave us the idea for doing a collaborative blog comparing what things are like for each of us around Valentine’s Day. We hope you like it!
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How do you typically spend your Valentine’s Day?
My husband and I usually spend Valentine’s Day with our son celebrating family love. We used to go out for a date night pre-pandemic but lately will just cook something nice and try to open a nice bottle of wine. 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​
I usually spend my Valentine’s Day giving to others and spreading love. I haven’t had a Valentine in years, and I know that there must be others who might be on the same boat or feel a little lonely too. I’ll make little gifts (e.g., origami boxes with candy in them) with small cards attached or bake some treats to give out. That way, everyone can feel a little love. At night, I’ve usually spent it with some close friends watching chick flicks or I’ve babysat so that parents can enjoy a night out and some quality time together.

Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

What’s your ideal Valentine’s Day?
Without extended family around, we have never been able to do this but it would be my ideal Valentine’s Day. I would love to be able to spend the morning as a family celebrating family love and then head out for a weekend/overnight date slightly out of town as a getaway. Sleeping in for me is now the ultimate gift (and one rarely received!).

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​
As a single person, I really enjoy spending Valentine’s Day treating myself and hanging out with close friends. Eating sweets, watching movies, pigging out on favorite snacks, and maybe even doing a spa night like mani/pedis and face masks.

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Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

Stay in or go out for Valentine’s Day?
We cook a lot all the time so this is definitely going out for me! Anytime I can reduce dishes - I’m in! 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​
​DEFINITELY staying in. I feel like it’s too crowded and overwhelming (not to mention probably overpriced) to go out. I’d rather just stay in and maybe celebrate on a different day when it’s less so.

​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

What’s the most difficult part about Valentine’s Day?
Embracing our life as it is post-child. I love our family and my son but sometimes it would be nice to be able to just indulge ourselves. This is true of any holiday or birthday though - with a toddler, our life revolves around our son much of the time. I try to embrace it because these days are long but the years are truly short and one day we will likely barely see him! 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​
Having my singleness be so apparent. Valentine’s Day decorations are everywhere and all my coupled up friends have plans to hang out with their significant others. It makes it tough sometimes to have alternative plans because everyone is already busy or preoccupied.

​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

What’s been your best Valentine’s Day?
My now husband proposed on Valentine’s Day in 2015! 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​
Well, I definitely can’t top Erica’s answer and in all honesty, I can’t really remember. But I’ve greatly enjoyed my last few Valentine’s Days because now I feel like I know what I like to do and know what I want out of it.

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​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

What’s your view on Valentine’s Day? Day to celebrate love or commercial scam?
I think it is a little of both. I used to be more frustrated by the scam part BUT now that our life is relatively boring/mundane, it is nice to have a holiday designed to celebrate our life together. 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​​
I agree with Erica. It’s a little bit of both! There are definitely companies that monopolize profits on the holiday, which seems silly because every day should be a celebration of love! However, I do think having a holiday is a helpful reminder to make extra efforts and gestures towards those we care about.

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​​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

Favorite Valentine’s Day movie?
Not that we watch many movies these days given that we are pretty tired by the time our son goes to bed… but all time favorite romantic movies would be Untamed Heart, The Notebook, or Love and Basketball. 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​​​
It depends on what I’m in the mood for. You’ve Got Mail is always a good one or Legally Blonde. With Legally Blonde, you can also watch all the sequels too. The movie, Valentine’s Day, has also made the list for obvious reasons. I’ve also watched Mean Girls.

​​​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

What advice would you give someone who does not have a person to celebrate Valentine’s Day with?
To enjoy being able to spoil yourself. I’m a believer in cultivating a relationship with yourself and having faith that even if things are lonely in your life for a time, they likely won’t stay that way. When you're single you get to just do what you want to do without compromise. So, order your favorite food, kick your feet up, and treat yourself in some way!  So many of us don’t do this because we want to have a relationship when we are single, but believe me, the most important relationship is likely always going to be the one with yourself since that is the foundation of how you will relate to others too. 
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Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​​​
​​​Celebrate love! Self-love included. And just because you don’t share someone to share the day with, doesn’t mean that you can’t share the day with others. Find others to hang out with if you want and make it a point to really treat yourself. I ALWAYS eat my favorite ice cream and wear comfy sweats/pajamas. It’s a time to indulge yourself because you deserve it!

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​​​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Grief: 5 Years Later…

2/5/2021

 
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Around this time in 2016, I had a close friend of mine die in a car accident. It’s definitely one of the worst things that has happened in my life. I can still recall the first 24 hours of receiving the news. I was devastated. It wasn’t real, and my friends and I struggled to support each other as we all were experiencing our own grief in our own ways. Triggers flew around with no warning sign, and I was a mess. Two weeks after the accident was also his birthday. Instead of celebrating another year of his life and looking forward towards his future, we all mourned his death and the loss of our friend.


I’ve experienced other losses in my life, but grief is funny in that it never really feels the same. Every situation feels different, and this one… this one has impacted me in ways much deeper and more profound than I could have ever anticipated.

Every year since, I have “dark days” during those two weeks between the anniversary of his death and his birthday. I allow myself to move a little slower. I give myself a little more space to be alone or to lean on others. I let go of any expectations to overachieve. I allow myself to cry when I need to, work when I need to, and reminisce about memories shared and wonder about memories lost, the moments that could’ve been.

Grief doesn’t have an expiration date. It’s not something you “get over.” It’s something you live with and move through. Grief changes you but know that your grief will change too.

I’ve been able to accept my grief. Am I still sad he’s gone? Yes. Do I still cry sometimes? Absolutely. Do I wish I had more time with him? Desperately. I still wonder about what he’d say or how he’d react to something. But I also now welcome the moments that remind me of my friend because it means that he was important and that his life mattered. It means that I was impacted and that he made a difference. I believe that’s what friendship is about. Human connection, and so I find comfort in my grief because it means that his life meant something.

If you know of someone who is grieving and want to give them support, the best thing you can do is to be there for the grieving person. Consider what you would want from someone (a hug, time together, distraction, meals cooked for you, etc.) and offer that but try not to expect anything from them. Since everyone grieves differently, it’s important to offer what you can but to avoid putting any pressure on them to grieve or respond in any specific way. 

I also think it is important that you do not try to fix grief for someone else. You might need to sit with and accept that nothing you say or do will make this time easier or happier. Grief is just hard. Period. But, it is a natural part of our lives and something we all need to wade through rather than avoid. And it is certainly helpful to wade through it with a supportive friend or family member if that person can allow the grief to exist when it is there and to subside when it is not. I often reference grief as being similar to a wave, it will come and go and the intensity can vary. While time can heal, grief never goes away but becomes more bearable. 

I found this article to be helpful on some tips on providing support to someone experiencing grief.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/helping-someone-who-is-grieving.htm

If you’re struggling in your grief, just know that you aren’t alone and know that we are here for you! Grief does not discriminate. It is something everyone feels it at some point in their lives. If you’re looking for some support, we are here to support you.
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Meet Our Thrive Therapist - Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

2/1/2021

 
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Tell us about you and why you wanted to become a therapist. 

I know how it feels to struggle or be going through a hard time. I’ve experienced both having good support and feeling unsupported during those times. It can be tough waters to navigate alone, and I believe that everyone should receive the support they need. For me personally, having someone to listen, understand, and validate my experience makes a world of difference, so being able to be a safe person for someone else is why I wanted to become a therapist. I also think it always helps to gain a different perspective, and that’s what I like to bring into my sessions too.

What do you love about being a therapist?

I love getting to know my clients. I love listening to their stories and learning about them: what makes them laugh, what makes them cry, what gets them angry. I find humans fascinating because you never know what experiences they have gone through and who they are until you get to know them! But my favorite part about being a therapist is getting to witness when people grow, and change happens. Nothing is more rewarding then being able to highlight those accomplishments and celebrate that with them. 

How would you describe yourself as a therapist? 
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Authenticity, compassion, curiosity, humor and fun! Those are probably the five words I would use to describe myself as a therapist and the values I hold as a therapist. (Also, I’m surprised I could come up with that because I usually have a hard time!) 

Who do you love working with in therapy?
 

My motto with this is “you never know until you try.” Every client is new and different so as long as we connect and you feel comfortable, then I want to work with you! What is great about my profession is that there is always room to grow. I want to continue to challenge myself as a therapist to grow and try because I never want to get bored with what I’m doing.

Do you have a particular theory or framework that guides your work as a therapist?  If so, describe it and tell us why you use that. 
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I’m client-centered and eclectic. I want to find what works best for you, and I like being able to pull techniques from other modalities. Finding the best fit is most important to me. Nothing fits better like a good pair of jeans! Just kidding (but not really).  If it doesn’t work, then it’s not going to be helpful or effective, so a client-centered approach with a lot of client feedback is how I like to base my work.

Share one thing you are passionate about in your professional or personal life.

HUMOR and having fun!!


Ying-Ying is accepting new clients at Thrive and available to support you and your family. Please check out her bio here for more information about her as a therapist and challenges she loves supporting people with. Click here to read more about Ying-Ying! 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

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Thrive Therapy Studio
5230 Carroll Canyon Rd. Ste 110
​San Diego, CA 92121
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They become words. 
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They become actions. 
Watch your actions, 
They become habits. 
Watch your habits, 
They become character; 

It becomes your destiny."

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Thrive Therapy Studio Therapists Offer Child, Teen, Adult, Marriage and Family Psychotherapy Counseling Services in San Diego, California.
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  • Welcome
  • About Thrive
    • Meet the Thrive Team >
      • Dr. Erica Wollerman
      • Dr. Maria Fowlks
      • Jennifer Gonzalez, LMFT
      • Ying-Ying Shiue, LPCC
      • Kim Macias, APCC
      • Dr. Andrea Seldomridge
      • Molly Llamas, AMFT
      • Abbey Stewart, AMFT
    • Appointment Information
  • Contact
  • Services
    • Group Therapy at Thrive >
      • Anxiety Group For Teens
      • Parent Support Group
      • Middle School Social-Emotional Processing Group
      • Young Adults Group (18-24)
    • Therapy for Children
    • Therapy for Teens and Young Adults
    • Therapy for Adults
    • Family Therapy
    • Parent Consultation
  • Resources
    • Information About Therapy
    • Academic Resources
    • San Diego Resources
    • Covid-19 Resources
    • Anti-Racism Resources
    • Recommended Reading
    • Resources for Specific Challenges >
      • Addiction and Recovery Information
      • ADHD
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism/Developmental Disorders
      • Child Abuse and Domestic Violence
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders/Body Image Issues
      • Personal Growth/Managing Perfectionism
      • LGBTQIA
      • Parenting
      • Relationships
      • Stress Management/Mindfulness
      • Teen Issues
  • Blog