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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman
We all know that the holidays can be extremely stressful, overwhelming, and busy for parents. We sometimes forget that it is also a busy, overstimulating, and, at times, difficult period for kids.
I know, most of us feel it would be AMAZING to go back and be kids on holidays again. Wouldn’t having someone else do all the prep, cooking, cleaning, buying, planning, etc., for us be fantastic? It honestly would, but this does not necessarily mean it is a super easy time of year for all children. Suppose we, as parents, are too absorbed in our own experience. In that case, it can be really easy to project our feelings of frustration and being the ones to “take care of all the things” onto our kids. Sometimes, we perceive our kids, particularly those who struggle with emotional regulation (aka meltdown city during the holidays), as “entitled, ungrateful, selfish, etc.” To help families manage their emotions during the holidays, I wanted to share some tips to help shift our mindsets in more helpful directions. 1. Manage Your Expectations We can easily set up the most magical holiday ever and expect our children to be similarly magical and kind. This expectation is unfair, and if you have a child who tends to struggle on big occasions that involve a lot of anticipation, it makes sense that they may be contentious during the holiday season. We should expect it to be challenging at times so that we are not surprised and interpret their behavior negatively. Remember that your child is most likely overwhelmed and genuinely doing their best to meet their needs and to figure out how to cope with something that feels bigger than their coping skills. While it is hard to be the parent of a child who struggles with big feelings, it can also be tough to be the child who is struggling. Having empathy for their experience and remembering that they are a good kid who is having a hard time will help you respond with more patience and kindness. 2. Listen to Your Child Listening might sound strange, but if your child is telling you that the plans you have made are too much or that they are too tired, overwhelmed, or excited, try to listen. I know it can be hard to shift plans once they are made, especially during the hustle and bustle of the holidays, but if your child is genuinely struggling with their emotions and behavior, it makes sense to scale things back. Also, if they are communicating that they feel overwhelmed, don’t want to hug people, or don’t want to be asked certain questions, see if you can set things up so that those situations do not occur. You can set boundaries around how much time you engage in certain events, which events you attend, and even with your family members about how they treat your child. It will go better if, as you and your child approach situations, you try to work together to figure things out to have the best time possible. You can even discuss ahead of time how to cope with difficult situations, especially if your child is older and aware that these situations are challenging for them. 3. Connection and Boundaries I know these are my favorite topics lately, especially since I developed my mini-parenting courses all about these topics… But they are good ones that totally apply here. As mentioned above, connecting and listening to your child can be incredibly helpful during busy holidays. Making sure that you take the time to listen, play, and connect with them in the ways you usually do during typical days can help maintain your connection even when things become challenging or overwhelming. Similarly, setting boundaries around things that lead to increased emotional dysregulation can be helpful. For example, our son tends to struggle if he gets too much screen time, sugar, or food containing artificial dyes. As a result, we tend to limit electronics and less healthy food choices, especially during big events like birthdays or other events, which can lead him to be even more dysregulated. While it is not the most “fun” parenting opinion, I believe that setting him up for success is more important than letting him indulge and get super out of control! I hope these parenting tips can help you manage situations that arise at this time of year! If you would like to discuss any of these topics further, feel free to reach out to our team for a parent consultation :) If you want to learn more about Connecting and Setting Boundaries with your child, check out our mini-parenting courses!
If you are interested in learning more about connecting with your child please make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Dr. Wollerman has launched mini parenting courses! You do not want to miss it!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client-centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy we offer in person and telehealth via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
By: Dr. Erica Wollerman
Since I talk often in my work about children and their big emotions, I wanted to share some tips and ideas to help you keep your cool while your child is losing theirs!
Before we dive into the how-to's of staying calm, it's essential to recognize that your child's emotional turmoil can stir up a whirlwind of emotions within you. It's normal to feel a range of things, from empathy and concern to frustration and helplessness. Understanding these feelings and their sources is the first step toward managing them effectively. The Importance of Staying Calm Staying calm in the face of your child's upset is crucial for several reasons: 1. Role Modeling: Your child learns how to handle emotions by watching you. Staying calm teaches them that emotions are manageable and can be expressed in a healthy way. 2. Effective Communication: A calm demeanor fosters open and constructive communication. It allows your child to express themselves without fear of judgment. 3. Problem Solving: Being calm enables you to think more clearly and find solutions to the issues at hand. Tips for Staying Calm 1. Breathe: When you feel your frustration or anxiety building, take a moment to breathe deeply. Inhale for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. This simple exercise can help you regain your composure. 2. Pause and Reflect: Before reacting to your child's upset, take a brief pause. Ask yourself what's triggering your emotions. This self-awareness can help you respond more thoughtfully. 3. Empathize: Put yourself in your child's shoes. Try to understand what they're feeling and why. Empathy can help you respond with compassion. 4. Stay Mindful: Mindfulness techniques can be incredibly helpful in staying calm. Techniques like meditation and grounding exercises can keep you in the present moment and reduce stress. 5. Set Boundaries: It's okay to set boundaries with your child, even when they're upset. Calmly let them know what behavior is acceptable and what isn't. 6. Seek Support: Don't hesitate to reach out to other parents, friends, or a therapist when you're feeling overwhelmed. Talking to someone who understands can provide you with valuable guidance and emotional support. 7. Fill your cup: Don't forget to take care of yourself. A well-rested, emotionally balanced parent is better equipped to handle their child's emotional ups and downs. 8. Learn from Mistakes: Nobody's perfect. If you lose your cool occasionally, it's okay. Use those moments as learning opportunities for yourself and your child by discussing how you can handle things differently next time. Staying calm when your child is upset is a challenging but essential aspect of parenting. It sets the stage for your child to learn emotional regulation and healthy communication. Remember that it's normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions yourself, but by practicing deep breathing, empathy, mindfulness, and self-care, you can be a steady anchor for your child during their emotional storms. Stay calm, and you'll not only navigate these challenging moments more gracefully but also strengthen the bond with your child, showing them that they can always count on your support and understanding.
If you are interested in learning more about connecting with your child or setting boundaries please make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Dr. Wollerman has launched mini parenting coursesl! You do not want to miss them!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client-centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy we offer in person and telehealth via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
Parenting can be a wild ride filled with joys, challenges, and the constant quest to provide the best for our children. While we want to shield them from the world's worries, we also recognize that life often throws curveballs, and anxiety can creep into even the most wonderful childhoods. When a parent notices their child grappling with anxiety symptoms, it's natural to feel concerned and seek ways to help. One invaluable resource many parents turn to is individual therapy. In this blog post, we'll explore why parents opt for individual therapy to assist their child in managing anxiety.
Understanding Childhood Anxiety First, let's briefly delve into what childhood anxiety can look like. Anxiety in children may manifest as excessive worrying, fearfulness, restlessness, sleep disturbances, difficulty concentrating, and even physical symptoms like stomach aches or headaches. It can be triggered by various factors such as school stress, peer pressure, family issues, or even internal thoughts and fears. Why Individual Therapy? 1. A Safe Space to Express Emotions Individual therapy provides a safe and confidential space for children to express their thoughts and feelings openly. Children might find it challenging to articulate their anxieties to parents or teachers, fearing judgment or misunderstanding. A therapist creates an environment where children can share their concerns without fear of consequences. At our office, we like to do so by utilizing a lot of play and art in our therapy with children. You see, children learn best when you speak their language, which is often not talking about problems but playing or expressing them in other ways. 2. Specialized Guidance Therapists who work with children are trained to understand the unique developmental needs and challenges of young minds. They use age-appropriate techniques and tools to help children cope with anxiety. Therapists can connect with children through play, art, or talk therapy and help them navigate their feelings. All of the therapists at Thrive specialize in child and teen therapy as well as supporting families and parents. 3. Skill Development Anxiety can be complex, and individual therapy equips children with the skills to manage it effectively. Therapists teach strategies for identifying triggers, challenging irrational thoughts, and developing coping mechanisms. These skills empower children to tackle anxiety both in the short term and as they grow older. Often, children experiencing anxiety are eager to feel better and will readily engage in learning skills. At times, that can be challenging due to the desire to avoid facing their fears; in those situations, progress can be slow. However, it is always better to have your child attend therapy if possible! 4. Building Resilience Resilience is a crucial life skill; therapy can help children build it. Through therapy, children learn to face their fears, tolerate discomfort, and gradually develop the confidence to confront challenges independently. This newfound confidence can increase self-esteem, a stronger sense of self, and distress tolerance skills. You see, anxiety management and distress tolerance are closely related as we often need to learn to tolerate the initial distress and discomfort when facing a fear or anxiety-provoking situation. Doing so can be tricky, but it is a great skill for future challenges! 5. Parental Guidance and Support Individual therapy isn't just for the child; it can also provide parents valuable insights and guidance. Therapists often involve parents in the process, helping them understand their child's perspective and offering strategies to support their child effectively at home. At our office, we all enjoy involving parents so that everyone can make more progress through treatment! Parenting an anxious child can be incredibly challenging. Knowing when to accommodate their fears and needs and when to challenge them is hard. Often, parents of children with anxiety may also have their own experience of anxiety too. This stress makes it even more complicated, as you can imagine! Luckily, we at Thrive are here to help you figure out these challenging issues and parenting decisions! Contact us today to discuss how we can help your child and your family today
If you are interested in learning more about connecting with your child please make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Dr. Wollerman has launched mini parenting courses. You do not want to miss them!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client-centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy we offer in person and telehealth via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
Our final therapist post is about Jennifer Gonzalez, LMFT 98444 who has been working with Thrive for almost 7 years! Jennifer is incredibly passionate about working with teens and their parents, but also has a specialty in working with parents individually. Not only does she do an amazing job supporting her clients, but she also works with me on supervising our team and helping to lead them clinically. If you have the rare opportunity to work with Jennifer (as her schedule is rarely open), I think you are in great hands!  Who do you LOVE working with? I enjoy working with clients of all ages! However, I am particularly interested in tweens and teens as I believe adolescence is the most challenging and complicated stage in a person’s life! As a therapist, I love having the opportunity to support my client’s identity development, interpersonal challenges, and social and emotional health. Also, due to my many years of experience working with adolescents, I have also developed a passion for working with their parents. My unique insight into this stage of development helps support parents' goals of raising healthy and autonomous individuals. What should potential clients know about you and your style in therapy? I utilize various evidence-based therapeutic modalities as I believe the therapeutic approach should meet the client’s needs, not vice versa. In treatment, I always operate under a trauma-informed and culturally sensitive lens. What is your favorite parenting tip or recommendation? Although not the only form of communication, words matter. Even when you think that your child is not listening, they are. The best way to teach your child positive behaviors is by role modeling, but you are also human, and you might not get it right every time. You are also learning with your child, so if you notice that your emotions are intensifying and might dictate your reaction, take some space and walk away rather than saying things you may not mean or want to say. What advice would you like to have received when you were younger? Expressing sadness is not a sign of weakness. I was raised in a culture that values strength and promotes the “fake it until you make it” mentality. Just because you are not doing or feeling well does not mean that you have to act like everything is fine. Feel all of your feelings. This will create opportunities to learn more about yourself and how to cope better. What do you like to do in your free time? I am an avid traveler. The best way to experience culture is by visiting the place of origin. One of the best learning experiences is cultural shock, as this provides a unique opportunity to question everything you know and perhaps change your perspective for the better. I think this has made me a more well-rounded therapist, so I can better understand and serve my clients. At Thrive, we take a positive, client-centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with Jennifer Gonzalez, or another Thrive therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy we offer in person and video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. The next therapist I am excited to introduce you to is Dr. Andrea Seldomridge, who is currently a psychological associate (PSB94026434) working closely with me as I have the privilege of supervising her work (Dr. Erica Wollerman, PSY25614). She is one of the most intentional and detail oriented therapists that I have ever worked with and brings a depth of knowledge and understanding to her clinical work that is pretty impressive! She has rare new client openings even in afternoons!  Who do you LOVE working with? I love working with children, teens, and young adults. Getting to walk alongside clients and witness both their struggles and growth is a true privilege. As a queer therapist, working with members of the queer community is something near and dear to me. I love having conversations around what it means to develop a queer identity! Additionally, I love working with folks experiencing anxiety, school stressors, religious issues, interpersonal resolution challenges, identity development, and transitions into young adulthood. What should potential clients know about you and your style in therapy? I like to strike a balance between structured and unstructured. I often will bring in tools that may help them with what they’re coming in for, such as depression or anxiety. However, I always want to meet the client where they’re at and utilize a more conversational and organic approach. What is your favorite parenting tip or recommendation? Less is more! Often it can be so hard seeing kids and teens about to make mistakes. Instead of stepping in each time, allowing them to make mistakes can be such a great way to help them grow, mature, and build confidence. What advice would you like to have received when you were younger? Whatever you are anxious about likely won’t matter in a year, so you will get through it! What do you like to do in your free time? I love to run (aka go on “gentle jogs”), throw a lacrosse ball around, and watch a movie and make popcorn each weekend. At Thrive, we take a positive, client-centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with Dr. Andrea Seldomridge, or a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy we offer in person and video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
By Dr. Erica Wollerman
As I shared last week in my blog post about overscheduling, I have been thinking a lot about overscheduling as we adjust to the back-to-school phase. So often, our kids have jam-packed schedules filled with numerous extracurricular activities, tutoring sessions, and academic pursuits. While exposing kids to various experiences can be beneficial, overscheduling can take a toll on their physical and emotional well-being. As parents, it's crucial to strike a balance between offering enriching opportunities and allowing ample time for unstructured play and relaxation. In this blog post, I will share some of the risks associated with overscheduled children and the importance of nurturing balance and well-being in their lives.
So, what on earth could go wrong when you are just trying to provide your children with opportunities?
As parents, it's essential to evaluate your child's schedule regularly and make necessary adjustments to maintain balance. Focus on quality over quantity, allowing your child to participate in a few activities they genuinely enjoy and excel at. Invite them to talk with you about what they enjoy and what activities they might want to stop doing. It is a good learning experience for kids and parents to realize that we are not actually able to do “everything.” Encouraging downtime and rest in your child's daily routine is also important. Sufficient sleep and relaxation are vital for their physical and mental well-being. How you frame this to them is so important - so make sure to let them know that they need rest just as much as they need activity, school, and food. Let them know that the signals of being tired all the time, not motivated, stressed, etc., are actually signals of needing downtime, just like a check engine light in the car is a sign the car needs some mechanical support! The “check engine light” analogy usually is super helpful in building an understanding of what our bodies need! I totally understand why parents want to provide their children with so many opportunities - we all truly want the best for our children after all! Learning to strike a balance between enriching experiences and downtime is essential for their overall well-being and development. By nurturing a balanced schedule, we can foster their growth, creativity, and happiness, allowing them to academically and emotionally flourish. Remember that a child's well-being should always be the top priority, and finding that sweet spot of balance can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling childhood experience.
If you are interested in learning more about connecting with your child please make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Dr. Wollerman will be launching a parenting course all about this topic later this summer or early fall! You do not want to miss it!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client-centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy we offer in person and telehealth via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
By: Dr. Erica Wollerman
One of the most challenging things parents can deal with is their child struggling with school. Perhaps it is due to their executive functioning challenges, another mental or physical health diagnosis, or a learning disability. It could even just be that they do not have a particular aptitude for a subject, such as math or reading. Something I notice often in my work with children and teens is that parents are not always equipped to support their child who is struggling in this way.
It truly can be complicated as we want to empower our children to believe they can overcome challenges, but we also need to recognize that the challenges do exist in a very real way. Unfortunately, our academic systems are inherently ableist, and instead of our children knowing that they are doing the best they can in a system that is not designed for their needs, they believe they are “stupid, dumb, not good enough, etc.” As parents, it is crucial that we find a way to talk with them candidly about these experiences so that they can develop a healthier internal narrative. Here are nine tips to help you do just that: 1. Identify, Address, and Understand Learning Gaps To help your child, you will need to know what they are experiencing and struggling with if you do not already know. This means seeking professional support and possibly even an evaluation outside the school system to have a more thorough diagnosis. Once you know their challenges, seek further professional support, whether privately or through their school district. Even more, do your research to help yourself understand what their diagnosis means for them and what it means for you in terms of how you might need to support them. 2. Encourage a Growth Mindset: A growth mindset is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work rather than innate ability. It is the idea of something not happening “yet” instead of “not ever possible.” For example, if your child struggles with reading, it is the ability to view that situation as temporary and something to work on. A skill that has not been developed yet, rather than that the child is “not capable of reading.” When their learning experiences are challenging, help your child persevere by emphasizing that mistakes are a crucial part of learning and not indicative of a problem with them or their capability. 3. Shift their narrative As a parent, if you get the sense that your child believes they are inherently unable to do something, work to help them shift their narrative to something more productive. For example, sharing with them that, at times, they are being compared to older peers or that their brain is just not ready to learn whatever they are learning. As adults, we can give them the perspective that things are hard to understand sometimes, and that does not have to mean anything negative about them. 4. Celebrate Small Victories For kids that struggle more than the average child, it can be extremely helpful for their parents to help them acknowledge and celebrate their victories, no matter how small. 5. Break Tasks into Manageable Steps For kids who struggle with learning disorders or executive functioning issues, it is essential to help them learn how to break tasks down so that they are less overwhelming. Schools often help with this, but it is important to help them at home too. Even with something as simple as cleaning up their room - help them identify one part or category of item to clean up first to help it feel less challenging. 6. Incorporate Learning through Play As I probably mention too often, play is how our children learn. No matter their strengths and weaknesses, play can be key to helping a child learn something they are struggling with academically. You could engage your child in educational games, activities, puzzles, etc. The goal is to make learning more enjoyable so they feel less negatively about school and educational activities. 7. Create a Quiet Study Environment Most children need a space without distractions and noise to study and complete their homework. This space is even more important for children who struggle academically. Make sure the area where they study is consistently available to them and that they have a consistent routine to complete academic tasks. 8. Encourage Your Child to Ask for Help Teach your child that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Encourage them to ask questions in class, seek clarification from teachers, or request assistance from peers. While it can be hard for a child who is struggling and may feel like asking for help just shows everyone else how much they struggle, it can be a huge source of support. Knowing when and how to seek help is an important skill that fosters academic growth and self-assurance. 9. Offer Unconditional Support Above all, let your child know that you love and support them unconditionally, regardless of their academic performance. Remind them that their value extends far beyond their grades and that you are proud of their efforts and progress. You can enhance this by ensuring you ask them about more than the areas they are struggling in. Connect about their interests and passions and have no more than weekly conversations about potential challenges academically and how they are navigating them. A loving and understanding support system can work wonders in boosting a struggling student's confidence. In sum, boosting academic confidence in kids who struggle academically requires patience, understanding, and a positive approach. It can also require parents to work on shifting their ideas around school, success, and capability. The more I have worked with individual clients who have academic struggles, the more I have realized that our educational systems are inherently flawed and ableist in nature. If we can share this with our children, they can begin to see potential issues they are having as a product of their learning style with their environment rather than their internal flaws (like being “stupid” or “lazy”). If we can avoid our children internalizing their challenges, they are much more likely to find their path to success!
If you are interested in learning more about connecting with your child please make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Dr. Wollerman will be launching a parenting course all about this topic later this summer or early fall! You do not want to miss it!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client-centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy we offer in person and telehealth via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
By: Dr. Erica Wollerman
As much as summer has certainly gone by too quickly for most of us, school is coming up on us fast, and we definitely need to be ready for this transition! Especially for children who are prone to anxiety or separation issues. For them, the return to school can be particularly daunting, especially due to so many unknowns at the beginning of a school year.
Will I have friends in my class(es)? Will I make new friends? Will I like my teacher(s)? As parents, we can support our children and their likely overwhelming emotions in this transition. Hopefully, we can even help them gain confidence in their ability to overcome challenges (aka build resilience and grit)! In this blog, I want to share some practical tips to empower your child and promote a positive back-to-school experience. 1. Start with Open Communication I am always a big fan of communicating and approaching challenges with curiosity in families. The return to school is no different. We need to encourage our children to share their thoughts, feelings, and potential fears about the return to school and listen without any judgment or suggestions. You can reassure them that nervousness and anxiety are common with this time period, that you believe in their ability to handle this challenge, and that you will support them as much as possible. 2. Re-establish Routines Gradually As I mentioned in my general back-to-school blog last week, it is important to begin preparing for the return to school in advance. For a more anxious child, I would recommend beginning this process about two weeks prior to the school year. This will help minimize the shock of the adjustment back to school. 3. Focus on the Positive Aspects While we don’t ever want to ignore or breeze by our child’s concerns, we do want to present them with a balanced perspective of the upcoming school year. Make sure to share your own ideas about what might be enjoyable or even share your observation of the past years when your child has been able to overcome their fears to have a good time. If you can, elicit your child to share their own ideas about positive things that they hope for in the upcoming school year. 4. Teach Coping Strategies We want to equip our children with as many tools as we can to help them through tough situations. Teaching them deep breathing, visualization strategies, and affirmations or mantras can help them cope with stressful situations. Make sure to practice these ahead of time so that they are well known to your child and they feel able to use them in a difficult moment. Keep in mind that coping strategies can be very helpful, but are not going to totally solve any problem that we have. 5. Set Clear Expectations With more anxious children, it can be tempting to let things be more unclear. Such as, of course I can pick you up early, but only if you are having a hard time. Or, I am just a phone call away, but please don’t call. You get the idea, I’m sure. What we want to do for our more anxious children is let them know that we believe they are capable of staying the whole day at school and that at the end of the first week, we will celebrate them in some way. Then, make sure not to give in too easily if they begin asking to come home early. When we do that quickly, we do not give them the chance to persevere through a hard moment to realize they can do hard things. So, set clear expectations for your child ahead of time of what to expect and try not to accommodate their fears and anxiety by changing your behavior. 6. Set them up for Success This might look different for different children. For some, you might set up a lot of play dates with friends and classmates ahead of time. For others, you might need to communicate with the school and their teacher ahead of time to let them know that your child might need more support in the transition. Many more anxious children will need both of these strategies, so make sure to put them in place for them to feel supported. Plus, make sure to let them know that they can always talk to you about their feelings and the challenges they face at school. Again, listen with curiosity and avoid judgment or jumping in to rescue them, as that just gives the message that they truly can’t handle it. Back to school can be a tough transition for all children but particularly for more anxious children. With these tips and strategies, you will be able to support your child effectively and hopefully smooth the transition. If you or your child needs more support, please don’t hesitate to reach out to our team at Thrive!
If you are interested in learning more about connecting with your child please make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Dr. Wollerman will be launching a parenting course all about this topic later this summer or early fall! You do not want to miss it!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client-centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy we offer in person and telehealth via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
By: Dr. Erica Wollerman
I know, it seems like summer just started, and here I am about to talk about how to help your family prepare effectively for the return to school. Life as a parent is just so relentless and definitely stressful. However, I would say that with some preparation and planning, the return to school can be at least slightly more smooth.
For many kids, they have a lot of mixed feelings about coming back to school. They are nervous, excited, happy, sad, scared, worried, and even may feel unprepared for this next phase. Perhaps it is a big transition that they are facing such as the move to kindergarten, middle school, high school, or college. Regardless, it can be tough as a parent to manage our feelings in the face of their at times overwhelming emotional experience in this process. Regardless of your child's age, I wanted to share some ideas and strategies that might help you through this season of transition.
Even with these tips, the back-to-school phase can certainly be tricky to navigate as a parent. Try to have realistic expectations for your child and your family as a whole. The goal is to get through it and hopefully get to a place where you and your child feel comfortable with the new rhythm of life!
If you are interested in learning more about connecting with your child please make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Dr. Wollerman will be launching a parenting course all about this topic later this summer or early fall! You do not want to miss it!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client-centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy we offer in person and telehealth via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
By: Dr. Erica Wollerman
Welcome to our final blog in this series! In this blog series, we discussed what it means to be an over-functioning parent, the impact on your children, and how to work to correct this dynamic. What I plan to discuss today is possibly the most important, how to manage your feelings in this whole process.
As mentioned previously, parents are not engaging in this pattern of doing too much for their kids because they want to teach the kids that they are incapable. They want their children to be capable, often desperately, but generally fear the potential negative consequences of failure for their children or even themself. Parents might also sometimes believe it is their job or responsibility to do so much for their kids. So it makes perfect sense that this is an emotional situation for the parents and the kids. As parents, we often manage our fears about our child’s uncertain future by doing things for them and making sure they are “on top of it.” Children can come to rely on others doing things for them and engage more passively with life to avoid challenges. So, how can you manage your feelings while you engage in this process of reducing over-involvement as a parent? Again, this is not an easy task, but it is imperative in terms of helping your child and yourself.
Keep in mind that we are parenting in a time that is just wild. The expectations of us and our children are astronomically high and honestly, most of us will do some things well and others poorly. That is okay. The more we have realistic expectations for ourselves and our kids, the more they can have more realistic expectations of themselves and their lives as well. While it can be hard to manage our emotional reactions to shifting our involvement with our kids, it is also often hard for our children initially. They usually become upset, possibly anxious, dysregulated, or say all kinds of things such as “Why aren’t you helping me? Don’t you love me?” For a parent, this is challenging as it often indicates that their child is not ready for the task. Usually, this is actually not the case; it is just their reaction to change and an expression of their own fear, frustration, or panic. It is crucial for a parent to not only manage their fears internally about changing patterns but to believe in the plan of change so much that they can manage their response effectively to their child’s upset and possible outbursts. The best way to do this is by using the information shared in the second blog in this series. We need to communicate to our children that we believe in them and their ability to overcome the challenges in their way. Remind them that we are here to help, but only after they try themselves and if they truly need it. Practice the following phrases to use in these times when you or your child are distressed:
I hope you enjoyed this blog series and digging a bit deeper into the patterns around over-functioning. If you are a parent identifying with this pattern, please know there is no judgment here. I know it comes from a place of care, love for your child, and desire for them to be okay. It’s a beautiful expression of love, though it is unhelpful. I believe you can learn to respond differently to your child and that they can handle everything in their way! If you need further support around these kinds of parenting shifts or your child’s challenges, please do not hesitate to reach out to us at Thrive! We are here to help!
If you are interested in learning more about connecting with your child, please make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Dr. Wollerman will be launching a parenting course all about this topic later this summer or early fall! You don’t want to miss it!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client-centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy we offer in person and telehealth via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
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