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 By: CanvasRebel |
 Alexina Clarke is a Registered Associate MFT (AMFT110916) who is supervised by Jennifer Gonzalez (LMFT98444) | Alexina Clarke, AMFT Alexina is a rare find. She is an associate therapist who also has a lot of specialized experience as she was trained specifically in Emotion Focused Therapy working with couples as well as individual clients. While she does not work with children, Alexina brings a unique perspective to her work with individuals as she views everything from a systemic and relational perspective that I find fits well with the rest of us at Thrive. Plus, she is bringing a whole new service to Thrive by offering couples therapy! Alexina impressed me with her ability to connect with and understand the complexity of situations in a very deep and intuitive way that I think allows her to work with a lot of different presenting issues. She definitely is a welcome addition to our team! If you would like to read more about Alexina and her approach in therapy - please check out her bio here. If you would like to connect with her to discuss how she can help you and your family, please call us today! Link this to our phone number please! |
 Ying-Ying Shiue is an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (APCC 5349) who is supervised by Jennifer Gonzalez (LMFT98444) | Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC Ying-Ying is indeed a perfect fit at Thrive! She works with everyone we all love working with - children, teens, parents, families, and adults and is incredibly easy to get along with. Her warmth and easy going personality won us all over pretty quickly. However, Ying-Ying is much more than just someone who can get along with all of us - she truly has the experience and ability to connect with clients quickly and then help them move into a place of change with her support. Her insight, easy going nature, and ability to address and understand complex challenges make her a huge asset to our team! If you would like to read more about Ying-Ying and her approach in therapy - please check out her bio here. If you would like to connect with her to discuss how she can help you and your family, please call us today! |
As I mentioned, this was not an easy decision in terms of hiring during a pandemic but it has been so rewarding for all of us. Alexina and Ying-Ying bring needed new energy and perspectives to Thrive and we can’t wait to see how each of them progresses in their careers with us.
Please contact us today to learn more about Thrive, our team and how we can support you and your family!
Please contact us today to learn more about Thrive, our team and how we can support you and your family!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
How can we help our kids and loved ones feel less ashamed of their differences, struggles, and challenges? One word, Normalize things. First, what does it mean to “normalize” something?
Often, in the therapy world, a lot of us refer to what we do as therapists as “normalizing.” I thought it might be interesting to share about both what that means exactly as well as just how important it is to do this for all of us, especially parents!
When I first start meeting with a client, one of my biggest goals is to build a relationship with them built on trust as well as helping them view themselves the way I often do... As a person who most likely is struggling with something (that is why people come to therapy after all) but who also has strengths and so much to offer the world.
No matter the age, the topic of “is this normal?” or “am I weird?” or “is this crazy?” inevitably comes up. Everyone feels a bit uncomfortable coming to a therapist and sharing their story for the first time, even those of us in the field! As humans, we are driven to connect with others and fear being cast out as “strange, weird, or not normal.” So, my goal is to create a safe space for my clients to know that they can be comfortable sharing anything and everything with me. Even their most shameful secrets or thoughts are fair game and not something that I am going to even have a big reaction to.
You see, I view people from a different perspective than most. I view people from an inherently positive perspective where I believe that we are all doing the best we can in our lives and that we are all flawed and amazing all at once. I also believe that the more we can learn to embrace the parts of us that are deeply challenging, our uncomfortable emotions like jealousy and anger and fear or even our actions we feel terrible about later - the more we can reconcile our identities and grow towards being more integrated people. You see, when we are more integrated and more of our unconscious thoughts and feelings are brought to the light, the more we can act in our lives with intention and purpose rather than acting out old patterns and wounds without even knowing we are doing that.
So, to help with this, my goal is always to help people not feel “other” and “different” for their struggles. This is what we therapists mean by “normalizing” the experiences our clients share with us. I started thinking that maybe this is something I could help other people do too as when anyone shares something tough, it is a great way to be able to respond that actually helps them rather than making them feel worse.
Here are 5 Key Phrases that are simple to incorporate into day to day conversations and that help people feel less alone, weird, or crazy when they are struggling:
The trick with these conversations is to just join with the person in the feeling of discomfort or even pain and to not then try to fix it. Sharing it with them can be as powerful as holding an umbrella over someone else’s head when there is an unexpected storm.
As a therapist, I also often use tools like books to help trigger these conversations with younger kids. I was recently shown a preview of a great book now on Kickstarter, called “We’re All Weird.” I’d encourage you to check it out here and full disclosure, if you use my link, I do get a small bonus.
Often, in the therapy world, a lot of us refer to what we do as therapists as “normalizing.” I thought it might be interesting to share about both what that means exactly as well as just how important it is to do this for all of us, especially parents!
When I first start meeting with a client, one of my biggest goals is to build a relationship with them built on trust as well as helping them view themselves the way I often do... As a person who most likely is struggling with something (that is why people come to therapy after all) but who also has strengths and so much to offer the world.
No matter the age, the topic of “is this normal?” or “am I weird?” or “is this crazy?” inevitably comes up. Everyone feels a bit uncomfortable coming to a therapist and sharing their story for the first time, even those of us in the field! As humans, we are driven to connect with others and fear being cast out as “strange, weird, or not normal.” So, my goal is to create a safe space for my clients to know that they can be comfortable sharing anything and everything with me. Even their most shameful secrets or thoughts are fair game and not something that I am going to even have a big reaction to.
You see, I view people from a different perspective than most. I view people from an inherently positive perspective where I believe that we are all doing the best we can in our lives and that we are all flawed and amazing all at once. I also believe that the more we can learn to embrace the parts of us that are deeply challenging, our uncomfortable emotions like jealousy and anger and fear or even our actions we feel terrible about later - the more we can reconcile our identities and grow towards being more integrated people. You see, when we are more integrated and more of our unconscious thoughts and feelings are brought to the light, the more we can act in our lives with intention and purpose rather than acting out old patterns and wounds without even knowing we are doing that.
So, to help with this, my goal is always to help people not feel “other” and “different” for their struggles. This is what we therapists mean by “normalizing” the experiences our clients share with us. I started thinking that maybe this is something I could help other people do too as when anyone shares something tough, it is a great way to be able to respond that actually helps them rather than making them feel worse.
Here are 5 Key Phrases that are simple to incorporate into day to day conversations and that help people feel less alone, weird, or crazy when they are struggling:
- “Same” - One of the most powerful words in our language is “same.” When someone shares something that you can tell is tough and which you relate to, just noting that you would feel the same way can help them feel less alone.
- “I think I would feel that way too” - When someone is sharing something that you don’t quite understand or haven’t experienced, you can just share that you can understand how they are feeling or reacting by noting that you might feel the same way or react the same way if you were in their shoes.
- “That’s totally understandable” - Sharing that you view someone’s reaction, feelings, or experience as understandable or even expected given their situation can also help people feel less alone or ashamed.
- “That makes sense to me” - While this is deep in my therapist toolbox because when I say things like this, it is usually deeply involved in helping a person understand their experience and situation by pulling together patterns and themes, I also think that this sentence is great on it’s own. To share with a person that you get where they are coming from is inherently connection building and going to help that person feel less alone.
- “I don’t think that is ____ (strange, weird, wrong, etc.)” - Whenever a person is sharing a fear about a situation or how they might be perceived as wrong, bad, weird, etc, it can help just to clearly state that you don’t see it that way. For example, if your child is saying that they told a joke that no one laughed at and felt so embarrassed because other people might think they are strange - you can tell them you don’t think it’s strange or that they are strange. Even if you don’t think the joke is that funny (I mean, we’ve all been there!), you can connect with them on that feeling of discomfort when a joke falls flat by adding in “I hate feeling that way - oh it’s so uncomfortable!” And then you can mention that you get that they were telling the joke to connect with their friends and wanted to make them laugh, which is understandable and something everyone likes to have happen.
The trick with these conversations is to just join with the person in the feeling of discomfort or even pain and to not then try to fix it. Sharing it with them can be as powerful as holding an umbrella over someone else’s head when there is an unexpected storm.
As a therapist, I also often use tools like books to help trigger these conversations with younger kids. I was recently shown a preview of a great book now on Kickstarter, called “We’re All Weird.” I’d encourage you to check it out here and full disclosure, if you use my link, I do get a small bonus.
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
By: Dr. Wollerman
As many people are making dramatic changes to their lives to try to #flattenthecurve in our country while we deal with this pandemic, therapists are making changes as well. Most of us are moving towards video session and our practice is no different! Starting next week, we are going to be only offering video sessions for our clients until it is reasonable to start up in person sessions again and we feel comfortable doing so without concern of transmitting Covid19.
As the leader in our practice, this was a tough decision for me for many reasons. One, I really want to support my clients and love doing so in person. Two, I really didn’t want this choice to impact people’s access to care particularly during a time where so many of us are understandably feeling stressed, anxious, and even depressed. Three, I also genuinely believe in how calming it can be to have some normalcy in our lives when the world feels like it is falling apart.
Upon reflection, I realized that while I am feeling all these conflicting feelings about it, people might be feeling conflicted even about attending sessions. We all know that there has been a variety of responses to Covid19 and some people continue to feel that we are all “over-reacting.” However, there are also those who are working hard to change their lives in the interest of protecting the most vulnerable in our society. Once I got used to the idea of changing our life and the way we offer our services, the more I realized that this is valuable coping in a time when things are unstable. Perhaps the more we learn to roll with the challenges life hands us, even when they are HUGE like right now, the more we all learn how to refocus on what mattes and how we can connect and cope together through this unprecedented time in our world.
So, I had my first client video sessions in the past few days and realized that this is actually such a great way to connect with my clients! We luckily had very few tech related issues and the sessions felt almost exactly the same as in our office. My clients loved it and I felt thrilled to be able to continue to provide services without feeling any conflict around if I could possibly be exposing my clients to something dangerous.
For those of you on the fence about telehealth, I thought I would share some pros with you!
These are just simple things that were fun today. The most important reason to continue with telehealth is that you don’t need to cancel your personal growth just because everything else in our world is cancelled. You can still work on yourself, how you are managing the unknown of this situation, and find support. Plus, we are all not sure how long this situation will last and it is going to be important for all of us to schedule in self-care. I feel that many parents in our world who are suddenly home schooling while working, are going to feel the pressure to be in survival mode throughout this situation. I would encourage you to consider the harm and stress of that. Carving out an hour a week to find support and a time for you, is most likely going to be crucial in maintaining this situation as long as we need to.
We at Thrive would be thrilled to help any Californians during this time and are no longer limited to the bounds of who can drive to our office. We are hopeful that this will help extend the people we are able to help, particularly during a time of such challenge and uncertainty in our country. We are even working on strategies of things to do with younger kids in telehealth and ways to continue our work with the whole family!
From our Thrive family to your family, we hope everyone is hanging in there and we look forward to supporting you!
As the leader in our practice, this was a tough decision for me for many reasons. One, I really want to support my clients and love doing so in person. Two, I really didn’t want this choice to impact people’s access to care particularly during a time where so many of us are understandably feeling stressed, anxious, and even depressed. Three, I also genuinely believe in how calming it can be to have some normalcy in our lives when the world feels like it is falling apart.
Upon reflection, I realized that while I am feeling all these conflicting feelings about it, people might be feeling conflicted even about attending sessions. We all know that there has been a variety of responses to Covid19 and some people continue to feel that we are all “over-reacting.” However, there are also those who are working hard to change their lives in the interest of protecting the most vulnerable in our society. Once I got used to the idea of changing our life and the way we offer our services, the more I realized that this is valuable coping in a time when things are unstable. Perhaps the more we learn to roll with the challenges life hands us, even when they are HUGE like right now, the more we all learn how to refocus on what mattes and how we can connect and cope together through this unprecedented time in our world.
So, I had my first client video sessions in the past few days and realized that this is actually such a great way to connect with my clients! We luckily had very few tech related issues and the sessions felt almost exactly the same as in our office. My clients loved it and I felt thrilled to be able to continue to provide services without feeling any conflict around if I could possibly be exposing my clients to something dangerous.
For those of you on the fence about telehealth, I thought I would share some pros with you!
- You can do it from the comfort of your home
- Video sessions are very similar to in person sessions when you are using a platform with little buffering like we are at our office
- You don’t need to worry about possible transmission of coronavirus
- You can optimize your time as you will not have travel time
These are just simple things that were fun today. The most important reason to continue with telehealth is that you don’t need to cancel your personal growth just because everything else in our world is cancelled. You can still work on yourself, how you are managing the unknown of this situation, and find support. Plus, we are all not sure how long this situation will last and it is going to be important for all of us to schedule in self-care. I feel that many parents in our world who are suddenly home schooling while working, are going to feel the pressure to be in survival mode throughout this situation. I would encourage you to consider the harm and stress of that. Carving out an hour a week to find support and a time for you, is most likely going to be crucial in maintaining this situation as long as we need to.
We at Thrive would be thrilled to help any Californians during this time and are no longer limited to the bounds of who can drive to our office. We are hopeful that this will help extend the people we are able to help, particularly during a time of such challenge and uncertainty in our country. We are even working on strategies of things to do with younger kids in telehealth and ways to continue our work with the whole family!
From our Thrive family to your family, we hope everyone is hanging in there and we look forward to supporting you!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
We will be posting ongoing information to support our families and community during the Covid19 pandemic. Please stay tuned and let us know if there are questions we can help answer!
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
We will be posting ongoing information to support our families and community during the Covid19 pandemic. Please stay tuned and let us know if there are questions we can help answer!
Happy Holidays to everyone from the Thrive Team! We hope everyone is enjoying the hustle and bustle of the holidays as much as they can!
At Thrive, we have been busily getting ready for the New Year and launching our new and improved groups! We have been proud to offer several groups in the past few years and recently took a pause from offering them to revisit their format and change some things to make them more accessible to the community.
I wanted to make sure I took the time to share in detail with our readers and followers all the info now that we have it set up!
Open Format and Online Scheduling- The groups are now going to have a more open format. Participants will need to contact us to participate and have an intake to make sure they are a good fit for the group and after that, they will receive an online scheduling link. They can then schedule the groups for weeks they would like to attend! There is no commitment other than attending the groups you sign up for!
Group Topics and Days/Times offered – (Click for more info)
We have opened up the calendars in January so feel free to contact us now to get set up to participate!
- Teen Anxiety Group – Wednesdays from 5:00-6:30
- Young Adult Group – Mondays from 1:00-2:30
- LGBTQIA+ Group – Saturdays from 2:30-4:00
We have opened up the calendars in January so feel free to contact us now to get set up to participate!
All the reasons why I love working with each and every one of the therapists at Thrive!
By: Dr. Erica Wollerman
I had the distinct honor of being given an award last Friday by a dear colleague of mine, Dr. Julia Rosengren. Julia was given the responsibility of choosing someone she wanted to publicly honor in our San Diego mental health community and I was flattered that she chose me! In our line of work, it can be rare to be publicly recognized for what we do and the differences we can make in our communities. The whole event nearly brought me to tears it was just so kind, thoughtful, and uplifting. At the event, they asked those of us being honored to “pay it forward.” This led me to think about not just the many colleagues I respect, admire, and cherish in our community but the colleagues that I am lucky to work with at Thrive. My team, my favorites really J
So, I thought I would follow up my gratitude post from last week with a gratitude post all about them to share with all of our readers just what makes Thrive such a special place to be and work.
Angela Bianco, ASW
I have so many things I could say about Angela but most of all I am grateful for her ability for introspection and experiential learning. Angela has been such a gift as an employee as she is just so creative and talented at helping all of us access deeper parts of ourselves. Though she only works with us a small amount, she brings huge value to our team.
Dr. Maria Fowlks
When I think of Maria, I can’t help but think of all the times we have laughed together. She has been a guiding light for me especially in my own transition to being a working mama. Maria is someone who is just all heart and gives everything to her friends, her family, and her clients. She is fierce in the most loving and compassionate way and I am honored to have her in my life!
Jennifer Gonzalez, LMFT
Jennifer was my first therapist that I hired who I was not supervising and who I did not know before interviewing her. I am SO grateful for her and that I took that step! She has been such a rock for me since we started working together. She is someone that I can count on to be a grounding presence of support, compassion, and leadership. The more we work together, the more I value Jennifer and the ways we balance each other out!
Panicha McGuire, LMFT, RPT
A colleague once told me that Panicha is “such a light in the world.” I have to say, I agree. She cares with her whole heart and truly wants to help everyone she meets. She is also business minded and ambitious in what she hopes to do at our office – which is so nice for me! I can always count on her for more ideas and ways to help more clients in our community!
Lauren Spinelli, LCSW
Lauren is one of the warmest and kindest people I have ever known. She brings a sense of joy to everyone she works with and can just light up a room with her energy and joy. She has a way of making everyone at the office feel seen and cared for while also laughing off the challenges of our job.
Anoushey Nazir Khan, AMFT
All I can say about Anoushey is one of the most kind and grounding people I have known. She is truly gifted in her ability to bring a sense of calm and warmth to every situation she is in. She was our most recent addition to our clinical team and after meeting her, we felt sure that we were complete as a clinical team!
Special Shout Out to our newest addition – Jessica Felix-Acuna
Jessica is our most recent addition at Thrive and is our new administrative assistant. I already have been appreciating her willingness to dive in and take things on to help us all out.
As you can see, I am truly lucky to be part of such an amazing team. We spend so much of our time together supporting each other as well as laughing together and just enjoying our time. I can’t help but think that this is how every workplace should be! I know it would not be possible without teach and every one of them. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all for making Thrive what it is and making my dreams of owning a group practice with a great work environment a reality!
So, I thought I would follow up my gratitude post from last week with a gratitude post all about them to share with all of our readers just what makes Thrive such a special place to be and work.
Angela Bianco, ASW
I have so many things I could say about Angela but most of all I am grateful for her ability for introspection and experiential learning. Angela has been such a gift as an employee as she is just so creative and talented at helping all of us access deeper parts of ourselves. Though she only works with us a small amount, she brings huge value to our team.
Dr. Maria Fowlks
When I think of Maria, I can’t help but think of all the times we have laughed together. She has been a guiding light for me especially in my own transition to being a working mama. Maria is someone who is just all heart and gives everything to her friends, her family, and her clients. She is fierce in the most loving and compassionate way and I am honored to have her in my life!
Jennifer Gonzalez, LMFT
Jennifer was my first therapist that I hired who I was not supervising and who I did not know before interviewing her. I am SO grateful for her and that I took that step! She has been such a rock for me since we started working together. She is someone that I can count on to be a grounding presence of support, compassion, and leadership. The more we work together, the more I value Jennifer and the ways we balance each other out!
Panicha McGuire, LMFT, RPT
A colleague once told me that Panicha is “such a light in the world.” I have to say, I agree. She cares with her whole heart and truly wants to help everyone she meets. She is also business minded and ambitious in what she hopes to do at our office – which is so nice for me! I can always count on her for more ideas and ways to help more clients in our community!
Lauren Spinelli, LCSW
Lauren is one of the warmest and kindest people I have ever known. She brings a sense of joy to everyone she works with and can just light up a room with her energy and joy. She has a way of making everyone at the office feel seen and cared for while also laughing off the challenges of our job.
Anoushey Nazir Khan, AMFT
All I can say about Anoushey is one of the most kind and grounding people I have known. She is truly gifted in her ability to bring a sense of calm and warmth to every situation she is in. She was our most recent addition to our clinical team and after meeting her, we felt sure that we were complete as a clinical team!
Special Shout Out to our newest addition – Jessica Felix-Acuna
Jessica is our most recent addition at Thrive and is our new administrative assistant. I already have been appreciating her willingness to dive in and take things on to help us all out.
As you can see, I am truly lucky to be part of such an amazing team. We spend so much of our time together supporting each other as well as laughing together and just enjoying our time. I can’t help but think that this is how every workplace should be! I know it would not be possible without teach and every one of them. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all for making Thrive what it is and making my dreams of owning a group practice with a great work environment a reality!
By: Dr. Erica Wollerman
Since we work often with teens and their parents at Thrive, I wanted to spend some time sharing more about what I observe about how our current culture impacts teens (and their parents). Apparently, what I was hoping to share can’t be expressed in just one blog post so I am planning a series all about teens and parenting teens!
This blog series was particularly inspired by some of my conversations recently with my teen clients about how challenging it feels to be a teen in our world. With the pressure of social media, super competitive college admissions, the focus on happiness but also achievement, and increased anxiety and fear – it is genuinely a tough time to be a teen. What I also know is that it is a tough time to be a parent of a teen. I would say that as relentless as the pressures are of adolescence, the pressure on parents is equally relentless! Unfortunately, this leads to patterns and cycles of stress just being transferred back and forth between teens and their parents. Before we talk more about the specific pressures on teens that I am noticing, I wanted to share my thoughts about what teens need most from their parents. It also might be helpful to check out my past posts about the pressures of parenting a teen and tips for parents of teens!
1. Love and Acceptance
While many teens become awfully prickly and interactions with them can be challenging for parents, teens genuinely need love, acceptance, and a true sense of belonging from their parents. It’s important to remember that teens struggle with parental authority often because they are trying to figure out how to be their own person and grow away from their family to be on their own as adults. This is difficult and can be reminiscent of the toddler years. Mixed messages are common, as are outward rejections of parents while deep down wanting love, approval, kindness, and affection. It is so important that parents follow their teen’s lead but also provide them with a safe place for them to find genuine caring connections. Even if it gets you an eye roll or irritated glare, show them love and truly try to accept them for who they are becoming. Talk to them about common interests and just ask questions without lecturing or slipping into “parent mode.” Often the teens I work with just want an adult who cares and tries to see it from their side without immediately trying to fix it or tell them the “learning opportunity” in each situation.
2. Boundaries
Teens will never, ever tell you but they definitely need boundaries. They need to be able to experiment with things in the world but to have parents who hold them accountable. While I am not a big fan of parents coming down too hard about grades (our academic system is stressful enough for most kids), I do think that most teens need some responsibilities at home. It’s important to learn to pitch in as a family and to learn how to manage personal and academic responsibilities. Make sure that the boundaries you set in place make sense and have some sort of natural consequences. For example, if a teen is struggling to make it home on time/before curfew, maybe they lose their driving privileges for a while. This helps them to learn that privileges involve responsibility which will help them know their limits as well as understand cause and effect in our world. Adults who did not have boundaries during childhood tend to not be the best employees or students later in life.
3. Empathy
Do you remember just how difficult and confusing it can be to be a teenager? I certainly do and hold that experience in mind when I work with my teen clients and explore situations that are difficult for them as often what teens need from us is a little empathy. Even if our lives are more stressful or difficult as adults who have a zillion more responsibilities, remember that what they are experiencing is so important to them and genuinely difficult. Part of this is because they only have limited life experience and have difficulty comprehending that their life will not be this way forever. I’ll discuss the gift of perspective more in the next section. Future blogs in this series will also describe the challenges of being a teen currently that we might not always understand as adults who grew up in a very different environment.
4. Perspective
I see one of the biggest challenges of being a teen currently is that they genuinely do not know that life is so much more than high school, or what college you go to, or if you have a “thing” with the cute person at school. Teens are amazing because they experience the world very intensely and passionately but this brings the challenge that since they have not had years to adjust to being a more adult like person, like we have all had, they do not realize that their current situation is not everything. I believe a gift we can give them is just a little perspective. And not in terms of telling them how hard adulthood can be, but in terms of helping them know that our lives are always changing and that most experiences are temporary in nature and will not last forever. This is a concept that is much more available to our adult brains than theirs.
5. Space
Oh boy do teens need space. They need so many forms of space – space to be themselves and experiment with who they are and want to be; space to make mistakes and totally screw up without us preventing it; space to cope on their own and exist without parent involvement sometimes; space to make their own decisions; and space to change. The more we can let our teens guide things, within certain boundaries and limits of course, the better. They just need a lot of space as they walk their path into adulthood and the more we can give them now, the better they will do on their own later in life. Plus, the less we push our values, goals, judgments, etc. on them, the more likely it is that they will reach back out to us when they are ready.
I hope you enjoyed the first blog in this series all about parenting teens and the challenges of teens! Please stay tuned for more blogs to come on this topic and reach out to us at Thrive if you would like support in parenting your teen!
This blog series was particularly inspired by some of my conversations recently with my teen clients about how challenging it feels to be a teen in our world. With the pressure of social media, super competitive college admissions, the focus on happiness but also achievement, and increased anxiety and fear – it is genuinely a tough time to be a teen. What I also know is that it is a tough time to be a parent of a teen. I would say that as relentless as the pressures are of adolescence, the pressure on parents is equally relentless! Unfortunately, this leads to patterns and cycles of stress just being transferred back and forth between teens and their parents. Before we talk more about the specific pressures on teens that I am noticing, I wanted to share my thoughts about what teens need most from their parents. It also might be helpful to check out my past posts about the pressures of parenting a teen and tips for parents of teens!
1. Love and Acceptance
While many teens become awfully prickly and interactions with them can be challenging for parents, teens genuinely need love, acceptance, and a true sense of belonging from their parents. It’s important to remember that teens struggle with parental authority often because they are trying to figure out how to be their own person and grow away from their family to be on their own as adults. This is difficult and can be reminiscent of the toddler years. Mixed messages are common, as are outward rejections of parents while deep down wanting love, approval, kindness, and affection. It is so important that parents follow their teen’s lead but also provide them with a safe place for them to find genuine caring connections. Even if it gets you an eye roll or irritated glare, show them love and truly try to accept them for who they are becoming. Talk to them about common interests and just ask questions without lecturing or slipping into “parent mode.” Often the teens I work with just want an adult who cares and tries to see it from their side without immediately trying to fix it or tell them the “learning opportunity” in each situation.
2. Boundaries
Teens will never, ever tell you but they definitely need boundaries. They need to be able to experiment with things in the world but to have parents who hold them accountable. While I am not a big fan of parents coming down too hard about grades (our academic system is stressful enough for most kids), I do think that most teens need some responsibilities at home. It’s important to learn to pitch in as a family and to learn how to manage personal and academic responsibilities. Make sure that the boundaries you set in place make sense and have some sort of natural consequences. For example, if a teen is struggling to make it home on time/before curfew, maybe they lose their driving privileges for a while. This helps them to learn that privileges involve responsibility which will help them know their limits as well as understand cause and effect in our world. Adults who did not have boundaries during childhood tend to not be the best employees or students later in life.
3. Empathy
Do you remember just how difficult and confusing it can be to be a teenager? I certainly do and hold that experience in mind when I work with my teen clients and explore situations that are difficult for them as often what teens need from us is a little empathy. Even if our lives are more stressful or difficult as adults who have a zillion more responsibilities, remember that what they are experiencing is so important to them and genuinely difficult. Part of this is because they only have limited life experience and have difficulty comprehending that their life will not be this way forever. I’ll discuss the gift of perspective more in the next section. Future blogs in this series will also describe the challenges of being a teen currently that we might not always understand as adults who grew up in a very different environment.
4. Perspective
I see one of the biggest challenges of being a teen currently is that they genuinely do not know that life is so much more than high school, or what college you go to, or if you have a “thing” with the cute person at school. Teens are amazing because they experience the world very intensely and passionately but this brings the challenge that since they have not had years to adjust to being a more adult like person, like we have all had, they do not realize that their current situation is not everything. I believe a gift we can give them is just a little perspective. And not in terms of telling them how hard adulthood can be, but in terms of helping them know that our lives are always changing and that most experiences are temporary in nature and will not last forever. This is a concept that is much more available to our adult brains than theirs.
5. Space
Oh boy do teens need space. They need so many forms of space – space to be themselves and experiment with who they are and want to be; space to make mistakes and totally screw up without us preventing it; space to cope on their own and exist without parent involvement sometimes; space to make their own decisions; and space to change. The more we can let our teens guide things, within certain boundaries and limits of course, the better. They just need a lot of space as they walk their path into adulthood and the more we can give them now, the better they will do on their own later in life. Plus, the less we push our values, goals, judgments, etc. on them, the more likely it is that they will reach back out to us when they are ready.
I hope you enjoyed the first blog in this series all about parenting teens and the challenges of teens! Please stay tuned for more blogs to come on this topic and reach out to us at Thrive if you would like support in parenting your teen!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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