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8 Activities to Strengthen Your Parent-Child Relationship During Quarantine

4/17/2020

 
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​By Panicha McGuire, LMFT, RPT

By now you are probably running out of ideas of things to do with your child when you’ve been confined with each other for weeks.  Or, you’ve probably seen Frozen II for the 100th time.  Although we all hope to get back to normal soon, this may be a good opportunity for you to take a step back and practice becoming emotionally closer to one another.  These are some activities that will help elicit open dialogue with your child, help you learn more about each other’s likes/dislikes, and some are just plain fun.
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  1. Cook a meal or bake together- This can be quite relaxing for children who love to work with their hands.  Plus, you’ll get a reward at the end!  Making a meal together can be a bonding activity that will not only teach your child a life skill, but will help them feel a sense of accomplishment.
  2. Play dress up- Find out more about your child.  What goes on in their mind?  How creative are they?  How big is their imagination?
  3. Start a new hobby or take a fun online class together- Whether it’s knitting or learning to juggle, you’ll find tons of tutorials online.
  4. Karaoke night– You could even take turns with everyone picking a song!
  5. Play “Would you rather?”- Play a simple game of rock-paper-scissors.  The winner gets to ask the other a “would you rather” question.  Be sure to throw in some silly ones with some deeper ones.  Some examples:
    • Would you rather hiccup every time you spoke or sing every time you opened your mouth?
    • Would you rather always be right or always be loved?
    • Would you rather have three legs or three arms?
    • Would you rather solve all the world’s problems or be the richest person on Earth?
  6. Jenga- Write a feeling word on Jenga blocks.  You can talk about them or ask questions about the feelings such as “What happens when you feel __?”.  You can also mix in some fun questions.
  7. Family Bingo- Create a bingo card for some positive actions that you would like to see in the house.  Everyone can contribute when creating the bingo card.  Things like “Facetime Grandma” or “Learn a magic trick” can be added.  See who gets Bingo first!
  8. Have an indoor/backyard picnic – this is a great time to consider even breaking some family rules so if you don’t usually let your kids eat in the living room, maybe you have a picnic there!

Fun Tip - These activities can be parent(s) vs children which will help siblings’ bond and learn to work together!

As always, we at Thrive are here for parents and teens, particularly during this unprecedented time in our world. We want to help you make the most of the pandemic but also help you cope with it if you are struggling. Please make sure to balance any advice you are taking with a healthy dose of self-care and realistic expectations!

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Family Separation and Early Life Trauma

6/27/2018

 
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​By: Panicha McGuire, M.A. 

By now, you’ve probably heard about the children being separated from their families at the US-Mexico border. Just to be clear, there is no official Trump administration policy stating that families entering the U.S. without papers are to be separated. The “zero tolerance policy” is that all adults entering the U.S. illegally are to be criminally prosecuted; however, when these adults are sent before a judge to see if they will be deported or sent to federal jail, that’s when separation happens. So, while the parents await to see what happens to them, the “unaccompanied children” have to be dealt with.  Children are then separated and transferred to the Office of Refugee Resettlement (ORR) in the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). Most children do not have relatives already in the U.S. so they are placed in short-term shelters or foster families since criminal defendants don’t have a right to have their children with them in jail. 

Now politics aside, we cannot ignore that separating children from their parents has several psychological and even biological implications. Forced separation places children at a high risk for mental health issues. The trauma of being separated from their parents or family members only adds to the stressful experiences they have already endured in order to arrive at the border. The accumulated stress from these traumatic experiences disrupts their brain development, and the effects can unfortunately last a lifetime.

Parents are essential in fulfilling the child’s fundamental needs for early attachment, or parent-child bond. In my work with attachment, being deprived from parental care (even if children are placed in stable and loving families) can cause both short term and long term biological and psychological issues. This disruption in attachment creates a belief system that their parents are unreliable and that the world is unpredictable, which can become problematic. In the short-term, these children are at a higher risk for problems with sleep, impulsivity, emotion regulation, anxiety, and depression. The long-term implications are impaired cognitive functioning and social-emotional functioning, and the increased risk of developing mental health disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder, severe anxiety disorders, depression, and the list continues. The consequences of family separation are profound; so, if you are personally affected or would simply like to take action, please check out the resources below. 

Donating or Joining the Community
  • Young Center for Immigrant Children’s rights
  • Families Belong Together
  • Together Rising
  • Texas Civil Rights Project
  • Las Americas Immigrant Advocacy Center
  • Detained Migrant Solidarity Committee-Fianza Fund
Contacting your Elected Officials
  • Contact your Senators and Representatives to urge them to support the Keep Families Together Act(SB3036), a bill that would stop family separation. 
    • Call your members of Congress at 202-224-3121. There are a few pauses, but don’t hang up, wait for the audio recordings and follow the prompts to get connected. When connected, say you support SB 3036 and you are asking that they support it too.
    • Alternatively, you can also email your senators.
  • Here’s a script in case you do not know where to start.
Sign Petitions
  • https://www.petitions.moveon.org/sign/familiestogether?source=homepage
  • https://action.kamalaharris.org/sign/petition-180618-nielsen/?t=3&akid=73%2E176936%2ENRkXFy

​Note from Thrive Founder, Erica Wollerman: 
​While I usually try to avoid posting anything political on our website and Facebook page, since our practice is dedicated to supporting children, teens, parents, and families, I personally felt that the separation of children from their families was a topic we just could not ignore. At Thrive, we spend our time uniting families and working through communication issues, conflict, and difficulties connecting as well as childhood trauma at times. We are all concerned about the damage being caused to these children, teens, parents, and families and wanted to share not just our opinions, but information about why we are concerned as well as ways some of you can help. 

 

The Importance of Play

5/4/2018

 

​By: Panicha Sillapawatayanon, M.A. 

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Play is an important part of childhood. Play helps children develop cognitively, physically, socially, and emotionally. Children who play have healthy brain development. It’s through play that children learn to explore the world around them and start mastering challenges. And above all else, play is enjoyable!

Undirected play, or free play, gives children opportunities to learn new skills while moving at their own pace.  Free play allows children to use their creativity, develop their imagination, and encourages them to learn how to share with their peers and resolve their conflicts. Additionally, free play helps keep them active through physical activity! However, parent involvement is always encouraged! Parents who play with their children build relationships with them that are loving and engaging. Even when parents simply watch their children play they are able to take a peek into their children’s world. Parent supervision is needed when children are playing outside too. It’s important to note that true free play isn’t passive play such as video games, watching tv, or playing on the iPad.
 
Some examples of free play include:
  • Playing on the playground such as running around, climbing, swinging
  • Physical activity such as sports or playing tag
  • Creative arts (drawing, coloring, painting)
  • Pretend play such as dressing up, role playing, building forts
Currently, school children are given less free time for play, creative arts, and physical activities as schools try to put efforts on academic preparation. Many marketed messages in the media target parents claiming that good parents have to enroll their children in every opportunity so they can excel and prepare for the future. As a result, many parents spend their time transporting their children to multiple organized activities such as specialized gyms, after-school enrichment programs, and extra-curricular classes.  These organized activities do have many benefits for children; however, when children become “overscheduled” and start to live a “hurried lifestyle”, it can cause anxiety or increased stress.  

Overscheduled children have less high-quality family time and are unable to receive the benefits of free play that would help protect them against the effects of stress. Ultimately, every family is different so parents can decide on the appropriate amount of scheduled activities that suit their family.  But in my experience, many parents feel as though they can’t slow down or their children will fall behind. Some also worry that they won’t be good parents if they don’t match up to what the other parents are doing. Consider finding a good balance for your family between living (playing) in the moment and preparing for their future. Every child has different needs, so it’s likely that your family’s balance will look different from others. 
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What if my children are bored? 
It seems that in our culture, we’re used to moving at a quick pace. We’re always looking for “what to do next?”. Children need to grow comfortable with silence and become bored sometimes. Feeling bored is a great opportunity for them to develop creativity! Avoid filling their free time with screen entertainment, and you’ll see how imaginative and creative they can become. It’s okay to say no to your children instead of feeling you have to go the extra mile or they will suffer or be deprived. Children will have plenty of time to be stressed and overscheduled as adults!

If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to them by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.


10 Activities to Build Attachment

3/15/2018

 
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By: Panicha Sillapawatayanon, M.A. 

When our children are babies, we play with them by cooing, bouncing them on our knees, or playing peek-a-boo. These interactions help babies gain trust, security, and joy, as they learn to connect with their caregivers. But when life moves forward and our children grow older, it’s easy for us to get caught up by the stress of work, financial difficulties, illnesses, or any of life’s challenges that we forget to maintain our connection with them.  And of course, your child might want to play with you when you least feel like playing with them! Attachment play is a wonderful resource for building a connection, and only 20-30 minutes of playtime a day could help you restore your connection with your child. Research studies have supported the effectiveness of attachment activities in helping children with emotional and behavioral problems—though attachment play can benefit everyone.
It is never too late to engage your children in this type of play.  A major advantage of attachment-based play is that it does not require any special toys or materials. You can use what you already have at home (pillows, dolls, and even cotton balls!). You can also play with your child anywhere and anytime, whether it is on the playground or in your car.  And if you have more children in your home, you can involve them too! 

Here are some attachment activities I recommend to strengthen your connection to your child (these work best with children 3 and up!)
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  1. Painting faces - No, not real paint (unless you want to!). Use baby lotion or baby powder (or even pretend) and paint each other’s faces.  This activity also helps with their fine motor skills.
  2. Build a tunnel - Two caregivers form a tunnel with their arms then have your child/children crawl through the tunnel as fast as they can before it collapses. Give them a big hug when the bridge collapses!
  3. Play catch - Rolling a ball back and forth may be easier for little ones. This also teaches them reciprocity!
  4. Snack time - You can use cheerios, baby cereal, or m&m’s to feed your child with your hand. Maybe even throw in some airplanes or ABC’s with each one you pop in their mouth.
  5. Weather forecast - This works for older children as well. Have your child face away from you while you give them a weather forecast by drawing the sun, sky, clouds, wind, etc. on their back.
  6. Cotton ball - Use a regular cotton ball and a dab of lotion to stick the cotton ball anywhere on your face or your child’s face. Take turns trying to blow the cotton ball off. Or maybe even continue sticking the cotton ball to your faces and see how long it’ll take for it to fall off!
  7. Pillow ride - Be ready for a wild ride! Have your child sit on a big pillow as you drag them around the room. Only move when they make eye contact with you.
  8. Popping bubbles - Blow bubbles in front of your child and help them pop the bubbles with their hands, fingers, or even toes (or nose!). Help them practice their listening skills by giving instructions like “Pop it with your pinky” or “Use your nose”.
  9. Blanket swing - Place your child in a blanket, hold on to one end, and have another adult hold the other end to give the child a gentle swing while singing your favorite tunes.
  10. Slippery arms - Have your child face you, put lotion on your hands and grab their arms. It’ll be so slippery sometimes you’ll fall backwards. They’ll get a good laugh out of this one!
Set aside dedicated time to try these attachment-building activities with your child and see the different ways they can interact with you. At Thrive Therapy Studio, I help parents connect with their children through attachment-based play therapy by using a variety of interactive activities in session. Whether you would like to restore your connection with your child, build a connection between siblings, or just increase your knowledge on the therapeutic benefits of attachment play, I’m here to help!

If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. 

How do I stop "Helicopter Parenting" and Why Would I?

11/6/2017

 
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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman
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 Oh, helicopter parenting. What a divisive and polarizing term!  Some parents are proud to call themselves helicopter parents, well, many say that they are “involved” or “not lazy parents,” while others are adamant that they are not helicopter parents. What does this term even mean?  And is it really as much of a problem as some people think?
 
Rather than try to exactly define the idea of “helicopter” parenting, I’d rather give an example (completely fictional of course). Anna is the parent of two amazing kids who are in elementary school. Her belief as a parent is that it is her job to protect her kids from any kind of problem, harm, or damage that could come their way. Towards this goal, she spends a lot of her time fixing their problems. Here are a few examples of what that might look like:
  • If they forget their homework, lunch, permission slip – she will rush to the school to bring it to them
  • If they are in a fight with a friend, she always talks to the friends’ parent to help mediate the situation
  • Rather than let them turn in homework that might not be their best work, she will at times help them to the point that she is doing the homework for them
 
Hopefully you get the idea! A big reason that I am writing about this today is that I find parents are often confused about how much to help their kids and how much to let them figure things out on their own. A lot of this debate comes down to how we perceive our roles as parents as well as how much of our child’s discomfort we are willing to tolerate as parents.
 
I believe that our job as parents is to prepare our children to be as resilient, resourceful, and capable as possible before they enter the world as adults. I have pretty much no doubt that most parents want this outcome for their children. However, I notice that parents also tell me that they just want their child to be “happy.” Interestingly, as a child and teen psychologist, your child’s happiness is not my first priority. This is partially because I don’t think happiness is in itself a goal, it is the byproduct of achieving other goals, plus I am more concerned about how your child handles failure, disappointment, and difficult feelings. How your child copes with adversity is far more telling with regards to how they are doing emotionally rather than their happiness at any given time. The other part of this for me is that I believe all emotions are necessary and important and that it is entirely unrealistic to focus so much on happiness.​ (If you want to read my previous blog about the happiness obsession, feel free to check it out here!).
 
In order to help our children be resilient, resourceful, and capable, we as parents have to give them opportunities to fall down, struggle, and completely screw something up so that they can learn that they can figure things out and get through tough times. Unfortunately, helicopter parenting does not allow our children these opportunities because parents so often swoop in and save their children from their consequences or from even making mistakes in the first place. The hard truth is that rather than preventing adversity, we need to let them cope with adversity so that they know they can and will have the confidence to face the world!  Plus, as an added bonus, if you do this earlier in their lives (in age appropriate ways of course), they are more likely to be successful when they do venture out into the world for college or a job as an adult. 
 
So, let’s say that I have talked you into reducing your helicopter ways. How do you do that? It can be really difficult to know how and when to pull back supports, especially if you have set up a pattern of ongoing, constant support. Here are some questions to help guide you in making decisions about pulling back supports:
  • Is your child/teen capable of figuring this out on their own?  * If your first instinct is to say absolutely not, remember to consider if this is your fear talking or coming from your own need to be needed. As a result of fear and our own needs, parents often underestimate their child or teen’s ability to handle problems.
  • What would they do if you were not available?
  • If you let them live with their mistake rather than fix it for them, will they learn a valuable life lesson?
  • Can you work with them on finding a solution and then both work together to solve the problem, rather than you just taking care of it entirely?
 
I hope these questions help guide some of you in pulling back your support. Just keep in mind, I am not advocating for you to be cold, distant, or unloving in any way. Love your kid fiercely and tell them you are here for them but that you believe they can figure out a way to solve the problem. Just like if you were their math tutor and would hopefully not just give them difficult answers, but have them try to figure it out and then give suggestions as needed.
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy or parenting sessions with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. 

Introduction to Therapy Series: 6 Reasons you should bring your child/teen to therapy:

10/9/2017

 
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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 

Making the decision to start therapy for your child or teen is usually a pretty difficult one for parents riddled with concerns about a variety of things… Does this mean something is “wrong” with my child?  Will my child think something is wrong with them? Are they just going to complain about me?  Will therapy even help them with the things I want it to help them with?  And the list goes on, and on, and on! 
 
As a child/teen therapist, I get these questions a lot and while I understand where the questions come from and the concerns parents have, I as a therapist am also, unsurprisingly, pretty pro-therapy. I believe that any and all of us can benefit from therapy and that going to therapy does not mean that anything is necessarily “wrong” with us or with our lives. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore ourselves, our lives, our reactions, and can provide us with a supportive person to walk with us through life’s challenges. I also think that children and teens respond particularly well to having an unbiased adult in their lives who can talk through situations and challenges in a way that parents, coaches, and teachers just can’t. So, I generally think that anytime is a good time to start therapy, but I thought a nice list of reasons to start might help parents make this decision!
 
  1. Your child is experiencing symptoms that are starting to interfere with their life: This is very important – if your child is having symptoms of depression, anxiety, social skills issues, or behavioral issues that seem to be increasing and impacting your family more, that do not resolve within a week or so, an initial appointment with a therapist is definitely a good idea. Often, I find that parents struggle so much with the decision of bringing their child to therapy that they wait far longer than I would recommend. So, sooner is better than later in my eyes!
  2. Your child or teen has experienced a significant loss or challenge. Therapy can be particularly helpful following a move, divorce, death of a significant person, or just a challenging time perhaps transitioning to a new school, grade, or family situation. Even if it is a short term experience just to make sure your child or teen is coping well, I would say all of these events are a great reason to bring your child or teen to therapy.
  3. Your child or teen struggles to talk to you about challenges in their life. If you have a child who is either just not very verbal or who shuts down in response to difficult conversations with you, it’s a great idea to get them in therapy so that they can work on sharing and exploring their thoughts and feelings as well as learn how to have difficult conversations! 
  4. 4.You believe your child does not fit in socially or is being bullied or bullying others. Kids who struggle socially or who are bullied or doing the bullying often will benefit from extra support. Considering that our social interactions are a huge part of our lives, it can be so tough for kids who feel that they do not fit in or who are being mistreated. Unfortunately, these issues place children and teens at greater risk of developing depression or anxiety in the future so it is important to support them before those issues develop.
  5. 5.Your child has a diagnosis or an IEP. If your child has a medical diagnosis or challenge going on, they will likely benefit from additional support. Additionally, if your child is diagnosed with a learning disorder, has an IEP for supports at school, or is diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder such as Autism, ADHD, Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, etc., providing them with the support of therapy can be so helpful. Children and teens who feel different for any reason greatly benefit from having outside supports where they can be themselves and work on developing coping skills to manage their challenges.
  6. 6.You have thought about how your child might benefit from therapy more than a couple of times. If you are spending a lot of time considering IF you should bring your child/teen to therapy, just go ahead and bring them in. Even if you are not sure why you are thinking it would be helpful, there is something that you are picking up on as a parent that I think you need to trust!  Trust your gut and call for an intake… In my experience, sometimes parents do not know exactly what is “wrong” but get the sense that something is going on with their child/teen that they do not know about. In these situations, it is always better to be overly cautious than not provide support that could have been beneficial! 
 
As I mentioned previously, as a therapist, I am definitely pro-therapy as you may have noticed through this blog!  I will always recommend that it is better to call in and talk with a therapist about your family, child, or teen and see if they think therapy could be beneficial, rather than wait and let problems or challenges manifest into more problems or challenges. However, it is important to note that at my office, we are conservative in diagnosing children and teens (meaning we do not jump quickly to labeling and diagnosing unless those diagnoses are truly warranted) and that we will let you know if we feel your child or teen does not need services. So, just because you make the call as a parent, does not mean that you are signing your child or teen up for a lifetime of therapy!!
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 

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Thrive Therapy Studio
5230 Carroll Canyon Rd. Ste 110
​San Diego, CA 92121
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Thrive Therapy Studio Therapists Offer Child, Teen, Adult, Marriage and Family Psychotherapy Counseling Services in San Diego, California.
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