Child, Teen and Adult Psychotherapy Services in San Diego
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How to talk with your kids about the attack on the Capitol

1/8/2021

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Wow. The start to 2021 has been pretty relentless so far!  What a week. 

I thought it might be helpful to share a bit about my thoughts about how parents might use the attack on the Capitol as a conversation starter with their kids. 
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While some families might not want to talk about what happened and why it was as scary as it was, I think it might actually be helpful if not unavoidable with kids home so much right now due to the pandemic. For many, we might just want to avoid the topic altogether because we don’t know what to say that would be helpful and not scary for our kids. And while I certainly do not have all the answers, I had some thoughts about it. 

One thing parents can always do during a difficult or scary situation is to lean into the facts to explain what is happening. We can say that a group of people believe that the election we had was manipulated in some way and that they needed to protest that and in a sense, take back their country. You can explain that while this is not accurate about the election, what these people believe is creating their reality and likely, some sense of fear and being wronged (accurate or not, this seems to be the feeling that led to the incident Wednesday). 

This might be a good opportunity to discuss how our beliefs do create our reality and why it is important to be open to differing opinions and facts. It’s also important to teach them words like insurrection, coup, and anarchy so that they can understand that this situation went far beyond a typical protest, as it did not seem that peace was the intended result. 

The second thing that parents can do is recognize that they do not have all the answers and know what is going to happen. Many kids are going to wonder if there will be consequences for what happened and it is okay to say you don’t know and I would then ask what they think should happen. 

If you have a more anxious child, take some time to unpack their worries and try to reassure them that while this is scary, it may not develop into anything more than what happened this week. We don’t know but we can focus on what we do know, which is that parents work hard to protect their children and that you are there to support them. Try joining them in their feelings and letting them know it is okay to be worried and scared. Then, you can try to share what you do to help yourself during these times (not the wine drinking but the walks, talking it through with trusted people, and focus on what you can control kinds of things). 

Parents can use these conversations as a starting point for discussions about social contracts and why we have government. Given the numerous examples in our families about these topics on a smaller level, you might come up with some examples of how anarchy creates chaos! 

Remember, the more parents avoid talking about the events of this week, the scarier it will feel for our kids. It is our job to put aside our feelings (to an extent) and unpack the situation together. Focus on how your family will face hard things together and that it is okay for difficult things to cause us difficult emotions and that we can handle those together too. 

I hope this is helpful. Let’s all hang in there for the rest of what 2021 has in store for us. Hopefully there are some less stressful times ahead! 

And always, if you or your family could use added support, please let us know at Thrive!  

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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2021 Intention Blog Post

12/19/2020

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So, for those of you who have been reading my blog for a while might know that I usually set an intention for each year around this time. 2020 has certainly not been a year where many of us have been able to keep our intentions, or resolutions for that matter. I debated about posting anything about setting an intention for next year as, well, I almost don’t want to put anything out into the world that will leave me disappointed! 

So much of the lessons of 2020 I think have involved digging deeper into ourselves and our relationships to figure out how we deal with extraordinary situations and difficulties. My word for this year ended up being Embrace (this is after a few revisions because I started with something else I believe). And well, as much as I might not like to say it, this is exactly what this year led me to do. I spent a lot of time leaning into and embracing things that have been hard and do feel that I have learned about myself, the world, and how to be a better mom, wife, person, and therapist. 

Do I dare consider setting an intention for 2021?  

I think I do. I would encourage you to as well to be honest. I think it is important to always consider how we can lean into or improve things in our lives, even during extraordinary times. 

My word for next year is going to be Generous. 

While I am often a very generous person, particularly at work and with my team, I struggle to be generous in the way I interpret my loved ones words or actions. The narrative that I come to most easily is often not the one that is kind and generous in spirit. I would truly like to work on this and considering the fact that 2021 seems like it might start out just as challenging as 2020 has been… I think there will likely be ample opportunities to practice my generosity!  

If you are considering setting an intention for the coming year, I applaud you!  I think it is brave right now to want things and to work on improving ourselves and our lives beyond just getting through the day. Throughout this pandemic, I have been so impressed with my clients who have kept on working through the things that come up rather than just hiding from all of it considering the immense pressures on all of us. 

For those of you who would rather not tempt fate and want to give 2021 some space to be an improvement on this year, I get it. I want it to be better too!  And it is entirely okay not to challenge yourself if that feels like too much. We need to all be compassionate and kind with ourselves right now. 

This is my last blog of 2020 as I will take a break for the holidays and resume in the New Year!  I hope everyone stays healthy and finds some silver linings in the messy world of ours. If we at Thrive can do anything to help support you or your loved ones, please don’t hesitate to reach out!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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5 Self Care Practices I Do Daily That are Quick and Free!

12/11/2020

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Many people think that therapists are somehow immune from struggling in the way everyone else does. I am pretty honest about this being entirely untrue - as any of you who regularly read my blog or follow me on social media would know! All of us could use a little bit of self-care so I thought I would share my favorite things that I do consistently, pretty much daily, in order to help keep myself as mentally okay as I can be… particularly as a therapist during a pandemic! 

I do want to just say that please, please keep in mind that self-care is not a cure all strategy. I have a healthy dose of skepticism about the “wellness industry” and how much they are pushing us all to spend on ourselves in the interests of self-care. They almost seem to be trying to sell the idea that if you engage in “this activity,” you will never feel pain again. While I definitely accept the fact that some level of struggle is just a part of being human, I do try to find ways to lessen the struggle when possible.  So while engaging in self-care is not a cure all strategy to never struggle again, it can be helpful to keep yourself hanging in there… which is all many of us can do in this wild 2020 ride. 

I also want to acknowledge that for many people, expensive self-care items or subscription boxes are just not realistic or practical. Plus, during a pandemic, many previous forms of self-care (going out with friends, massages, shopping, etc.) are just also not realistic. Additionally, many of us, particularly parents just don’t have the time for long self-care rituals. So, for this list I kept it as simple and free as possible. Plus, this is all actually what I do to keep myself functioning for my family, clients, and business. 

Okay, here’s my list! 
  1. Walk - Every day I start my day with a walk. While I often listen to a podcast or even spend that time getting a bit caught up on emails, I try to just enjoy being outside and enjoying nature. I find this helps me feel centered and grounded throughout the day. 
  2. Gratitude list - Every day I make a list of 10 things in my life that I am grateful for. I have been doing this for just over a year now and honestly, it really helps me shift my perspective. Plus, I find myself noticing things throughout the day that I want to include on the list later. So it definitely helps direct my attention towards things that are enjoyable in my life all day long. 
  3. Meditation - This is a practice that I sort of fall into and fall back out of. I recently began using Headspace daily again and have been really enjoying it! I’m really hoping that by including it in my blog that I will stick with it a bit longer than I have in the past. 
  4. Playing music with my toddler - As my son has gotten older, he is getting more and more interested in music. He is not always the most outgoing, so when he really gets into it and dances all over the place, it just fills my heart with joy. I have recently made it my intention to play music and sing and dance with him at least once a day.  
  5. Starting my day early - Now this one might not be for everyone… but for me, waking up before my family has become an important part of my daily routine. Early in motherhood, I learned that I really like it when our house is set up for the day. When things are already packed to take to daycare, the dishwasher is empty, sometimes breakfast is made, and I have time to gradually wake up. So, every day, I set my alarm a bit earlier than I need to and give myself the gift of time and some peace knowing that at least the day starts setup well and without frantic running around. I believe this helps reduce my feelings of overwhelm. 

I hope this is helpful for some of you!  Most of the activities I shared do not actually take that long and are pretty accessible even in the busiest households during a pandemic. If these ideas are not for you, maybe think up a few others. Maybe journaling, having coffee alone outside, reading a book, or taking a long shower could go on your list. Self-care does not need to be expensive or dramatic, often it is just little things we practice doing over and over that help us feel more grounded and centered. 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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5 Ways to Cope with Pandemic Holidays

12/4/2020

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As I have noticed with my clients, friends, family, and well, myself - holidays this year are feeling pretty complicated. Decision making about what to do and who is safe to see is just incredibly challenging and has been challenging throughout the pandemic. It seems like that challenge only increases as the pandemic continues to worsen this month as so many of us are just plain worn out from worrying about risks and missing our loved ones terribly. For those of us who are sticking it out as much as possible at home, I thought it might be helpful to share some ideas of how we can get through this situation and hopefully enjoy the holidays. 

  1. Pick and Choose - The most important holiday tip that I share with clients is always to pick and choose what you do. I think it is crucial that we as parents decide what traditions are the most meaningful and important for our families rather than trying to do all of them. For families with older kids, I encourage parents to check in with their kids to see what they feel is enjoyable or to pick one tradition each to make sure you do. This way you can focus on those things and only do things that truly bring you joy. It’s like the Marie Kondo approach for the holidays! 
  2. Focus on the things that are possible - I think it could be really easy this year to get very focused about all of the things we are not doing or missing out on. I know it was tough for my family to see so many others visit and gather with their loved ones for Thanksgiving and it took a conscious effort to focus on what a great day our little family was having instead. So, make sure to try to process the loss we are dealing with and allow a space for your children to do so too. But after that, focus on what is possible and how we can make those things fun. 
  3. Create new traditions - Sometimes it can help to break out of the mold and do something new instead of a modified version of a beloved tradition. If you usually spent the night at grandma’s, maybe try to make it extra fun to stay home this year with jammies and a fort in the living room or something. The thing that is important is to try to determine if doing the modified version will make you feel more sad or happy to have some closeness to your usual tradition. If it will bring joy, try it out! If you think it will just feel like a poor replacement, maybe try something you haven’t done before. 
  4. Focus on the Pro’s - I am a firm believer that there are truly pros and cons to everything. So, while we might be missing out on traveling to see family (I know we are!), we could try to focus on what we would not miss about those trips. For me, it is packing up and traveling with what feels like our whole house to keep our toddler entertained. And definitely the flights with a toddler!  So this year, while I am sad to miss out on the family visits, I am not entirely sad to miss out on the work part of the trip itself! 
  5. Take some time to rest - This year has just been so incredibly intense that I think all of us could use a holiday season without some of the hustle and bustle. While I recognize that many of us truly love that part of things this time of year, we likely are not needing more pressure or things to do. So, I think we could take this time to really try to rest and enjoy whatever down time we can. I think it is really needed particularly because of the difficulty of 2020 but also to help us stay intentional in how we cope with our feelings about the differences in our holidays. It will be easier to recognize and acknowledge our emotions if they have time to be expressed and felt. If we rush through this time (because it truly does feel easier to be distracted), we might end up even more sad or grumpy in the long run. I would encourage you to allow yourself some space to access emotions, rest, and then cope in whatever way works best for you and your family. 

I know that this is not an easy time for any of us. Holidays are already a challenging time of year for so many people that adding in a pandemic that is spiraling out of control is just unreal. Perhaps the most important thing we can all do is to just go easy on ourselves during this time. Let’s try not to set up expectations that might not be met and just get through this time one day at a time, hopefully finding some joy and holiday cheer along the way. 

If you or your loved ones would like added support, Thrive is accepting new clients over telehealth! Contact us today!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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5 Ways Families Can Practice Gratitude

11/22/2020

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I am a firm believer in gratitude practices, not just for individuals and adults, but for whole families. And while I am sharing this blog the week before Thanksgiving, I think we can practice gratitude all year long. Here are some of the favorite ways I have heard of families doing just that! 

  1. A Gratitude Jar - Periodically, maybe weekly, you write down something you are grateful for as a family and put it in a clear jar. Then, you can get it out to read it either next Thanksgiving or on New Year’s Eve to remember the great parts of the year before. 
  2. “Roses and Thorns” - Or some variation of this idea of sharing about the highs and lows of your day or week. A lot of families do this at dinner but you could do it at any part of the day. Sometimes kids are open to sharing more at bedtime so that is also a good practice to get into. 
  3. Gratitude Notes to Each Other - Some families enjoy writing down the things about each other that they are grateful for and sharing them. You could even put them in your kids’ chrome book so they see it in the morning when they log in for virtual learning! 
  4. Frequent noticing of enjoyable things - So this is not really a whole family practice but perhaps something parents can initiate more. I think that the more we slow down to notice great parts of the day, the more we are showing our kids how to enjoy ourselves and be grateful for what we are doing. For example, if you are outside and it is one of those ideal weather days, commenting on it out loud and sharing just how nice it is can help your child also notice that. 
  5. Mindfulness Activities - Any chance we have to slow down can help us appreciate life a bit more. So taking some deep breaths, paying attention to our five senses, and walking ourselves through a list of 5 things we are grateful for can be really helpful in building more intention around both gratitude and developing mindfulness. 

Something I try to keep in mind is also that how we approach spending money can impact gratitude and our feelings about what we have. Kids are much more likely to keep good care of their belongings if they are not easily replaced when something happens to them. So, when a child accidentally breaks a toy, it can be easy for many of us to quickly replace it (and often with Prime Shipping!). I would encourage you to consider waiting to replace things so that your kiddo can learn that when things break, it is not readily replaced. This can lead to more gratitude for the things we have. 

I hope this quick post is helpful for you and your family!  In the days of easy technology and quick everything (2 hour delivery anyone?), it can be easy to fall into the trap of not remembering just how wonderful these things are. I personally keep a gratitude list daily where I write 10 things about my life or my day that I am grateful for. I notice that this practice helps me notice more throughout the day that is going well or enjoyable and I end up enjoying those moments more. Plus, I reflect on the day before bed in a positive way which is helpful in terms of managing stress particularly during a year like 2020.

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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5 Action Steps To Work on Changing Your “Programming” or Unconscious Bias

11/14/2020

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So often, there are messages all around us that we take in unconsciously. These are messages about gender roles, what life “should” be like, perhaps what people “should” be like, and even more insidious messages about people who are either different from us or who live their lives differently than we do. 

The idea of understanding our unconscious biases and “programming” seems to be a hot topic and popular idea lately particularly with the rise in awareness about the divisions in our country and resulting reckoning many of us are having about race and privilege. 

Interestingly for me as a psychologist, helping people work on their programming is something I have done for a long time. We learn in undergraduate psychology classes that we are influenced easily by the world around us. I remember this being discussed a lot around topics like violence in the media as well as body image. 

However, in my day to day work with clients, the topic of messages and narratives we have taken in from the world, our parents, our communities, the media, etc. comes up all the time. The truth is, on a personal level, we all have some unconscious ideas of what we should or should not be doing or what we should or should not be like. The programming around being “good” or “bad” is something that I have talked about for years as I find it to be so problematic for kids and teens to feel shame around their mistakes or challenges (which is often what “bad” behavior is). 

If you are someone who is interested in doing deep work about your unconscious bias or programming you might have taken in about others or yourself, good news, therapists are here for you and can definitely help. If you want to try to do this work on your own, here are some suggestions to help you get started. 

  • Accept that this work is intense and challenging. You will need to exercise so much self-compassion and grace to help yourself through it that you should probably start some of those practices now before going any further. 
  • Recognize that we inherently hide the parts of ourselves that are viewed as less desirable. This “shadow” part of ourselves is the part with the most bias and will be brought to the surface and to consciousness so that you can directly work on it. This is difficult but totally part of the process of integrating so that you can live your life more intentionally. Oh and by the way, this is just a part of being human and not something to be ashamed of. Repeat all self-compassion activities and practices throughout this! 
  • Once you are on board with the above two, start paying a lot of attention to your reactions, thoughts, and feelings. Most of us suppress the part of us that is hard for the world to love and it bubbles up in strange ways. Sometimes it is through a reaction that seems to not match the situation. Sometimes it is through what we hide from the people we trust the most. Often, a rule for me in therapy is that when my clients start to tear up or shy away from a topic, that is the most important topic for us at that moment. It is the things that scare us and that we hide that are most important to explore. 
  • It could also help while you are trying to increase your attention and awareness of yourself to try not to numb or at least reduce numbing activities like TV, emotional eating, alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, etc. Even if you continue to do these things (which is totally understandable of course particularly during an ever lingering pandemic), make sure to just notice why you are doing them and the feelings and thoughts and reactions you have about them. Most of us have shame about our less healthy coping strategies. 
  • After you are getting used to paying attention to your reactions, it is helpful to figure out how to put them into words and try to connect them to things you learned in your family, society, or within your relationships. Connecting the dots can help you understand how you got where you are. Articulating exactly what you think, feel, and are reacting to is helpful in learning to intentionally choose a different narrative either for yourself or others or the world. This part is sometimes best done in thinking about the narrative you have around who or what you think you should be like. For example, with parents, myself included, it can be hard to recognize that despite our best efforts, we are going to screw up sometimes. We are going to say the wrong thing or miss something we later feel we should have understood. That’s honestly part of the parenting journey but I think most of us have an unconscious expectation of ourselves that we need to be perfect at parenting. Especially in whatever way we feel our parents failed us. 

For example, my parents were not always great at managing my willful spirit as a kid. I mean, the book “raising a difficult child” was often on my mom’s nightstand and we had numerous power struggles a day. So, here I am years and many hours of therapy later plus experience working with parents and kids in therapy… you might think I would have this figured out and know just exactly how to approach my son, who is also quite willful. And here it is… I don’t. I think sometimes I do a great job at understanding him and sometimes, it is harder than I like to admit. I realized when he was a baby that I had this unrealistic expectation of myself that because I am who I am (therapist, fellow sensitive human, parent “expert”), I would never screw up particularly around managing his behaviors and emotions, or even just my reactions. And the truth is, nope. I screw up too. The important thing is that I know this is okay and have recognized that the shame I feel is just because I have programming around both being willful and sensitive as a child, but also around who I should be as a mom. 

All of these concepts are a lot to put in one blog but I wanted to try!  I think it is so important that people not familiar with therapy can understand a lot of what those of us practicing deep work with our clients are working on week after week. Building self-awareness is honestly really intense and challenging work but so rewarding. I have seen so much growth and change not just in my clients, but in myself by challenging myself to become as integrated of a person as possible. If you would like help doing the same, please feel free to call us at Thrive! 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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Chaos Creates Change

11/6/2020

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What does that even mean? Let me go back a bit to the beginning of my career in the field of psychology to share more about how I learned to relate to struggle, chaos, and challenges a bit differently. 

I still remember sitting with one of my first mentors and discussing some of the challenges I was seeing in the homes I worked in with parents of autistic children. I was at times so overwhelmed with the struggle I witnessed and the limitations of what I could truly do in the time I spent with them each week. This feeling of powerlessness in the face of humanity and deep struggle was something that was not new to me and was actually the reason I went to grad school at all. So, finding it yet again while I was in grad school, trying to learn how to fix things for people, was a surprise. You see, I was pretty young and pretty unfamiliar with how change actually works. 

My mentor, with so much compassion and grace for me and my immaturity in this area, had so many long talks with me about chaos. What he taught me was that chaos creates change. Change doesn’t occur in a vacuum where things are going so well that we just decide to make positive changes. Change often is bred on the wind of conflict, pain, and deep struggle. 

What he explained was that change is so difficult for us as humans, that we have to literally be forced into it by the nature of our situations being so deeply unmanageable or painful that we just have to change. 

This framework and way of thinking about struggle was different than I had been taught to think about suffering. You see, I, like most Americans, was taught to consider struggle something to overcome if not to avoid entirely. Even my deep and complicated feelings were considered something I should suppress or not have. 

I was never taught that our struggles, pain, feelings, and suffering are guideposts to help show the way towards something different. Towards change and new possibilities. 

Time and time again, I have seen this in practice. Chaos truly does lead to change. This is a belief that has helped root me in optimism about my clients, about myself, and about our world. I truly believe that by leaning into our challenges and simply just seeing them as messages about what we need or want to cultivate in our lives, we can lean more strongly towards change in a positive or healthy direction. 

This is the hope that roots me even when our world feels so tumultuous, challenging, and overwhelmingly chaotic. 

Days like today, Election Day, this is my mantra. Chaos creates change. 

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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What if we all talked to ourselves like we did our kids?

10/30/2020

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For so many parents, it is so hard to cultivate a mindset of positivity towards ourselves. Particularly for those of us who are super perfectionistic and are truly trying to achieve that super-parent life that we seem to believe everyone else is living. You know, doing all the things, all the time. It’s easy to feel like we are failing when our standards are unrealistic. 

I find that the pandemic has exacerbated this situation for so many of us and while in the beginning, I think it felt acceptable to release expectations and let our lives be a bit different - you know, messier, or less grinding towards goals - now, 7 months and counting, I think many of us have ramped up those expectations again. 

I think it is important to always keep in mind the fact that being hard on ourselves is the least productive thing we can do. You see, when we are hard on ourselves about everything and truly feel like if we are not perfectly doing everything that we are failing, we end up adding unneeded guilt and shame to our lives. These feelings not only take a toll on how we are feeling but they also add in a lot of emotional labor to engage in. We either spend time avoiding those feelings, projecting them onto others, or trying to heal them. 

I would suggest that our time is better used by spending it on working on the way we talk to ourselves. Rather than demanding more of ourselves all the time and being relentless in our guilt when we screw up, what if we talked to ourselves the way we would talk to a small child, baby, or even kitten or puppy?  Most of us, particularly parents will be kinder to others than ourselves and using a dose of self-compassion can be infinitely more helpful than anything else in terms of helping us feel calm, grounded, and confident that we can do hard things. 

Here are some ideas for putting this into practice…
“I see that you are struggling with that, let’s take a break and come back to it.” 
“It’s okay to be sad, overwhelmed, angry (etc.)” 
“What can we do to make this situation better”
“You can do this” 
“Eventually, things will be okay” 
“This feeling is temporary” 


The more we can approach ourselves with loving, kindness the better we will feel. And guess what, then we can also approach our loved ones with even more loving kindness as well. Plus we are then modeling for them how to manage their emotions a bit more effectively! 

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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What to do if your child is sad about missing Halloween?

10/24/2020

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As the pandemic has progressed and for many has been either a process of very gradual expanding of our social networks and for others, a process of opening our lives back up and then reducing again, it has been really tough to know what to expect of events anymore. Particularly events like the holidays feel different right now. 

While I am not personally even the biggest Halloween fan, I found myself feeling a bit sad about Halloween and not being able to take our toddler trick or treating this year. I imagine that we are not the only family in this situation either!  I was thinking about how our family has approached things as well as what other parents might be struggling with, such as how we handle the conversation with our kids about holidays and holidays not being what we expect or anticipate. 

I think one of the most important things we can do as parents is be clear about what our plans are. I think at this point, two weeks away from Halloween, most families should come up with exactly what they are going to do. Are they going to trick or treat in their neighborhood? Are they going to any small events?  Are they dressing up at all?  Are they going to the pumpkin patch?  All of the things you would normally do should be considered to see if you plan to do them this year. Once you and your parenting partner(s) decide the plan, I think it is best to clearly share it with your kid(s) so everyone knows what to expect. 


Next up… we need to be really understanding about our kids’ feelings and spend time validating them and listening to how they feel about the change. Remember that a big part of holidays is the tradition around them and the expectation of the fun things we get to experience as a family. Whatever is different this year will likely be challenging in some way and we don’t want to brush off our kids’ feelings. Try asking them what they are really missing the most and see if it is possible to recreate it in a safe way! 

Finally, if there is anything in your conversations with your kids that comes up as safe alternatives to the usual plans that involve lots of people, try to see if you can work that into your plan. Perhaps you can trick or treat between a few neighbors houses over and over. Perhaps you can do some extra zoom calls or “boo” treat bags for friends. While this year is not going as we had hoped it would in January, I do think we are all getting a bit better at rolling with whatever life hands us!  While we can hope the same of our kids, we need to be sure to allow them the space and time to be upset, sad, or disappointed when things don’t go how they want. They are kids after all and they have much less experience at managing expectations than adults, despite 2020 giving them so many opportunities to do just that! 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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How do we cope when we feel like we are on a sinking ship?

10/17/2020

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I know that might feel like a dramatic title but from what I am seeing and feeling in the world, I’m sadly not sure it is that off base or dramatic. So many of the people, particularly parents of young children, feel like they are just drowning. Drowning in zooms, drowning in snuggles, drowning in needs, demands on their time and attention and love. The list just goes on and on. 
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We are also drowning in our emotions right now. I know the holidays coming up has brought up a new awareness of just how much we have had to give up or sacrifice for this pandemic and to try and protect ourselves and others. There are a lot of words for what we are feeling, pandemic fatigue, compassion fade, but most of us just feel plain exhausted and overwhelmed. And on the worst days, it’s hard to feel hopeful that we can get through this. 

Particularly for people with the most unsustainable situations. The parents who are juggling stay at home learning while also working from home. The parents of kids with special needs without the services they normally rely on for support. The teens and young adults who don’t know how long it will be until they can make more concrete future plans again. 

As a therapist, so much of what I see and am spending my sessions on are topics that are just not “easy.” And that’s in normal times!  But right now, during a pandemic, sessions are so often about big systemic challenges we are dealing with that just feel unsolvable. Inequity… the pandemic… how can we possibly change the world when we are so tired from our day to day lives to do anything else?

This is such a tough place to be right now and what I wanted to consider is a way to frame it differently. I think most of us recognize just how tough this is and have been using every possible coping skill to try and make it better somehow. However, I think that perhaps we aren’t really going to make it better. We are just going to endure and persist through this challenging time in our world. The analogy that I found myself reaching for this week in particular was that we are essentially all on sinking ships and we are just trying to plug as many of the holes as we can so that we can not sink before help arrives. 

You see, I don’t think it is realistic for our goal to be that we are going to be at pre-pandemic levels of happiness or joy or anything like that. I think we can hope for some days that are reasonably good and less days that are terrible. That seems like a doable and realistic expectation. And it’s also less overwhelming to think of the small things that we can do to fill our small holes causing our ships to sink. For me, I fill them with daily walks and gratitude practices, trying to stay present with my kiddo and new kittens, making lists of things to do but not being overly focused on doing them if I don’t have it in me, reading books for fun, and limiting my news and focus on the world. 

So, while I am not sure I have any real answers to the challenges we are facing, I propose that each of us may have within us some small answers to how we endure until we can actually solve more of these big picture problems. I think focusing each day on ways we can slowly stop our boat personally or our families boats from sinking might be a start!

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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