Child, Teen and Adult Psychotherapy Services in San Diego
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4 Themes From Encanto to Explore With Your Child

3/16/2022

 
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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

If your house is anything like ours, Encanto has been watched, and listened to, A LOT! It’s very cute because my son has picked up on the fact that I love this movie as well so when he really wants to watch something and connect with me he will ask for “Encanto and popcorn.” Something that I really love about this movie is how many amazing themes it incorporates and provides concrete ways to discuss some really tough things in life. Like how hard it can be to feel that others expect you to be able to solve every problem (Luisa) or how we might feel our value is only in being “perfect” (Isabella). Or, how much a family is impacted by trying to hide difficult things and not talking about them (Bruno and Mirabel). So, I thought it might be helpful to share a bit about how I, as a child therapist and parent, use the film to explore topics with my son (who is 4 so some of this is for younger kids). 


One of my son’s favorite questions about the movie is, why didn’t Mirabel get a gift? 
What a great question right? This is a great way to talk about how the family has secrets and is not dealing with the hard things coming up so the magic seemed to find a way to force them to talk about it. First, by trying to show something was wrong by not giving her a gift, and second, by giving Bruno a vision about her. I use this question as a way to weave in the importance of facing our problems and dealing with hard things. We talk about how the magic was there to help the family and that because Abuela wanted to protect the magic by always being of service to everyone and holding tight to “sunshine”, it started to break down. Pretending everything is okay all the time causes harm. Just ask poor Tia Pepa always trying to imagine “clear skies” instead of dancing in the rain!  

Another helpful topic is using Luisa’s struggles to explore how it’s okay to ask for help and not be strong all the time. With older kids, it can help to use her situation to explore how unrealistic expectations are the hardest pressures to deal with in life. With my son, I talk about how Luisa feels that she needs to do everything because she is so strong but that it is okay to take a break, ask for help, and that one person should never be the one in a family shouldering all the problems or challenges. We talk about how families are a team and how we need to help each other. 

Onto one of my favorite topics of all time, perfection! Specifically, perfection is not a great goal. My son and I talk a lot about how Isabella felt that she had to be a certain way, perfect, to be loved and of use in the family but that when she allowed herself to feel things fully, she was happier and more herself. We love watching her sing and dance and create things totally her own. I think this is a great image for parents when they are considering what they hope for in their child’s life. Instead of perfect Isabella who seemed pretty unhappy at times, we should hope for an Isabella who dances in the magic of her own creations with joy. 

Now back to Mirabel of course. While my son loves asking about how she didn’t get a gift, as a therapist, I know a secret. She did get a gift. The gift of empathy. Watching how she was able to connect with all of her family members so well to truly see them, what they needed, and to show them love through their struggles was truly beautiful. Especially as a therapist because she reminded me of what we do every day in our offices. Even if others may not always understand, we know that the Isabella we want is the one who is messy and joyful, not “perfect,” and that the Luisa we want is the one who is resting and helpful because she chooses it, not because her worth is tied to her productivity. While disrupting family patterns is not always easy, it certainly is brave and it was heartwarming to see her family embrace her and the magic reward them all by coming back. Hopefully, all of our lives can embrace a bit of magic that helps us move more in the direction of doing things in line with who we truly are. 

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

5 Signs You Desperately Need a Social Media Detox

1/12/2022

 
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By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge
I think social media definitely has some positives. I still remember the day in high school I first signed up for a social media account. It was exciting to have a way to talk with friends outside of school in a time when most teens did not have their own phone. It can be a creative way to connect with friends and loved ones, especially those that live far away. However, I do think it has some downsides. It’s so easy to keep scrolling through photos and videos, seeing the highlights of the lives of others, seeing more ups than downs, and seeing fun nights out rather than potential lonely nights in. Maybe you’ve been feeling that you use social media too much or wonder how it might be impacting you. If that’s you, here are some signs that a social media detox might be beneficial for you and your mental health.

  1. You feel down after looking through social media. This one might be obvious, but if you find yourself feeling sad, anxious, or down after spending time on social media, taking a break or reducing your use could be helpful. If you aren’t sure how social media is affecting your emotions, I’d encourage you to try to pay attention to how you are feeling before and after going on social media. It might give you a better sense for how it is affecting you.
  2. You feel increased levels of “fomo”, or fear of missing out. Social media can make it seem like interesting things are happening all the time to everyone. It also makes it seem like people are usually with friends instead of having nights alone, let alone ever feeling lonely. However, social media often isn’t an accurate portrayal of real life. There is no possible way to be part of all friend hang outs or go to every concert that shows up in one’s social media feed. It’s okay to have nights at home by yourself! If you’re experiencing that fear of missing out, it could be an opportunity to be the one to plan a coffee trip with a friend or movie night. Others will likely be grateful that you reached out to them.
  3. You’re comparing yourself more often to others. People usually document fun or celebratory events, like a promotion, rather than when they failed a big test or had an argument with their partner. You might feel like you are behind in life, not reaching various “milestones” at the speed others seem to be. I can guarantee you many others feel the same way. If you notice yourself feeling this way, this might be a sign to take a pause from social media.
  4. You’re feeling more insecure about your physical appearance. It is so easy to start comparing how you look to others on social media. Photo filters that make skin look porcelain are ever prevalent. Remember that most people do not have perfectly clear skin or frizz-free hair all the time. Everyone feels insecure about how they look at one time or another, but if this is happening more often, I’d encourage you to take a break from scrolling and see if your level of confidence about yourself improves.
  5. You feel urges to document your day or events you go to. It can be exciting to share what is going well with others, like showing photos of that good dinner you ate, or that you saw a gorgeous San Diego sunset (we really do have some of the best!). However, if you are experiencing urges to post when exciting things happens, there might be some reasons behind it. Does it ever feel like if you don’t post something, it didn’t happen? Or that you need others to see that you have it all together? Paying attention to how often you feel the urge to post on social media can be a good indicator if it is time for a social media detox.

Going about a social media detox can look different for everyone, so here are a few different ways. Cutting it all out at once can work really well for some people. For others, myself included, choosing a smaller goal is more helpful. This might be taking a break from a specific social media app of your choice. For myself, I have found choosing a time of day to not login has been the most helpful. I decided to not login during the first and last 30 minutes of my day. This has allowed me to have time to set intentions for the day and to reflect on the day before falling asleep. Committing to a small step can be challenging at first, but the positive effects on mental health can be significant.

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At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Silver linings from a year of pandemic life

3/12/2021

 
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It is wild to me to think about how, one year ago, I had no idea what all of us were going to be dealing with for the entire next year. Like everyone else, my family and I had plans. My team and I at Thrive had plans - big plans. We had no idea that so many of them would become absolutely impossible and that our daily lives would become as difficult as they did. 

During each one of my client sessions, this topic has come up more recently as we reflect on just how amazing it is that we have been living in a pandemic for just about a year. The topic of reflecting on the year we have just experienced. While for some, this reflection might feel a bit morose, I think it can be helpful for us to reflect and take note both of the challenges but also of the silver linings we have experienced. 

Here are some questions (and my answers!) that can help guide you and your family in this reflection. As we have gone through this year as a family, I think it can be helpful to discuss this together particularly if you have older kids who are very aware of the pandemic and changes in their life. 

1. What was an unexpected outcome from the pandemic that you didn’t expect or were surprised by? 
For me, learning to live my life more slowly has been certainly challenging but necessary and a huge improvement overall. I was definitely one of those parents who took my kiddo everywhere and had lots of plans all the time and being forced to slow down has been nice in some ways. Granted, my goal now is to find more of a middle ground between being out and about and staying home. 


2. What is your happiest moment of the past year?  
So who wrote this question?  Oh, I guess that was me but still, that is seriously a tough one! I’ve really focused on practicing gratitude for small moments daily so it is tough to think of just one happy moment when my life has been filled with enjoyable moments with my clients, snuggles with my toddler, and truly appreciating small things like delivery and coffee!  I’m going to go with the day we got our kittens as that was truly joyful but I’m sure there have been many more. 


3. Have any of your relationships changed as a result of the pandemic?
Yes for sure. I feel closer to my husband and our son despite the fact that being home so often has led me to also be more irritated with them and feel I need time alone in a cabin to recover!  When I think about it though, I do feel that we are closer and understand each other better. I am also so much more appreciative of my friendships and relationships with my family who live out of state. It has been a solid test of how we maintain communication and relationships without plans to see each other and I think it has helped us be closer in some ways.

4. Have 
you felt more gratitude about anyone or anything in your life as a result of the pandemic?

1000% yes. Absolutely. I am so grateful for both the people and things that remain in my life and the things that I am missing out on (travel, friends, etc.). The saving grace for me during this time has been that after fearing everything would be taken away from me in my business and fearing that our family might not survive the pandemic, I feel grateful daily for both my career and my loved ones health. I also feel more grateful to be working in a field where, while talking about covid and what we have experienced all the time is not always fun, it definitely has helped me understand myself and the world more. 

5. Have you learned anything about yourself during this time that you feel you might not have learned otherwise (or perhaps that was accelerated by the situation)? 

Learning that it is okay not to always do more and to be grateful for maintaining my business has been a huge lesson for me. I had very big goals last year of adding on a lot to my professional plate and it was so sad for me to give that up in the first months of the pandemic. However, since that time, I feel happier, more balanced, and more able to appreciate what I have rather than always trying to do more. I also think that I have been more present and able to just play and relax with my kiddo, which has been a true joy (most of the time, he is 3 and it’s not all sunshine and rainbows over here!). 

6. Bonus question - what little conveniences are you thrilled to have and hope stay even after the pandemic? 

Target and other places who allow pick up from your car!  It’s amazing! 


I hope these questions help you and your family reflect on the past year and exactly what we have gone through and how we have changed, hopefully for the better. If you or your loved ones could use some support during this time, we are still accepting new clients at Thrive!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Realistic goals for 2021, aka “Year TWO of Pandemic Life”

2/2/2021

 
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So we are one month into 2021 and I think it’s safe to say that we need to gauge our expectations of ourselves accordingly… While it would be easy to get overzealous and set a bunch of goals for this year, maybe that’s not the best plan forward. Of course we want to make plans that help us achieve our goals as well as bring back some semblance of normalcy to our lives but, I hate to say it, we are still in a pandemic. 


I repeat...we are still in a pandemic and honestly, many of us are still very impacted by the events of the past year because they have not stopped… Kids are still home, virtual learning and working is still the plan, many of us are not vaccinated or seeing our social networks, and most of us are still desperately stressed, lonely, restless, etc. This means that we are likely not our best selves and I would advocate that any goals need to be ones that help you manage stress and take care of yourself better. Not to get things back to normal necessarily because that is just not possible right now. Even though we all still crave that path. 


Let’s start a bit smaller with some achievable goals first as we ease into the year. Maybe it is taking 5-10 minutes to meditate, walk, do yoga, read a book for fun, watch a show, laugh with your kids and forget about online learning. It could just be making an effort to be kinder to yourself and your family. Letting things go a bit more so that it feels less stressful. Whatever it is, let’s not overwhelm ourselves and overextend ourselves… That would just be overwhelming and disappointing when we come to the inevitable conclusion that we really can’t take on much still. While that is frustrating for so many of us, it can also be liberating to just focus on what we can control. 


So, while it is perfectly understandable to want to set goals in 2021 like it is any other year, it's not. And something to watch out for is that even if things with the pandemic improve - we might still struggle for a bit. Keep in mind that everything we have been feeling is cumulative and when we are out of this crisis, there is likely going to be a surge of feelings about the situation we just endured. The best thing is to set goals to help you endure as best you can and then remember that we will need to process what we just experienced collectively and individually later. 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

5 Ways Families Can Practice Gratitude

11/22/2020

 
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I am a firm believer in gratitude practices, not just for individuals and adults, but for whole families. And while I am sharing this blog the week before Thanksgiving, I think we can practice gratitude all year long. Here are some of the favorite ways I have heard of families doing just that! 

  1. A Gratitude Jar - Periodically, maybe weekly, you write down something you are grateful for as a family and put it in a clear jar. Then, you can get it out to read it either next Thanksgiving or on New Year’s Eve to remember the great parts of the year before. 
  2. “Roses and Thorns” - Or some variation of this idea of sharing about the highs and lows of your day or week. A lot of families do this at dinner but you could do it at any part of the day. Sometimes kids are open to sharing more at bedtime so that is also a good practice to get into. 
  3. Gratitude Notes to Each Other - Some families enjoy writing down the things about each other that they are grateful for and sharing them. You could even put them in your kids’ chrome book so they see it in the morning when they log in for virtual learning! 
  4. Frequent noticing of enjoyable things - So this is not really a whole family practice but perhaps something parents can initiate more. I think that the more we slow down to notice great parts of the day, the more we are showing our kids how to enjoy ourselves and be grateful for what we are doing. For example, if you are outside and it is one of those ideal weather days, commenting on it out loud and sharing just how nice it is can help your child also notice that. 
  5. Mindfulness Activities - Any chance we have to slow down can help us appreciate life a bit more. So taking some deep breaths, paying attention to our five senses, and walking ourselves through a list of 5 things we are grateful for can be really helpful in building more intention around both gratitude and developing mindfulness. 

Something I try to keep in mind is also that how we approach spending money can impact gratitude and our feelings about what we have. Kids are much more likely to keep good care of their belongings if they are not easily replaced when something happens to them. So, when a child accidentally breaks a toy, it can be easy for many of us to quickly replace it (and often with Prime Shipping!). I would encourage you to consider waiting to replace things so that your kiddo can learn that when things break, it is not readily replaced. This can lead to more gratitude for the things we have. 

I hope this quick post is helpful for you and your family!  In the days of easy technology and quick everything (2 hour delivery anyone?), it can be easy to fall into the trap of not remembering just how wonderful these things are. I personally keep a gratitude list daily where I write 10 things about my life or my day that I am grateful for. I notice that this practice helps me notice more throughout the day that is going well or enjoyable and I end up enjoying those moments more. Plus, I reflect on the day before bed in a positive way which is helpful in terms of managing stress particularly during a year like 2020.

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Why isn’t self-care making me feel any better?

8/1/2020

 
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Every blog that I write lately, I want to begin with both - how is it already August but also, what a long year 2020 has become. It truly has just been such a challenge for all of us and while each of our storms is slightly different, we have all certainly been in a storm of some kind these days. For many of us, we may be trying to cope by using various methods of self-care like exercise, sleeping, baking, cooking, hobbies, cleaning, etc. Some people may be wondering why they are doing all of these things if they don’t seem to have lasting change and results in terms of “feeling better.” 

The layers of challenge that we have all been faced with are so immense that I think it is worth mentioning that while self-care can help us tolerate and get through and cope with our situations, it is not going to alleviate all of our suffering and emotional discomfort or pain during a situation like this. 

The truth is that while self-care has been touted as the new “be all end all” of solutions to help us cope, it is a term that seems to also be synonymous with “not feeling upset anymore, not struggling, not being so darn tired, etc.” Unfortunately, while coping skills and self-care strategies are helpful, they are band-aids when the real problem we are dealing with is living lives that are not sustainable for one reason or another. 

Unfortunately, no amount of self care will take away the discomfort we feel from living lives that are not sustainable. The unsustainable status of your life might be because of impossible expectations of yourself or others, the heaviness of our current social and political climate, declining health of yourself or a family member, or living without an alignment of your values and actions. 

Coping skills and self care are a bandaid meant to reduce intensity of symptoms so that you are able to do the work that is needed to make real change in your life. This is the thing that many of us get entirely wrong about self-care or coping strategies - they are not the solution in and of themselves. They are just there to help the pain you are in be less acute so that you can address the root causes of the pain. 

If you’ve been trying to fix things and feel less through self care or coping skills, you’re not doing it wrong. But you’re not feeling better because you’ve got more work ahead of you. The work is in the incredibly intense and sometimes painful but also keenly rewarding work of taking a deep, long look at your life and exploring what is working for you and what is not. This requires exploring yourself, your patterns, how you cope, what you react to, and what your underlying beliefs, assumptions, expectations, and values are both of yourself and of others. 

While this process is intense and difficult, it is no less intense or difficult than repeatedly trying to push away feelings that come up when our lives are out of balance and alignment. In order to try to figure out what is going on for you, it helps to take some space to either journal, meditate, or maybe take some time for personal reflection through reading personal growth journeys or books. You could also do this kind of work with a therapist. Often, our job is to help our clients communicate and identify their beliefs and values and hold up a mirror to help them see their life with more clarity. With that clarity and a judgment free space like our office, our clients are better able to make changes to help them feel better longer term. 

If you're reading this and wondering how to gain clarity about your values and how they are influencing your choices, try out the following activities: 
  • Values Sort - This is an exercise where you try to identify your top 10 values from a larger list. Click here for an easy to use list online! 
  • Examine how your values line up with your day to day life 
  • Journal about your values each day and how you lived them 
  • Consciously try to remember that you are choosing things all the time and make those choices more in your awareness. “I am choosing --- because ---” 

The more we can learn to connect our day to day choices with our values and how we are living our lives, the more we can either notice that we are living consistent with our intentional values and goals or that we are not. If you aren’t finding your values line up with your choices, this consciousness can help you find small ways to make changes. 

If you feel frustrated often or like you are being too hard on yourself or your loved ones: 
  • List expectations - It also can be helpful to sit down and come up with a list of expectations that you have for yourself and others. Putting them in writing sometimes helps us realize just what we think we should be capable of and how unrealistic those ideas may be. 
  • Re-create a more appropriate list of expectations - Maybe you can even just use your other list plus your values list to help yourself create a more realistic version of your goals. 
    • For example, if your expectation is to be kind always to your children, kindness might be a value of yours. With values, we want to just work towards them rather than expect them of ourselves all the time. So maybe an appropriate expectation is to work on being kind even when your kids are struggling or not following directions and you could come up with ways to do this that are realistic and something you can accomplish. 

I hope this is helpful to you!  I know it can be difficult to put a lot of effort into trying to cope differently and more effectively but to also not actually feel that it is helpful. I am hoping these strategies will be more beneficial in the long run even though they take more time in the short term! 

​At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

How can parents squeeze in more alone time?

7/3/2020

 
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I know that when I had the realization about my toddler, my lovely but also monstrous at times toddler, that he just doesn’t leave our house anymore. It helped me recognize what I was needing a lot more of, which is a little bit of time alone where I don’t have to take care of anyone but me.

I’m sure we have all seen, and laughed at, the posts on Insta and Facebook about parents going to great lengths to get some time alone these days. Like the one about sending your kids in another room to look for a toy you have in your pocket?  I definitely laughed and then realized that maybe we should all pool together ideas that parents are using to help themselves get a bit of alone time while we are all home together so much more.

Here are some of my ideas and strategies I have been using:

  • Taking Turns – if you have a partner at home who can help with things like bedtime, bath, or even homework – taking turns can be immensely helpful. I feel like what I used to get from a “date night” where we didn’t have to worry about putting our son to bed, is now replicated by getting 30 minutes extra time to myself in a day.
  • Long drives – I know several families that have started having one parent take the kids on a drive to get them out of the house as well as let the other parent have some time alone at the house. And if kids are able to get some sort of treat along the way (screen time, ice cream, maybe a contactless pickup at a favorite restaurant or store?), they will likely also be happy customers!
  • Playing in the car – One of my son’s favorite things to do is to play in our cars in the driveway. He just loves to pretend to drive so for Mother’s Day, my husband took him to his car for about 20 minutes so I had some unplanned alone time in the house to relax. It was amazing!
  • Walks alone – I have been taking my son on walks every day during this time but on weekends, I like to go alone so that I can either catch up with a friend or listen to a favorite podcast (PS if you need a recommendation, I highly recommend “Unlocking Us” by Brene Brown.
  • Babysitter after bedtime – I know a friend who has started letting a babysitter come over after her kids are in bed so that she and her husband can go for a walk and just spend some time alone out of the house. This might be a good solution for families who do not feel entirely ready to invite someone else in their “social distancing circle” but who need some time together and away from home.
  • Sleeping in – While this one might be obvious to many; I think trying to take turns sleeping in is also super helpful!  I personally, like to get up early to have some time alone to start the day but for other parents, having that time to rest might help even more!
  • “Alone time” – for families with young or elementary aged kids, incorporating some time that is designated for family members to have quiet time alone will be helpful. This almost mimics naptime for younger kids but can be explained as some time to just relax and complete something alone so that you can be ready to be engaged as a family again after.
  • Keeping a schedule – I know a lot of families in the beginning of this situation treated it much like a vacation with more flexible everything – flexible screen time, flexible bedtimes, flexible scheduling in general. While I think that is great and likely helped in the beginning, I also think it is important to think about the cost of that choice. If you used to love having an hour or two after the kids went to bed to be alone or with your spouse, it’s probably a good idea to start working towards re-instating your old routines so that you can have that time back.
 
These are just a few ideas I had!  I’d love to hear more in the comments and for parents to share out of the box ways to get some time alone. Also, I want to remind everyone that it is perfectly natural to struggle without having time alone… If you have an ideal version of yourself as a parent who is always kind, patient, and loving and also around your kids 24/7 – you might be struggling with that as it is entirely unrealistic. In order to help ourselves be the best, most intentional versions of our parenting selves, we likely need some time to recharge our batteries and regroup. Especially during hard days and unfortunately, during a pandemic, there is just no shortage of hard days!

​At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Gratitude, even when our kids are struggling

11/21/2019

 
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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

Around this time of year, the idea of being thankful and grateful seem to be pretty popular. While I am definitely a believer in practicing gratitude and even developing family practices around gratitude, I think there is an area we can all practice gratitude in that is often missed. This is with our children. 
 
Like I said, I do think that practicing gratitude with our children is incredibly helpful for them and for us. But what I want to talk about today in this blog is practicing gratitude FOR our children.

Often, I find that by the time parents have reached out to me for support either for themselves in parenting or for their child(ren) or teen(s), they have become quite overwhelmed, frustrated, and sometimes even kind of fed up with their kids. Similar to couples therapy, where often couples call when it is seeming to be “too late” for their marriage, parents call when they feel there is nowhere else to turn for their child or teen to get help. Then, they call us with a HUGE list of things that they would like their child/teen to work on. They need to eat better, show better behavior, clean up after themselves, do their homework, be respectful, work on their social relationships, work on their family relationships, play video games less, play outside more – and the lists go on and on sometimes. 
 
While I think this is a totally relatable and understandable situation to find yourself in, I think that we do not necessarily talk about how to shift the dynamic that can happen in a family when it seems that parents are focused more on what their child/teen needs to work on and less on who they are and how great they are already. Practicing gratitude for our children and who they are in an active way each day can certainly help shift that attitude and somewhat negative dynamic. 
 
I would encourage any parent who is feeling frustrated with their child or teen to consider trying this out. Take aside 10 minutes a day to make a list of 10 different things they are grateful for about their child. Perhaps try this out for 21 days (as that is the number of days research shows to be habit forming) and see if it shifts your perspective and even your relationship with your child. It would be even better if you keep going after the 21 days and if you share your list with your child/teen!  
 
What I find is that often, a child who is struggling KNOWS they are struggling and difficult to be around even if they won’t admit it to their families. The more parents focus on the challenges a child is having, the more the child feels like the “problem” child. Expressing and showing gratitude for the things they do well but also who they are as a person helps to teach them that they have worth outside of their accomplishments and that they are more than their areas of difficulty. This is valuable beyond measure in our world so focused on what we do and accomplish! 
 
We at Thrive wish you and your families a very happy holiday season!  Our blogs will be posted less frequently this time of year but we will do our best to keep them coming as much as we can! 
 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Number One Parenting Tip of 2019

2/10/2019

 
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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 

 In my work with parents and their children and teens, I offer families a lot of advice and tips. The most important one though is pretty simple (at least in my eyes). 
 
Learn who your child is and embrace them for that. 
 
Okay, I should really elaborate more! I think it is so important for parents to know that they are going to go into the parenting experience with certain ideals and ideas of who they will be as parents and who their child/children will be as people. For example, if they were strong students, they might assume that their child will be too. Or, if they were very athletic and interested in sports, they might assume that this will be something they will be able to share with their child/children. 
 
As a therapist, I can’t tell you how often I hear children and teens feeling misunderstood by their parents. Sadly, it is really often. And children and teens do not assume that this is because the parent has not processed their unconscious expectations… They assume it is because they are a failure, or not good enough, or stupid, or a disappointment, or that they really should do better but just can’t. Children and most teens just blame themselves and end up feeling inadequate when they know they are letting their parents down. Rarely do they understand that their parent is just struggling to release their own thoughts about parenting and who their child would/should/could be. 
 
I believe that it is not only important to acknowledge whatever your thoughts, hopes, dreams might be about who your child is, but to also really try to get in touch with who your child actually is.Learn their strengths and try to foster them but also, learn about their challenges and love them through it. The more you can help your children accept themselves and treat themselves with love and kindness, the better adjusted emotionally they will be for whatever comes next in their lives. 
 
 Of particular concern in this topic area are the kids who struggle in school. Maybe they struggle with a learning disorder or inattention. Or maybe they struggle with motivation around academics or just desire other things in their future than college. This group of kids struggles significantly with self-acceptance, shame, and feelings of failure. I can only encourage their parents to embrace them and encourage them but also to let them know that they are more than their grades or academic performance. Every person has something to offer our world and not all of those offerings fit neatly in an academic box or pursuit. As parents, it is our job to break through the pressure to perform academically and help kids find their innate strengths, interests, and future. 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.

Setting an Intention for 2019

12/26/2018

 
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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

As many of you may know, around this time of year I like to set a word as an intention for the coming year. It is a practice that I have been following for about 5 years and have come to really enjoy and look forward to. I personally find it much more helpful than setting New Year’s Resolutions as I try to find a word that represents things that I would like to cultivate in my life. The most interesting part of the past five years in following this practice has been that, even on years where I didn’t think again about the word that I chose, I definitely grew in that area during that year. 
 
Not to get too “woo woo” about this, but I definitely think that there is something to the idea of setting an intention as long as you are listening to yourself and what you need when doing so. Plus, my intention is never something super concrete or demanding like buying a house or having a baby. I always choose something that is really in my control and is more about how I approach situations and the world. 
 
So, I wanted to share about the word I am choosing for the coming year as well as write a post encouraging those of you who follow our blog to also consider choosing a word. From what many of my clients tell me, this is a practice they really enjoy as well. So hopefully you will too! 
 
Anyways, my word this year is going to be “Enough.” I wanted to have a guidepost to help remind me that not only am I enough (as a mother, a boss, a friend, a wife, person, therapist, etc.) but my life is enough. My teeny tiny rental house is enough. My three person family is enough. My life is not just enough, but it is really overflowing with joy and love and I wanted to remember that. 
 
Another way that I plan to use this word is to help rein in my ambitions a bit. I am someone that is always thinking of the next thing… the next trip, adventure, business opportunity or goal. This sometimes leads me to struggle to feel that enough is enough. I worry if I am doing enough for my clients, my employees, my business, my family, myself, and the list goes on and on. So, I am going to work towards saying no just a little bit more and minimizing the demands I place on myself. 
 
Honestly, this year feels more exciting than ever. Only after having my previous years of balance, strength, faith, gratitude, and abundance can I now have my year of “enough.” So, I encourage anyone reading this to give some thought to developing your own tradition each year of choosing a phrase, word, or some sort of guiding intention for your coming year. 
 
If you would like to read past blogs about this topic as well – please check them out here and here!  


At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n
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Watch your actions, 
They become habits. 
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