Thrive Therapy Blog

First Blog of 2023

3/23/2023

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

First blog of 2023… and yes, I know it’s March ;)

I think it has been over a year since I last wrote a blog or any content for Thrive. Honestly, I typically love writing for our website and social media accounts. While a part of me has missed using this avenue to share information and thoughts with the world, part of me has been hiding.

Hiding from the fact that the world feels so discouraging and difficult at times.

Hiding from the fact that my schedule has become so busy that I have not had time to find the “most beautiful, perfect, nice framing” for the situations many of us are navigating.

Hiding from the fact that sometimes, I don’t know what I am doing either.

You see, the past year has been incredibly difficult for our world in a myriad of ways that it has been overwhelming to sit down and really sit with that reality in order to put together my thoughts, let alone my words. Additionally, with the growth of our practice, return to in-person sessions, and my own family’s challenges at times, it has been a lot to juggle logistically, let alone emotionally.

However, recently, I have begun to cast away the ideals that I should have suggestions for people who are grappling with humanity and the terrible things we do to each other. And I have recognized that I do have things to share and my part to play in helping to make the world better.

For those of you who know me, this is through my individual work with clients and parents but also, from time to time, in what I try to share with the general public in my content. So, here we are. Back to writing again. A bit rusty and clunky, but I feel that I need to show up however I am so that I can continue that purpose.

Because though the parenting game is rigged, I believe we can make it a bit less anxiety provoking - not just for ourselves but for our kids.

Kids and teens are struggling these days. They need us all to show up and put in some work to shift this parenting culture towards a better, more sustainable path.

So anyways, I am back. It’s officially 2023, and while we are a few months in, I still wanted to share my word of intention for the year. Some of you may remember that I set a word each year in reflection on the past year and what I believe might help me weather the storms of the coming year. With all of the challenges of our world and the weight many of us are carrying witnessing tragedy after tragedy, I thought JOY would be a good intention. I could certainly use more joy in my life, and I am going to work to cultivate it. So far, this has sometimes been in letting myself lose myself in playing with my son again, and other times it has been through dancing to my old-school beats.

I know it is late to share all of this, but really, who cares? Similar to what I encourage my clients to do, I am practicing what I preach and showing up as I am, very imperfectly so. You see, it is okay if we miss a day, a week, a month, or even a year in something that is important to us. What really matters is getting back into it. I will do my best to stop hiding and show up through writing again. Not just for you, dear reader, but for me too.

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.

As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.

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What Is Play Therapy?

4/6/2022

By: Dr. Andrea Seldonridge

As a therapist who works with children, I have often been asked by parents what play therapy is, what its purpose of it is, and how it works. So, I hope to convey a bit about what play therapy actually looks like and the reasons why we use it!

“Toys are children’s words and play is their language”. This is a commonly shared quote by Garry Landreth, a prominent play therapist. Play therapy is a form of therapy that is commonly used with children (but even adults can engage in play therapy too!). In typical therapy with adults, adults can verbalize their experiences, emotions, and needs. Children of course are often unable to do so, especially very young children. As many children are unable to put into words their experiences or communicate their needs or pain, play therapy is a way that they can do so that fits their developmental stage. No talking is required since play is a thorough method of communication!

Play therapy is different from normal play. As a therapist stays attuned to what is happening for the child in their play, it can help the child process their feelings and experiences. Rather than spending the session talking, we can work to help children resolve issues via play.

There are so many different tools, toys, and play activities children can use in play therapy. Sometimes this can be playing with dolls or figurines, using a sand tray, making art, or other types of pretend play. The toys can resemble different themes or aspects of their lives, such as family relationships, safety, power, or interpersonal relationships. Play is a safe space where children can play out scary scenarios or painful experiences or emotions. Sometimes these experiences or issues would be too scary or overwhelming to face outside the therapy room. Through this play, they can process the events and practice resolving issues within the safe space, while also providing a sense of relief. It provides children a developmentally appropriate way to deal with depression, anxiety, and even trauma.

Often, play therapy can be directive to help reach specific goals, while often it is very non-directive. When play is non-directive, it gives the child a chance to lead, develop confidence, and increase their sense of agency. Play gets to be organic. It is a chance for them to explore what they would like to in therapy. Many times when I have done play therapy, I will let the child know at the beginning of therapy “this is your play place. You can do anything you would like to. If there is something you can’t do, I will let you know”. After setting boundaries around safety, the children get to just take it from there! Play also helps children let their guard down and just be themselves.

Play therapy does four major tasks.

Facilitates communication. Play promotes self-expression and communicating thoughts and feelings. It allows children to overcome difficulties without needing to have the ability to verbalize them. Metaphors are also used in play to help them solve their problems.
Fosters emotional wellness. Play helps children release unpleasant feelings, increase their sense of control, and improve their overall mood.
Increases personal strengths. Children can practice their problem solving skills, build self-esteem, and increase their creativity. This can increase their overall confidence to tackle issues in the world outside the therapy room.
Enhances social relationships. Parents can be involved in play therapy, playing alongside their child. This play works to facilitate positive emotions and attachment between parents and children. Children get to practice their social skills and through role-playing, they can increase the empathy they have for others.

Play therapy is a great way for children to process and resolve the issues they are facing in a safe and developmentally appropriate way. It is a unique take on therapy, reminding us that children have found their own way of communicating without the need for words.

The Importance & Myths of Emotions

3/30/2022

By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

I like to think about the ways we think about emotions. Emotions are often labeled as good or bad, positive or negative. Instead of seeing emotions as this good and bad dichotomy, I like to refer to them as pleasant or unpleasant. This helps remove the idea that there are certain emotions that should be avoided, but rather, some just aren’t our favorite to feel. There is so much value to these unpleasant emotions too! They serve a variety of purposes and are so necessary to being a human. Dr. Marsha Linehan is a clinical psychologist who has done a significant amount of research on the functions and myths about emotions. There are several emotion myths (such as emotions being bad), but before I share those, I think it is important to understand the functions of emotions.

They motivate us for action. Emotions push us to do things. For example, anxiety might help push a student to finish their assignment. Anxiety itself here isn’t “bad”, rather it just helps the student get things done. If we feel happy while doing something, such as feeling happy when exercising, it encourages us to engage in the activity more.

They communicate something to others. Emotions result in facial expressions which can communicate a lot to someone in a very short amount of time, such as giving a smile or furrowing a brow.

They communicate something to ourselves. For example, fear can clue us in that the situation we are in is not safe.

Emotions are so important! They are constantly motivating us to action and communicating things to ourselves and others throughout the day. As I mentioned above, there are various myths about emotions that tend to cloud their importance. Below are some of the most common myths of emotions Dr. Linehan has written on.

There is a right way to feel in every situation. Have you ever found yourself saying “I shouldn’t feel this way?” I definitely have. I have found myself judging myself for having a certain emotional reaction. However, this is not the most helpful way to think about emotions. There is no right or wrong emotion to have in a certain situation. Instead of blaming yourself, you might try acknowledging that you are having the emotion without any judgment for feeling it.
Being emotional means being out of control. Feeling a wide range of emotions means you are a human! Emotions do not necessarily lead us to act in a certain way. While they can motivate us to take action, we still have control over how we respond. There is a cliché that I really like to think about. It says that all emotions are okay, but all behavior is not. Luckily when we feel an intense emotion, our impulse control is often there to keep us from acting on it.
Some emotions are stupid. While there are some emotions that are far less pleasant than others, they are all important. A common example is feeling sad. Someone might say “it’s stupid of me to feel sad right now”. But, is it? Instead, I might encourage them to take time to think about what might be leading them to feeling sad. I think any emotion can clue us into what else might be going on.
Emotions should always be trusted. As I mentioned above, even though emotions communicate something to us, that communication is not always accurate. For example, if you feel anxious, that does not always mean the situation you are in is not safe. Sometimes our emotions are either over heightened or subdued. I think there is a lot of value in trying to balance both one’s emotions with one’s ability to think through a situation. This balance can help one make more informed steps when deciding what to do next.

Instead of viewing emotions as things that should be suppressed, I would encourage you to embrace them and be curious about them. I hope you are able to see the importance of emotions and ways they are part of what makes us human. To learn more about Dr. Linehan’s work, you can check out her DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets manual. You can also learn more about Dr. Linehan’s story and her development of Dialectical Behavior Therapy in her memoir Building a Life Worth Living.

How Parents Can Help Kids Learn From Mistakes

3/23/2022

By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

So your child made a mistake. Now what do you do? You may have seen it coming or maybe it was unexpected. Maybe their mistake will affect others. Your child might feel defeated, hopeless, frustrated, or angry. As adults, we know that there is always something one can learn from a mistake, but how can we help kids learn from theirs? Luckily, there are often several teaching moments parents can incorporate in these scenarios.

Allow time for a child to calm before talking about the mistake. This can be one of the most helpful places to start. It is hard to take in information or think something through when emotions are high. Allowing kids time for their emotions to settle will likely make the conversation more effective. Saying something like “would you like to take space for a bit?” can communicate that you understand they might not be ready to talk. This decreases the pressure to share their thoughts, concerns, or letdowns until they are ready. Using the phrase “taking space” can also be used whenever emotions are high. It also allows a child (or us adults) time to reduce the chances of saying something we might later wish we hadn’t.
Praise their ability to admit they made a mistake. It is hard to own it! Working to ensure your response does not shame them can be huge because it increases the likelihood that they will share future mistakes. You can try saying “I’m proud of you for sharing you” or “I’m glad you could share this, it shows a lot of bravery”.
Help them reflect on what they learned. This demonstrates that even with disappointment or frustration, there is always a take away from a mistake. You can help them identify one thing they have learned that will help them the next time they are confronted with a similar challenge then you can talk about how they’re feeling. Depending on their ability to identify their own emotions, you can try reflecting “I can see how disappointed/sad/angry you are right now”.
Use this moment of humility to help them learn to be compassionate with their peers when peers make mistakes. You can first help your child recognize how they would like to be treated when they make a mistake. Then, you can help them think about how their classmates or teammates would like to be treated when making mistakes. This allows your child to learn the importance of showing kindness to classmates or teammates when they make mistakes. Helping them recognize that as your child wants to be supported and not judged, your child can learn to show this same compassion to peers.
If they hurt someone, plan on how to apologize. You can help them learn how to make amends by learning how to apologize well. This can consist of admitting the mistake you made, sharing that you are sorry, stating you want to ensure this does not happen again, and asking for forgiveness. I would also add on helping them learn to let it go after they are forgiven.
Practice, practice. If their mistake is something they are able to practice, then help them practice it. Saying “okay, you made a mistake here, so let’s practice more to help it not happen again!” can be a positive reframe.
Model learning from mistakes. How do you respond to your own mistakes? Are you forgiving of yourself, or do you tend to talk down to yourself? Increasing your awareness of how you respond to your own mistakes will help children learn how to respond to theirs.

While making mistakes is rarely enjoyable, there are so many things we can learn from them! Helping children notice the opportunities, rather than them only seeing their disappointments or frustrations, can increase their hope for future outcomes.

4 Themes From Encanto to Explore With Your Child

3/16/2022

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

If your house is anything like ours, Encanto has been watched, and listened to, A LOT! It’s very cute because my son has picked up on the fact that I love this movie as well so when he really wants to watch something and connect with me he will ask for “Encanto and popcorn.” Something that I really love about this movie is how many amazing themes it incorporates and provides concrete ways to discuss some really tough things in life. Like how hard it can be to feel that others expect you to be able to solve every problem (Luisa) or how we might feel our value is only in being “perfect” (Isabella). Or, how much a family is impacted by trying to hide difficult things and not talking about them (Bruno and Mirabel). So, I thought it might be helpful to share a bit about how I, as a child therapist and parent, use the film to explore topics with my son (who is 4 so some of this is for younger kids).

One of my son’s favorite questions about the movie is, why didn’t Mirabel get a gift?
What a great question right? This is a great way to talk about how the family has secrets and is not dealing with the hard things coming up so the magic seemed to find a way to force them to talk about it. First, by trying to show something was wrong by not giving her a gift, and second, by giving Bruno a vision about her. I use this question as a way to weave in the importance of facing our problems and dealing with hard things. We talk about how the magic was there to help the family and that because Abuela wanted to protect the magic by always being of service to everyone and holding tight to “sunshine”, it started to break down. Pretending everything is okay all the time causes harm. Just ask poor Tia Pepa always trying to imagine “clear skies” instead of dancing in the rain!

Another helpful topic is using Luisa’s struggles to explore how it’s okay to ask for help and not be strong all the time. With older kids, it can help to use her situation to explore how unrealistic expectations are the hardest pressures to deal with in life. With my son, I talk about how Luisa feels that she needs to do everything because she is so strong but that it is okay to take a break, ask for help, and that one person should never be the one in a family shouldering all the problems or challenges. We talk about how families are a team and how we need to help each other.

Onto one of my favorite topics of all time, perfection! Specifically, perfection is not a great goal. My son and I talk a lot about how Isabella felt that she had to be a certain way, perfect, to be loved and of use in the family but that when she allowed herself to feel things fully, she was happier and more herself. We love watching her sing and dance and create things totally her own. I think this is a great image for parents when they are considering what they hope for in their child’s life. Instead of perfect Isabella who seemed pretty unhappy at times, we should hope for an Isabella who dances in the magic of her own creations with joy.

Now back to Mirabel of course. While my son loves asking about how she didn’t get a gift, as a therapist, I know a secret. She did get a gift. The gift of empathy. Watching how she was able to connect with all of her family members so well to truly see them, what they needed, and to show them love through their struggles was truly beautiful. Especially as a therapist because she reminded me of what we do every day in our offices. Even if others may not always understand, we know that the Isabella we want is the one who is messy and joyful, not “perfect,” and that the Luisa we want is the one who is resting and helpful because she chooses it, not because her worth is tied to her productivity. While disrupting family patterns is not always easy, it certainly is brave and it was heartwarming to see her family embrace her and the magic reward them all by coming back. Hopefully, all of our lives can embrace a bit of magic that helps us move more in the direction of doing things in line with who we truly are.

The Importance of Making Mistakes

3/9/2022

By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

I have never liked making mistakes. This was always most prevalent for me in school. When I was in 1st grade, we had a spelling quiz each week. If you got a perfect score, you did not have to retake it. I have been told that most times I did not get a perfect score, I would cry. In 4th grade, I got my first D on an exam. I distinctly remember when my teacher told me and I could not stop crying as I was so frustrated with myself. However, there were other areas of my life that I was more than okay making mistakes in! Specifically, anything sports related. Playing kickball in P.E. class, I rarely kicked the ball far enough. I even remember when other kids would be upset with me that I was not a better teammate. But you know, it did not bother me! I just had fun and placed no pressure on myself to be perfect!

I think for a lot of people, we have certain areas in our life in which we are hard on ourselves, whereas in others we can give ourselves more grace. I was always “good” at school, so when I messed up, I had a harder time handling it. Whereas with sports, I was proud of myself if I just got through the game. The only way I became better at handling the fact that I would make mistakes academically was just by making more mistakes. I had to get used to the fact that mistakes happen, even if I thought they should not.

Childhood really is a great time for making mistakes! As adults, we at times want to shield kids from the negative results some of their mistakes might lead to. However, making mistakes is fundamental in development and there are some mistakes that might be worth letting them make to reach those developmental milestones. Here are a few reasons why it is important for kids to make mistakes.

They learn to problem solve. Through making mistakes, they can learn to tell themselves “Okay, this did not go how I hoped. What can I do now?” They will learn how to reassess the situation and develop a plan B. If they make another mistake, they can make a plan C. This helps them learn to not give up after one or two attempts and that in some way they will figure it out!
It teaches them they are human. This is something that I wish I had learned much earlier in life! They might put a lot of pressure on themselves and making mistakes allows them to experience failure. Experiencing, and more so FEELING failure lets them know that despite their best efforts, mistakes do happen! No one can avoid it no matter how hard they try.
They learn the world will not actually end. If they feel anxious they will make a mistake - and then make the mistake - they usually feel even more anxious. However, once they see that whatever they were most worried about did not happen, it can start to reduce the anxiety they feel.
They develop distress tolerance. If what they feared would happen does happen, it is a great time to increase distress tolerance. When we mess up, we might feel anxious, overwhelmed, or angry. All of those feelings are valid! By practicing making mistakes as a child, they can learn to slowly increase their ability to get through these difficult emotions or uncomfortable outcomes.
Being perfect does not define your worth. Lastly, they can learn that just because they made a mistake, it does not mean they are worth any less. They are still wholly and fully themselves, no matter what grade they get or how many goals they score.

Childhood is a great age to practice making mistakes, especially as the consequences of those mistakes often have smaller consequences than maybe some mistakes one could make in adulthood. Allowing your child to make mistakes while being able to receive your feedback and support can increase their self-confidence to try again.

Perfect Parenting is NOT the Goal

2/9/2022

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

As parents, there is so much pressure on us to try to do everything right, perfectly, or as well as possible as we raise our children. I think this has a lot to do with how much information there is regarding parenting and child development that we have access to. Additionally, there has been a shift culturally with people relating challenges they experience in their life to the parenting they received as a child.

As a therapist, this connection between past and present is often a topic in my sessions both with adults and often young adults. It certainly has been a topic of my own personal therapy sessions! Interestingly, since my clinical work also focuses heavily on parenting, and since I have become a mom and felt this immense pressure on parents myself, I also have a slightly different perspective on this tendency to expect parents to be perfect.

I fundamentally believe that it is impossible to parent perfectly. I also don’t think that it is a goal we should even have, and not just because it is impossible to accomplish but also because it is actually not helpful for our children to have perfect parents. I know this might sound strange to some of you, particularly if you don’t read my blog often, but our children are not served well by being led by people who are doing things perfectly.

You see, how to repair things with the people we love after we mess up is one of the most important things we figure out in our lives. How can we possibly learn how to do this if we have parents who never mess up and as such, never need to repair?

So, parents, a crucial part of parenting is acknowledging and accepting that you will not be perfect and that you will inevitably screw up, possibly in big ways. Once you can accept this, you can hopefully also open yourself up to learning how to repair with your child when you do mess up. Perhaps you mess up by yelling in response rather than calmly explaining things to them. In this situation, the best thing to do is to reconnect and repair with your child once you feel calm.

These moments are surprisingly simple, but can be challenging not to fill in with unnecessary words and emotion. The best strategy is to take a compassionate yet matter of fact approach and to explain, “yesterday when I yelled at you, I was wrong. I am so sorry and imagine you may have felt scared, upset, or sad. You have every right to feel that way. I am sorry for doing that and will try my best to speak to you calmly in the future. I love you and you do not deserve to be yelled at.”

Another way to handle things in the moment is to stop yourself, slow down, and simply explain that you do not like the way you are responding to them and ask if you can “restart.” If you can easily reconnect, go for it! If your child is reluctant to reconnect and restart, allow them time to feel their feelings and find time later to acknowledge what happened and that you messed up, similar to the above situation.

For many of us who had parents who never apologized or acknowledged their challenges, this is likely to feel very uncomfortable! The good news in this current parenting culture is that we are doing things differently so that opens us up to consider what we might have appreciated or what might have helped us as people when we were kids. Then, we can simply try our best to do that. And for those of us whose parents did not apologize, just imagine what it would feel like if your parent truly acknowledged the mistakes they made, your feelings, and allowed a conversation about that now. It would do wonders for your healing, growth, and relationship!

We all have an opportunity to create this kind of family climate from this point forward.

Let’s do it - imperfectly of course.

Strengths-Based Parenting

2/2/2022

By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

As the saying goes, there is no user manual that comes with having a child. However, the amount of parenting advice, either asked for or not asked for, begins being shared not too long after someone announces they are pregnant. As much as someone might want to be the perfect parent, we all know that perfect parenting is not possible for anyone! It can be easy to become frustrated about ways you might feel like you are not doing the best, or exasperated when your efforts to help your child follow rules are not working. If you have been feeling this way, I would encourage you to take a moment to think about what you know you are doing well. What is one thing about parenting you know you are good at? As the title of this blog says, this is a start to parenting from a strengths-based perspective.
So what is a strengths-based perspective? In short, it puts more emphasis on catching and elevating your child’s strengths to help them become more confident, gain independence, and engage in more positive behaviors (like sharing their toys with their siblings or doing the dishes). There are a variety of ways someone can incorporate a strengths-based approach into their parenting style. Here are a few of them!

Take time to think about what your child’s top strengths are. Maybe your child is really generous, or maybe they are great at showing they care for others. This could show up as them deciding on their own to share their toy with their friend, or it might mean that when they see a child fall, they are one of the first ones to make sure the child is okay.
Point out when they use their strengths. This is similar to the idea of “catching them doing good”. Whatever their top strengths are, try letting them know you see them using that strength. This continues to increase the likelihood that they will engage in more positive behaviors while increasing their confidence and likelihood to try new tasks.
Reframe weaknesses as areas of growth. This can look like remembering that though your child might be struggling with something now, it does not mean they always will. When thinking about myself as a child, let’s just say forgiveness was an area of growth. It was very easy for me to hold a grudge, but over time, I was able to see that holding grudges really wasn’t benefitting me. If your child is in a similar situation, when you see them forgiving someone else, you can “catch” them and say “I love the way you were able to forgive them”. This encourages them to continue doing so!
Recognize the strengths you have as a parent. Yes, I think this is important enough to say twice in the same blog. :) With anything in life, it is so easy to notice our shortcomings more often than the things we are really good at. By recognizing your own strengths, it helps model for your child to notice theirs as well.

All in all, remembering to give yourself grace is so important. No matter the image anyone portrays, no one is a perfect parent (or always has an easy going child). If you ever respond to your child in a way that you wish you hadn’t - it’s okay! There will always be a next time and repair is the most important thing you can do as a parent.

5 Ways to Support Teens with Low Self-Esteem

1/19/2022

By Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

Being a teen can be difficult to say the least. While it is a time of self-exploration, figuring out who you are and what you value, it is also a time when it becomes especially easy to compare yourself to others. A teen might not make the sports team or pass that difficult class, or may start to compare how they look to their peers. Most teens end up struggling with low self-esteem at some point. It can feel painful as a parent to see your child doubt themselves, but thankfully there are a few things parents can do to help their teen gain confidence in themselves.

Make space to listen rather than problem-solve. I think this is hands down the best thing one could do. Providing a space where your teen can share how they are feeling without providing a solution can make them feel heard and seen. It can be so easy to quickly point out what is great about them - there are likely several things that are great about them! However, sometimes it can end up feeling invalidating. Instead, you can just reflect to them how they are feeling by saying “I know you’re feeling down” or “I know you’re really frustrated with this class”.
Focus on efforts rather than outcomes. For myself, science was always the most difficult class and the tests that I never quite got the grade I was hoping for. I remember when someone told me “you worked really hard and that matters a lot”. It was so encouraging to have someone praise the effort I put into it, because even when I did not get the grade I could still be proud of myself for the extra studying. If your teen is dealing with low self-esteem regarding a class, not making the sports team, or just not meeting their expectations, try praising them for the efforts they put into it.
Encourage them to try new things. Encouraging your teen to try a new activity can help boost confidence and gain practice in putting themselves out there. Whether they do well or do not meet their expectations, you can reflect the courage it takes to try new activities.
Speak kindly to yourself. This is a great way to model positive self-talk! Many of us (including myself) are skilled in identifying the things we dislike about ourselves. Creating the habit of using positive self-talk with ourselves can be a good way to demonstrate it to teens.
Help them reflect on ways they have grown. When experiencing low self-esteem, all-or-nothing thinking can set it. It might leave them feeling like they have never been good enough and won’t ever be. Helping them identify things that were once difficult for them that they now do with ease can increase self-confidence.

Gaining self-esteem is a gradual process. Listening to your teen, reflecting their feelings, and being there for them are some of the best ways to help them increase their self-confidence.

5 Signs You Desperately Need a Social Media Detox

1/12/2022

By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

I think social media definitely has some positives. I still remember the day in high school I first signed up for a social media account. It was exciting to have a way to talk with friends outside of school in a time when most teens did not have their own phone. It can be a creative way to connect with friends and loved ones, especially those that live far away. However, I do think it has some downsides. It’s so easy to keep scrolling through photos and videos, seeing the highlights of the lives of others, seeing more ups than downs, and seeing fun nights out rather than potential lonely nights in. Maybe you’ve been feeling that you use social media too much or wonder how it might be impacting you. If that’s you, here are some signs that a social media detox might be beneficial for you and your mental health.

You feel down after looking through social media. This one might be obvious, but if you find yourself feeling sad, anxious, or down after spending time on social media, taking a break or reducing your use could be helpful. If you aren’t sure how social media is affecting your emotions, I’d encourage you to try to pay attention to how you are feeling before and after going on social media. It might give you a better sense for how it is affecting you.
You feel increased levels of “fomo”, or fear of missing out. Social media can make it seem like interesting things are happening all the time to everyone. It also makes it seem like people are usually with friends instead of having nights alone, let alone ever feeling lonely. However, social media often isn’t an accurate portrayal of real life. There is no possible way to be part of all friend hang outs or go to every concert that shows up in one’s social media feed. It’s okay to have nights at home by yourself! If you’re experiencing that fear of missing out, it could be an opportunity to be the one to plan a coffee trip with a friend or movie night. Others will likely be grateful that you reached out to them.
You’re comparing yourself more often to others. People usually document fun or celebratory events, like a promotion, rather than when they failed a big test or had an argument with their partner. You might feel like you are behind in life, not reaching various “milestones” at the speed others seem to be. I can guarantee you many others feel the same way. If you notice yourself feeling this way, this might be a sign to take a pause from social media.
You’re feeling more insecure about your physical appearance. It is so easy to start comparing how you look to others on social media. Photo filters that make skin look porcelain are ever prevalent. Remember that most people do not have perfectly clear skin or frizz-free hair all the time. Everyone feels insecure about how they look at one time or another, but if this is happening more often, I’d encourage you to take a break from scrolling and see if your level of confidence about yourself improves.
You feel urges to document your day or events you go to. It can be exciting to share what is going well with others, like showing photos of that good dinner you ate, or that you saw a gorgeous San Diego sunset (we really do have some of the best!). However, if you are experiencing urges to post when exciting things happens, there might be some reasons behind it. Does it ever feel like if you don’t post something, it didn’t happen? Or that you need others to see that you have it all together? Paying attention to how often you feel the urge to post on social media can be a good indicator if it is time for a social media detox.

Going about a social media detox can look different for everyone, so here are a few different ways. Cutting it all out at once can work really well for some people. For others, myself included, choosing a smaller goal is more helpful. This might be taking a break from a specific social media app of your choice. For myself, I have found choosing a time of day to not login has been the most helpful. I decided to not login during the first and last 30 minutes of my day. This has allowed me to have time to set intentions for the day and to reflect on the day before falling asleep. Committing to a small step can be challenging at first, but the positive effects on mental health can be significant.

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.

As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.

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First Blog of 2023

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

What Is Play Therapy?

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5 Signs You Desperately Need a Social Media Detox

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