Parents of young children are probably so familiar with the advice that they should play with their kids. We call it quality time, special time, playtime, etc. Often it probably just feels like one more thing we need to do in addition to all the other demands on modern parents, which is genuinely hard to feel motivated about. 

I get it!  Just the other day, I was inside cleaning up while my partner and son were outside playing with their new water toys having a pretty epic water fight. In fact, my decision to join their fun (because, well, why not?) led to this very blog post. You see, while I really didn’t “feel like it,” I did go and join my family. And honestly, I got drenched but had the best time laughing and just playing with them. It reminded me of how much I love playing with my son and laughing together as a family. In this age of being so busy and over-scheduled all the time, I believe these are the moments we need and help fuel us for the tougher ones we all have. 

Interestingly, I find that even parents who enjoyed playing with their kids when they were younger forget that this is an activity that can truly endure the test of time. Just because you have a pre-teen or a teen, or even a college kid, does not mean they are too old to play. More so, just because you are an adult does not mean you are too old to play - or even too old to benefit from it! 

You see, while many of us understand that play is the language of learning for young children, we forget that creativity and play are essential to people in general. Play is a great outlet, coping strategy, and genuine food for anyone’s soul. I find that adults are often so serious about everything, and we get so caught up in our seriousness that we forget the joy and in-the-moment energy that comes from play. 

As summer gets going, I would encourage you to take advantage of the summer weather and potential extra free time (I know, I know, it is not always a given, but often we have a little more flexibility in summer) and spend some time PLAYING with your kids. 

Here are FIVE ideas that might help you get started - even if your kid is a teen or young adult!

1. Water Play - Water is one of the most versatile things to play with. You could play in a pool, with a sprinkler, with a hose, or even just simple water shooters and have the best time. Kids of any age will love this!  
2. Beach Games - If you are lucky enough to live near a beach, as we do here in San Diego, pick up some extra beach games or toys the next time you go to the beach. Kids of all ages love this as well, and it is fairly easy once you get over being serious or not getting wet, embarrassed, or sandy. 
3. Park (or Playground) - Another one that can be great for all ages; grab a ball of some sort, or even a new game set like Bocce Ball, and head to the park!  If you have a younger kid, head to the playground and don’t be afraid to play with them too. Kids love it when you join them, especially when they are old enough to do it all themself! 
4. Structured Games - This could be a board game, card game, or even a game your child or teen makes up. Head to your local store and see what kinds of new games they have to try and try one out!  If you are not the most playful of people, this could help you get started in connecting with your family in this way! 
5. New Activity Together - When I added this one, I thought about trying something together as a family. It could be something like rock climbing, hiking, or roller skating, but it could also just be something silly and fun at home like playing The Floor Is Lava or having a dance party. The goal is to do something playful and a bit silly. Honestly, if you are willing to laugh and be goofy, anything can be play! 

I truly hope you take the time to try this out with your kids, or heck, even alone or with a friend or partner today! We all could use more joy and moments where we just laugh for no reason at all. Play can help get us there :) Take it from me; a play therapist turned water-play-loving parent! 

If you are interested in learning more about connecting with your child, please make sure to sign up for our newsletter!  Dr. Wollerman will be launching a parenting course all about this topic later this summer or early fall! You don’t want to miss it!

​

Welcome to my blog series on play therapy!  The series will go over how play therapy works with children, teens, and even adults! I often get many questions and concerns from parents regarding the use of play therapy and how it works.  My hope is that this blog series can shed some light on some myths or concerns.  There’s a common misconception that play therapy is simply playing, and as many parents would think, “Why would I pay for someone to play with my child?”.  Play therapy is actually more than just play.  It’s actually a recommended treatment for children of all ages. Children communicate through play. They play before they even acquire verbal language.  Imagine a child who has witnessed violence and abuse in the home, their play would most likely reveal themes of aggression and violence with their toys.  Therapists use play therapy to help children express their feelings when they might not have verbal language to do so, or when saying it out loud is difficult.  The goal of play therapy is to help children express themselves through a comfortable medium, and learn effective ways to solve problems. 

What can I expect in play therapy for a young child or school-aged children?
At our practice, parents and caregivers play an important role in the child’s treatment.  I usually start with an intake interview with parent(s) to collect information about the child, and to discuss what they hope to see change.  When it applies, I also like to include the child’s teacher, providers, or other caregivers to get a good overall look at the child’s environment.  In the playroom, there are specific types of toys and games that encourage the child to express themselves such as dollhouses, instruments, or arts and crafts.  Depending on the child, I would either let them express themselves without any direction from me (nondirective) or I would guide them with specific activities (directive).  Play therapy sessions typically start at once a week and usually last 45 minutes.  In my experience, nondirective therapy works best for my clients that have difficulty opening up or have had traumatic experiences as these clients need time and space to resolve their issues. Most clients that I see, however, fall under the directive category.  This type of play therapy has more input from the therapist and includes teaching skills or asking direct questions to the child.  Although directive play therapy resolves issues quicker, it is best for certain cases.  During the intake, I discuss with parents what they can expect from play therapy and which direction I would be taking with their child.  Below are some examples of what play therapy would look like.

Play therapy with children ages 0-5
Play therapy with very young children (0-5) looks very different from play therapy with children who are more developed.  Therapy with young children have high parental involvement and often is used in family therapy.  I’ve worked with many parents and toddlers on building a connection or stronger emotional relationship, especially with those who have gone through a divorce, blended family, or separation.  I introduce many activities that would promote eye contact, soothing touch and interaction.  I’ve worked on reunifying some parents and toddlers who were separated at birth by helping them learn how to relate to one another.  For children who have some language, some activities I use to help promote expressing and exploring their feelings include: using clay to make facial expression, drawing, and painting.  To help explore what is going on in their lives or teaching them healthy communication skills through role playing, I might use stuffed animals, puppets, or a dollhouse.  With some children this age, giving them nondirective play also allows me to see themes of how they might be feeling or are treated at home or school. 
​
What about school-aged children?
Play therapy with older children who already have verbal language tend to be more directive in my office.  Some examples include playing board games or card games to teach impulse control (not going out of turn, shouting out the answer, cheating), learning social skills through role playing, playing Candyland to express their feelings (ex. each color is a different emotion), creating fun ways to use relaxation skills, or drawing their support network.  If you come by our office, you might catch me playing red light green light down the hallway to help my client learn how to control their body. 
All in all, play therapy is about creating a healthy working relationship with your child.  Sometimes the feedback I get from children is that I’m one of the few adults they can trust to talk about difficult things with, and I also hear from parents that sometimes I say the same exact thing they have already said to their child but they happen to listen to me! As an adult, it can be very easy to sit opposite of your therapist and delve into the problems that brought you to treatment.  But for children, they need a more fun and creative way to get their minds working and that’s really what play therapy is!

Play is an important part of childhood. Play helps children develop cognitively, physically, socially, and emotionally. Children who play have healthy brain development. It’s through play that children learn to explore the world around them and start mastering challenges. And above all else, play is enjoyable!

Undirected play, or free play, gives children opportunities to learn new skills while moving at their own pace.  Free play allows children to use their creativity, develop their imagination, and encourages them to learn how to share with their peers and resolve their conflicts. Additionally, free play helps keep them active through physical activity! However, parent involvement is always encouraged! Parents who play with their children build relationships with them that are loving and engaging. Even when parents simply watch their children play they are able to take a peek into their children’s world. Parent supervision is needed when children are playing outside too. It’s important to note that true free play isn’t passive play such as video games, watching tv, or playing on the iPad.
 
Some examples of free play include:

• Playing on the playground such as running around, climbing, swinging
• Physical activity such as sports or playing tag
• Creative arts (drawing, coloring, painting)
• Pretend play such as dressing up, role playing, building forts

Currently, school children are given less free time for play, creative arts, and physical activities as schools try to put efforts on academic preparation. Many marketed messages in the media target parents claiming that good parents have to enroll their children in every opportunity so they can excel and prepare for the future. As a result, many parents spend their time transporting their children to multiple organized activities such as specialized gyms, after-school enrichment programs, and extra-curricular classes.  These organized activities do have many benefits for children; however, when children become “overscheduled” and start to live a “hurried lifestyle”, it can cause anxiety or increased stress.  

Overscheduled children have less high-quality family time and are unable to receive the benefits of free play that would help protect them against the effects of stress. Ultimately, every family is different so parents can decide on the appropriate amount of scheduled activities that suit their family.  But in my experience, many parents feel as though they can’t slow down or their children will fall behind. Some also worry that they won’t be good parents if they don’t match up to what the other parents are doing. Consider finding a good balance for your family between living (playing) in the moment and preparing for their future. Every child has different needs, so it’s likely that your family’s balance will look different from others. 
​
What if my children are bored? 
It seems that in our culture, we’re used to moving at a quick pace. We’re always looking for “what to do next?”. Children need to grow comfortable with silence and become bored sometimes. Feeling bored is a great opportunity for them to develop creativity! Avoid filling their free time with screen entertainment, and you’ll see how imaginative and creative they can become. It’s okay to say no to your children instead of feeling you have to go the extra mile or they will suffer or be deprived. Children will have plenty of time to be stressed and overscheduled as adults!

If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to them by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.

As a parent who has made the decision to bring your child or teen to therapy, you most likely will have lots of questions about the process of therapy itself. This is so understandable as often, therapy takes place behind closed doors and parents may not realize that they are entitled to ask as many questions about what is happening as they would like! 
 
At Thrive, we all practice slightly differently so I will try to outline the different possibilities of what to expect but I would like to emphasize that all of our therapists will answer your questions about the process of therapy. All questions are okay with us as we want parents to feel informed, involved, and comfortable! 
 
Usually, at the very first appointment, I personally prefer to meet with parents alone so that we can talk very freely about what is going on with the child or teen and family system. At this appointment, we will talk about family history, your child/teen’s developmental history, current concerns, past treatments, and generally I am trying to get a feel for what is going on in the situation so that I can also make recommendations and give you some guidance as to what therapy will look like for your family/teen/child. At this appointment, I will usually describe what I think the best path forward will be, similar to what some may call a more formal treatment plan. I will also encourage parent questions as I want to make sure from the beginning that we are all on the same page.
 
Next, I will plan on meeting with the child or teen alone for the next appointment so that we can start getting to know each other and building our relationship. In that appointment, we are mostly just getting acquainted. With younger kids, this will likely involve playing games or with toys in our play therapy space while I ask them questions and get a feel for their personality and what strategies might work best to help them. With older kids, this will likely involve more of talking and asking questions, as it would for an adult. Generally, I am assessing the child or teen’s openness to work on the challenges they are experiencing so that I can do what is called “meeting them where they are at.” This is therapy speak for not pushing a client too fast or too far when they are not ready. We try to assess where a client is in the process of making changes and meet them there. As time goes on, we then will push and challenge a bit more as we feel we have a strong relationship with that client.
 
Throughout the process of therapy, we will use lots of different strategies in session. I usually like to meet with parents periodically, at times separately from the child/teen, so that we can talk about how things are progressing and share more about how parents can support their child/teen as well as make sure that parents continue to feel involved and informed as to the process of therapy. I hear from parents at times that in the past, the therapists that they have taken their kids to did not share anything with them during treatment. That is not something I typically support (except in very particular situations, which I always talk to parents about as soon as possible) because parents can give us a lot of helpful feedback and are an important part of the process.
 
So, at Thrive, we involve parents in treatment as the rule, rather than the exception to the rule!  In fact, some of our clinicians will involve parents to check in before or after session or involve them in joint sessions with their child or teen. A few of our clinicians will involve parents and children together in the initial appointment and use more of a free flowing method to treatment where sometimes the child or teen is in session, sometimes the parent, and sometimes both. This flexibility works so well for some of our families that I am honored to have clinicians who work in this way! 
 
As you can tell, the most important thing is for parents to ask questions and make sure that they are on the same page with their therapist. Therapy works well when the whole family and therapist are on the same page as to what the goals are and how we are accomplishing them. When trying to find a therapist for your child/teen/family, please make sure to ask questions to understand that therapist’s process and make sure you feel that it is a good fit! 
 
At Thrive, we are fortunate to have a variety of therapists who I am confidence will be able to meet most families’ needs!  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. 

The most basic building block of therapy is communication- our ability to talk with each other.  So what does that mean for our kids?  Children haven’t naturally developed the language to tell us what they have experienced, what they are feeling, or what they need.  This is where play interventions come in.  Play is a child’s natural language and Sandplay is an intervention that allows children to let us into their inner world without words. 

Sandplay begins with a basic tray of either wet or dry sand that can be sculpted into a scene.    The child then selects figures or items to place into the tray to create a scene.  Objects selected will often show personal and archetypal meaning.  The relationships between objects can provide us with insight into the child’s psyche and allow the child a safe space for expression which can often lead to more balance and wholeness for the child.

I will never forget my first experience with Sandplay.  A friend of mine was leading a training for psychotherapists and requested that I put together a tray for her to present.  I didn’t know what to expect and randomly placed items into the tray.  During the meeting, she pulled out the tray and began to discuss interpretations and symbols.  I was shocked at what it revealed.  So many things were going on in my life at the moment that were so vivid in the tray, but I had no idea!  That was when I wanted to learn more about how to incorporate this intervention into my therapy sessions.  I took several other trainings and began my practice.  I am still regularly stunned by the ability of this intervention to reveal our inner world so clearly.  In my first Sandplay session with a child, the scene in the sand will most often be chaotic.  Over time, the scenes begin to make more sense and have more structure as the child’s unconscious thoughts and feelings become integrated.  It is really such an incredible process.  Sandplay can also be used with adults, and can allow access to things within our minds that are below our level of consciousness.

If you’d like to know more about Sandplay or interventions for children, you can contact Lindsey at lindseybradylmft@gmail.com or 619-681-4330. Check out her bio here for more information!
 
We at Thrive hope you enjoyed reading Lindsey's first blog for Thrive! If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about your child or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us either via email at ewollerman.psyd@gmail.com or phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy Studio, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n

As always, thanks for reading  and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen psychotherapy and adult psychotherapy with San Diego Psychologists at Thrive Therapy Studio.