 By: Dr. Erica WollermanAt Thrive, we love working with teens and young adults! There are so many reasons for this passion and I thought it might be helpful to share more about WHY teens and young adults benefit so much from therapy, rather than just sharing about why we love working with them so much! This post is especially geared towards parents whose young adult kids are not interested in sharing much more than one syllable comments with them. (PS, you are not alone, this is not at all uncommon as I will discuss below!) The teen and young adult years are filled with so many exciting changes, including a huge growth in independence and interest in relationships outside of the immediate family. While for parents, this can be a difficult, tumultuous, and almost scary time, for teens, this is a time of amazing growth and development. Interestingly, while some teens and young adults stay connected emotionally with their parents and continue sharing information with them about the things they are experiencing, many others pull away from their parents. This is a normal part of the process of growing up and individuating away from our family of origin, but it can be difficult for parents who are used to being in the loop on what is going on for their kid. I believe that if you are a parent of a teen or young adult who is growing in independence and no longer sharing information with you, it is dramatically helpful to have another adult in their life. Ideally, a therapist who can connect with them, build a relationship of trust, and who can help guide their personal development or at least help them think through their choices. As a therapist who works with teens and young adults all the time, I can’t tell you how often I hear the thought process behind their decisions and can then share my more adult based perspective, which helps them make more thought through decisions. While I can’t guarantee any certain outcome or that they will notengage in things you don’t want them to, I can say with a good amount of certainty that they are thinking more about what they are doing. This helps reduce the amount of recovery time from mistakes, and often the overall number of dramatic mistakes. While many of the teens and young adults I work with have great judgment, many of them still struggle with impulse control and managing their reactions while feeling upset, emotional, or insecure. Working with a therapist that they trust, can help them cope differently and see situations from another person’s perspective. Often, my clients will tell me that while they don’t particularly love their parents’ decisions, they do understand them and know that they are helping them in the long run. It’s always interesting when my clients are able to reflect that they would probably do the same thing if they were the parent in any given situation. I’ve even had teens tell me they would probably be more strict or set other boundaries with their kids in the future! Just like in toddlerhood, teenage and young adult years come with a certain level of parent resistance. It’s almost like they are “programmed” to disagree with you! Working with a therapist, is a great way to divert some of this. Since we are not their parents, our relationship with them does not carry the same emotionality or reactivity so they are often more receptive to our suggestions or thoughts. My clients often tell me that I don’t feel like another adult but a friend, big sister, or mentor. These relationships produce less resistance, which is super helpful in terms of my ability to make suggestions and provide support and guidance. Another reason why I believe therapy should at least be offered to most teens and young adults is this... Being a teen or young adult can be really lonely. Especially if you are struggling with emotions, friends, relationships with your family, and feeling that you need to do things on your own. It can be a time when you feel that you have to do everything and don't really want advice from anyone else but where you also feel deep down that you have no idea what you are doing. I remember what this was like and though I would have resisted, would have loved to have an adult on my side! While I know that my initial statement of "every teen or young adult" needs therapy, may seem dramatic, I really do believe that this is an age group that particularly benefits from therapy for the reasons I described above and honestly, many more! Given the fact that we practice therapy at our office from a place of growth, self-understanding, and compassion, we strive to help our clients feel at home and never to feel that we are saying something is "wrong" with them. This approach helps teens feel at home with us and that it is okay to seek support when you need it! At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
0 Comments
 By: Dr. Erica WollermanAs a therapist who specializes in parenting and working with kids and teens, emotions and how we handle them is a big topic in my office. One of the common focuses of my work is about helping people understand themselves better, including understanding their emotions. As a therapist, it often may feel obvious to me that this is really important work but I realize that many parents I work with may not realize just how important our relationship with our own emotions is. So, I thought I would share more about why I am so intent on validating emotions, even the ones that seem illogical or frustrating to others. My understanding of people and the world centers on the belief that most people really crave understanding. Understanding both of themselves but also from their loved ones. We all want to know that we are both good enough but also that we are not “crazy” or experiencing something others have not or do not. “Is this normal?” and “I’m not crazy, am I?” are common questions when it comes to how we relate emotionally to the world. Interestingly, our culture seems to work against us in terms of how we relate to our emotions… we get the message that some emotions are “good” and some are “bad,” which means they should essentially be avoided, hidden, or just not talked about. We tend to internalize these ideas and come up with a lot of strategies to avoid our more unpleasant emotions. We might make a lot of jokes, just avoid emotional conversations, find something else to channel our feelings into, or just pretend nothing is bothering us. Unfortunately, while these strategies may seem to work in the short term, they usually stop working when our emotional cup becomes too full usually because of some challenging life event. Divorce, a big move, loss of a loved one, birth of a child, losing or changing jobs, etc. can all be big triggers for experiencing a lot of previously avoided emotion. This is why therapy can be very uncomfortable for people. In therapy, we often ask people to not just identify their feelings, but to share them and learn how to both express and experience them. This is tough for most people, especially the most practiced avoiders! However, the more we can look at our emotions as helpful cues to our environment, rather than judge them as good or bad, the better we are going to be able to respond and cope with unpleasant situations and feelings. The first step in learning how to manage our emotions is simply to accept we have them. As a therapist, this is why it is so important to me that I validate another person’s experience and emotions. I might say something like: “Yes, it makes sense to feel the way you are feeling. I might feel that way too.” This helps us remember that our emotions are a very human part of us and we all have them. They are not some strange, foreign part of us to be scared of, they are a part of us to learn to embrace. And as a parent consultant, this is why it is important to me that we, as parents, learn to validate our child’s experience. By validating their experience and saying, I see you and your feelings and they are not only okay with me, but understandable, we communicate to them that they are seen and heard and not alone. Validation and understanding of emotions can help prevent a situation from escalating, help our kids learn how to experience their emotions rather than engage in unhealthy distraction and coping behaviors, and can help them have a healthy relationship with others. Here are some ways to help you work more emotional understanding into either your relationship with yourself or your child(ren):
Notice that these questions are just geared to help you notice, express, and communicate about feelings. Often, when feelings are “heard,” they dissipate more quickly than if they are resisted, suppressed, or avoided. When we avoid them, they usually get louder to be heard. So, just by listening more intently to ourselves and our children and using curious observation and questions, we can often defuse difficult emotional situations. At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Panicha McGuire, LMFT Free range parenting has been around for a long time, but recently has just caused a stir in the parenting world. In sum, free range parenting is the concept of raising children with unsupervised time. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t ever watch your children, but it means to not live in constant fear that something terrible will happen to them if you are not there. In your own childhood, your parent’s childhood, or even your grandparent’s childhood you may recall going to the store unattended, walking to your neighbor’s house alone three blocks down the street, taking public transportation alone, or walking home from school with your school friends. I’ve come to realize that parents are more afraid for their children than ever. But, it’s much more dangerous nowadays! Well, yes, and also no. We do have to be aware of things like online predators or media exposure, but remember we live in a culture that is also hyperaware. Everyday there is a story of abductions or missing children. It’s absolutely terrifying and if we see these stories in the media every day, it can feel like these situations happen all the time. And the next time you’re thinking if your child is safe walking over to their friend’s house, you think of these stories that you have seen on the news. We start to lose perspective of real dangers. We also live in a culture where parents are shamed if they let their child play in the backyard unsupervised because they aren’t “playing with their kid” or “aren’t using this time for something productive”. It’s also the same culture that invented child GPS watches and monitoring systems. If you’re into Black Mirroron Netflix, I recommend watching the Arkangel episode (disclaimer: this is dark). I remember growing up and playing unsupervised in the backyard of our home. I was told to not play close to the plants and watch out for the cactus (but what 7-year-old listens). Lo and behold, I had played too close to the cactus, fell on it, and got spikes all over my back which my grandpa had to help pull out with tweezers. But did I play near the plants again? Nope! Now this cactus story sounds less scary than letting your child ride the bus alone from school because it was contained in the backyard of my home. Although, I did do that too! I rode the metro home every day starting in 6thgrade after my mother had rode it with me enough times for me to get how it works. But I was also prepped with emergency cash and directions on what to do when I’m in real danger. And then I would stay home alone to do homework and play in the neighborhood until they would come home from work during dinner. So, should you just let your child roam free now? Not really, at least not yet. Especially when they haven’t been preparing for this. Free-range parenting has its praises and criticisms, but this article is more about your parenting instincts. You will know what your child is capable of doing, and letting them do it on their own will give them the challenge they need to grow. Letting your child do something unsupervised comes with patience and training. As a parent, you knew when your child was ready to cross the street without holding their hand because you knew you could trust them to look both ways. You coached them enough for them to be able to make a wise decision. One day, you decided you could let go of their hand because you noticed they were looking both ways. Everyone has an opinion on “how to parent”. You’ll always have someone giving their opinion on whether you’re letting your child walk too far away from you, or leaving them home alone (although, do check state laws on this one!). But the truth is not all families are the same, and all children have different temperaments and personalities, and so do their parents. You have to do what works for you and your child. And remember that it is okay for them to fail and learn from their own mistakes. You’re not a bad parent for doing so. It actually teaches them more independence and fosters their growth. At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen, or young adult psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Dr. Erica WollermanAt Thrive, we love supporting new and returning college students and young adults! For many, the process of moving towards independence from our parents can be really challenging but also exciting! The number of transitions faced by young adults can be so numerous – many are moving away from their parents for the first time, managing responsibilities that can feel overwhelming, balancing work and school perhaps for the first time, renting an apartment, trying to plan or start a career, entering into or leaving serious relationships, or starting a family. I remember while working at a college counseling center, just how often we talked with students about how all transitions, even positive ones, can be stressful and anxiety provoking. It really makes sense that during a time of so much transition, between the ages of 17-25 or so, having a supportive person to talk things through with can be so helpful. Here’s a list of 5 reasons why young adults LOVE coming to therapy. 1. Support! While most of us crave more independence as we near our adult years, it can also feel very lonely to be handling more things on your own as you age. Whether you live with your family or on your own, it can be difficult to feel supported especially if you are making more independent decisions. A therapist can help you feel that you have someone in your corner no matter what choices you make. 2. No judgment here Many people explore a lot of different ways of being in the world in their young adult years. This might include differing levels of partying, sexual encounters, risky choices in general, and varying interest in careers, work, and education. It is often difficult to talk with other friends about these experiences and most certainly can be difficult to talk with family about them! A therapist can provide a safe place to explore your choices while not feeling judged or controlled. 3. We are not your parent Many of us talk less to our parents while we start or continue the process of “launching” from their home. While this level of contact varies from person to person, it can be so helpful and reassuring to have another adult in your life who cares about you and can provide some level of advice and direction. While a therapist serves a much different role than a parent, we can help buffer the loneliness and challenge of navigating the world more independently. 4. Who am I? Where is my life headed? Therapists usually LOVE talking about identity and different paths people are going to take in their lives. This is a reason why young adults are so much fun for us to work with! Interestingly, we are not the only ones who love talking about these challenges! Our young adult clients usually want to explore them too and sometimes, it is better to do so in a space without parental involvement. Parents often have more emotional connection with their children’s development and goals which makes it difficult to give neutral feedback and space to make mistakes. We are here for you to sort things out and to walk with you no matter the choices or mistakes you may make! 5. Why me? I believe making meaning out of challenging life situations can be a reason many people love therapy but particularly our young adult clients appreciate having a space to process the challenges and difficult situations they face or have faced. We can help you make meaning and resolve challenges from your past so that you hopefully do not carry them as much into your future! While these are only a few reasons why young adults love working with our office, there are many more and perhaps you will have your own! We are passionate about helping young adults reach their full potential at our office and would love to work with you! At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen, or young adult psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. By: Dr. Erica Wollerman Since Thrive was founded in 2016, it has been a personal and professional mission of mine to make sure that our office is a place where parents are supported. Now that I have become a mother myself, this has become even more of passion project for me. I thought it might be helpful to go beyond sharing about our goal to support parents to share more about exactly how we do that at Thrive. We support parents in many different ways, but the top 3 ways are as follows: 1. Individual Therapy Something that I believe makes Thrive a bit different from other offices who work with children and teens is that all of our therapists are not only comfortable but enjoyworking with the parents of our young clients. While, we only involve parents when the child/teen agrees and when it is in their best interest to do so, we always hope that we will be able to involve parents so that we can better support families as a whole. It is our belief that by helping families communicate and understand each other better, we can best facilitate change for everyone involved. We also work with adults in individual therapy and often support parents in their personal parenting journey as well as other challenges they might be experiencing. 2. Family Therapy Another way we like to support parents at Thrive is through family therapy. We love it when families call and request to work on their family relationships through family therapy and also can incorporate family work into individual treatment. Since we all work from a whole system based perspective, we can accommodate most families’ needs in terms of family work as well as individual therapy or group therapy. 3. Parent Consultation One of the services that I am the most proudto offer at Thrive is parent consultation. Parent consultation sessions are sessions where parents (with or without their co-parents) come in specifically to work on their parenting. Parent sessions are a great place to get specific advice and support tailored towards your families’ or child’s specific needs. I’ve found these sessions are extremely helpful for parents who either struggle in understanding their child/children or who are parenting children with special needs due to either a medical or psychological challenge. Plus, one on one parenting sessions are a great way to feel supported and create the much needed village in your parenting journey. I hope that this blog helps our readers understand more about what we offer at Thrive and how we meet our goal and passion project of supporting parents! Please feel free to contact us with any questions about how we might help you or your family! At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Dr. Erica WollermanSince I am at times quoted in different articles, I thought it would be fun to post all of those articles in one place! Check out the following articles, videos, and posts about Thrive Therapy Studio since we started 2 years ago!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  The Dark Side of Parenting Anxiously |
Blogs from the Thrive Family!Musings from Erica, Lauren, Panicha, Angela, Jennifer, and Maria Categories
All
Archives
May 2019
|
RSS Feed
Call Today! 858-342-1304Thrive Therapy Studio
5230 Carroll Canyon Rd. Ste 110 San Diego, CA 92121 |
"Watch your thoughts, They become words. Watch your words, They become actions. Watch your actions, They become habits. Watch your habits, They become character; It becomes your destiny." |
Contact Us |
Thrive Therapy Studio Therapists Offer Child, Teen, Adult, Marriage and Family Psychotherapy Counseling Services in San Diego, California.
