Child, Teen and Adult Psychotherapy Services in San Diego
  • Welcome
  • About Thrive
    • Meet the Thrive Team >
      • Dr. Erica Wollerman
      • Dr. Maria Fowlks
      • Jennifer Gonzalez, LMFT
      • Lauren Spinelli, LCSW
      • Anoushey Nazir Khan, AMFT
      • Alexina Clarke, AMFT
      • Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC
    • Forms for Clients
    • Appointment Information
  • Contact
  • Services
    • Group Therapy at Thrive >
      • Anxiety Group For Teens
      • Parent Support Group
      • Young Adults Group (18-24)
    • Therapy for Children
    • Therapy for Teens and Young Adults
    • Therapy for Adults
    • Family Therapy
    • Parent Consultation
  • Resources
    • Information About Therapy
    • Academic Resources
    • San Diego Resources
    • Covid-19 Resources
    • Anti-Racism Resources
    • Recommended Reading
    • Resources for Specific Challenges >
      • Addiction and Recovery Information
      • ADHD
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism/Developmental Disorders
      • Child Abuse and Domestic Violence
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders/Body Image Issues
      • Personal Growth/Managing Perfectionism
      • LGBTQIA
      • Parenting
      • Relationships
      • Stress Management/Mindfulness
      • Teen Issues
  • Blog
  • Events
Picture

5 Ways Families Can Practice Gratitude

11/22/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
I am a firm believer in gratitude practices, not just for individuals and adults, but for whole families. And while I am sharing this blog the week before Thanksgiving, I think we can practice gratitude all year long. Here are some of the favorite ways I have heard of families doing just that! 

  1. A Gratitude Jar - Periodically, maybe weekly, you write down something you are grateful for as a family and put it in a clear jar. Then, you can get it out to read it either next Thanksgiving or on New Year’s Eve to remember the great parts of the year before. 
  2. “Roses and Thorns” - Or some variation of this idea of sharing about the highs and lows of your day or week. A lot of families do this at dinner but you could do it at any part of the day. Sometimes kids are open to sharing more at bedtime so that is also a good practice to get into. 
  3. Gratitude Notes to Each Other - Some families enjoy writing down the things about each other that they are grateful for and sharing them. You could even put them in your kids’ chrome book so they see it in the morning when they log in for virtual learning! 
  4. Frequent noticing of enjoyable things - So this is not really a whole family practice but perhaps something parents can initiate more. I think that the more we slow down to notice great parts of the day, the more we are showing our kids how to enjoy ourselves and be grateful for what we are doing. For example, if you are outside and it is one of those ideal weather days, commenting on it out loud and sharing just how nice it is can help your child also notice that. 
  5. Mindfulness Activities - Any chance we have to slow down can help us appreciate life a bit more. So taking some deep breaths, paying attention to our five senses, and walking ourselves through a list of 5 things we are grateful for can be really helpful in building more intention around both gratitude and developing mindfulness. 

Something I try to keep in mind is also that how we approach spending money can impact gratitude and our feelings about what we have. Kids are much more likely to keep good care of their belongings if they are not easily replaced when something happens to them. So, when a child accidentally breaks a toy, it can be easy for many of us to quickly replace it (and often with Prime Shipping!). I would encourage you to consider waiting to replace things so that your kiddo can learn that when things break, it is not readily replaced. This can lead to more gratitude for the things we have. 

I hope this quick post is helpful for you and your family!  In the days of easy technology and quick everything (2 hour delivery anyone?), it can be easy to fall into the trap of not remembering just how wonderful these things are. I personally keep a gratitude list daily where I write 10 things about my life or my day that I am grateful for. I notice that this practice helps me notice more throughout the day that is going well or enjoyable and I end up enjoying those moments more. Plus, I reflect on the day before bed in a positive way which is helpful in terms of managing stress particularly during a year like 2020.

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
0 Comments

Why isn’t self-care making me feel any better?

8/1/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Every blog that I write lately, I want to begin with both - how is it already August but also, what a long year 2020 has become. It truly has just been such a challenge for all of us and while each of our storms is slightly different, we have all certainly been in a storm of some kind these days. For many of us, we may be trying to cope by using various methods of self-care like exercise, sleeping, baking, cooking, hobbies, cleaning, etc. Some people may be wondering why they are doing all of these things if they don’t seem to have lasting change and results in terms of “feeling better.” 

The layers of challenge that we have all been faced with are so immense that I think it is worth mentioning that while self-care can help us tolerate and get through and cope with our situations, it is not going to alleviate all of our suffering and emotional discomfort or pain during a situation like this. 

The truth is that while self-care has been touted as the new “be all end all” of solutions to help us cope, it is a term that seems to also be synonymous with “not feeling upset anymore, not struggling, not being so darn tired, etc.” Unfortunately, while coping skills and self-care strategies are helpful, they are band-aids when the real problem we are dealing with is living lives that are not sustainable for one reason or another. 

Unfortunately, no amount of self care will take away the discomfort we feel from living lives that are not sustainable. The unsustainable status of your life might be because of impossible expectations of yourself or others, the heaviness of our current social and political climate, declining health of yourself or a family member, or living without an alignment of your values and actions. 

Coping skills and self care are a bandaid meant to reduce intensity of symptoms so that you are able to do the work that is needed to make real change in your life. This is the thing that many of us get entirely wrong about self-care or coping strategies - they are not the solution in and of themselves. They are just there to help the pain you are in be less acute so that you can address the root causes of the pain. 

If you’ve been trying to fix things and feel less through self care or coping skills, you’re not doing it wrong. But you’re not feeling better because you’ve got more work ahead of you. The work is in the incredibly intense and sometimes painful but also keenly rewarding work of taking a deep, long look at your life and exploring what is working for you and what is not. This requires exploring yourself, your patterns, how you cope, what you react to, and what your underlying beliefs, assumptions, expectations, and values are both of yourself and of others. 

While this process is intense and difficult, it is no less intense or difficult than repeatedly trying to push away feelings that come up when our lives are out of balance and alignment. In order to try to figure out what is going on for you, it helps to take some space to either journal, meditate, or maybe take some time for personal reflection through reading personal growth journeys or books. You could also do this kind of work with a therapist. Often, our job is to help our clients communicate and identify their beliefs and values and hold up a mirror to help them see their life with more clarity. With that clarity and a judgment free space like our office, our clients are better able to make changes to help them feel better longer term. 

If you're reading this and wondering how to gain clarity about your values and how they are influencing your choices, try out the following activities: 
  • Values Sort - This is an exercise where you try to identify your top 10 values from a larger list. Click here for an easy to use list online! 
  • Examine how your values line up with your day to day life 
  • Journal about your values each day and how you lived them 
  • Consciously try to remember that you are choosing things all the time and make those choices more in your awareness. “I am choosing --- because ---” 

The more we can learn to connect our day to day choices with our values and how we are living our lives, the more we can either notice that we are living consistent with our intentional values and goals or that we are not. If you aren’t finding your values line up with your choices, this consciousness can help you find small ways to make changes. 

If you feel frustrated often or like you are being too hard on yourself or your loved ones: 
  • List expectations - It also can be helpful to sit down and come up with a list of expectations that you have for yourself and others. Putting them in writing sometimes helps us realize just what we think we should be capable of and how unrealistic those ideas may be. 
  • Re-create a more appropriate list of expectations - Maybe you can even just use your other list plus your values list to help yourself create a more realistic version of your goals. 
    • For example, if your expectation is to be kind always to your children, kindness might be a value of yours. With values, we want to just work towards them rather than expect them of ourselves all the time. So maybe an appropriate expectation is to work on being kind even when your kids are struggling or not following directions and you could come up with ways to do this that are realistic and something you can accomplish. 

I hope this is helpful to you!  I know it can be difficult to put a lot of effort into trying to cope differently and more effectively but to also not actually feel that it is helpful. I am hoping these strategies will be more beneficial in the long run even though they take more time in the short term! 

​At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
0 Comments

How can parents squeeze in more alone time?

7/3/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
I know that when I had the realization about my toddler, my lovely but also monstrous at times toddler, that he just doesn’t leave our house anymore. It helped me recognize what I was needing a lot more of, which is a little bit of time alone where I don’t have to take care of anyone but me.

I’m sure we have all seen, and laughed at, the posts on Insta and Facebook about parents going to great lengths to get some time alone these days. Like the one about sending your kids in another room to look for a toy you have in your pocket?  I definitely laughed and then realized that maybe we should all pool together ideas that parents are using to help themselves get a bit of alone time while we are all home together so much more.

Here are some of my ideas and strategies I have been using:

  • Taking Turns – if you have a partner at home who can help with things like bedtime, bath, or even homework – taking turns can be immensely helpful. I feel like what I used to get from a “date night” where we didn’t have to worry about putting our son to bed, is now replicated by getting 30 minutes extra time to myself in a day.
  • Long drives – I know several families that have started having one parent take the kids on a drive to get them out of the house as well as let the other parent have some time alone at the house. And if kids are able to get some sort of treat along the way (screen time, ice cream, maybe a contactless pickup at a favorite restaurant or store?), they will likely also be happy customers!
  • Playing in the car – One of my son’s favorite things to do is to play in our cars in the driveway. He just loves to pretend to drive so for Mother’s Day, my husband took him to his car for about 20 minutes so I had some unplanned alone time in the house to relax. It was amazing!
  • Walks alone – I have been taking my son on walks every day during this time but on weekends, I like to go alone so that I can either catch up with a friend or listen to a favorite podcast (PS if you need a recommendation, I highly recommend “Unlocking Us” by Brene Brown.
  • Babysitter after bedtime – I know a friend who has started letting a babysitter come over after her kids are in bed so that she and her husband can go for a walk and just spend some time alone out of the house. This might be a good solution for families who do not feel entirely ready to invite someone else in their “social distancing circle” but who need some time together and away from home.
  • Sleeping in – While this one might be obvious to many; I think trying to take turns sleeping in is also super helpful!  I personally, like to get up early to have some time alone to start the day but for other parents, having that time to rest might help even more!
  • “Alone time” – for families with young or elementary aged kids, incorporating some time that is designated for family members to have quiet time alone will be helpful. This almost mimics naptime for younger kids but can be explained as some time to just relax and complete something alone so that you can be ready to be engaged as a family again after.
  • Keeping a schedule – I know a lot of families in the beginning of this situation treated it much like a vacation with more flexible everything – flexible screen time, flexible bedtimes, flexible scheduling in general. While I think that is great and likely helped in the beginning, I also think it is important to think about the cost of that choice. If you used to love having an hour or two after the kids went to bed to be alone or with your spouse, it’s probably a good idea to start working towards re-instating your old routines so that you can have that time back.
 
These are just a few ideas I had!  I’d love to hear more in the comments and for parents to share out of the box ways to get some time alone. Also, I want to remind everyone that it is perfectly natural to struggle without having time alone… If you have an ideal version of yourself as a parent who is always kind, patient, and loving and also around your kids 24/7 – you might be struggling with that as it is entirely unrealistic. In order to help ourselves be the best, most intentional versions of our parenting selves, we likely need some time to recharge our batteries and regroup. Especially during hard days and unfortunately, during a pandemic, there is just no shortage of hard days!

​At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
0 Comments

Gratitude, even when our kids are struggling

11/21/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

Around this time of year, the idea of being thankful and grateful seem to be pretty popular. While I am definitely a believer in practicing gratitude and even developing family practices around gratitude, I think there is an area we can all practice gratitude in that is often missed. This is with our children. 
 
Like I said, I do think that practicing gratitude with our children is incredibly helpful for them and for us. But what I want to talk about today in this blog is practicing gratitude FOR our children.

Often, I find that by the time parents have reached out to me for support either for themselves in parenting or for their child(ren) or teen(s), they have become quite overwhelmed, frustrated, and sometimes even kind of fed up with their kids. Similar to couples therapy, where often couples call when it is seeming to be “too late” for their marriage, parents call when they feel there is nowhere else to turn for their child or teen to get help. Then, they call us with a HUGE list of things that they would like their child/teen to work on. They need to eat better, show better behavior, clean up after themselves, do their homework, be respectful, work on their social relationships, work on their family relationships, play video games less, play outside more – and the lists go on and on sometimes. 
 
While I think this is a totally relatable and understandable situation to find yourself in, I think that we do not necessarily talk about how to shift the dynamic that can happen in a family when it seems that parents are focused more on what their child/teen needs to work on and less on who they are and how great they are already. Practicing gratitude for our children and who they are in an active way each day can certainly help shift that attitude and somewhat negative dynamic. 
 
I would encourage any parent who is feeling frustrated with their child or teen to consider trying this out. Take aside 10 minutes a day to make a list of 10 different things they are grateful for about their child. Perhaps try this out for 21 days (as that is the number of days research shows to be habit forming) and see if it shifts your perspective and even your relationship with your child. It would be even better if you keep going after the 21 days and if you share your list with your child/teen!  
 
What I find is that often, a child who is struggling KNOWS they are struggling and difficult to be around even if they won’t admit it to their families. The more parents focus on the challenges a child is having, the more the child feels like the “problem” child. Expressing and showing gratitude for the things they do well but also who they are as a person helps to teach them that they have worth outside of their accomplishments and that they are more than their areas of difficulty. This is valuable beyond measure in our world so focused on what we do and accomplish! 
 
We at Thrive wish you and your families a very happy holiday season!  Our blogs will be posted less frequently this time of year but we will do our best to keep them coming as much as we can! 
 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
0 Comments

Number One Parenting Tip of 2019

2/10/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 

 In my work with parents and their children and teens, I offer families a lot of advice and tips. The most important one though is pretty simple (at least in my eyes). 
 
Learn who your child is and embrace them for that. 
 
Okay, I should really elaborate more! I think it is so important for parents to know that they are going to go into the parenting experience with certain ideals and ideas of who they will be as parents and who their child/children will be as people. For example, if they were strong students, they might assume that their child will be too. Or, if they were very athletic and interested in sports, they might assume that this will be something they will be able to share with their child/children. 
 
As a therapist, I can’t tell you how often I hear children and teens feeling misunderstood by their parents. Sadly, it is really often. And children and teens do not assume that this is because the parent has not processed their unconscious expectations… They assume it is because they are a failure, or not good enough, or stupid, or a disappointment, or that they really should do better but just can’t. Children and most teens just blame themselves and end up feeling inadequate when they know they are letting their parents down. Rarely do they understand that their parent is just struggling to release their own thoughts about parenting and who their child would/should/could be. 
 
I believe that it is not only important to acknowledge whatever your thoughts, hopes, dreams might be about who your child is, but to also really try to get in touch with who your child actually is.Learn their strengths and try to foster them but also, learn about their challenges and love them through it. The more you can help your children accept themselves and treat themselves with love and kindness, the better adjusted emotionally they will be for whatever comes next in their lives. 
 
 Of particular concern in this topic area are the kids who struggle in school. Maybe they struggle with a learning disorder or inattention. Or maybe they struggle with motivation around academics or just desire other things in their future than college. This group of kids struggles significantly with self-acceptance, shame, and feelings of failure. I can only encourage their parents to embrace them and encourage them but also to let them know that they are more than their grades or academic performance. Every person has something to offer our world and not all of those offerings fit neatly in an academic box or pursuit. As parents, it is our job to break through the pressure to perform academically and help kids find their innate strengths, interests, and future. 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
0 Comments

Setting an Intention for 2019

12/26/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

As many of you may know, around this time of year I like to set a word as an intention for the coming year. It is a practice that I have been following for about 5 years and have come to really enjoy and look forward to. I personally find it much more helpful than setting New Year’s Resolutions as I try to find a word that represents things that I would like to cultivate in my life. The most interesting part of the past five years in following this practice has been that, even on years where I didn’t think again about the word that I chose, I definitely grew in that area during that year. 
 
Not to get too “woo woo” about this, but I definitely think that there is something to the idea of setting an intention as long as you are listening to yourself and what you need when doing so. Plus, my intention is never something super concrete or demanding like buying a house or having a baby. I always choose something that is really in my control and is more about how I approach situations and the world. 
 
So, I wanted to share about the word I am choosing for the coming year as well as write a post encouraging those of you who follow our blog to also consider choosing a word. From what many of my clients tell me, this is a practice they really enjoy as well. So hopefully you will too! 
 
Anyways, my word this year is going to be “Enough.” I wanted to have a guidepost to help remind me that not only am I enough (as a mother, a boss, a friend, a wife, person, therapist, etc.) but my life is enough. My teeny tiny rental house is enough. My three person family is enough. My life is not just enough, but it is really overflowing with joy and love and I wanted to remember that. 
 
Another way that I plan to use this word is to help rein in my ambitions a bit. I am someone that is always thinking of the next thing… the next trip, adventure, business opportunity or goal. This sometimes leads me to struggle to feel that enough is enough. I worry if I am doing enough for my clients, my employees, my business, my family, myself, and the list goes on and on. So, I am going to work towards saying no just a little bit more and minimizing the demands I place on myself. 
 
Honestly, this year feels more exciting than ever. Only after having my previous years of balance, strength, faith, gratitude, and abundance can I now have my year of “enough.” So, I encourage anyone reading this to give some thought to developing your own tradition each year of choosing a phrase, word, or some sort of guiding intention for your coming year. 
 
If you would like to read past blogs about this topic as well – please check them out here and here!  


At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n
0 Comments

Life Reminders

12/15/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture

By: Lauren Spinelli, LCSW

It’s important to remember that every day can be meaningful. It’s truly a new chance to reflect, grow, and make small changes as we navigate through life. Over the years, I have jotted down little reminders, affirmations, quotes, and expressions that I've heard, read, or made up. They seem to really help me when I'm looking for more strength. I wanted to share them with you in the hopes that they will help you, too. 

  1. Stick to the present. Rather than worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, focus on what is actually happening now and what is actually in your power to do now. It’s important to understand that happiness does not lie in the past or the future. It lies in the present moment.
  2. Pain is out of your control. Self-compassion is in your control.  
  3. You’re imperfect, like everyone else, and that's OK. Your self-worth is not dependent on an accomplishment, number, or status.  
  4. You have already overcome so many things.
  5. You need to ignore what everyone else is doing and achieving. Your life is about breaking your own limits. You are not in competition with anyone else. Plan to outdo your past, not other people.
  6. You are constantly changing; your world is constantly changing; everything you experience (physical, mental, and emotional) will come and go. 
  7. The longest relationship you’ll have in your life is the one with yourself. Other people will come and go, but you’ll be with yourself from birth until death. The sooner you decide to start being kind to yourself, the longer you have to live life supporting rather than undermining yourself.
  8. Whatever it is that you’re going through, chances are there are thousands of others going through a similar experience. Being perfect is not what connects people. Vulnerability brings us closer together.
  9. To ask for help is not a sign of weakness; it's actually a sign of strength, courage and intelligence. 
  10. Just breathe. You got this. 

Lauren is welcoming new referrals and enjoys working with children, teens, and adults of all ages!  For more information about her approach to therapy, check out her bio here!  

 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.

0 Comments

​Why is Gratitude Such a Buzz Word?

11/17/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 

With Thanksgiving coming up next week, I thought it might be interesting to reflect in a blog about all the buzz around gratitude. I find that practicing gratitude is both personally and professionally very important, but also “all the rage” these days. It’s hard to find a self-care article that does not include practicing gratitude or to find a person that does not think they “should” practice gratitude. 
 
So, what’s the deal with gratitude? Why is it so important?  Here are some of my thoughts on the topic… 
 
  1. Perspective– I fundamentally believe that life is all about perspective. If we see things a certain way, not only do we seek out information to confirm that perspective, but we miss the chances to see things a different way. So, if we focus on the things in our lives we are grateful for, rather than our frustrations or challenges, we will most likely feel a bit happier and more at peace. 
  2. Reducing stress and anxiety– Interestingly, it has been shown that practicing gratitude can reduce stress and anxiety in only two weeks. How amazing is that!  
  3. Gratitude is not ignoring the unpleasant parts of life– Having a gratitude practice does not mean that you ignore the difficult parts of your life or try to focus on only positive and happy feelings. It means that you acknowledge those things but also acknowledge the other things that you are grateful for. Even when they are teeny tiny little things, they matter and simply thinking about them does wonders for your mental health! 

One of the ways I think about practicing gratitude is as another way to bring awareness to the great things, while also holding space for the unpleasant things in life. A good metaphor for this is thinking about your life like a slightly cloudy sky. If you only focus on the clouds and rain, that is all you see but you miss the sunny parts and interesting cloud shapes! Gratitude can be the attention you give to the whole sky, instead of just the unpleasant patches of clouds and rain. 
 
So, I encourage you to try out a gratitude practice this holiday season. Particularly if you are feeling stressed and tired by all the holiday events and activities!  It’s honestly pretty simple… All you need to do is pick a time of day to focus on thinking of 3-5 things you are grateful for that day. You could write them in a formal gratitude journal or just reflect on those things, either way works and will help shift your perspective!
 

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
0 Comments

When Self Care Feels Like a Chore

9/14/2018

0 Comments

 

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 

Picture
As a new-ish mom and owner of a small business, I am far busier than I ever really have been in my life. Seriously, I’m even busier now than in grad school, completing a dissertation, and working three jobs in undergrad. The challenge for me now though is that my busy life is filled with a lot of things that I feel I have to do so that I can be the best me I can be in all the areas of my life. I really want to bring my best version of myself to my work for my clients and Thrive team members as well as to my family and friends!  I especially want to be my best self for my little man Luca. 
 
I was chatting with another new-ish mom friend of mine recently and we were talking about our to-do lists. We had a lot of complaints you would expect – they are so long and never feel done. The interesting part is that on our to do lists are things like, well, I need to read a chapter in my book at night so that I can sleep well, or, I need to go for a walk and stretch so that my back does not hurt. The conclusion that we drew was that even self-care feels like another item on our to-do list! For women who are already overwhelmed, this is even more overwhelming and makes the activities we are “supposed” to enjoy, feel like tasks to check off rather than “self-care.” 
 
I started thinking about the idea of self-care and how it has become such a buzz word in our culture, especially therapist culture. While I think self-care is obviously important, I also think there might be a better way than the way I am doing it. Which is essentially, a mad, moderately perfectionistic dash towards wellness. Here’s a snapshot of my brain: Luca goes to bed at 7pm so I am going to rush home as soon as possible from work to spend time with him until 7, do all the household things that need to get done in that time while I spend quality time with him so that at 7, I can maximize my time and either go for a walk or do some work leftover from the day, or spend time with my husband, or do my nails, or watch a show, or take a bath, etc. Even better if I can do multiple things at once, right? 
 
Some of my mentality and tendency towards a frenzy of productivity comes from having an appreciation for time that only comes after not having any while you have a newborn. Some of this comes from having a deep appreciation for what ingredients I know help me be a better functioning person. I tend to do really well when things in my life are balanced and I have some time alone reading, some time to exercise, some time with work, and some time with my family each day. Oh and I like a clean house with things seeming somewhat orderly. 
 
While I have been mulling this over, I have realized that the crucial ingredient to my self-care is for it to feel like a choice and to be something I take the time to enjoy. While maybe I still rush home to see Luca, spend time with him while also cleaning up the house and dinner, so that I have time to do more things that fuel me in the evening… the key is to be more mindful of the choices I am making and present focused during all of the tasks. The key is to truly appreciate whatever I am doing at any given moment and to find it something to enjoy, rather than to just check off a list. Sometimes it helps me to remember to tell myself, I “get” to do this, rather than I “have” to do this. Small changes in our self-talk really can influence the way we feel about our lives! 
 


At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
0 Comments

The Problem with Positive Thinking - Benefits of a Positive Mindset (Part 3)

7/2/2018

1 Comment

 
Picture

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 

So, as you probably noticed in my first blog in this series, I have a lot of concerns with positive thinking and its’ attempts to tell us not to feel our unpleasant emotions or think our unpleasant thoughts. However, there are parts of “positive thinking” that I think are truly helpful and worth mentioning here and are traits of someone with resilience and more of a positive mindset. Check out the first two blogs in this series here and here! 
 
1. Focusing more on gratitude
In my eyes, focusing on gratitude and intentionally seeking ways to show or experience gratitude is so important. We can often become habitual problem finders who just focus on problems or challenges, rather than all we do have to feel grateful for. In contrast to positive thinking though, I mention gratitude more as a daily practice or habit and not a response to feeling something unpleasant. Generally trying to cultivate a mindset of gratitude looks like noticing things you are grateful for at the end of a day or week – NOT trying to focus on gratitude in moments where you are really upset or struggling. That would be just like the whole, “think positive” suggestion and likely only make you feel worse. 
 
2. Confidence that you can manage difficult situations, experiences, struggles
I believe that having a positive mindset about your life could include the confidence that you are going to be okay. That yes, life has its’ struggles, but they really do make us stronger and lead us in new and different directions which can be exciting and scary. In order to have this perspective, you have to not only remember struggles you have had, but remember that you got through them and that there were lessons learned along the way. This part of having a positive mindset involves allowing yourself to remember and process your challenges, not to feel worse about them, but to see what you have endured and how resilient you are. Yes, difficult things are going to happen. But yes, you can get through it. 
 
3. Cultivating memories of pleasant moments, experiences, even during times of struggle
This is so incredibly difficult, but so important. We need to remember that all emotions are temporary, the pleasant and the unpleasant. As such, even when we are in deep pain and struggle, we need to have the deeper knowledge that we will not always feel this way. 
 
For example, when you are grieving a loss, perhaps of a relationship, pet, loved one, life path, etc. it is important to know that grief marks the importance of that relationship in your life. That when we love, because everything is temporary, we will know loss and need to feel that loss because our feelings and grief honors the relationship or experience. 
 
Hopefully this blog rounds out our series on Positive Thinking!  While I am not a positive thinking proponent, there are definitely some assets of learning to cultivate a positive mindset and work on becoming a realistic thinker. 
 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
1 Comment
<<Previous

    Blogs from the Thrive Family!

    Musings from Erica, Lauren, Jennifer, Anoushey, Maria, Alexina, and Ying-Ying

    Categories

    All
    Acceptance
    ADHD
    Angela Bianco
    Anoushey Nazir Khan
    Anxiety
    Attachment
    Autism
    Behavioral Challenges
    Communication
    Copin
    Coping
    Coronavirus
    COVID 19
    COVID-19
    Depression
    Divorce
    Early Childhood
    Emotional Expression
    Erica Wollerman
    Family
    Gratitude
    Group Therapy
    Holidays
    Intention
    Jennifer Gonzalez
    Lauren Spinelli
    Managing Stress
    Maria Fowlks
    Mindfulness
    Motivation
    New Mother
    Panicha McGuire
    Parenting
    Parenting Teens
    Perfectionism
    Play Therapy
    Resilience
    Self Esteem
    Teens
    Telehealth
    Therapy At Thrive
    Thrive Team
    Young Adult

    Archives

    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2015
    October 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015

    RSS Feed

Picture

Call Today!  858-342-1304

Thrive Therapy Studio
5230 Carroll Canyon Rd. Ste 110
​San Diego, CA 92121
"Watch your thoughts, 
They become words. 
Watch your words, 
They become actions. 
Watch your actions, 
They become habits. 
Watch your habits, 
They become character; 

It becomes your destiny."

Contact Us


Thrive Therapy Studio Therapists Offer Child, Teen, Adult, Marriage and Family Psychotherapy Counseling Services in San Diego, California.

Picture
  • Welcome
  • About Thrive
    • Meet the Thrive Team >
      • Dr. Erica Wollerman
      • Dr. Maria Fowlks
      • Jennifer Gonzalez, LMFT
      • Lauren Spinelli, LCSW
      • Anoushey Nazir Khan, AMFT
      • Alexina Clarke, AMFT
      • Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC
    • Forms for Clients
    • Appointment Information
  • Contact
  • Services
    • Group Therapy at Thrive >
      • Anxiety Group For Teens
      • Parent Support Group
      • Young Adults Group (18-24)
    • Therapy for Children
    • Therapy for Teens and Young Adults
    • Therapy for Adults
    • Family Therapy
    • Parent Consultation
  • Resources
    • Information About Therapy
    • Academic Resources
    • San Diego Resources
    • Covid-19 Resources
    • Anti-Racism Resources
    • Recommended Reading
    • Resources for Specific Challenges >
      • Addiction and Recovery Information
      • ADHD
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety
      • Autism/Developmental Disorders
      • Child Abuse and Domestic Violence
      • Depression
      • Eating Disorders/Body Image Issues
      • Personal Growth/Managing Perfectionism
      • LGBTQIA
      • Parenting
      • Relationships
      • Stress Management/Mindfulness
      • Teen Issues
  • Blog
  • Events