​Parents who call Thrive are often feeling desperately in need of support for their family, their child or teen, and often themselves. While the issues they are calling us about vary, they talk to us about how they just do not know how to help their child or teen through the situation they are experiencing, how their child or teen has changed dramatically, and how they are losing touch with them and sometimes are barely even talking anymore. I can’t emphasize enough how much compassion we at Thrive feel for the parents we work with. We know they are scared, frustrated, and often feeling ineffective as a parent and that is why we always try to focus on supporting the whole family, rather than just the person in therapy with us.
 
Part of this is inevitably trying to determine how we can best help parents support their child or teen’s therapy or overall development. This blog is dedicated to ways parents can help make therapy more successful, even if they are not coming in to session.
 
Here are my favorite tips!

1. Avoid putting pressure on your child or teen’s therapy to produce immediate results. Often, parents want very specific results of treatment. We get it, you are taking the time to help your child and you want something to change!  While that is totally understandable, actually putting that pressure on your child or teen to “change, solve the problem, fix themselves,” you could be undermining our work in therapy. As hard as it can be, please trust the process and talk to the therapist about your concerns and the progress you are hoping to see!  We are often completely on the same page and want the same things, but know that we can’t force anyone to change and that change takes time.
2. After session, check in with your child gently.  I repeat, gently! You can ask them, how was your session today or is there anything you want to talk with me about from today?  If your child shares more, that is fantastic!  If they clam up, again, trust the process and just let them know you are there to talk if they want to. Please do not pressure them to tell you what they talked about. Their sessions are best left to be theirs and theirs alone.
3. Access your own support. This might be through a therapist, talking to friends who have children or teens in therapy, or a support group but just make sure that you are getting the support you need as a parent! 
4. Convey confidence in your child’s ability to cope and in therapy as a tool to help them cope. Letting them know that you believe that they will be able to get through whatever situation is going on for them and that you are there to help can help your child or teen feel more capable and supported.
5. If you are given feedback by your child or teen’s therapist or by your child or teen, please do your best to listen and take in that feedback. As therapists, our role is often to help our child and teen clients advocate for themselves and you can best support this by trying not to be defensive. Know that we as therapists are certainly not judging the parents we work with, simply trying to help families cope more effectively and understand each other more.
6. If your child is given coping strategies, tools, tips to try to use at home to help them cope, do what you can to help facilitate their use of those skills in a gentle, non-demanding way. It can also help to model some of what your child or teen is learning. For example, if they are working on expressing anger more appropriately, make sure to also pay attention to how you are expressing anger! 
7. Show support and a hopeful attitude towards therapy and the information given to your child. If someone is criticizing or judging them for being in therapy, make sure to defend them and acknowledge that all of us can use support for our challenges from time to time.
8. Avoid focusing too much on the challenges that are bringing your child or teen to therapy. Make sure to note the successes they are experiencing and the growth they are hopefully showing, rather than focusing more on the areas that still need work.

 
I hope these are helpful suggestions for you!  It is easy as parents to devalue your role in your child or teen’s treatment but your role is crucial to the success of their therapy! 
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Teen Therapist about your child or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us either via email at ewollerman.psyd@gmail.com or phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 
As always, thanks for reading  and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen counseling and adult psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.   

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One of the most common challenges parents talk with me about is not necessarily recognizing that their child or teen might benefit from therapy, but how to talk with the child or teen about attending therapy. In our current culture it is so common for kids to feel that they are being told there is something wrong with them or that they are crazy when they are told they are going to go to therapy. Luckily, there are definitely some things that parents can do to help ease this process and prepare their child.
 
Here are my top 5 ideas!

1. Make sure that you talk about therapy as a positive thing, not a consequence or negative experience that you have to endure to feel better.
2. Discuss with your child your own experience attending therapy if you have attended. Share with them how nice it was to have someone who was there just to help you and who you could share your deepest feelings with.
3. Explain to your child or teen that you do not think anything is wrong with them or that they have a problem, just that you think it might help to have added support. Often, acknowledging that life can be difficult and challenging for all of us and that this is why we go to therapy can help them feel less alone.
4. Make sure you screen the therapist to see if you think it will be a good fit. At Thrive, we always have a parent intake session before the child’s session just to be sure that the parents believe that we are someone their child can trust and develop a relationship with. Remember, you know your child best and likely have a good idea of what adults they will relate to best!
5. If your child or teen is particularly reluctant to attend, make sure you do two things. One, let the therapist know so that they can be particularly supportive and gentle in getting to know your child. Two, try to add in some incentive to attending therapy like going to get a treat or a dinner together after session. Hopefully this will make the experience more enjoyable.

 
I hope this helps give you ideas about ways you might talk with your child or teen about therapy. As a sneak peak of next week’s blog, another way parents can make therapy more successful is by not putting pressure on therapy. Letting their child or teen work through things with the therapist without a lot of pressure to “get better” or “fix the problem” helps your child adjust to therapy and can help therapy to be more successful! 
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about your child attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us either via email at ewollerman.psyd@gmail.com or phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 
As always, thanks for reading  and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
​Written By: Erica Wollerman, PsyD

In starting Thrive Therapy Studio, my mission was to expand my practice in order to be able to touch more lives both through helping more people and training more therapists in the style of therapy I believe to be most effective. The first step in this process was finding a name and believe me, this was one of the longer steps as I wanted to have a name for the practice that conveyed our mission.
 
THRIVE… I chose Thrive because it conveys what I am hoping for my clients and the professionals with whom I am fortunate enough to work!  I want all of us to figure out a way to not just get through life, cope, or muddle through but to figure out how to Thrive, even in some of the hardest and most challenging circumstances. I believe that is possible for all of us through self-reflection and, well, for better or worse, a good amount of hard work.
 
THERAPY… Well this one is probably obvious ;) But I wanted to make sure everyone knew up front what we do and what we are all about!  We are all about therapy, be it individual, couples, group, or family.
 
STUDIO… The easy answer here is that some other names were taken such as Center, Clinic, etc. But the more interesting answer is that the more I thought about my vision for the work we do, the more I wanted to convey that we are not top-down doctors who will medically determine what path you need to take. We are colleagues on your journey to insight and change and we welcome you into our offices just as though they are our homes. I felt that Studio conveys the homeyness we are cultivating in our offices.
 
Now, to share a bit more about our mission and goals at Thrive since you know more about the name and intention around it J
 
Our mission is simple and complex all at once as life so often is. We want to help as many people as we can live meaningful, brave, and authentic lives. We believe that we can do this best by being down to earth, warm, and truly authentically genuine with our clients. Therapy is tough and we believe that a sense of humor and ability to truly connect with people, makes it that much easier to do the hard work entailed in changing ourselves and our lives. This is why we balance being approachable while also challenging our clients to make changes they believe are right for them. That’s right, we are not the ones deciding goals and what needs to change for people… We expect our clients to collaborate with us in determining what changes they want to make. This is part of the foundation of Thrive is that we are not your typical bossy doctors who think we know better than you. We want to help you find your inner voice towards growth, wisdom, insight, and change and will be a guide on your journey. Sometimes we might walk next to you, other times in front, and also behind and let you lead the way. This means that we do not have magic answers because our belief is that there are no shortcuts or magic when it comes to true, deep, life-altering change. That kind of lasting change takes serious work and that is the work that we do together at Thrive Therapy Studio.
 
Please see our Values section of our website if you’d like to read more about what guides our work at Thrive!  We will also be sharing more about the Thrive Philosophy in the coming weeks. Please post any comments or questions you may have! As always, thank you for reading!

Being a therapist brings me so much joy. I get to connect with individuals from all walks of life and see the world through their lens. There are many reasons why I love being a therapist. I will share 6 of these reasons below.
 
1. It is a challenge. Therapy is hard work, not just for the client but for the therapist too. Therapy is like an intricate dance, and it is important for the therapist to know when to move delicately, move boldly, and when to let the client do a solo while you cheer them on.  Although the work can be challenging, it is incredibly rewarding.
 
2. It is an honor and privilege to be apart of someone’s journey. Being given access into a person’s thoughts and feelings as well as seeing a person at their most vulnerable, is truly a privilege. In a fast past society where time seems to fly by, being able to be present and in the moment with another human being is a wonderful gift. It is an honor to be able to just BE with a client, with no agenda, in whatever it is they are going through.
 
3. I enjoy my role as a guide and a cheerleader. It is a pleasure working alongside my clients, supporting, guiding, and rooting them on as they brave the challenges life can sometimes bring. The reward of being able to witness my clients learn about themselves and grow is invaluable.
 
4. It is inspiring. I too learn and evolve. My clients are as much my teachers as I am theirs. My approach to therapy is a partnership, and in that partnership there is learning occurring on both sides. My clients never cease to amaze and inspire me with their strength, courage, and resilience.
 
5. Therapy is dynamic. There is never a dull moment. Each client is so different and brings their own life experiences and challenges and I get to come along on the journey, even if it is for a brief period of time. Being multiracial, I value diversity and multiculturalism, and enjoy the diverse array of clients I see.
 
6. I am there for the best and the worst. I get to witness the human experience. It’s not always pretty, but it is real. In a society where it is unclear what is real sometimes, I am grateful to be part of the REAL human experience and it is truly an honor.

Thank you for reading!  For more information about Dr. Fowlks and her services, please contact her at 858.401.6929 or check her profile out here. 
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Things to know when going to therapy: By Dr. Erica Wollerman

Going to therapy can be hard. Really hard. So hard that you might not want to do it. However, going to therapy is also amazingly rewarding and a wonderful step towards personal growth and changing your life.  The following is a list of things that I wish people knew before going to therapy (or that my clients knew while coming to therapy as these tend to be hot topics in my office!).  

Here we go, things I wish my clients knew before and during therapy: 

• I am not here to judge you. No seriously, I really am not judging you for your life and choices!  The goal of therapy in my eyes is for me to try and understand you and help you understand yourself, which in turn, produces tons of amazing effects (increased self-esteem and confidence, reduced symptoms, better relationships, increased life satisfaction, etc). But the goal certainly is not for me to “analyze” you and in essence find you “less than.” Therapy is a space for you to be you and to feel genuinely supported and heard by someone. For that to happen, I am not looking for your flaws but for your strength. I will help you see your best side and see areas you want to change, not areas I think you should change. Which brings me to my next point… 
• Where you go with therapy is up to you… sure I have lots and lots of ideas about what might be helpful and I will be a guide in the process. However, the goals are yours to create as it is your life we are working on – not my perception of how your life “should” be. This goes back to the judgment part also, your life is yours to evaluate, not mine. While I can help you understand the effects of your choices, I respect your right to choose whatever path you choose. 
• I am not going to “fix” you, your life, your marriage, or your child/teen. I’m sorry to let you down but I do not fix things in some magical way, I help you see what you can do to improve your life and support you while you make those daily hard choices to take action and make changes. The amazing part of this means that your success is yours, not mine. 
• I genuinely care deeply for my clients. I always tell people that I am a terrible liar and it’s true, I turn red and get really nervous and awkward when I lie. Nothing about our therapy relationship is untrue, it is definitely based on caring for the people with whom I work. While there are also boundaries in this relationship that you will not find in others, that does not mean that I do not care or value our relationship. 
• You are not broken, weak, or flawed for asking for help. Please repeat that over and over to yourself if that is difficult for you to accept. I fundamentally believe that there is nothing more terrifying or powerful than presenting your full truth and vulnerable emotions to another person and sitting in that relationship with them. We are so often told that asking for help is a problem, a weakness, or a flaw that it can be very difficult to ask for what you need. To me, the very opposite is true. I believe that my clients are brave, strong, and fiercely resilient in their lives and I am honored to be able to know them and walk with them through their process. 

I hope this list is helpful in orienting my clients and other people to therapy and what therapy is all about. If you would like to speak with me about how my services might be helpful to you, please feel free to contact me!

Thanks for reading!  Comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen, adult and marriage and family counseling services in San Diego.  

Welcome to Thrive's first parenting blog!  One of the components of my work that I am most passionate about is my work with parents through parent consultation (either on its’ own or in addition to a child’s treatment). I am excited to be starting a series of blogs that discuss parenting and give parents useful and effective tips that they can implement right away. I would like to begin today with several common topics in my parent consultation sessions and an overview of ways to set yourself up cognitively and emotionally to be an effective parent.  

Before going into the tips, I would like to share a bit about my perspective on parenting and parent consultation. I fundamentally believe that children need rules, limits, and consequences.  They also need parents who communicate with them, demonstrate their love, and are present in their lives to show them just how much they care, even when they have made a mistake. I would also like to share that as a parent consultant, I am here for parents as a collaborative partner. I have a wealth of knowledge and experience with children and parents that will help guide our work together but I always respect that parents are the expert on their family and their child. While I give a lot of feedback about how to help their child, none of that is coming from a place of judgment as I know that parenting is not an easy job and that children do not come with an instruction book. Please also keep in mind that the strategies that are posted are general strategies and not effective for every child. Children are all so different and respond to different things! As such, please feel free to seek further help with parenting if these strategies are proving ineffective for your child. I would love to hear from you and consult with you!

Tip #1: You are the parent, not your child’s friend (particularly when discipline is involved)

This is a tough one but so important in any discussion of parenting as our desire to be our child’s best friend leads us away from acting as their parent. Parents always need to remember that they are responsible for teaching their child how to be fully functioning adults and this means saying “no” and sometimes that your child will be upset with you because you are not giving them what they want. While this can be challenging, it is necessary. As a parent, you are the leader and you are in charge so the way you approach things sets the tone for your whole family. 

Tip #2: Empathy works

Particularly for highly sensitive and emotional children and teens, they need to be approached with empathy and compassion for their situation and their feelings. Some parents struggle with this because they feel the child is acting “dramatic” but it is important not to shame them for their feelings by pushing them out of it before they are ready but to approach them with some compassion. Start by reflecting their feelings to them, “I can tell you are feeling (overwhelmed, sad, like everyone hates you, etc), that must be difficult.” Then let them share about it before helping them find solutions. Try not to go to solving the problem too quickly because they might feel that you do not understand and shut down more. Also, even when you are providing consequences, it is appropriate to be kind and compassionate. Sometimes parents are working so hard on being “strong” and holding the limits they set that they forget to connect with their child and give them some love too. 

Tip #3: Set appropriate expectations

Your child is going to have strengths and weaknesses just like we all do. As such, the areas where they are less proficient will need extra focus, patience, and have more room for growth. These are often the areas that are most frustrating for a parent but it is important to thoughtfully consider if your expectations match your child’s abilities. Then you can recognize where your child is at and meet them there by setting expectations just slightly above their skill level. This way you are challenging them but not overwhelming them with the challenge, which can lead to giving up. 

Tip #4: Consistency is key

One of the most important cornerstones of effective parenting is to be consistent. Children need rules and they need to know what to expect. I find a fantastic way to meet this need is by creating visual cues that help parents and children stay consistent. 

• Post a list of house rules
• Create a detailed chore chart with days of the week so your child knows what to expect to do
• Discuss at length with your spouse/significant other/co-caregivers what the expectations will be and make sure everyone is on the same page
• Post reminders of goals or rewards your child is working towards

Extra Tip: Have your child help you make any visuals you use – it increases their interest and motivation to following the system you create if they are involved in creating it!

Tip #5: Always keep your future goals in mind

This is a tip geared towards changing your mindset when disciplining your child and to help you stay firm in your expectations. When parents are wavering in their discipline and not setting consistent limits, it’s helpful to look at the situation differently and from a more neutral approach. For example, a goal for your child might be for them to understand cause and effect. As such, the first step is to recognize that they do not yet have this skill fully developed and will need support. When they make mistakes and break rules (ex. Hitting their brother), a consequence needs to be provided. They will often become upset as a result, but if you can remember that the consequence is there in order to teach them cause and effect, it might be easier to follow through. 

Tip #6: It’s okay for your child to experience unpleasant feelings

This tip follows up on my blog last week about the “Happiness Obsession” and my belief that as parents and caregivers, we need to stop thinking our job is to protect our children at all costs. I get it. You love them so much that it is extremely painful for you when they are struggling or feeling uncomfortable/unpleasant feelings. However, sometimes those are experiences they need to learn the lesson at hand. For example, when a child makes a mistake, it is okay for them to feel remorse about it and to be bummed for a while. It is then our job to say, “I get it. I make mistakes too and I feel awful when I do. It’s okay to feel badly about it but remember that you are still a great person and everyone makes mistakes. How can we make this situation better?” Then we are providing support and empathy but validating that it’s okay to feel badly when we mess up. Protecting them from the unpleasant feelings would look more like telling them what they did is not a big deal anyways, telling them they were not really responsible for the mistake, or letting them off the hook for a consequence. 

Tip #7: Take the yelling out of discipline

One of the most important parts of any discipline discussion is what I call “firm and neutral” parenting. This means that when giving a consequence it is done in a firm and neutral way. There is no yelling involved or shaming your child. Just matter of fact, “that is unacceptable behavior.” Then you give a consequence in a similar way “because you hit your sister, you will not watch TV for the rest of the day.” And that’s it!  End of story. Try not to discuss the mistakes a child makes over and over as that simply gives the negative behavior more attention (which sometimes increases it!). 

Take away points: 

• Effective parenting starts with an understanding that we are the leaders in our child’s lives and need to act accordingly to help them learn the ropes of this life. 
• We are not our child’s friends (even though you might have fun with them and feel like it sometimes). 
• Empathy works. 
• Be consistent. 
• Give consequences in a kind and neutral way. 
• Try not to yell. 
• It’s okay for your child to have a tough day and feel some unpleasant things. It happens to all of us!

Thanks for reading!
 
Have questions about Thrive Therapy Studio?  Please contact us regarding parent consulting, adult, child or teen psychotherapy services or family counseling services in San Diego.  

Before going into my list I would like share a bit about my perspective on my clients and taking the leap to begin therapy. I truly respect the process and the strength it takes to enter into therapy. I fundamentally believe that it takes a lot of courage to open up and be vulnerable with the people we love, let alone someone we just met!  As such, I try to honor that courage and make therapy as comfortable as possible for my clients. In my eyes, it is truly about them and not me. With that being said, I absolutely love the work that I do and see it as an amazing privilege to be able to walk with people, sometimes guiding them, through their lives. 

5 Things I Love About Being a Psychotherapist

1.     I enjoy helping people: I know this is an obvious answer but it’s true. It is so rewarding to know that I am doing something meaningful in my career that truly helps others. This aspect of being in a “helping role” is very in line with my values.  

2.     Watching people change: The changes I witness are absolutely life changing for me. I tend to be an eternal optimist and the work that I do feeds my own positivity, hope, and belief that we can all dig deep and change our lives. I feel honored to witness the changes that people I work with make. 

3.     Amazing conversations: I love going to work and having deep, insightful conversations with the people around me (colleagues and clients). My clients have often shared with me that they have their most interesting and meaningful conversations in our therapy sessions. I feel so fortunate that I get to do something for work that is so enjoyable and interesting! 

4.     Therapy naturally suits my personality: Psychotherapy tends to require strengths that I have and build on them. I am a patient, sensitive, and empathic person by nature (sometimes overly so) and it is wonderful for me to be able to use these skills in my work. As a particularly emotional child, I often felt out of place and that my big emotions were a “problem.” Now, as a psychotherapist, I feel that having a big emotional side helps me understand where my clients are coming from and helps me connect with them more.  

5.     Therapy works: This is probably the most basic and the most true for me. I believe that therapy works and there is nothing like going to work every day doing something you fundamentally believe in. Therapy is a process and I always ask my clients to trust that process and I do that because, I have seen therapy truly change lives. 

Have questions about Thrive Therapy Studio?  Please contact us regarding family counseling, adult, child or teen psychotherapy services San Diego.  

Welcome to the Thrive blog and website!  Our first posts are going to focus on some key topics in therapy, coming to therapy, and getting to know us a bit better. We hope you enjoy them!

Why going to therapy does not mean you are weak or flawed?
​By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

 I fundamentally believe that it takes a lot of strength to admit that you need help. I often treat individuals who tell me that they are everyone else's "rock" and "sounding board." I typically find that these are people that pride themselves on being strong, as many of us do in our current culture. Unfortunately, our culture's view of strength is awfully skewed. I believe that strength and courage means facing our fears, having hard discussions, and looking in the mirror to reflect on how we contribute to our own problems. To me, the very definition of strength is baring your soul to someone else, therapist or another key individual in your life. I have watched many people take this leap and benefit dramatically from doing so. 

One issue that comes up frequently during my therapy sessions includes this notion of being "perfect" and that it is a personal failure to have flaws. I believe that these beliefs are deeply rooted in our culture and in most of our families and upbringings and as such it is difficult to challenge. However, it is my belief that our flaws are what makes us human and truly beautiful. We all are flawed and that is simply the human condition. While many may believe that this is sad, I believe it is a beautiful thing because it means we are all in this together. Flaws, imperfections, mistakes, and all. In my work with adults and children, I remind everyone that we are all flawed but we are enough.

Have questions about Thrive Therapy Studio?  Please contact us regarding parent consultation, adult, child or teen counseling services or family marriage counseling services in San Diego.