Anxiety is a tough thing to experience during our usual schedules and lives, let alone during the high pressure and expectations of the holidays!  The gift giving and receiving, pressure to make everything Pinterest Perfect, and family get togethers that are sometimes anything but jolly – is a recipe for increased anxiety and stress for all of us!  So, in preparation for the festive holiday season, I thought it might be helpful to go through some ideas of ways to help manage stress this holiday season, particularly if you are a parent with anxiety. 
 

1. Let some things go…  I mean this in so many ways. Try to let go of your expectations of yourself and others but also let go of things that cause stress or even financial debt. Maybe make a list of all of the things you feel you need to do and events you need to attend and make sure the things you commit to are truly most important to you. 
2. Focus on what matters to you and your family… What are your favorite holiday traditions and things you want to focus on this year? Often, we end up with a list of 10000 things we think we need to do, make, etc. but try to focus on just the top 5 things that are important to you or your kids. 
3. Slow down… Find some time to just slow down this holiday season. Schedule in some high quality family time where you just relax together and play some board games or watch a movie. Not everything you do is going to be Instagram worthy and that is okay! 

 
I know these tips are a bit easier to write than they are to do for many of us. I believe that the more we as parents can get in touch with our values and what is most important to us, the more we can slow down and do things that really matter. Plus, the more we are likely to enjoy them which means our whole family will be happier!   

Play is an important part of childhood. Play helps children develop cognitively, physically, socially, and emotionally. Children who play have healthy brain development. It’s through play that children learn to explore the world around them and start mastering challenges. And above all else, play is enjoyable!

Undirected play, or free play, gives children opportunities to learn new skills while moving at their own pace.  Free play allows children to use their creativity, develop their imagination, and encourages them to learn how to share with their peers and resolve their conflicts. Additionally, free play helps keep them active through physical activity! However, parent involvement is always encouraged! Parents who play with their children build relationships with them that are loving and engaging. Even when parents simply watch their children play they are able to take a peek into their children’s world. Parent supervision is needed when children are playing outside too. It’s important to note that true free play isn’t passive play such as video games, watching tv, or playing on the iPad.
 
Some examples of free play include:

• Playing on the playground such as running around, climbing, swinging
• Physical activity such as sports or playing tag
• Creative arts (drawing, coloring, painting)
• Pretend play such as dressing up, role playing, building forts

Currently, school children are given less free time for play, creative arts, and physical activities as schools try to put efforts on academic preparation. Many marketed messages in the media target parents claiming that good parents have to enroll their children in every opportunity so they can excel and prepare for the future. As a result, many parents spend their time transporting their children to multiple organized activities such as specialized gyms, after-school enrichment programs, and extra-curricular classes.  These organized activities do have many benefits for children; however, when children become “overscheduled” and start to live a “hurried lifestyle”, it can cause anxiety or increased stress.  

Overscheduled children have less high-quality family time and are unable to receive the benefits of free play that would help protect them against the effects of stress. Ultimately, every family is different so parents can decide on the appropriate amount of scheduled activities that suit their family.  But in my experience, many parents feel as though they can’t slow down or their children will fall behind. Some also worry that they won’t be good parents if they don’t match up to what the other parents are doing. Consider finding a good balance for your family between living (playing) in the moment and preparing for their future. Every child has different needs, so it’s likely that your family’s balance will look different from others. 
​
What if my children are bored? 
It seems that in our culture, we’re used to moving at a quick pace. We’re always looking for “what to do next?”. Children need to grow comfortable with silence and become bored sometimes. Feeling bored is a great opportunity for them to develop creativity! Avoid filling their free time with screen entertainment, and you’ll see how imaginative and creative they can become. It’s okay to say no to your children instead of feeling you have to go the extra mile or they will suffer or be deprived. Children will have plenty of time to be stressed and overscheduled as adults!

If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to them by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.

We live in a world saturated with insta-models, selfies, filters, and fillers. There is a growing number of teenage girls and young women that are unhappy with the way they look and feel.  According to research, self-esteem for girls continues to decline during their teenage years. Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves, and with high self-esteem comes behaviors that clearly reflect them.  Teenagers with high self-esteem will be able to tolerate frustration, manage their emotions, take pride in their accomplishments, become independent, and assume responsibility. On the other hand, teenagers, particularly girls, with lower self-esteem become vulnerable to the ideal body image portrayed by the media, develop social anxiety, depression, and have difficulty managing their emotions.  Low self-esteem can easily carry into adulthood and interfere with future relationships and a life that is both healthy and fulfilling.  
It’s time to focus on shaping our daughters into strong, independent women who will exude confidence and take over the world. So, what can parents do to encourage their daughters to build confidence in their abilities? Here are a few ways you can start planting seeds of positive self-esteem in your daughter today:

1.Model self-acceptance
Use yourself as a role-model for positive self-image. Asking questions such as “Does this make me look fat?” or putting your own image down can have a huge image on your own daughter’s self-image. Lead by example. Practice daily affirmations and refrain from comparisons and self-criticisms.  This will help give yourself a self-esteem boost too. Be supportive and not critical, simply listen to what they have to say instead of giving your opinion. Believe it or not, they actually listen to what you are saying!

2.Praise her abilities and not her looks
It’s very easy to fall into praising how beautiful she is, or how gorgeous her luscious locks look.  Our culture has trained us to praise girls on their appearance but not their abilities.  Challenge yourself to compliment your daughter on her abilities twice as much as you compliment her on her appearance. Perhaps praise her on her achievements, skills, and talents.  Remember, it’s what she DOES that really matters.  Bonus points if you do the same with all the other girls (nieces, your daughter’s friends, other women in the family).
 
3.Let her have a say 
If want our daughters to be a good decision maker in that executive position then she will need practice. Let her have a say in appropriate decision-making matters whether it is about how to divide up the chores or how to spend family vacation time.  It’s not about giving free reign, but it’s about involving them in making a decision and learning how to deal with the consequences.  Teach her that her opinions matter.  Teach her howto think and not whatto think.
 
4.Paddling her own canoe
This goes along with giving your daughter a say in decision making matters.  Help her build resilience for life’s later challenges by letting her struggle but empathizing with her when she faces the consequences. If you create a perfect utopia of a childhood, she will have a difficult time handling adversity.  Girls are often portrayed as a damsel in distress, or a princess that needs saving.  It’s important for her to know she’s capable of dealing with difficult situations on her own and you will be there to support her in the aftermath. Remember it’s about finding her own way, not having her own way. 
 
5.Physical Activity
She doesn’t have to learn how to surf or take up horse-riding (well unless she wants to!). Exercising is a great way to increase feel-good hormones such as endorphins.  It could be as simple as taking a walk or going hiking together. Taking care of your own body teaches self-respect. It’ll also give you a chance to take care of yourself as well. 
It’s impossible to be an unwavering and confident woman all the time, but you can start showing your daughter how to love and care for herself by trying some of the ideas above. Raising a confident young woman is a long-term process. We’ve been instilled to speak or behave a certain way, so it’s okay if some days you accidently say things like “boys will be boys” or “that’s more ladylike”. Don’t give up! Perhaps practice some of these things for yourself first before you use them with your daughter (it’ll be a confidence booster, get it?).

Thrive Therapy Studio is now offering a Teen Girls Anxiety group. Topics of interest include perfectionism, school and social challenges, managing stress, and expectations. Check out the group description here. Call us today to reserve a spot for your teen daughter! 

If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 

At Thrive Therapy Studio, we work with children and teens of all ages and often their parents are very concerned about one behavior in particular, lying. This is one topic that seems to come up over and over again regardless of the reason why we are seeing a child/teen in therapy. Parents ask all kinds of questions… Why does my child lie?  How can I make them stop lying and tell the truth? I’m so frustrated, what do I do? What’s wrong with them?  Are they a pathological liar?
 
Interestingly, lying in small doses is actually not a behavior that concerns me as a therapist. It shows a child or teen’s resourcefulness as well as their growing autonomy from their parents, which are all developmentally normal and generally considered good things. When we see a lot of lying, however, it is concerning to us as well as parents.
 
When parents talk to us about lying, it is often a conversation about what is wrong with their child or teen… Not so much about what they could be doing differently. Interestingly though, I am often going to focus more on the parent's behavior than the child or teen initially. First, I want to explore with the parent how their behavior may contribute to their child/teen’s lying behavior. Often, children and teens talk to me about being afraid to tell their parents the truth about things, even small mistakes that they make, because they have learned that their parents get really angry, yell, punish them, and generally “can’t handle the truth.”
 
Unfortunately, while understandable, these parent responses make children and teens feel unsafe around their parents and make them feel that they can’t really tell them things, particularly not hard things or mistakes they have made. For children sensitive to failure and who already struggle to admit their mistakes, this compounds the challenge of truth telling exponentially.
 
This brings me to the main way parents can prevent and reduce lying. Parents can prevent and reduce lying by responding to their child calmly and with an interest in finding solutions, rather than immediately jumping to blame, shame, and consequences for the child. For example, if you find out that your child did not do well on a math test, you felt they were well prepared for, rather than being angry and asking them “what they did wrong or how could this happen,” you can say something like, “I am so sorry to hear that test did not go the way you were hoping. It must have been hard to talk to me about it but I am so glad you did. What do you think might be helpful in the future or do you think there is anything you can do to improve this grade now?”  If you respond in this way, your child is much less likely to hide grades in the future and to talk to you about how things are going academically.
 
This does not mean that consequences should not be given. At times, consequences are perfectly appropriate, they just should not be given in a hasty way out of anger or shame, but perhaps in a conversation with your child or teen. You can even ask them what they think would be appropriate as a consequence for the mistake or situation that came up. For example, if your child accidentally broke something in your home, the conversation might go something like this… “Thank you so much for telling me what happened, I can tell that was difficult. I’m disappointed that the window is broken but I do know that mistakes happen to all of us. What do you think you could do to prevent accidents like this in the future?  What do you think would be a fair consequence?” Hopefully your child/teen would come up with something along the lines of being more careful to prevent this accident from happening again and then you could arrange for a way for them to help pay for the broken window. This makes the most sense as it is a natural consequence that results from cause and effect, something is broken and we pay to fix it.
 
Here are the basic steps for responding to difficult moments with your child or teen using the above example:

1. Connect and respond with empathy – Thank you so much for telling me what happened, I can tell that was difficult for you
2. Express some degree of your feelings calmly  
3. Validate that mistakes happen and are not the end of the world – #2 and #3 are combined in this example - "I’m disappointed that the window is broken but I do know that mistakes happen to all of us."
4. Come up with ways to work on this in the future - What do you think you could do to prevent accidents like this in the future?
5. Discuss consequences if calm and if appropriate for situation - What do you think would be a fair consequence?

 
Through these steps and a lot of patience, you can definitely help your child or teen respond to you in a different way and create a culture of honesty in your family! 

As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child therapy or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapy Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. 

I was recently asked to contribute to a discussion on how spoiling may impact kids later in life and I enjoyed this topic so much, I decided to expand on it in a blog of my own. If you would like to see the article I contributed to, please check it out here.
 
As a child and teen psychologist as well as parenting consultant, I believe that spoiling your children has a huge affect on them in so many ways both later in life and while they are children. I am referencing “spoiling” in terms of not setting limits with your child. While this often goes hand in hand with “helicopter parenting,” for the purposes of this blog, I am only discussing spoiling. If you’d like to read more on helicopter parenting, check out my blog on it here!
 
Parents often inadvertently spoil their children because they are struggling to set limits for a myriad of reasons… it could be that they are unsure of how to set limits appropriately as it was not modeled for them by their parents. It could also be that they do not want their child to be upset, frustrated, sad, or angry with them. For some parents, their child responds in such a difficult way when they set limits, they simply don’t have the energy to keep setting them. In general, a lack of limits comes from a place of kindness and for many overwhelmed parents, fatigue. While this is perfectly understandable (especially coming from a very tired new mom over here!), unfortunately, there are some lasting effects for kids that do not understand or respect boundaries.
 
The following are just some of the consequences that can occur for kids that have not had boundaries enforced:

1. Low frustration tolerance and difficulties managing strong emotions
2. Poor understanding of cause and effect and how their behavior may effect others
3. Little drive and ambition, coupled with a general lack of success in one’s career or job
4. Lack of accountability

 
As you can see, these are crucial skills and qualities of being a successful and resilient adult!  
 
Consider the following example: A child I once knew had left their bicycle in the driveway where a car could hit it. I asked them, “what would happen if your parents hit your bicycle because you didn’t put it away?” The child’s response was as follows, “they’ll just buy me a new one.” I was so shocked, appalled, and most of all concerned. This young child had no real understanding of money, the inconsiderate nature of this choice, accountability, or responsibility. And honestly, why would he if his parents would just go ahead and get him a new bicycle?
 
Setting firm but loving limits for your children gives them an amazing opportunity to develop the skills to deal with frustration, understand cause and effect, learn accountability, and work towards goals which helps in understanding cause and effect. To help a child learn to treat his belongings with more care, parents could respond in the following way.
 
Letting the child know that you saw that their bike was left out in a place it could be hit. Explaining gently that while it can be annoying or difficult to remember to take the time to take care of our things, that is how we can show we appreciate those things and to ensure we have them for a long time. If the child continues to leave the bike out, I would recommend that you then have a conversation again about how having a bicycle is a responsibility that they might not be ready for and remove that privilege for a period of time (a couple of days). I would also explain that if something happens to the bicycle or a family vehicle because of the bicycle being left out, the child will be responsible for completing chores to pay for damages and earn back the privilege of having the bike.
 
An even more current example would be a cracked iPhone screen. So often, kids are coming in my office with cracked screens that seem to continually be replaced by parents, who often have insurance plans who pay for it. While I understand that financially this may make sense to parents, I do believe that there should be some natural consequence for a child who cracks their phone. Maybe they need to pay for half the fee or lose the ability to have it for a while. This is how they will learn both the value of money and the importance of treating belongings with respect!
 
A key element of these conversations around limit setting is compassion and kindness. It is okay to let your child know you are disappointed in their choice, but also let them know that everyone makes mistakes and that it is okay as long as we take steps to fix the harm we cause. This way, you are not being overly punitive but you are still setting and holding a limit with them. After all, the goal is to prepare our children for the world where there are rules, structure, limits, and at times serious consequences.
 
At Thrive, we are skilled at helping parents set limits effectively and with loving kindness – call us today for a consultation if you are struggling in this area!  We are happy to help and approach these sessions without any judgment. Parenting is hard enough, we just want to support you!

If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, teen or family psychotherapy services in San Diego CA, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 

As a Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in children and teens, families often come to see me wanting help with specific behaviors that are happening in the home, at school, or in the community.  Without the verbal understanding that adults have, children often resort to tantrums, crying, screaming, and yelling much to the frustration of most parents.  It is important to remember that this behavior often serves a purpose for the child.   It can communicate things that children are either unable to say or things they may not even be aware of on a conscious level.  These are the five common needs that are communicated through behavior:
 
1. The need to connect -  Listen, I get it!  Life gets busy and responsibilities get in the way.  Not to mention, dealing with negative behaviors doesn’t make it easy to slow down and connect, but this is a fundamental need that children have on a daily basis.   Find at least 30 minutes each day to dedicate to your child.  Family game nights, art activities, family outings, etc. all allow face-to-face time with each other to improve positive connections and positive relationships.  Children are more willing to comply and behave in appropriate ways once they feel connected!  And once they feel connected, they will be less likely to engage in negative behaviors.

2. The need for autonomy – This is a tough one for all parents.  Children have a need to make their own decisions, which includes making their own mistakes.  It’s hard to sit back and watch, knowing that your child may fail, but it’s vital that they be allowed to try.  This develops courage, sense of self, and creates a supportive, loving relationship between parent and child.

3. The need to differentiate – Children are naturally curious and have a need to explore different opinions, beliefs, and values.  Being free to be curious and create an identity without shame fosters loving, healthy relationships.  This is a difficult need to balance, especially when teaching right and wrong is one of our duties as a parent.  It is important to examine our own values and if there may be any motives behind wanting a child to be a certain way.  This can allow parents to release expectations and allow children the space they need to grow into healthy, independent individuals.

4. The need for emotional comfort – Children have big emotions and equally big reactions.  It is important to remember that young children are not able to regulate themselves and sometimes need extra support.  Explain to children that ALL feelings are always okay and that they don’t need to hide them or suppress them.  I like to teach children that feelings are like waves, if you don’t fight them - they pass.  If you do fight them, they can pull you under.  Extra hugs, love, and kindness help children to overcome and learn to self-soothe.   If behavior is inappropriate, it’s okay to lovingly disengage until children calm down and then provide love and support and offer suggestions for how to handle feelings differently next time.

5. The need to feel respected and valued -  When children are non-compliant and refusing to follow instructions, it is easy for parents to react with anger.  The number one way that children learn from us is through modeling.  If we model respectful and kind behavior, our children will respond and learn in the same manner.   Remaining calm through challenges is not always easy, so don’t be afraid to take a break and address things later if you need to.  
 
Next time your child is engaging in a behavior remember that they might be communicating a need and being aware of this is the first step towards helping your child to engage in more positive behaviors.
 
If you’d like to speak with someone regarding how to better understand and modify a child’s behavior, you can reach a Thrive Therapist at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  

As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome. Contact us regarding any issues around child, teen psychotherapy and adult San Diego psychologist at Thrive Therapy Studio.  

It’s so hard to believe that it is this time again, back to school!  With some children returning as early as this week, I thought it would be helpful to do a quick blog talking about some tips I have picked up as a child psychologist to help children and families with the transition back to school.
 
1. Prepare them ahead of time: (for anxious children, please see the side note below)
Most people in our society function at their best when they have a routine and some structure to their days and weeks. Even so, the transition from summer to school time can be difficult after the freedom and fun of summer!  As such, make sure your child knows when school is starting and how much longer they have of summer. This will help them know what to expect.

2. Start implementing your new schedule a few weeks early, particularly with sleep
At times, parents want to allow their child the freedom to enjoy every last bit of summer and kind of soak in the freedom they have…. This may lead them to make a very common mistake, which is not starting the school schedule until the week school starts. Unfortunately, for many kids, this makes the transition more difficult. So, as much as it may be a challenge, start a few weeks early particularly with your child’s sleep schedule. Adjust it back 15 minutes every few days until you are on a schedule more similar to the school schedule. This will help everyone be less frantic and more prepared on that first day of school!

3. Set up a place to do homework before school starts
Encourage your child to work with you on setting up a spot either in their room or in a common area in your home where they will do their school work. Make sure this is ready, this will help them mentally recognize that they are transitioning back to “Student mode” and away from “summer mode.”

4. Set up a daily schedule
Make sure you spend some time determining what your schedule and your child’s schedule is going to be like once they are back in school. For older kids, simply discussing it with them might be enough but for younger kids, it really helps to create a visual guide for them to know what to expect after school. (We will be posting more tips on schedules next week if you are interested in checking our blog out then!)

5. Visit the school, classroom, teacher if possible
Particularly if your child is changing schools, it is so important to take advantage of anything your school offers in terms of meeting the teacher ahead of time, seeing the classroom, or just going and visiting the school. This will help them visualize returning and hopefully you can then facilitate a conversation around how they are feeling about returning to school.

6. Allow your child a lot of autonomy in choosing their school supplies and clothes
I always like to see kids choosing their school supplies and clothes (as much as it is age appropriate to do so). This will help them be excited and proud to show off their fun new things and help ease the transition back!

7. Set up a family calendar
This could be a visual calendar that is used at home but it could also be an app on your phone you all use and share information on. Either way is fine!  The most important part is just to have information being shared about schedules, particularly if you are anticipating that the year is going to start of busy with lots of activities!

8. Review your “house rules” as a family in advance so that everyone knows what to expect when school starts again
For many, summer is a time of fun, play, and less rules. If rules have shifted for your family during the summer, make sure to go over them again as a family before school starts so your child knows what to expect. That will help them make good choices as the year starts!

9. Be positive! 
Lastly and likely most importantly, please talk about school in a positive way with your kids… for example, ask them what they are excited about or looking forward to this year?  The more you are positive and supportive about their return to school, the more they will approach the year with curiosity, interest, and enthusiasm.
 
Special note about anxious children:
If your child experiences anxiety, they will need one of two things: MORE or LESS time to prepare. Some children with anxiety need a lot of time to prepare to feel ready. However, other children with anxiety need significantly less time to prepare because the more they know ahead of time, the more they worry and develop increased anticipatory anxiety. If your child tends to be anxious, make sure to tailor any recommendations with this in mind! 
 
You can also contact our office to talk and consult about what might suit your particular child best in your preparation for back to school time. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us either via email at ewollerman.psyd@gmail.com or phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.

As always, thanks for reading  and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen psychotherapy and adult psychotherapy services at Thrive Therapy Studio.  Contact us Teen therapist San Diego services.  

​Thank you so much for checking out my fourth and final blog in this series!  As I mentioned before, this blog series is definitely more personal for me so I do hope that the thoughts that I am sharing are helpful to some of you and hopefully not too terribly offensive to the others! Please feel free to check out the first, second, and third parts of this series here!
 
As a child/teen/family therapist, I am often meeting with families during times of crises in their lives. Parents are calling my office during a time of upheaval, concern, and stress either due to events in their lives or concerns related to their child/teen’s development. This creates a unique bond and dynamic between us, which is part of why therapy works so well. And I should mention that I find it to be such a privilege and honor to be welcomed into a families’ life during such a vulnerable time.
 
Interestingly, what comes up very often in our initial conversations are questions, concerns, comments along the lines of “will my child/teen always be this way?”  Parents are very worried that whatever behavior their child or teen is engaged in will be a permanent presence in their life. This question leads us to often have a conversation about child development and with me encouraging families to see that their child will grow, change, and learn over time. This means that even the most pervasive challenges and symptoms (anxiety, Autism, ADHD, etc) will evolve, change, and some will resolve over time.
 
So, this brings me to my fourth lesson that I hope to remember as a parent of my own kid(s), which is that just because something is happening for him or us in a moment, does not mean it is forever. I want to remember that some things are just a phase or stage of his development and that most symptoms or traits that cause concern will change, evolve, and grow over time. Along similar lines, I want to also remember that the way my child or teen acts at home, with friends, or at school is just one part of them. For example, when I was younger I was a pretty shy child. Like, hide from my babysitter’s husband kind of shy (and I definitely knew him well!). However, I feel that my parents did a good job of encouraging me to do things that were outside my comfort zone and creating opportunities for me to grow in my ability to connect with people. And now, though I get nervous about networking events or meeting new people, I can handle it and most people do not think of me as “shy, quiet, or timid.” I am so grateful that my parents managed to not label me as “the shy one” and kind of write off my ability to develop socially but were able to keep in mind that I could change, grow, and evolve as I grew up!  I hope to do the same for my kid(s).
 
Thank you all for reading!  I will share more with all of you as things progress and would appreciate any feedback you would like to give me!
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about your child or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us either via email at ewollerman.psyd@gmail.com or phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. 

As always, thanks for reading  and comments are always welcome. Contact us regarding any issues around child, a teen therapist San Diego and adult psychotherapy and Counseling San Diego​ at Thrive Therapy Studio.  

Thank you so much for continuing to read our blog series on Teens and Motivation!  This is the final segment to our series and if you missed Part 1 and Part 2, check them out here and here! 
 
We can’t discuss how to motivate teens without looking a bit more at what motivation actually is. In our culture, we often think of motivation as something that is a static, ongoing state. People are often described as being motivated, or not. Motivation is often thought of as something quick and easy that you can just become all of a sudden. Unfortunately, motivation is much more complex than all of this would suggest and despite what Oprah and her “aha” moments might tell you, it can be a long process in getting someone ready for change. Additionally, motivation is variable and changes over time.
 
When anyone presents for therapy, particularly parents on behalf of their children or teens, they are wanting changes and they usually want them quickly. A big part of my job is to understand the client and evaluate their readiness for change. A key component of how I do this is through utilizing a psychological theory called The Transtheoretical Model of Change by Prochaska and DiClemente which is often just referred to as Stages of Change for simplicity. This is a model of change that was initially used to understand addiction but is a helpful framework when considering any person who is contemplating a change in their lives.
 
Here is a brief overview of the stages:

1. Pre-contemplation: This can be summed up as the time before a person realizes that they either need or want to make a change. “I don’t need to change.” Sometimes referred to as “denial.”
2. Contemplation: When a person is considering change. The hallmark of this stage is ambivalence, which means that the person is on the fence about change. Perhaps part of them feels change is needed and possible but another part argues against it. “Hmmm… Should I change?”
3. Preparation: Getting ready to change
4. Action: Actually making the changes
5. Maintenance: Living the changes

 
Parents need to know the following about stages of change:

• Stages of Change and motivation are directly connected
• A person has motivation even when they are in the contemplation stage and not making changes
• Motivation essentially means: our desire to change + confidence in doing so > fears, challenges of change, etc. This is usually a product of leaving the contemplation stage and entering preparation.
• They are not linear – people go back and forth between these stages all the time
• Example: Think of times you have tried to go on a diet or implement an exercise routine

 
At Thrive, we specifically focus on stages of change and helping our clients build motivation through a specific way of talking about change called “Motivational Interviewing.” This style of communication is collaborative and goal oriented and elicits and explores a person’s own reasons to change. We create a feeling of acceptance and compassion for our clients, rather than judgment or criticism. Our goal is to elicit “change talk” from our clients, which is when the teen talks about changes they want to make, rather than when I “tell” them what they should change.
 
This style of communication is what my ingredients for motivation try to mimic for parents. In review, we want to connect with our teens, have faith in their ability to problem solve, allow them to make mistakes, give consequences where appropriate, and let them lead!  These are the ingredients that produce a collaborative environment and discussion similar to what we create in our office that can help you support your teen towards making changes and feeling motivated!
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about your child or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us either via email at ewollerman.psyd@gmail.com or phone at 858-342-1304.
 
For more information about the upcoming Parenting with Intention Workshop at Thrive, please contact Angela Bianco, ASW directly at 858-952-8835 or by email at angelabianco.asw@gmail.com. Angela is supervised by Erica Wollerman, PsyD (PSY25614) and questions regarding teen therapy can also be directed to Erica and the general Thrive team at 858-342-1304!
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 
As always, thanks for reading  and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen counseling and adult psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.