 By: Panicha McGuire, LMFT Free range parenting has been around for a long time, but recently has just caused a stir in the parenting world. In sum, free range parenting is the concept of raising children with unsupervised time. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t ever watch your children, but it means to not live in constant fear that something terrible will happen to them if you are not there. In your own childhood, your parent’s childhood, or even your grandparent’s childhood you may recall going to the store unattended, walking to your neighbor’s house alone three blocks down the street, taking public transportation alone, or walking home from school with your school friends. I’ve come to realize that parents are more afraid for their children than ever. But, it’s much more dangerous nowadays! Well, yes, and also no. We do have to be aware of things like online predators or media exposure, but remember we live in a culture that is also hyperaware. Everyday there is a story of abductions or missing children. It’s absolutely terrifying and if we see these stories in the media every day, it can feel like these situations happen all the time. And the next time you’re thinking if your child is safe walking over to their friend’s house, you think of these stories that you have seen on the news. We start to lose perspective of real dangers. We also live in a culture where parents are shamed if they let their child play in the backyard unsupervised because they aren’t “playing with their kid” or “aren’t using this time for something productive”. It’s also the same culture that invented child GPS watches and monitoring systems. If you’re into Black Mirroron Netflix, I recommend watching the Arkangel episode (disclaimer: this is dark). I remember growing up and playing unsupervised in the backyard of our home. I was told to not play close to the plants and watch out for the cactus (but what 7-year-old listens). Lo and behold, I had played too close to the cactus, fell on it, and got spikes all over my back which my grandpa had to help pull out with tweezers. But did I play near the plants again? Nope! Now this cactus story sounds less scary than letting your child ride the bus alone from school because it was contained in the backyard of my home. Although, I did do that too! I rode the metro home every day starting in 6thgrade after my mother had rode it with me enough times for me to get how it works. But I was also prepped with emergency cash and directions on what to do when I’m in real danger. And then I would stay home alone to do homework and play in the neighborhood until they would come home from work during dinner. So, should you just let your child roam free now? Not really, at least not yet. Especially when they haven’t been preparing for this. Free-range parenting has its praises and criticisms, but this article is more about your parenting instincts. You will know what your child is capable of doing, and letting them do it on their own will give them the challenge they need to grow. Letting your child do something unsupervised comes with patience and training. As a parent, you knew when your child was ready to cross the street without holding their hand because you knew you could trust them to look both ways. You coached them enough for them to be able to make a wise decision. One day, you decided you could let go of their hand because you noticed they were looking both ways. Everyone has an opinion on “how to parent”. You’ll always have someone giving their opinion on whether you’re letting your child walk too far away from you, or leaving them home alone (although, do check state laws on this one!). But the truth is not all families are the same, and all children have different temperaments and personalities, and so do their parents. You have to do what works for you and your child. And remember that it is okay for them to fail and learn from their own mistakes. You’re not a bad parent for doing so. It actually teaches them more independence and fosters their growth. At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen, or young adult psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
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 By: Panicha McGuire, M.A. By now, you’ve probably heard about the children being separated from their families at the US-Mexico border. Just to be clear, there is no official Trump administration policy stating that families entering the U.S. without papers are to be separated. The “zero tolerance policy” is that all adults entering the U.S. illegally are to be criminally prosecuted; however, when these adults are sent before a judge to see if they will be deported or sent to federal jail, that’s when separation happens. So, while the parents await to see what happens to them, the “unaccompanied children” have to be dealt with. Children are then separated and transferred to the Office of Refugee Resettlement (ORR) in the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). Most children do not have relatives already in the U.S. so they are placed in short-term shelters or foster families since criminal defendants don’t have a right to have their children with them in jail.
Now politics aside, we cannot ignore that separating children from their parents has several psychological and even biological implications. Forced separation places children at a high risk for mental health issues. The trauma of being separated from their parents or family members only adds to the stressful experiences they have already endured in order to arrive at the border. The accumulated stress from these traumatic experiences disrupts their brain development, and the effects can unfortunately last a lifetime. Parents are essential in fulfilling the child’s fundamental needs for early attachment, or parent-child bond. In my work with attachment, being deprived from parental care (even if children are placed in stable and loving families) can cause both short term and long term biological and psychological issues. This disruption in attachment creates a belief system that their parents are unreliable and that the world is unpredictable, which can become problematic. In the short-term, these children are at a higher risk for problems with sleep, impulsivity, emotion regulation, anxiety, and depression. The long-term implications are impaired cognitive functioning and social-emotional functioning, and the increased risk of developing mental health disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder, severe anxiety disorders, depression, and the list continues. The consequences of family separation are profound; so, if you are personally affected or would simply like to take action, please check out the resources below. Donating or Joining the Community
Note from Thrive Founder, Erica Wollerman: While I usually try to avoid posting anything political on our website and Facebook page, since our practice is dedicated to supporting children, teens, parents, and families, I personally felt that the separation of children from their families was a topic we just could not ignore. At Thrive, we spend our time uniting families and working through communication issues, conflict, and difficulties connecting as well as childhood trauma at times. We are all concerned about the damage being caused to these children, teens, parents, and families and wanted to share not just our opinions, but information about why we are concerned as well as ways some of you can help.  By: Panicha McGuire, M.A. Most people think of depression as an adult mental health issue, but children and teens can develop depression too. Sometimes adults assume that children or teens can’t be depressed because they have nothing to worry about, but even those who live in a stress-free and loving environment can develop depression. Many children and teens with depression are often left untreated because adults don’t recognize their symptoms. It can be difficult to tell whether a child or teen is going through a temporary “phase” or is actually suffering from depression. While most adults with depression look sad, children and teens may look more irritable or angry. Children and teens who cause trouble at school or at home could be suffering from depression. The following are common signs of childhood depression:
What can parents or caregivers do? The best thing parents or caregivers can do is to be proactive about your child’s mental health. Younger children often lack the language to tell their parents what they’re experiencing. Teens on the other hand may have a better understanding of depression but may feel embarrassed about coming forward. Learn the warning signs of depression in children and teens and take note of how long the problem has been going on as well as how often they happen. Then, you’ll have a record of concerning changes you can address with a mental health professional. Depression is treatable so seek help as soon as possible! If you are concerned about your child/teen and would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered at Thrive Therapy Studio and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. By: Panicha Sillapawatayanon, M.A. Play is an important part of childhood. Play helps children develop cognitively, physically, socially, and emotionally. Children who play have healthy brain development. It’s through play that children learn to explore the world around them and start mastering challenges. And above all else, play is enjoyable!
Undirected play, or free play, gives children opportunities to learn new skills while moving at their own pace. Free play allows children to use their creativity, develop their imagination, and encourages them to learn how to share with their peers and resolve their conflicts. Additionally, free play helps keep them active through physical activity! However, parent involvement is always encouraged! Parents who play with their children build relationships with them that are loving and engaging. Even when parents simply watch their children play they are able to take a peek into their children’s world. Parent supervision is needed when children are playing outside too. It’s important to note that true free play isn’t passive play such as video games, watching tv, or playing on the iPad. Some examples of free play include:
Overscheduled children have less high-quality family time and are unable to receive the benefits of free play that would help protect them against the effects of stress. Ultimately, every family is different so parents can decide on the appropriate amount of scheduled activities that suit their family. But in my experience, many parents feel as though they can’t slow down or their children will fall behind. Some also worry that they won’t be good parents if they don’t match up to what the other parents are doing. Consider finding a good balance for your family between living (playing) in the moment and preparing for their future. Every child has different needs, so it’s likely that your family’s balance will look different from others. What if my children are bored? It seems that in our culture, we’re used to moving at a quick pace. We’re always looking for “what to do next?”. Children need to grow comfortable with silence and become bored sometimes. Feeling bored is a great opportunity for them to develop creativity! Avoid filling their free time with screen entertainment, and you’ll see how imaginative and creative they can become. It’s okay to say no to your children instead of feeling you have to go the extra mile or they will suffer or be deprived. Children will have plenty of time to be stressed and overscheduled as adults! If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to them by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. By: Panicha Sillapawatayanon, M.A.  Why Do I Feel Unhappy After Having My Baby?
Having a baby can be both exciting and exhausting at the same time. Babies can bring tons of joy, but the transition into parenthood is not easy. You may find yourself feeling worried, irritable, or crying over little things. All of these feelings are normal during the first couple of weeks after childbirth. About 80% of new moms experience what they call “baby blues”. So what causes baby blues and what can I do? Baby blues can occur because of the rapid changes your body undergoes after birth. Physically, your hormone levels quickly drop causing mood swings and exhaustion. Emotionally, your baby requires a lot from you and adjusting to a new way of life can be overwhelming. Baby blues usually go away on their own within 2 weeks, but extra support is always helpful. Sleep deprivation makes baby blues worse, so it’s important to remember to take care of yourself. This is easier said than done with a new baby of course! Don’t be afraid to ask family members or friends for help because even a small nap can make a difference! If you have a partner, lean on them for support. Also, light exercises daily such as walking around the neighborhood have been shown to elevate your mood (don’t forget to check-in with your doctor, especially if you’ve had a C-section). One of the most common concerns I hear from new moms is the anxiety and worry about being a good mom and the fear that this is all what motherhood will be. Connecting with other new moms is an amazing resource and can provide a level of comfort. Many community agencies and hospitals offer new mom groups oriented towards emotional support for women facing similar experiences. What if my baby blues lasts longer than 2 weeks? If your baby blues become more intense and you feel this way for longer than 2 weeks after giving birth, you might be dealing with postpartum depression. The difference between baby blues and postpartum depression is with postpartum depression, these feelings of sadness can be extreme and interfere with the mother’s ability to care for herself or her family. There’s not a single cause for postpartum depression and it doesn’t happen because of something a mother does or doesn’t do. This condition actually affects nearly 15% of all mothers that have given birth regardless of whether it is her firstborn or not. According to the National Institute of Health, some common symptoms of postpartum depression are:
Only a healthcare provider or mental health professional can diagnose and treat postpartum depression. Without treatment, postpartum depression can last for months or years. If you or someone you know is experiencing some of these symptoms, it is important to seek help right away. At Thrive Therapy Studio, we’re here to help support you and help you heal and we love supporting parents, especially new parents! We are currently offering new mom group therapy as well as individual therapy for postpartum depression, anxiety, and just general parenting or adjustment challenges. Check out our parent group information here. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around parenting, child, or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Panicha Sillapawatayanon, M.A. We live in a world saturated with insta-models, selfies, filters, and fillers. There is a growing number of teenage girls and young women that are unhappy with the way they look and feel. According to research, self-esteem for girls continues to decline during their teenage years. Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves, and with high self-esteem comes behaviors that clearly reflect them. Teenagers with high self-esteem will be able to tolerate frustration, manage their emotions, take pride in their accomplishments, become independent, and assume responsibility. On the other hand, teenagers, particularly girls, with lower self-esteem become vulnerable to the ideal body image portrayed by the media, develop social anxiety, depression, and have difficulty managing their emotions. Low self-esteem can easily carry into adulthood and interfere with future relationships and a life that is both healthy and fulfilling.
It’s time to focus on shaping our daughters into strong, independent women who will exude confidence and take over the world. So, what can parents do to encourage their daughters to build confidence in their abilities? Here are a few ways you can start planting seeds of positive self-esteem in your daughter today: 1.Model self-acceptance Use yourself as a role-model for positive self-image. Asking questions such as “Does this make me look fat?” or putting your own image down can have a huge image on your own daughter’s self-image. Lead by example. Practice daily affirmations and refrain from comparisons and self-criticisms. This will help give yourself a self-esteem boost too. Be supportive and not critical, simply listen to what they have to say instead of giving your opinion. Believe it or not, they actually listen to what you are saying! 2.Praise her abilities and not her looks It’s very easy to fall into praising how beautiful she is, or how gorgeous her luscious locks look. Our culture has trained us to praise girls on their appearance but not their abilities. Challenge yourself to compliment your daughter on her abilities twice as much as you compliment her on her appearance. Perhaps praise her on her achievements, skills, and talents. Remember, it’s what she DOES that really matters. Bonus points if you do the same with all the other girls (nieces, your daughter’s friends, other women in the family). 3.Let her have a say If want our daughters to be a good decision maker in that executive position then she will need practice. Let her have a say in appropriate decision-making matters whether it is about how to divide up the chores or how to spend family vacation time. It’s not about giving free reign, but it’s about involving them in making a decision and learning how to deal with the consequences. Teach her that her opinions matter. Teach her howto think and not whatto think. 4.Paddling her own canoe This goes along with giving your daughter a say in decision making matters. Help her build resilience for life’s later challenges by letting her struggle but empathizing with her when she faces the consequences. If you create a perfect utopia of a childhood, she will have a difficult time handling adversity. Girls are often portrayed as a damsel in distress, or a princess that needs saving. It’s important for her to know she’s capable of dealing with difficult situations on her own and you will be there to support her in the aftermath. Remember it’s about finding her own way, not having her own way. 5.Physical Activity She doesn’t have to learn how to surf or take up horse-riding (well unless she wants to!). Exercising is a great way to increase feel-good hormones such as endorphins. It could be as simple as taking a walk or going hiking together. Taking care of your own body teaches self-respect. It’ll also give you a chance to take care of yourself as well. It’s impossible to be an unwavering and confident woman all the time, but you can start showing your daughter how to love and care for herself by trying some of the ideas above. Raising a confident young woman is a long-term process. We’ve been instilled to speak or behave a certain way, so it’s okay if some days you accidently say things like “boys will be boys” or “that’s more ladylike”. Don’t give up! Perhaps practice some of these things for yourself first before you use them with your daughter (it’ll be a confidence booster, get it?). Thrive Therapy Studio is now offering a Teen Girls Anxiety group. Topics of interest include perfectionism, school and social challenges, managing stress, and expectations. Check out the group description here. Call us today to reserve a spot for your teen daughter! If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Panicha Sillapawatayanon, M.A. When our children are babies, we play with them by cooing, bouncing them on our knees, or playing peek-a-boo. These interactions help babies gain trust, security, and joy, as they learn to connect with their caregivers. But when life moves forward and our children grow older, it’s easy for us to get caught up by the stress of work, financial difficulties, illnesses, or any of life’s challenges that we forget to maintain our connection with them. And of course, your child might want to play with you when you least feel like playing with them! Attachment play is a wonderful resource for building a connection, and only 20-30 minutes of playtime a day could help you restore your connection with your child. Research studies have supported the effectiveness of attachment activities in helping children with emotional and behavioral problems—though attachment play can benefit everyone.
It is never too late to engage your children in this type of play. A major advantage of attachment-based play is that it does not require any special toys or materials. You can use what you already have at home (pillows, dolls, and even cotton balls!). You can also play with your child anywhere and anytime, whether it is on the playground or in your car. And if you have more children in your home, you can involve them too! Here are some attachment activities I recommend to strengthen your connection to your child (these work best with children 3 and up!)
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. |
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