Child, Teen and Adult Psychotherapy Services in San Diego
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Why was August so awful for so many people?

9/11/2020

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While the past 5-6 months of living through a pandemic have certainly not been enjoyable for most of us, it seems like August was a TOUGH month for many people. In the beginning of this crisis, it seemed like different people were struggling with different things. Single or young people were struggling with the social isolation and boredom of staying home so much. Parents were struggling with the sheer magnitude of tasks facing them with having their kids all home. Working parents were just frantically trying to get anything done at any time of the day. 

August though was different and as someone who works with and talks to people in so many different situations, it was interesting that my clients, friends, colleagues, family, and even myself were having such a universal parallel experience of August being an extremely difficult month to get through. It seems that most of us hit a “pandemic wall” and just had some period of time where we just couldn’t face our reality. The reality being that it became super clear that we are going to be in this for a LONG TIME. Especially here in San Diego, once schools started announcing the change to all virtual learning in the fall, it was like a domino effect of families sharing just how hard this is for them. 

I think that while many of us, myself included, saw the writing on the wall a while ago and realized that this situation is not ending anytime soon - it didn’t become truly real until these announcements and the ripple effect of realizing we are going into fall and flu season with a barely controlled virus already circulating. For me at least, it was like the cumulative pressure, stress, sadness, despair, grief, frustration, and every other feeling I have had for the past 5 months just bubbled up all at once and overwhelmed me and led to a feeling of deep weariness. There was even a day or two where it just felt kind of hopeless. I remember thinking, if this is how I feel, as a therapist who can usually manage my emotions pretty well at this point, how is everyone going to get through this! 

I also remember then seeing my pain mirrored in everyone’s faces for weeks and noticing that almost everyone I talk to had at least one period of time in August that was a significant low or change from their usual. This led me to think… What happened in August?  Here are some of my thoughts and a few ideas of how we can cope. 


  • The adrenaline ran out.. I think we collectively just kind of ran out of gas. I think the initial few months of the pandemic were just pure panic mode for many people and then summer was a bit more relaxed. Now, we have just run out of speed to do any of the things fall might require particularly online learning and school for families and kids. For those where it did not go well in the Spring with online learning, families seemed to start feeling just one big sense of dread and anxiety waiting for this to start again. 
    • How can we cope? I’ve been encouraging families in this situation to work on coming up with a plan together as a family to work on the things that were tough before to make them better. If your family struggled to reduce screen time, come up with realistic goals and other activities together now so that it might be an easier sell for all of you when it gets tough in the fall. 

  • Grief… I think that summer gave some people a bit of a reprieve from their usual challenges. Whether it’s because of time off, vacations they managed to still take, or just enjoying the weather and beach days - summer gave a sense of relief and normalcy for some. I think that sadly though, this also brings up grief related to the fall and what we would “usually” be doing. Preparing for school in person, picking out clothes, preparing for holiday trips, etc. And due to the severity of the pandemic, a lot of this feels uncertain and difficult to plan around. 
    • How can we cope? What we can do is allow ourselves to feel our grief and to notice that we are grieving our usual routines and rituals that come up during different times of the year. It’s okay to notice that we are sad that our lives have changed so much. In that, none of us are alone as this is something everyone is feeling right now. 

  • We are missing a future to look forward to… While it is smart not to plan too much right now in a world where so much has changed so quickly, this leaves us all without much to look forward to. I think many people are often working towards future goals or fun vacations and spending so much of our lives on pause has been difficult. While I am a believer in learning how to enjoy the moments and the small things in life, it is easier said than done!  
    • How can we cope? I know one way we are coping with this is by having a family plan about what we want to do when it is safe to do things again. For us, it’s definitely going to be some sort of vacation. Another way I personally cope with this is by making a gratitude list every day of 10 things. I list 10 because that way I have to come up with more than just a few and it takes me a bit more time reflecting to do so. This hopefully helps shift my mindset towards gratitude and away from belaboring my challenges. 

Just like any hard thing in life, this pandemic feels like it is challenging all of us to learn more about ourselves, our worlds, our families, and how we get through hard things. I believe that the more we can try to lean in to the discomfort and find some kind of learning or positive experience in this mess, the better we will all be when we come out of this! Hopefully this blog helped some of you consider ways to take our struggles and cope a bit more effectively with them. While the pandemic will go away (it really will!), our struggles as humans will not. So coping is our only path forward! 
​At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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How do we know when enough is enough?

8/28/2020

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As a recovering perfectionist, it can be tough for me to assess when I think I am meeting my own goals and when enough is enough in my life. This is something that I have learned to balance and work through during normal life but I have noticed that this has been a much bigger challenge during the Covid19 pandemic. I have noticed this for myself as well as almost across the board for my clients who also struggle with perfectionism. 

While we can always theoretically, in our heads, understand that yes, we are living in a pandemic and that it is REALLY HARD; it seems to be a whole other thing to figure out what is actually realistic to expect of ourselves or even others right now. 

There also seems to be a competing push-pull kind of dynamic within me lately where there is part of me that is like, let’s take this opportunity to relax and just slow our lives down and enjoy the simpler things. Then there is a whole other side that is like, “that is total BS and I want to do ALL the things and if ALL the things aren’t possible, I want to at least do everything that I am ABLE to do right now. I want to bake, and garden, and decorate my house, and work on work projects, and home projects, and accomplish every health goal I have ever had - oh and spend as much quality time with my family as possible!” 

Wait, does that side sound a bit unhinged and out of touch with reality?  It certainly does when you write it out and consider just how much stress many of us are enduring right now given the state of our world. It seems obvious in this moment that it is unrealistic to expect that much of myself given the fact that life is so much simpler but also more complicated these days. 

Decisions have become exponentially more complicated due to all the variables we need to consider. When doing something, we have to now consider our safety and possible risk in addition to all the variables we used to consider like time, resources, finances, desires and interest in doing things. Our cost/benefit analyses of situations have gotten more complicated along with our decisions.  

After over 5 months of living like this, I think most of us are worn out from how tiring and overwhelming this new reality is… I think that part of why we want to accomplish ALL of the things is so that we can live more in a space of doing rather than being. The truth is, it’s hard to just BE right now because to do that we likely need to feel a lot of the feelings that doing helps us avoid. It’s really painful to grieve our lives in such a dramatic way and sit with the pain of knowing that this situation does not seem to be getting any better anytime soon and is so dramatically impacting so many people much more seriously than many of us. 

The sadness, grief, and feelings of despair can be overwhelming for many of us. And for some of us, we respond by making dramatic to-do lists of all the things we should do. I think that as long as we are being kind, compassionate, and realistic with ourselves and our expectations and can hold space for the fact that that just might be unrealistic and need to be revised, this might be an okay strategy to get through this time. If we are struggling with being kind to ourselves and changing up our plans when we need to, we might need to take some time to lean into those feelings and let them have some space for a minute so that we can figure out what is going on and what we need to get through this. 

Even more so lately, life seems to be a delicate balance between finding motivation and energy for the future and our goals but also letting ourselves enjoy the moments we do have now and resting or finding something to do that is rejuvenating to our spirits and emotions. Just like everything else, this is more complicated than it used to be as there are more variables to consider. It is however, a worthwhile and important process to engage in to help us cope as best we can with a very difficult and uncertain future. 

If you or your loved ones need more support during this time, we are accepting new clients at Thrive via telehealth and work with clients of all ages!  Contact us today for more information about individual or group therapy sessions!

​At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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7 Tips for Parenting Teens During a Pandemic

3/29/2020

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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

 
Well, here we are facing yet another week of social distancing and living with the challenge of parenting during a pandemic!  As many other writers have also commented on, this is a time where we are all likely to have a variety of reactions but most likely we are also feeling exhausted. Exhausted with the daily changes we ae having to make and the dramatic impact staying home, often with our entire family, is having on our emotional health. The reason for this is because we are all experiencing collective trauma and anxiety from the fears we have for our world, ourselves, our families, as well as grief related to what was and what we are unsure about for the future. Most of us have not experienced a struggle like this in our world, especially one without an end date.
 
I have to say, this is hard. It’s hard for all of us and it seems to be impacting people in such a variety of ways that I thought it might be helpful to share a bit about what I feel might help our teens and the parents of teens get through this.
 
As I have mentioned in past blogs about the Covid-19 pandemic, we need to come to a place where we can embrace this new reality so that we can learn to cope with it. Unfortunately, our teens may struggle with this even more than we do at times. I can tell you, a cooped up and isolated teen is not a fun person to spend time with. Here are some ideas specifically to help parents with teens at home who are practicing social distancing.
 
  • Manage your expectations- they are grappling with a lot right now, just like the rest of us. We need to expect a period of transition for them rather than instantly being okay with this life and world we find ourselves in. Teens who already experienced depression, anxiety, or other challenges might even struggle more. Piling on ideas of all the things you think they should do right now is unlikely to help. Please manage your expectations and expect them to need some time to adjust and to grieve as well.
 
  • Allow some grace and time to adjust – I think this is good advice for anyone right now. Let’s all give ourselves and our loved ones some grace and allow ourselves to not be perfect in how we deal with this. Would it be great if we could all take this pandemic in stride, sure. Would it be even better if our teens would focus on improving themselves or working on the things they still need to do for their futures, of course. However, all of our adjustment and emotional well-being is more important than any of that right now. Let’s all try to take a minute to remember that we are all in this pandemic for the first time and we truly are all in this together. It is going to be hard to do this when we are all tired, frustrated, and struggling to be home so much but it is important to at least try for some grace and compassion.
 
  • Give them space - your teen is likely grieving their life right now too. They’re sad about all the things they wanted and planned to do and might not be ready to engage more with your family. Remember, they do not have the same perspective about challenges that we do and likely feel scared that they will actually never see their friends again. We are feeling this way even though we have years of experiences handling challenges. They don’t and are going to struggle so allow them some space to breathe if they need it.
 
  • Comfort and support- if your teen is scared and worried, be there with them. I would avoid platitudes and engage them on a deeper level. Yes, this is scary and uncharted ground. It will most likely change our world. This is how I deal with that - I focus on what could happen that would be good while acknowledging the fears about the terrible possibilities. I choose to take care of myself during this time and don’t just stop my life. It’s all about balance and learning to balance when to pause and breathe for self-care and when to take action and keep going. This is a perfect time to help them learn some of these strategies of grit and resilience.  
 
  • Compassion – Let’s all work on being compassionate about the things everyone is sad about and grieving the loss of… It is truly okay to feel disappointed that our plans are being impacted and that we can no longer orient around the future being something we are entirely in control of. We don’t know how long we will all be home and that is truly a difficult new reality for most of us. For our teens, this can feel like FOREVER and so disappointing that events they have planned for and looked forward to are likely not going to happen (prom, spring breaks, summer trips, plans with friends, etc.). This is going to be so difficult for them and it is important that we show them compassion rather than judgment. Yes, these things might be considered “first world problems,” and I get that people are literally dying around the world, but it is also okay for our teens to be sad that their lives are changing. We all are sad about that so let’s try to hold space for our feelings and our kids’ feelings. This is a tough time for everyone and judgment is not helpful during difficult moments.
 
  • Model what you’d like to see - try to show them how a person can both be scared and uncertain, feeling those feelings but still continuing to function. Let’s show them what resilience looks like - acknowledging our feelings, feeling them, but we don’t live IN them. We can move through them and navigate what life is like now. Our teens will do better if we model this for them too.
 
  • Therapy- if your teen is struggling, help them continue or start therapy. Most teens are more receptive to advice from other adults than their parents so this is a perfect time to enlist a therapist’s help so that we can support their coping and help them gain some perspective.
 
I hope this is helpful for our readers right now!  As always, my goal is to be a calming and helpful voice in the storm that can be parenting and my office is here to help for those who would like to talk more about parenting or who would like support for their teens. We are accepting new clients for video therapy sessions today!

Click here to download our Free Guide that goes along with this Blog! 

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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The Problem with Rescuing Your Kids

6/5/2019

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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

As a therapist who specializes in working with kids, teens, parents, and families, I have noticed a growing and very concerning trend in my work. So many of the kids, teens, and even young adults that I work with are struggling with anxiety, crippling perfectionism, and so much self doubt that they struggle to do things they desperately want to be doing. At the root of so much of this are feelings of incompetence and a huge fear of failure. 
 
I have been contemplating this challenge and recent parenting trends and have noticed that this happens more in the families I work with where parents seem to be struggling to let their kids deal with things on their own. Unfortunately, these parents get kind of a bad rap as “helicopter” parents when in fact, they are parents who are simply struggling to know when it is appropriate to let their kid/teen/young adult fail or struggle through something. And the root of this struggle is usually so much love for their little one (who may not be so little anymore) as well as overwhelming fear about what might happen for their kid/teen/young adult if they do not participate so heavily in their lives. 
 
This fear is one most parents know well. What if they don’t get into a good college?  What if they make choices that screw up their whole life? What if they do something I can’t help them undo?  What if they can’t get a good job? And the list just goes on and on. As a result (I believe), we are overdoing it in the parenting department. We are rescuing our kids way too much and then we come to find that our kids seem to need to be rescued.  Weird huh. 
 
When you look at what happens and what a person will think if they are being rescued from situations, it starts to make sense. When we rescue a person from a situation that they are either capable of handling on their own or almost capable of handling on their own, the message we are giving them is not one of their own ability but one of their need for us to handle things for them. We teach them that they need us and that they can’t do these things on their own. We teach them to ask for help before they need it, before problem solving on their own, and to at all costs avoid struggling with something. 
 
Instead, we need to give our kids the following kinds of messages by verbalizing them as well as by our actions in letting them handle most problems on their own: 
 
  • “I know you are struggling but you are also resourceful and able to figure things out on your own”
  • “I’m here to help but I can’t solve this problem for you”
  • “I have faith that you can figure this out” 
  • “No matter what happens, we will figure this out together but you need to take some steps at solving the problem first”
  • “I know it’s hard, but you can do hard things” 
 
I could go on and on but I won’t. The point is that we definitely need to help when it is needed. But we are so often confused about when it is needed that we are rescuing way too often, which is not helping our kids/teens/young adults develop into the independent and capable people that we know they are meant to be.  I encourage you to trust yourself as a parent and trust your “little one,” however old they may be, that they can figure things out and will benefit from a little struggle and failure along the way. Just like most of us did on our way to becoming independent adults. 
 
 At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
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Parenting and Anxiety Blog Series (Part 3)

3/7/2019

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The Dark Side of Parenting Anxiously
​By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 

For our final blog in this series, I would like to continue expanding our discussion of anxiety and parenting to explore what happens when we parent in such an anxious and possibly controlling way. As noted in the previous blogs in this series (check them out here and here if you missed them!), modern parents receive an overwhelming amount of information about parenting and this information combined with the belief that we control our child’s fate leads many parents to feel very anxious about parenting. When you combine parents who feel pretty anxious about parenting with the idea that we can curate our children to be different, it is my observation that this can lead to parents being very controlling and micro-managing of their children’s lives and choices. 
 
I can completely relate to why parents want to control their children’s lives. Modern culture tells us, pretty much daily, that the world out there is scary, more competitive than ever, and that resources are scarce. Parents genuinely care about and love their children and just want to give them the very best chance to be successful in this world. So, they often work very hard to help them develop all the skills they might need to be successful and accidentally avoid having their child learn tough lessons along the way. What starts as bringing a forgotten lunch to school becomes bringing homework, which then can even become doing homework. Even worse is that as kids get older, doing homework can become applying to college for them or even applying to jobs for them. 
 
One challenge I see is that we don’t really want to accept that we actually have very little control over our own lives, let alone our kids’ lives and futures. We love to believe we can make sure our kids will be okay and the truth is, we can’t. There are no guarantees in this world and I find this to be something incredibly difficult for many people to accept, especially when it comes to the wellbeing of their children. 
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Underneath this hope that we as parents can “curate” our child to be all the kinds of success we hope for, is a more subtle form of avoidance. Essentially, by believing we are responsible for everything our child will do in their lives, we avoid feeling anxious about their outcomes. Control is often a mechanism of anxiety management and relinquishing control and acknowledging just how little we do control in our lives, especially as parents, is incredibly uncomfortable.
 
Another challenge is that if we let our children grow accustomed to us rescuing them all the time, they don’t learn how to rescue themselves and as time goes on, the potential consequences get much bigger and more problematic. A forgotten lunch is a pretty easy problem to solve but getting kicked out of college is pretty tough to recover from. This is why I often advocate for parents starting early with setting boundaries and helping their child(ren) learn to tolerate, face, embrace, and recover from failures they may experience. We can support them along the way, but we need to do better at letting them find their own solutions. 
 
So where does this leave us?  As parents, I think it is important to recognize our own experience and notice if we are feeling anxious about our child’s future and how that might impact our parenting approach. We need to consider what our child’s needs actually are and how we can help them develop more skills and resilience without obsessing about it and feeling that it is our responsibility.We can stop taking all the accountability for how our child’s lives turn out and let them make more choices that lead to different outcomes, positive and negative. Most of all though, we can learn to surrender to the uncertainty of parenting and our world and accept that while we can’t control a lot, we can always work to control how we handle things and react. 
 

Parenting Tip of the Day:  Accept that we can’t control how things turn out for our kids. Control less. Let them develop more on their own and stop having them be the gage of our successes or failures. 
 
Thank you for reading our Blog Series on Parents and Anxiety!  I hope you enjoyed it! 
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At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
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Parenting and Anxiety Blog Series (Part 2)

3/1/2019

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The Curated Child
By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 

As discussed last week in our first blog of our Parents and Anxiety Blog series (check it out here if you missed it!), one reason why I believe that parents are much more anxious parenting in our modern world is that we have so much advice and opinions about how to raise our child(ren). Not only do we not have strong foundations of a more central “American” parenting style that we all can believe in, we have what seems like millions of books, blogs, and opinions out there. 
 
For this blog, I wanted to talk about another effect of all of these opinions. Many of these books and articles give the message that if parents just did “x”, their kid would turn out a certain way. For example, if you just phrase your praise correctly, your child will be internally motivated towards rewards. I think the challenge of this is twofold. One, parents have the pressure of feeling that everything that happens for their child is completely under their control as parents. Two, we genuinely seem to believe that we can curate our child. We can decide that there are qualities we want them to have and then almost force them to have them by our own actions and choices. 
 
While I think a lot of this advice is well intentioned and probably extremely helpful, in our competitive world of child rearing, it is also only increasing a sense of anxiety and sense of guilt when things don’t turn out how we had hoped. For example, some children struggle with frustration tolerance and grit even though their parents are doing and saying all the “right” things to help them develop these traits. I meet with parents who are often doing “all the right” things and their children still struggle. Unfortunately, this leads parents to feel a lot of guilt and often, shame, around their child, parenting, and identity as a parent.
 
The challenge here is that the advice we are getting is usually very general advice that completely ignores the nature component of the nature v. nurture debate. And while as a therapist, I do believe that nurture is very clearly important, I also believe that it is not everything. The way our children are wired really does matter and lead them to make different choices. For example, some children learn well by being told information. Many others just seem to need to learn by doing themselves, or the “hard way” as some adults would call it. All of our personality traits that make us who we are impact our later choices and sometimes, no amount of parenting differently is going to affect that course. 
 
I wanted to discuss this today not because I want to tell parents to stop trying to help their children develop different traits. I want to instead reduce the pressure that the parents might feel to have their children be the gage or report card of their parenting successes. I meet with amazing parents all the time who have children who are struggling. I fundamentally believe that a parent’s success cannot be judged by their children’s success. 


Parenting Tip of the Day: We need to judge our parenting choices by our own views of how we feel we responded to our children and by how well we followed our own personal and family morals and values – not by our child’s outcomes or successes.  
 
Check out more in our final Parents and Anxiety Blog Post next week!  Thanks for reading! 

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
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Parenting and Anxiety Blog Series (Part 1)

2/20/2019

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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 
I recently gave a presentation at a local private school about parenting children with anxiety. As a result, I reflected a lot on not only why our kids and teens are so anxious and stressed, but why we as parents are so anxious and stressed!  I believe that it is a combination of factors and plan to discuss the different elements that I see in this blog series about Parents and Anxiety. The first element I’d like to explore is that we have a lack of central, agreed upon parenting beliefs in our culture. 
 
As Americans, we don’t seem to have any sense of what parenting approach really works best overall. We have so much advice and differing opinions that it really is overwhelming. This has always been a concern of mine, particularly after living in France as a nanny when I was younger where they definitely have more central beliefs that people use to guide their parenting. However, as a new mom myself, this has become so much more apparent. I still remember feeling overwhelmed with questions and uncertainty (and honestly still am at times). I would have a running thought process in my head that sounded like this… Am I going to be an attachment parent? Do I believe in “crying it out?”  What will people think if I don’t attend to my child’s every need? What will they think if I DO tend to every need?  Am I encouraging this behavior?  Is it all my fault? Am I a bad mom if I do it this way? And the list just could go on and on and on of questions and thoughts I have had. 
 
Interestingly enough, as a parent consultant, I routinely work with parents on their parenting approaches and helping them match their parenting style to their child’s personality for a best fit approach. In my professional life, I’ve read tons of parenting books and still felt like I should buy more, read more, and do more for my own son and parenting experience. I’ve always been a perfectionist but parenting my newborn seemed to really take it to a higher level of anxiety. The saving grace for me was that I had the experience working with parents and families for years to know that I was not alone in this experience. 
 
So many of us don’t talk about this anxiety and our fears about our parenting to others though. We keep it in and then continually compare ourselves to everyone else. And we compare our messy lives and mistakes to everyone else’s Instagram or Facebook or Pinterest worthy posts and lives, not what is actually happening for them. And the truth is, none of our daily realities will ever measure up to everyone else’s curated posts! 
 
I believe that parents are really struggling with anxiety rooted in the overwhelming amount of parenting opinions and information out there. And while I do blog about parenting myself, I recognize just how many voices are out there now especially with our Facebook feeds carefully tuned in for us to read more and more and more articles about just how we should parent so that our kids turn out okay. While I think a lot of the advice we can get is truly wonderful, we need to recognize that it is not one size fits all in parenting, especially American parenting. 
 
I think that instead of reaching out for advice, we need to get really curious and seek more understanding in our families. We need to try to understand our child(ren), co-parent(s) (if we have one/or many), family dynamics, and ourselves so that we can customize our parenting approach to work as well as possible for everyone involved. This way we can parent in a way that feels right to us and feels like it might work for our children, rather than follow what other people are doing and what every parenting expert recommends. Research shows that we simply need to try to have a good fit between ourselves and our children in our families for them to thrive.  Looking inward at ourselves and our children is the way to determine how to improve the fit for all of us. 

​So my parenting tip today is to work on asking yourself first what works best for your kid and for you… and then trying to find advice that matches your family. 
 
Check out more in our second post of the Parents and Anxiety Blog Series next week!  Thanks for reading! ​
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
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Coping with Holiday Anxiety

11/28/2018

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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

 Anxiety is a tough thing to experience during our usual schedules and lives, let alone during the high pressure and expectations of the holidays!  The gift giving and receiving, pressure to make everything Pinterest Perfect, and family get togethers that are sometimes anything but jolly – is a recipe for increased anxiety and stress for all of us!  So, in preparation for the festive holiday season, I thought it might be helpful to go through some ideas of ways to help manage stress this holiday season, particularly if you are a parent with anxiety. 
 
  1. Let some things go…  I mean this in so many ways. Try to let go of your expectations of yourself and others but also let go of things that cause stress or even financial debt. Maybe make a list of all of the things you feel you need to do and events you need to attend and make sure the things you commit to are truly most important to you. 
  2. Focus on what matters to you and your family… What are your favorite holiday traditions and things you want to focus on this year? Often, we end up with a list of 10000 things we think we need to do, make, etc. but try to focus on just the top 5 things that are important to you or your kids. 
  3. Slow down… Find some time to just slow down this holiday season. Schedule in some high quality family time where you just relax together and play some board games or watch a movie. Not everything you do is going to be Instagram worthy and that is okay! 
 
I know these tips are a bit easier to write than they are to do for many of us. I believe that the more we as parents can get in touch with our values and what is most important to us, the more we can slow down and do things that really matter. Plus, the more we are likely to enjoy them which means our whole family will be happier!   
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 
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The Importance of Play

5/4/2018

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​By: Panicha Sillapawatayanon, M.A. 

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Play is an important part of childhood. Play helps children develop cognitively, physically, socially, and emotionally. Children who play have healthy brain development. It’s through play that children learn to explore the world around them and start mastering challenges. And above all else, play is enjoyable!

Undirected play, or free play, gives children opportunities to learn new skills while moving at their own pace.  Free play allows children to use their creativity, develop their imagination, and encourages them to learn how to share with their peers and resolve their conflicts. Additionally, free play helps keep them active through physical activity! However, parent involvement is always encouraged! Parents who play with their children build relationships with them that are loving and engaging. Even when parents simply watch their children play they are able to take a peek into their children’s world. Parent supervision is needed when children are playing outside too. It’s important to note that true free play isn’t passive play such as video games, watching tv, or playing on the iPad.
 
Some examples of free play include:
  • Playing on the playground such as running around, climbing, swinging
  • Physical activity such as sports or playing tag
  • Creative arts (drawing, coloring, painting)
  • Pretend play such as dressing up, role playing, building forts
Currently, school children are given less free time for play, creative arts, and physical activities as schools try to put efforts on academic preparation. Many marketed messages in the media target parents claiming that good parents have to enroll their children in every opportunity so they can excel and prepare for the future. As a result, many parents spend their time transporting their children to multiple organized activities such as specialized gyms, after-school enrichment programs, and extra-curricular classes.  These organized activities do have many benefits for children; however, when children become “overscheduled” and start to live a “hurried lifestyle”, it can cause anxiety or increased stress.  

Overscheduled children have less high-quality family time and are unable to receive the benefits of free play that would help protect them against the effects of stress. Ultimately, every family is different so parents can decide on the appropriate amount of scheduled activities that suit their family.  But in my experience, many parents feel as though they can’t slow down or their children will fall behind. Some also worry that they won’t be good parents if they don’t match up to what the other parents are doing. Consider finding a good balance for your family between living (playing) in the moment and preparing for their future. Every child has different needs, so it’s likely that your family’s balance will look different from others. 
​
What if my children are bored? 
It seems that in our culture, we’re used to moving at a quick pace. We’re always looking for “what to do next?”. Children need to grow comfortable with silence and become bored sometimes. Feeling bored is a great opportunity for them to develop creativity! Avoid filling their free time with screen entertainment, and you’ll see how imaginative and creative they can become. It’s okay to say no to your children instead of feeling you have to go the extra mile or they will suffer or be deprived. Children will have plenty of time to be stressed and overscheduled as adults!

If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to them by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.


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5 Ways to Boost Your Daughter's Self-Esteem

4/2/2018

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By: Panicha Sillapawatayanon, M.A. 

We live in a world saturated with insta-models, selfies, filters, and fillers. There is a growing number of teenage girls and young women that are unhappy with the way they look and feel.  According to research, self-esteem for girls continues to decline during their teenage years. Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves, and with high self-esteem comes behaviors that clearly reflect them.  Teenagers with high self-esteem will be able to tolerate frustration, manage their emotions, take pride in their accomplishments, become independent, and assume responsibility. On the other hand, teenagers, particularly girls, with lower self-esteem become vulnerable to the ideal body image portrayed by the media, develop social anxiety, depression, and have difficulty managing their emotions.  Low self-esteem can easily carry into adulthood and interfere with future relationships and a life that is both healthy and fulfilling.  
It’s time to focus on shaping our daughters into strong, independent women who will exude confidence and take over the world. So, what can parents do to encourage their daughters to build confidence in their abilities? Here are a few ways you can start planting seeds of positive self-esteem in your daughter today:

1.Model self-acceptance
Use yourself as a role-model for positive self-image. Asking questions such as “Does this make me look fat?” or putting your own image down can have a huge image on your own daughter’s self-image. Lead by example. Practice daily affirmations and refrain from comparisons and self-criticisms.  This will help give yourself a self-esteem boost too. Be supportive and not critical, simply listen to what they have to say instead of giving your opinion. Believe it or not, they actually listen to what you are saying!

2.Praise her abilities and not her looks
It’s very easy to fall into praising how beautiful she is, or how gorgeous her luscious locks look.  Our culture has trained us to praise girls on their appearance but not their abilities.  Challenge yourself to compliment your daughter on her abilities twice as much as you compliment her on her appearance. Perhaps praise her on her achievements, skills, and talents.  Remember, it’s what she DOES that really matters.  Bonus points if you do the same with all the other girls (nieces, your daughter’s friends, other women in the family).
 
3.Let her have a say 
If want our daughters to be a good decision maker in that executive position then she will need practice. Let her have a say in appropriate decision-making matters whether it is about how to divide up the chores or how to spend family vacation time.  It’s not about giving free reign, but it’s about involving them in making a decision and learning how to deal with the consequences.  Teach her that her opinions matter.  Teach her howto think and not whatto think.
 
4.Paddling her own canoe
This goes along with giving your daughter a say in decision making matters.  Help her build resilience for life’s later challenges by letting her struggle but empathizing with her when she faces the consequences. If you create a perfect utopia of a childhood, she will have a difficult time handling adversity.  Girls are often portrayed as a damsel in distress, or a princess that needs saving.  It’s important for her to know she’s capable of dealing with difficult situations on her own and you will be there to support her in the aftermath. Remember it’s about finding her own way, not having her own way. 
 
5.Physical Activity
She doesn’t have to learn how to surf or take up horse-riding (well unless she wants to!). Exercising is a great way to increase feel-good hormones such as endorphins.  It could be as simple as taking a walk or going hiking together. Taking care of your own body teaches self-respect. It’ll also give you a chance to take care of yourself as well. 
It’s impossible to be an unwavering and confident woman all the time, but you can start showing your daughter how to love and care for herself by trying some of the ideas above. Raising a confident young woman is a long-term process. We’ve been instilled to speak or behave a certain way, so it’s okay if some days you accidently say things like “boys will be boys” or “that’s more ladylike”. Don’t give up! Perhaps practice some of these things for yourself first before you use them with your daughter (it’ll be a confidence booster, get it?).

Thrive Therapy Studio is now offering a Teen Girls Anxiety group. Topics of interest include perfectionism, school and social challenges, managing stress, and expectations. Check out the group description here. Call us today to reserve a spot for your teen daughter! 


If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.

 

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