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 How can we help our kids and loved ones feel less ashamed of their differences, struggles, and challenges? One word, Normalize things. First, what does it mean to “normalize” something? Often, in the therapy world, a lot of us refer to what we do as therapists as “normalizing.” I thought it might be interesting to share about both what that means exactly as well as just how important it is to do this for all of us, especially parents! When I first start meeting with a client, one of my biggest goals is to build a relationship with them built on trust as well as helping them view themselves the way I often do... As a person who most likely is struggling with something (that is why people come to therapy after all) but who also has strengths and so much to offer the world. No matter the age, the topic of “is this normal?” or “am I weird?” or “is this crazy?” inevitably comes up. Everyone feels a bit uncomfortable coming to a therapist and sharing their story for the first time, even those of us in the field! As humans, we are driven to connect with others and fear being cast out as “strange, weird, or not normal.” So, my goal is to create a safe space for my clients to know that they can be comfortable sharing anything and everything with me. Even their most shameful secrets or thoughts are fair game and not something that I am going to even have a big reaction to. You see, I view people from a different perspective than most. I view people from an inherently positive perspective where I believe that we are all doing the best we can in our lives and that we are all flawed and amazing all at once. I also believe that the more we can learn to embrace the parts of us that are deeply challenging, our uncomfortable emotions like jealousy and anger and fear or even our actions we feel terrible about later - the more we can reconcile our identities and grow towards being more integrated people. You see, when we are more integrated and more of our unconscious thoughts and feelings are brought to the light, the more we can act in our lives with intention and purpose rather than acting out old patterns and wounds without even knowing we are doing that. So, to help with this, my goal is always to help people not feel “other” and “different” for their struggles. This is what we therapists mean by “normalizing” the experiences our clients share with us. I started thinking that maybe this is something I could help other people do too as when anyone shares something tough, it is a great way to be able to respond that actually helps them rather than making them feel worse. Here are 5 Key Phrases that are simple to incorporate into day to day conversations and that help people feel less alone, weird, or crazy when they are struggling:
The trick with these conversations is to just join with the person in the feeling of discomfort or even pain and to not then try to fix it. Sharing it with them can be as powerful as holding an umbrella over someone else’s head when there is an unexpected storm. As a therapist, I also often use tools like books to help trigger these conversations with younger kids. I was recently shown a preview of a great book now on Kickstarter, called “We’re All Weird.” I’d encourage you to check it out here and full disclosure, if you use my link, I do get a small bonus. At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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 I have a personal practice that I like to engage in each year around this time of year… I like to reflect on the year and set an intention for the coming year. Typically, I think about what I struggled with and feel I would benefit from incorporating. For 2019, I chose the word enough and have to say this was an amazing word for me. I typically do “all the things” and have felt a lot of pressure to always take on more and more ideas. Choosing this word allowed me to give myself permission to stop taking things on and just focus on what already is in my life. It has been a gift and from that space I created for myself, I have become even more solid in my goals for the coming year!
Since I have posted several times about this in the past, I thought it would be helpful to share those blogs again here rather than saying all the same things again! Here are my previous posts on the topic: Currently, I have been contemplating my word for 2020. As the mother of a toddler and business owner, I have thought about the word patience for sure as well as words like calm, peace, etc. I am also mulling over ways to help encourage myself and my family to reduce and use our resources more effectively. However, I am leaning more towards a word that helps describe my goal to be more intentional with how I spend and use my time. In reflecting further, I have noticed that I have a tendency to focus more on measurable goals or linear results for myself and my business and while these are important for sure, and definitely contribute to my business's success, it can prevent me from focusing on what matters most. To me, this is my relationships and enjoying my time with those around me, clients, employees, or my family and friends. I want to lean into growth in a more sustainable and enjoyable way by choosing my word for this year to help me focus on growth without linear results. For 2020, I have finally chosen the word, nurture, to help me focus on my goal to continue fostering growth in my family, myself, and my business. I want to focus on how I can nurture myself and others in all the areas of my life. Plus, this word resonates with my goal to continue using my words from past years to continue growing and learning in my life (enough, gratitude, faith, strength, balance). Thank you all for reading! This is one of my favorite personal practices that my clients also seem to enjoy. I hope you enjoy it as well!  By: Dr. Erica WollermanAt Thrive, we love supporting new and returning college students and young adults! For many, the process of moving towards independence from our parents can be really challenging but also exciting! The number of transitions faced by young adults can be so numerous – many are moving away from their parents for the first time, managing responsibilities that can feel overwhelming, balancing work and school perhaps for the first time, renting an apartment, trying to plan or start a career, entering into or leaving serious relationships, or starting a family. I remember while working at a college counseling center, just how often we talked with students about how all transitions, even positive ones, can be stressful and anxiety provoking. It really makes sense that during a time of so much transition, between the ages of 17-25 or so, having a supportive person to talk things through with can be so helpful. Here’s a list of 5 reasons why young adults LOVE coming to therapy. 1. Support! While most of us crave more independence as we near our adult years, it can also feel very lonely to be handling more things on your own as you age. Whether you live with your family or on your own, it can be difficult to feel supported especially if you are making more independent decisions. A therapist can help you feel that you have someone in your corner no matter what choices you make. 2. No judgment here Many people explore a lot of different ways of being in the world in their young adult years. This might include differing levels of partying, sexual encounters, risky choices in general, and varying interest in careers, work, and education. It is often difficult to talk with other friends about these experiences and most certainly can be difficult to talk with family about them! A therapist can provide a safe place to explore your choices while not feeling judged or controlled. 3. We are not your parent Many of us talk less to our parents while we start or continue the process of “launching” from their home. While this level of contact varies from person to person, it can be so helpful and reassuring to have another adult in your life who cares about you and can provide some level of advice and direction. While a therapist serves a much different role than a parent, we can help buffer the loneliness and challenge of navigating the world more independently. 4. Who am I? Where is my life headed? Therapists usually LOVE talking about identity and different paths people are going to take in their lives. This is a reason why young adults are so much fun for us to work with! Interestingly, we are not the only ones who love talking about these challenges! Our young adult clients usually want to explore them too and sometimes, it is better to do so in a space without parental involvement. Parents often have more emotional connection with their children’s development and goals which makes it difficult to give neutral feedback and space to make mistakes. We are here for you to sort things out and to walk with you no matter the choices or mistakes you may make! 5. Why me? I believe making meaning out of challenging life situations can be a reason many people love therapy but particularly our young adult clients appreciate having a space to process the challenges and difficult situations they face or have faced. We can help you make meaning and resolve challenges from your past so that you hopefully do not carry them as much into your future! While these are only a few reasons why young adults love working with our office, there are many more and perhaps you will have your own! We are passionate about helping young adults reach their full potential at our office and would love to work with you! At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen, or young adult psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Dr. Erica WollermanAs many of you may know, around this time of year I like to set a word as an intention for the coming year. It is a practice that I have been following for about 5 years and have come to really enjoy and look forward to. I personally find it much more helpful than setting New Year’s Resolutions as I try to find a word that represents things that I would like to cultivate in my life. The most interesting part of the past five years in following this practice has been that, even on years where I didn’t think again about the word that I chose, I definitely grew in that area during that year. Not to get too “woo woo” about this, but I definitely think that there is something to the idea of setting an intention as long as you are listening to yourself and what you need when doing so. Plus, my intention is never something super concrete or demanding like buying a house or having a baby. I always choose something that is really in my control and is more about how I approach situations and the world. So, I wanted to share about the word I am choosing for the coming year as well as write a post encouraging those of you who follow our blog to also consider choosing a word. From what many of my clients tell me, this is a practice they really enjoy as well. So hopefully you will too! Anyways, my word this year is going to be “Enough.” I wanted to have a guidepost to help remind me that not only am I enough (as a mother, a boss, a friend, a wife, person, therapist, etc.) but my life is enough. My teeny tiny rental house is enough. My three person family is enough. My life is not just enough, but it is really overflowing with joy and love and I wanted to remember that. Another way that I plan to use this word is to help rein in my ambitions a bit. I am someone that is always thinking of the next thing… the next trip, adventure, business opportunity or goal. This sometimes leads me to struggle to feel that enough is enough. I worry if I am doing enough for my clients, my employees, my business, my family, myself, and the list goes on and on. So, I am going to work towards saying no just a little bit more and minimizing the demands I place on myself. Honestly, this year feels more exciting than ever. Only after having my previous years of balance, strength, faith, gratitude, and abundance can I now have my year of “enough.” So, I encourage anyone reading this to give some thought to developing your own tradition each year of choosing a phrase, word, or some sort of guiding intention for your coming year. If you would like to read past blogs about this topic as well – please check them out here and here! At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n |
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Thrive Therapy Studio Therapists Offer Child, Teen, Adult, Marriage and Family Psychotherapy Counseling Services in San Diego, California.
