Child, Teen and Adult Psychotherapy Services in San Diego
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What Is Play Therapy?

4/6/2022

 
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By: Dr. Andrea Seldonridge

As a therapist who works with children, I have often been asked by parents what play therapy is, what its purpose of it is, and how it works. So, I hope to convey a bit about what play therapy actually looks like and the reasons why we use it!

“Toys are children’s words and play is their language”. This is a commonly shared quote by Garry Landreth, a prominent play therapist. Play therapy is a form of therapy that is commonly used with children (but even adults can engage in play therapy too!). In typical therapy with adults, adults can verbalize their experiences, emotions, and needs. Children of course are often unable to do so, especially very young children. As many children are unable to put into words their experiences or communicate their needs or pain, play therapy is a way that they can do so that fits their developmental stage. No talking is required since play is a thorough method of communication!

Play therapy is different from normal play. As a therapist stays attuned to what is happening for the child in their play, it can help the child process their feelings and experiences. Rather than spending the session talking, we can work to help children resolve issues via play. 

There are so many different tools, toys, and play activities children can use in play therapy. Sometimes this can be playing with dolls or figurines, using a sand tray, making art, or other types of pretend play. The toys can resemble different themes or aspects of their lives, such as family relationships, safety, power, or interpersonal relationships. Play is a safe space where children can play out scary scenarios or painful experiences or emotions. Sometimes these experiences or issues would be too scary or overwhelming to face outside the therapy room. Through this play, they can process the events and practice resolving issues within the safe space, while also providing a sense of relief. It provides children a developmentally appropriate way to deal with depression, anxiety, and even trauma.

Often, play therapy can be directive to help reach specific goals, while often it is very non-directive. When play is non-directive, it gives the child a chance to lead, develop confidence, and increase their sense of agency. Play gets to be organic. It is a chance for them to explore what they would like to in therapy. Many times when I have done play therapy, I will let the child know at the beginning of therapy “this is your play place. You can do anything you would like to. If there is something you can’t do, I will let you know”. After setting boundaries around safety, the children get to just take it from there! Play also helps children let their guard down and just be themselves.

Play therapy does four major tasks.
  1. Facilitates communication. Play promotes self-expression and communicating thoughts and feelings. It allows children to overcome difficulties without needing to have the ability to verbalize them. Metaphors are also used in play to help them solve their problems.
  2. Fosters emotional wellness. Play helps children release unpleasant feelings, increase their sense of control, and improve their overall mood.
  3. Increases personal strengths. Children can practice their problem solving skills, build self-esteem, and increase their creativity. This can increase their overall confidence to tackle issues in the world outside the therapy room.
  4. Enhances social relationships. Parents can be involved in play therapy, playing alongside their child. This play works to facilitate positive emotions and attachment between parents and children. Children get to practice their social skills and through role-playing, they can increase the empathy they have for others.

Play therapy is a great way for children to process and resolve the issues they are facing in a safe and developmentally appropriate way. It is a unique take on therapy, reminding us that children have found their own way of communicating without the need for words.


At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

The Importance & Myths of Emotions

3/30/2022

 
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By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

I like to think about the ways we think about emotions. Emotions are often labeled as good or bad, positive or negative. Instead of seeing emotions as this good and bad dichotomy, I like to refer to them as pleasant or unpleasant. This helps remove the idea that there are certain emotions that should be avoided, but rather, some just aren’t our favorite to feel. There is so much value to these unpleasant emotions too! They serve a variety of purposes and are so necessary to being a human. Dr. Marsha Linehan is a clinical psychologist who has done a significant amount of research on the functions and myths about emotions. There are several emotion myths (such as emotions being bad), but before I share those, I think it is important to understand the functions of emotions.

They motivate us for action. Emotions push us to do things. For example, anxiety might help push a student to finish their assignment. Anxiety itself here isn’t “bad”, rather it just helps the student get things done. If we feel happy while doing something, such as feeling happy when exercising, it encourages us to engage in the activity more.

They communicate something to others. Emotions result in facial expressions which can communicate a lot to someone in a very short amount of time, such as giving a smile or furrowing a brow.

They communicate something to ourselves. For example, fear can clue us in that the situation we are in is not safe.

Emotions are so important! They are constantly motivating us to action and communicating things to ourselves and others throughout the day. As I mentioned above, there are various myths about emotions that tend to cloud their importance. Below are some of the most common myths of emotions Dr. Linehan has written on.

  1. There is a right way to feel in every situation. Have you ever found yourself saying “I shouldn’t feel this way?” I definitely have. I have found myself judging myself for having a certain emotional reaction. However, this is not the most helpful way to think about emotions. There is no right or wrong emotion to have in a certain situation. Instead of blaming yourself, you might try acknowledging that you are having the emotion without any judgment for feeling it.
  2. Being emotional means being out of control. Feeling a wide range of emotions means you are a human! Emotions do not necessarily lead us to act in a certain way. While they can motivate us to take action, we still have control over how we respond. There is a cliché that I really like to think about. It says that all emotions are okay, but all behavior is not. Luckily when we feel an intense emotion, our impulse control is often there to keep us from acting on it.
  3. Some emotions are stupid. While there are some emotions that are far less pleasant than others, they are all important. A common example is feeling sad. Someone might say “it’s stupid of me to feel sad right now”. But, is it? Instead, I might encourage them to take time to think about what might be leading them to feeling sad. I think any emotion can clue us into what else might be going on.
  4. Emotions should always be trusted. As I mentioned above, even though emotions communicate something to us, that communication is not always accurate. For example, if you feel anxious, that does not always mean the situation you are in is not safe. Sometimes our emotions are either over heightened or subdued. I think there is a lot of value in trying to balance both one’s emotions with one’s ability to think through a situation. This balance can help one make more informed steps when deciding what to do next.

Instead of viewing emotions as things that should be suppressed, I would encourage you to embrace them and be curious about them. I hope you are able to see the importance of emotions and ways they are part of what makes us human. To learn more about Dr. Linehan’s work, you can check out her DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets manual. You can also learn more about Dr. Linehan’s story and her development of Dialectical Behavior Therapy in her memoir Building a Life Worth Living.

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

4 Themes From Encanto to Explore With Your Child

3/16/2022

 
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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

If your house is anything like ours, Encanto has been watched, and listened to, A LOT! It’s very cute because my son has picked up on the fact that I love this movie as well so when he really wants to watch something and connect with me he will ask for “Encanto and popcorn.” Something that I really love about this movie is how many amazing themes it incorporates and provides concrete ways to discuss some really tough things in life. Like how hard it can be to feel that others expect you to be able to solve every problem (Luisa) or how we might feel our value is only in being “perfect” (Isabella). Or, how much a family is impacted by trying to hide difficult things and not talking about them (Bruno and Mirabel). So, I thought it might be helpful to share a bit about how I, as a child therapist and parent, use the film to explore topics with my son (who is 4 so some of this is for younger kids). 


One of my son’s favorite questions about the movie is, why didn’t Mirabel get a gift? 
What a great question right? This is a great way to talk about how the family has secrets and is not dealing with the hard things coming up so the magic seemed to find a way to force them to talk about it. First, by trying to show something was wrong by not giving her a gift, and second, by giving Bruno a vision about her. I use this question as a way to weave in the importance of facing our problems and dealing with hard things. We talk about how the magic was there to help the family and that because Abuela wanted to protect the magic by always being of service to everyone and holding tight to “sunshine”, it started to break down. Pretending everything is okay all the time causes harm. Just ask poor Tia Pepa always trying to imagine “clear skies” instead of dancing in the rain!  

Another helpful topic is using Luisa’s struggles to explore how it’s okay to ask for help and not be strong all the time. With older kids, it can help to use her situation to explore how unrealistic expectations are the hardest pressures to deal with in life. With my son, I talk about how Luisa feels that she needs to do everything because she is so strong but that it is okay to take a break, ask for help, and that one person should never be the one in a family shouldering all the problems or challenges. We talk about how families are a team and how we need to help each other. 

Onto one of my favorite topics of all time, perfection! Specifically, perfection is not a great goal. My son and I talk a lot about how Isabella felt that she had to be a certain way, perfect, to be loved and of use in the family but that when she allowed herself to feel things fully, she was happier and more herself. We love watching her sing and dance and create things totally her own. I think this is a great image for parents when they are considering what they hope for in their child’s life. Instead of perfect Isabella who seemed pretty unhappy at times, we should hope for an Isabella who dances in the magic of her own creations with joy. 

Now back to Mirabel of course. While my son loves asking about how she didn’t get a gift, as a therapist, I know a secret. She did get a gift. The gift of empathy. Watching how she was able to connect with all of her family members so well to truly see them, what they needed, and to show them love through their struggles was truly beautiful. Especially as a therapist because she reminded me of what we do every day in our offices. Even if others may not always understand, we know that the Isabella we want is the one who is messy and joyful, not “perfect,” and that the Luisa we want is the one who is resting and helpful because she chooses it, not because her worth is tied to her productivity. While disrupting family patterns is not always easy, it certainly is brave and it was heartwarming to see her family embrace her and the magic reward them all by coming back. Hopefully, all of our lives can embrace a bit of magic that helps us move more in the direction of doing things in line with who we truly are. 

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

The Importance of Making Mistakes

3/9/2022

 
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By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

I have never liked making mistakes. This was always most prevalent for me in school. When I was in 1st grade, we had a spelling quiz each week. If you got a perfect score, you did not have to retake it. I have been told that most times I did not get a perfect score, I would cry. In 4th grade, I got my first D on an exam. I distinctly remember when my teacher told me and I could not stop crying as I was so frustrated with myself. However, there were other areas of my life that I was more than okay making mistakes in! Specifically, anything sports related. Playing kickball in P.E. class, I rarely kicked the ball far enough. I even remember when other kids would be upset with me that I was not a better teammate. But you know, it did not bother me! I just had fun and placed no pressure on myself to be perfect!

I think for a lot of people, we have certain areas in our life in which we are hard on ourselves, whereas in others we can give ourselves more grace. I was always “good” at school, so when I messed up, I had a harder time handling it. Whereas with sports, I was proud of myself if I just got through the game. The only way I became better at handling the fact that I would make mistakes academically was just by making more mistakes. I had to get used to the fact that mistakes happen, even if I thought they should not.

Childhood really is a great time for making mistakes! As adults, we at times want to shield kids from the negative results some of their mistakes might lead to. However, making mistakes is fundamental in development and there are some mistakes that might be worth letting them make to reach those developmental milestones. Here are a few reasons why it is important for kids to make mistakes.

  1. They learn to problem solve. Through making mistakes, they can learn to tell themselves “Okay, this did not go how I hoped. What can I do now?” They will learn how to reassess the situation and develop a plan B. If they make another mistake, they can make a plan C. This helps them learn to not give up after one or two attempts and that in some way they will figure it out!
  2. It teaches them they are human. This is something that I wish I had learned much earlier in life! They might put a lot of pressure on themselves and making mistakes allows them to experience failure. Experiencing, and more so FEELING failure lets them know that despite their best efforts, mistakes do happen! No one can avoid it no matter how hard they try.
  3. They learn the world will not actually end. If they feel anxious they will make a mistake - and then make the mistake - they usually feel even more anxious. However, once they see that whatever they were most worried about did not happen, it can start to reduce the anxiety they feel.
  4. They develop distress tolerance. If what they feared would happen does happen, it is a great time to increase distress tolerance. When we mess up, we might feel anxious, overwhelmed, or angry. All of those feelings are valid! By practicing making mistakes as a child, they can learn to slowly increase their ability to get through these difficult emotions or uncomfortable outcomes.
  5. Being perfect does not define your worth. Lastly, they can learn that just because they made a mistake, it does not mean they are worth any less. They are still wholly and fully themselves, no matter what grade they get or how many goals they score.

Childhood is a great age to practice making mistakes, especially as the consequences of those mistakes often have smaller consequences than maybe some mistakes one could make in adulthood. Allowing your child to make mistakes while being able to receive your feedback and support can increase their self-confidence to try again.
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

What Your Kid Hears When You Say "Be Careful"

3/2/2022

 
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By Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

“Be careful!” is a phrase that is commonly and frequently expressed at every park I’ve ever been to. Often I think it is warranted and can help keep kids safe. It reminds me of a time in 2nd grade that I wish I had been told to be careful. I had thought somersaulting down a slide was a good idea (spoiler: it was not a good idea, but I got some cool new eyeglass frames because of it). We always want kids to stay safe. As adults, we have become skilled at perceiving when a situation may be risky. When we tell kids “be careful”, we hope to convey a need to be more cautious or warn them of potential dangers. While we might be trying to help keep them safe, there are a few other things they might actually be hearing instead.

  1. “I can’t do it on my own.” When kids approach a task, they may think they are capable of doing it. We also might know that they are capable too! However, hearing “be careful” can leave them feeling that this task is too much for them to handle. Rather than developing an increased sense of agency and awareness, they may start to doubt their capabilities and be inclined to ask for help more often than needed. Over time, this can create an unnecessary need to be more dependent on adults.
  2. “I need to get approval first.” We’ve all seen when young kids look back at their parents before going down a slide to check if it is safe. When this happens, a parent will share some encouragement and then excitement when their child makes it down the slide! This is an example of a time in which it would be appropriate for the child to visually check with their parents that they are going to be safe. However, when a parent repeatedly tells their child to be careful, it might lead to the child relying on this checking behavior more often than needed.
  3. “I’m not as good at this as I thought.” A child may not feel confident with the task at hand, yet still feel confident in themselves. Hearing “be careful” too often can start to chip away at their self-confidence and replace it with doubts. Exchanging “be careful” with “I believe in you” shifts the emphasis to a positive light and can increase a child’s confidence and self-esteem.
  4. Lastly, they may feel an increased sense of danger. A kid might have felt calm, but the result of hearing “be careful” can increase their anxiety and stress levels. The situation they were facing might have seemed safe and okay from the start, but after the warning of “be careful,”  the situation can then shift and provoke anxiety. In another scenario, they might have already had anxiety and doubts going into a situation, but the added warning can end up increasing these anxieties and doubts even more despite their initial cautiousness.

While there is a line between keeping your child safe and allowing them to try new things on their own, sharing your faith in them can in the end increase their trust within themselves to be safe and secure. In the times in which they do get hurt, you will have laid a good groundwork for them to share this with you, knowing that their parents have confidence in them that they will succeed.

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Why Parents Should Encourage Risk Taking

2/23/2022

 
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By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

I usually associate risk taking with bungee jumping or skydiving. Those are both “risks” I doubt I will ever take, no matter how many times my friends say “it’s so worth it”. While I am not a fan of heights, I do think I have taken risks in other ways. I think about the times when I have moved to a new city by myself. There were risks that I would not make friends and risks that I would regret having moved. However, I was willing to take those jumps because I knew I could find a way to handle it. As an adult, it feels easier to tell myself to take a risk. I can gauge if the risk is too big or if it might be just big enough by the amount of risks I have taken in life so far. Children can benefit from taking risks too. There are definitely times that a risk is too big (like the time I tried to jump into the pool without my floaties “like the big kids”). However, appropriate risk taking can actually be really helpful in their development. Below I have shared some of the benefits of allowing kids to take risks.

  1. Risk taking builds confidence. I think one example of this is when a child first rides a bike without training wheels. Once they overcome the fear of falling (and likely fall a few times), they gain more confidence. When a child is able to try new things and they realize they have succeeded, it can be a huge self-confidence booster.
  2. It increases the likelihood they will try new things. That self-confidence gain helps them see other risks as opportunities they can take. It helps them feel less limited in what they can do. When we try to protect a child a little too much, they end up learning that there are tasks they cannot do that they probably can. This can end up leading to more self-doubt.
  3. They can learn to fail well. If they try something new and it does not go well, this can actually be a good thing! This allows them the opportunity to feel the disappointment, recover, and build strength to try again. They learn that they can feel disappointment and still be proud of giving it a go. In the end, this can increase their resilience when trying new things. This also gives a parent the chance to validate their child’s feelings of disappointment, while also reflecting on the courage it took to take the risk.
  4. They learn what risks are too risky. When children try new things, they often look at their parent first to see if what they are about to do is safe. If a child has less opportunities to decide for themselves what risks to take, they might have a difficult time gauging what risk is too risky or reckless in the future. Like I shared above, if they decide to take a risk that ends up having been a tad too risky, it allows an opportunity for the parent and child to talk about it. It can help the child reflect on how they might better know for the future if a risk is too much.

While your child might not be begging to go bungee jumping, I would encourage you to consider what appropriate risks they could take that can help them continue to increase their self-confidence. By doing so, it can help increase their sense of agency as they move towards adulthood.

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Recognizing Anxiety in Kids

2/16/2022

 
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By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

When I think of anxiety as an adult, I think of stressful thoughts, racing hearts, sweaty palms, and being preoccupied with whatever I’m anxious about. As adults, we’ve had years to learn to improve our ability to identify what emotion we’re feeling. When you can identify it, it makes it a lot easier to navigate how to cope. Sometimes just being able to identify an emotion is relieving in itself.
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For kids however, it can be harder for them to identify and communicate what emotion they are feeling. It can be even more difficult because some emotions, like anxiety, can look like anything but anxiety! Below I have listed some ways of what anxiety can look like in kids that might differ from adults.

  1. Difficulty concentrating. If their mind seems to wander more or if they are having difficulty focusing on tasks or daily activities, it might be anxiety. Sometimes their anxious thoughts can end up clouding their ability to focus in the same way that when adults are stressed, we might become more easily distracted.
  2. Physical symptoms. You might also have heard this described as somatic symptoms. There was a time in high school when I kept feeling nauseous before school. I could never figure out what was causing it. It was not until I reached adulthood that I recognized it was anxiety manifesting as nausea. Anxiety can look like a variety of physical symptoms, like muscle tension or restlessness. If your child complains of tummy aches, this can be a possible sign of anxiety. (Of course, if you’re concerned about yours or your child’s physical health, it is best to consult a medical provider to ensure there is nothing else going on).
  3. Irritability. Sometimes when a child is angry or even just frustrated, it really is not about the person or situation that is occurring. Rather, it might be anxiety coming out as anger. Anger can be a way of protecting oneself from something that is scary or worrisome. If your child has become more irritable recently, I would encourage you to be curious about what else might be going on and if there has been a recent change that might have initiated it.
  4. Wanting to avoid school. It could be that they dread a specific class (this was me for every English class) or just not be a fan of school as a whole. It could also be that there is something about the school day that is so uncomfortable or anxiety producing that it feels safest to stay home. They just might not be able to identify that they are feeling anxious or what it is they are anxious about. If your child is attempting to avoid going to school, this behavior might not be as much about defiance but more so them feeling overwhelmed.
  5. Withdrawing from others. Sometimes when a child seems depressed, it might actually be anxiety (or a combination of both). Like irritability, it can be another way to protect yourself. If a child withdraws from others, it can be a way to feel like they are able to take a step back from the anxiety producing situation.
  6. Difficulty sleeping. I think as adults, a lot of us know that when we are stressed, we often won’t sleep well that night. For kids however, since they might not be able to verbalize their stress and anxiety, it comes out as difficulty sleeping.

While this isn’t an exhaustive list, these are some of the most common ways anxiety shows up in kids. If your child is experiencing any of the above, it might be helpful to check in with them on their stress levels and just remind them that you are there for them to be a listening ear.

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

5 Ways to Support Teens with Low Self-Esteem

1/19/2022

 
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By Dr. Andrea Seldomridge
Being a teen can be difficult to say the least. While it is a time of self-exploration, figuring out who you are and what you value, it is also a time when it becomes especially easy to compare yourself to others. A teen might not make the sports team or pass that difficult class, or may start to compare how they look to their peers. Most teens end up struggling with low self-esteem at some point. It can feel painful as a parent to see your child doubt themselves, but thankfully there are a few things parents can do to help their teen gain confidence in themselves.

  1. Make space to listen rather than problem-solve. I think this is hands down the best thing one could do. Providing a space where your teen can share how they are feeling without providing a solution can make them feel heard and seen. It can be so easy to quickly point out what is great about them - there are likely several things that are great about them! However, sometimes it can end up feeling invalidating. Instead, you can just reflect to them how they are feeling by saying “I know you’re feeling down” or “I know you’re really frustrated with this class”.
  2. Focus on efforts rather than outcomes. For myself, science was always the most difficult class and the tests that I never quite got the grade I was hoping for. I remember when someone told me “you worked really hard and that matters a lot”. It was so encouraging to have someone praise the effort I put into it, because even when I did not get the grade I could still be proud of myself for the extra studying. If your teen is dealing with low self-esteem regarding a class, not making the sports team, or just not meeting their expectations, try praising them for the efforts they put into it.
  3. Encourage them to try new things. Encouraging your teen to try a new activity can help boost confidence and gain practice in putting themselves out there. Whether they do well or do not meet their expectations, you can reflect the courage it takes to try new activities.
  4. Speak kindly to yourself. This is a great way to model positive self-talk! Many of us (including myself) are skilled in identifying the things we dislike about ourselves. Creating the habit of using positive self-talk with ourselves can be a good way to demonstrate it to teens.
  5. Help them reflect on ways they have grown. When experiencing low self-esteem, all-or-nothing thinking can set it. It might leave them feeling like they have never been good enough and won’t ever be. Helping them identify things that were once difficult for them that they now do with ease can increase self-confidence.

Gaining self-esteem is a gradual process. Listening to your teen, reflecting their feelings, and being there for them are some of the best ways to help them increase their self-confidence.
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At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

5 Signs You Desperately Need a Social Media Detox

1/12/2022

 
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By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge
I think social media definitely has some positives. I still remember the day in high school I first signed up for a social media account. It was exciting to have a way to talk with friends outside of school in a time when most teens did not have their own phone. It can be a creative way to connect with friends and loved ones, especially those that live far away. However, I do think it has some downsides. It’s so easy to keep scrolling through photos and videos, seeing the highlights of the lives of others, seeing more ups than downs, and seeing fun nights out rather than potential lonely nights in. Maybe you’ve been feeling that you use social media too much or wonder how it might be impacting you. If that’s you, here are some signs that a social media detox might be beneficial for you and your mental health.

  1. You feel down after looking through social media. This one might be obvious, but if you find yourself feeling sad, anxious, or down after spending time on social media, taking a break or reducing your use could be helpful. If you aren’t sure how social media is affecting your emotions, I’d encourage you to try to pay attention to how you are feeling before and after going on social media. It might give you a better sense for how it is affecting you.
  2. You feel increased levels of “fomo”, or fear of missing out. Social media can make it seem like interesting things are happening all the time to everyone. It also makes it seem like people are usually with friends instead of having nights alone, let alone ever feeling lonely. However, social media often isn’t an accurate portrayal of real life. There is no possible way to be part of all friend hang outs or go to every concert that shows up in one’s social media feed. It’s okay to have nights at home by yourself! If you’re experiencing that fear of missing out, it could be an opportunity to be the one to plan a coffee trip with a friend or movie night. Others will likely be grateful that you reached out to them.
  3. You’re comparing yourself more often to others. People usually document fun or celebratory events, like a promotion, rather than when they failed a big test or had an argument with their partner. You might feel like you are behind in life, not reaching various “milestones” at the speed others seem to be. I can guarantee you many others feel the same way. If you notice yourself feeling this way, this might be a sign to take a pause from social media.
  4. You’re feeling more insecure about your physical appearance. It is so easy to start comparing how you look to others on social media. Photo filters that make skin look porcelain are ever prevalent. Remember that most people do not have perfectly clear skin or frizz-free hair all the time. Everyone feels insecure about how they look at one time or another, but if this is happening more often, I’d encourage you to take a break from scrolling and see if your level of confidence about yourself improves.
  5. You feel urges to document your day or events you go to. It can be exciting to share what is going well with others, like showing photos of that good dinner you ate, or that you saw a gorgeous San Diego sunset (we really do have some of the best!). However, if you are experiencing urges to post when exciting things happens, there might be some reasons behind it. Does it ever feel like if you don’t post something, it didn’t happen? Or that you need others to see that you have it all together? Paying attention to how often you feel the urge to post on social media can be a good indicator if it is time for a social media detox.

Going about a social media detox can look different for everyone, so here are a few different ways. Cutting it all out at once can work really well for some people. For others, myself included, choosing a smaller goal is more helpful. This might be taking a break from a specific social media app of your choice. For myself, I have found choosing a time of day to not login has been the most helpful. I decided to not login during the first and last 30 minutes of my day. This has allowed me to have time to set intentions for the day and to reflect on the day before falling asleep. Committing to a small step can be challenging at first, but the positive effects on mental health can be significant.

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At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Getting Through Tough Times as a Parent - A Therapist’s Personal Reflection

10/25/2021

 
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If you are a regular Thrive blog reader, you will have noticed that I have not blogged in quite some time. Initially, I was just focused on some other areas of the business and my client and family needs and then this fall, our family life became very intense due to a Covid school closure after a planned school break and I feel like I am just now catching my breath over here! 

With everything that has happened recently, I have not been the only one in my family struggling unfortunately. My son, Luca, who I adore, has seemed to also be struggling a bit. I have to admit that this recent period of challenge threw me for a loop!  While I routinely work with my clients on remembering that their child’s development is not linear and to avoid catastrophic thinking, I struggled with this myself recently. You see, Luca, who has been in daycare his whole life essentially, started struggling with going to school after the planned vacation/time away, new school year, and then a two week closure due to Covid. Things are improving now, but wow, this really was tough for me as well! I thought it might be helpful to share about this as it has helped me clarify certain things about parenting that can be so tough for all of us, even me. 

Here are my suggestions when you are dealing with a bump in your child’s development and believe me, these are all things I incorporated eventually and were helpful for me as well! 


  1. Breathe. Take a break. Enjoy the fun moments with your child.  Even during difficult times, it is crucial that we communicate love and joy to our child. Even after Luca was having explosive meltdowns about not wanting to go to school, I tried to connect with him and help us both remember how much love we have for each other and how much I love him. I really tried to remember that he is doing the best he can and that he is struggling, which is okay, even if it is hard. 
  2. Talk to your “go to” parent friends. Get support. Even as someone who offers parents support on a daily basis, without judgment, I initially struggled with talking about what was happening and my fears. I am truly lucky that I have a great group of friends and colleagues that I can lean on, but it was still hard to reach out and share just how much I was struggling with this situation. When I did though, my friends were supportive and shared similar situations that they went through. Not only did this help me feel less alone, scared, and crazy - it helped me remember that most of the time these situations are temporary. 
  3. Keep it in perspective. As I mentioned above, most of the time these situations are temporary. Once I was able to get some support from my friends and family, I realized that I was completely catastrophizing the situation. Partially because of my work and seeing how difficult it can be to parent a child who doesn’t like school and might eventually struggle intensely with school refusal, I was very scared that we were heading down a difficult path. It really helped for me to remember that kids go through bumps, and they usually come out on the other side just fine. 
  4. Empathize and validate while holding boundaries.  One of the most interesting things that I have reflected on for me about this situation was that I felt an instant need to solve the problem. You see, Luca had a very big meltdown one day going to school seemingly out of the blue (not necessarily true but it happened with such a delay after the vacation, school closure, and class change that it took me by surprise). I immediately began thinking of behavioral strategies like sticker charts that could help us get through this quickly. I was honestly anxious and very worn out from the past month myself and just couldn’t tolerate the idea of struggling with something after we finally had him back in school. While I was talking with my support system, I realized that this might not be a quick fix but it also likely wouldn’t be permanent and was something we could get through with skills I have well developed - empathy and validation plus boundaries. I remember one of the conversations I had where I realized this, oh, so to help Luca, I should just be a therapist about it? While funny now, I felt a bit silly that I had looked for so many quick answers instead of going to strategies that I myself recommend to parents! 

Here is what it looked like for us in that situation… Luca would comment in the morning that he did not want to go to school. I would reply with “I hear you love, you don’t want to go to school” and then a few minutes later would direct him to the next task on our morning routine like brushing teeth. He would often keep commenting and at times crying a bit and I would tell him, “I know you don’t want to go to school love, this is really hard for you right now. And I believe you can handle it because we can do hard things.” This pattern continued with him sharing his feelings with me, and I would welcome him sharing about it and listen, validate his experience, while affirming that I am confident he will be okay and not giving any room for him to think he can negotiate by being unsure about his need to go to school. While this didn’t always feel great because I would rather he go to school happily, it was certainly better than the power struggles we could have had! 

Lately, we seem to be in a better place where this is coming up periodically but not daily which is a relief. We only had one truly explosive and aggressive meltdown directly outside of school, which is also a relief. I am grateful for the reminder of things I know in my heart to be true, which is that kids will struggle and it is okay. They will struggle, we will not know what to do, and it will work out eventually. Plus, this experience strengthens our ability to pivot as parents and our kids’ ability to cope with challenges as they get older. 

We just need to focus on our connection and relationship with them to get through those times as well as our village. In case you are curious, my village involves my team at Thrive and I am so grateful for them and their ability to support parents. If you are in need of support as a parent, please feel free to reach out to us as we truly get it and want to help!

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

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