Child, Teen and Adult Psychotherapy Services in San Diego
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Introduction to Therapy Blog Series: Why Parent Consultation?

10/31/2017

 

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 

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If you have browsed our website to check out the services that we offer at Thrive, you may have noticed a section discussing parent consultation. Our passion for working with and supporting parents is a big part of what separates Thrive Therapy from other child and teen therapy providers, who may focus more just on the child or teen rather than the whole family system.
 
Since parent consultation is a service that is lesser known than individual or family therapy, I thought it might be helpful to share a bit about what parent consultation is and when it might be beneficial for you. First, parent consultation can be a separate service for parents or something incorporated into their own individual therapy or their child/teen’s therapy services. Often, when I am working with adults who happen to also be parents, we spend some of our sessions talking about their child or teen and how they are feeling about parenting, questions they may have, or how to best support their child/teen. When I work with children/teen clients, I also really like for parents to have a check in parent session with me around once a month or once every few months. This helps make sure that we are all on the same page and parents are feeling involved and supported as well.
 
When meeting for parent consultation sessions, you can definitely expect that we may discuss some things about your parenting approach or style that could be changed or improved. The really great thing about the way we work at Thrive though is that these recommendations come from a place of caring and wanting parents to feel more effective as parents, not ever from a place of judgment or criticism. At Thrive, we feel that everyone, including parents, kids, teens, are doing the best they can. We strive to help everyone in a family build understanding of each other and communicate effectively. Sometimes this might take dramatic parenting style changes – for example, setting more or less limits with your child/teen – and while this may be difficult, it is so rewarding to see the changes that can happen when all parties are open to it! 
 
Here is a brief list of situations/challenges where parent consultation can be helpful:
  • Your child is exhibiting behavioral challenges (tantrums, aggression, emotional outbursts) and you just don’t know how to help them or make them stop
  • Your child has anxiety and you are unsure when you should push them to do more or allow them to do less
  • You feel that you are no longer sure of your parenting approach or style you want to use
  • You notice that you do not feel connected to your child or as though you understand them very well
  • Your child has a diagnosis that has been difficult for you to cope with
  • You have a history of neglect, abuse, trauma in your childhood that is making parenting feel like a triggering experience for you
 
In all of the above situations, parent consultation sessions can be enormously beneficial in helping parents manage their child’s behavior more effectively, regain confidence as a parent, feel supported, and improve your connection with your child/teen. At Thrive, we love supporting parents through these kinds of challenges and only wish that more parents took advantage of the support we can offer!
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy or parent consultation sessions with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. 

Introduction to Therapy Blog Series: Talking to Your Teen/Child About Attending Therapy

10/24/2017

 
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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 

Once parents have made the decision to bring their child or teen to therapy, a very common concern they may have is about how they should tell their child or teen that this is happening. Parents rightfully understand that some kids will perceive attending therapy as a weakness, problem, or judgment that something is wrong with them. I have to say that unfortunately, there is still a huge stigma around attending therapy so this concern is a valid one in my eyes.
 
The good news is that parents have a lot of power in this situation to change the way therapy is viewed, by their child/teen but also other members of the family. Here are a few guidelines to help manage these conversations:
 
  1. Talk about therapy as a positive thing. One of the best things parents can do is to talk about, and actually view, therapy as a positive thing. Frame it as an opportunity to get support from an adult who cares. What I usually make sure families and clients know is that therapy in itself is not about something being “wrong” but about understanding ourselves and working on challenges that we all have. Please do not use therapy as a threat of “If you don’t shape up, we will have to take you to therapy,” this only works against you if you do end up bringing your child or teen in as they will most likely be less responsive and feel that it is a punishment to get out of, rather than an opportunity to learn and improve. 
  2. Share your positive experiences in therapy. If you are a parent who attends or has attended therapy, share that with your child or teen. Let them know that they are not alone in needing extra support from time to time. I would caution parents not to share too much about why they attended therapy, but just enough to let their child/teen know they are not alone.
  3. Try not to overly focus on the reasons why you are bringing your child or teen to therapy. Please don’t tell them that you are bringing them because you think they have this problem or that problem. Tell them you want them to have a supportive adult besides you to talk to. Tell them that the time is theirs to use as they want to and to talk about what they would like. The less parents try to control therapy through their child or teen, the better their child or teen will respond.
  4. Please don’t tell your child how much therapy is costing. This is a tough one but so important. Most children and teens realize that the services they receive cost money to some extent but the more this is emphasized, the more they feel pressure to “get better” as well as to not need therapy. While we do want our clients to feel better and resolve the issues that brought them to therapy, pressuring that goal does not help, particularly when it is financially motivated.
 
As a parent, I am confident you will find your own way to talk to your child or teen about attending therapy. Hopefully by using these guidelines, the conversation will go as well as possible!
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. 

Introduction to Therapy Blog Series: What to Expect in Therapy

10/16/2017

 
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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 

As a parent who has made the decision to bring your child or teen to therapy, you most likely will have lots of questions about the process of therapy itself. This is so understandable as often, therapy takes place behind closed doors and parents may not realize that they are entitled to ask as many questions about what is happening as they would like! 
 
At Thrive, we all practice slightly differently so I will try to outline the different possibilities of what to expect but I would like to emphasize that all of our therapists will answer your questions about the process of therapy. All questions are okay with us as we want parents to feel informed, involved, and comfortable! 
 
Usually, at the very first appointment, I personally prefer to meet with parents alone so that we can talk very freely about what is going on with the child or teen and family system. At this appointment, we will talk about family history, your child/teen’s developmental history, current concerns, past treatments, and generally I am trying to get a feel for what is going on in the situation so that I can also make recommendations and give you some guidance as to what therapy will look like for your family/teen/child. At this appointment, I will usually describe what I think the best path forward will be, similar to what some may call a more formal treatment plan. I will also encourage parent questions as I want to make sure from the beginning that we are all on the same page.
 
Next, I will plan on meeting with the child or teen alone for the next appointment so that we can start getting to know each other and building our relationship. In that appointment, we are mostly just getting acquainted. With younger kids, this will likely involve playing games or with toys in our play therapy space while I ask them questions and get a feel for their personality and what strategies might work best to help them. With older kids, this will likely involve more of talking and asking questions, as it would for an adult. Generally, I am assessing the child or teen’s openness to work on the challenges they are experiencing so that I can do what is called “meeting them where they are at.” This is therapy speak for not pushing a client too fast or too far when they are not ready. We try to assess where a client is in the process of making changes and meet them there. As time goes on, we then will push and challenge a bit more as we feel we have a strong relationship with that client.
 
Throughout the process of therapy, we will use lots of different strategies in session. I usually like to meet with parents periodically, at times separately from the child/teen, so that we can talk about how things are progressing and share more about how parents can support their child/teen as well as make sure that parents continue to feel involved and informed as to the process of therapy. I hear from parents at times that in the past, the therapists that they have taken their kids to did not share anything with them during treatment. That is not something I typically support (except in very particular situations, which I always talk to parents about as soon as possible) because parents can give us a lot of helpful feedback and are an important part of the process.
 
So, at Thrive, we involve parents in treatment as the rule, rather than the exception to the rule!  In fact, some of our clinicians will involve parents to check in before or after session or involve them in joint sessions with their child or teen. A few of our clinicians will involve parents and children together in the initial appointment and use more of a free flowing method to treatment where sometimes the child or teen is in session, sometimes the parent, and sometimes both. This flexibility works so well for some of our families that I am honored to have clinicians who work in this way! 
 
As you can tell, the most important thing is for parents to ask questions and make sure that they are on the same page with their therapist. Therapy works well when the whole family and therapist are on the same page as to what the goals are and how we are accomplishing them. When trying to find a therapist for your child/teen/family, please make sure to ask questions to understand that therapist’s process and make sure you feel that it is a good fit! 
 
At Thrive, we are fortunate to have a variety of therapists who I am confidence will be able to meet most families’ needs!  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. 

Introduction to Therapy Series: 6 Reasons you should bring your child/teen to therapy:

10/9/2017

 
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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman 

Making the decision to start therapy for your child or teen is usually a pretty difficult one for parents riddled with concerns about a variety of things… Does this mean something is “wrong” with my child?  Will my child think something is wrong with them? Are they just going to complain about me?  Will therapy even help them with the things I want it to help them with?  And the list goes on, and on, and on! 
 
As a child/teen therapist, I get these questions a lot and while I understand where the questions come from and the concerns parents have, I as a therapist am also, unsurprisingly, pretty pro-therapy. I believe that any and all of us can benefit from therapy and that going to therapy does not mean that anything is necessarily “wrong” with us or with our lives. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore ourselves, our lives, our reactions, and can provide us with a supportive person to walk with us through life’s challenges. I also think that children and teens respond particularly well to having an unbiased adult in their lives who can talk through situations and challenges in a way that parents, coaches, and teachers just can’t. So, I generally think that anytime is a good time to start therapy, but I thought a nice list of reasons to start might help parents make this decision!
 
  1. Your child is experiencing symptoms that are starting to interfere with their life: This is very important – if your child is having symptoms of depression, anxiety, social skills issues, or behavioral issues that seem to be increasing and impacting your family more, that do not resolve within a week or so, an initial appointment with a therapist is definitely a good idea. Often, I find that parents struggle so much with the decision of bringing their child to therapy that they wait far longer than I would recommend. So, sooner is better than later in my eyes!
  2. Your child or teen has experienced a significant loss or challenge. Therapy can be particularly helpful following a move, divorce, death of a significant person, or just a challenging time perhaps transitioning to a new school, grade, or family situation. Even if it is a short term experience just to make sure your child or teen is coping well, I would say all of these events are a great reason to bring your child or teen to therapy.
  3. Your child or teen struggles to talk to you about challenges in their life. If you have a child who is either just not very verbal or who shuts down in response to difficult conversations with you, it’s a great idea to get them in therapy so that they can work on sharing and exploring their thoughts and feelings as well as learn how to have difficult conversations! 
  4. 4.You believe your child does not fit in socially or is being bullied or bullying others. Kids who struggle socially or who are bullied or doing the bullying often will benefit from extra support. Considering that our social interactions are a huge part of our lives, it can be so tough for kids who feel that they do not fit in or who are being mistreated. Unfortunately, these issues place children and teens at greater risk of developing depression or anxiety in the future so it is important to support them before those issues develop.
  5. 5.Your child has a diagnosis or an IEP. If your child has a medical diagnosis or challenge going on, they will likely benefit from additional support. Additionally, if your child is diagnosed with a learning disorder, has an IEP for supports at school, or is diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder such as Autism, ADHD, Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, etc., providing them with the support of therapy can be so helpful. Children and teens who feel different for any reason greatly benefit from having outside supports where they can be themselves and work on developing coping skills to manage their challenges.
  6. 6.You have thought about how your child might benefit from therapy more than a couple of times. If you are spending a lot of time considering IF you should bring your child/teen to therapy, just go ahead and bring them in. Even if you are not sure why you are thinking it would be helpful, there is something that you are picking up on as a parent that I think you need to trust!  Trust your gut and call for an intake… In my experience, sometimes parents do not know exactly what is “wrong” but get the sense that something is going on with their child/teen that they do not know about. In these situations, it is always better to be overly cautious than not provide support that could have been beneficial! 
 
As I mentioned previously, as a therapist, I am definitely pro-therapy as you may have noticed through this blog!  I will always recommend that it is better to call in and talk with a therapist about your family, child, or teen and see if they think therapy could be beneficial, rather than wait and let problems or challenges manifest into more problems or challenges. However, it is important to note that at my office, we are conservative in diagnosing children and teens (meaning we do not jump quickly to labeling and diagnosing unless those diagnoses are truly warranted) and that we will let you know if we feel your child or teen does not need services. So, just because you make the call as a parent, does not mean that you are signing your child or teen up for a lifetime of therapy!!
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 

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Thrive Therapy Studio
5230 Carroll Canyon Rd. Ste 110
​San Diego, CA 92121
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Thrive Therapy Studio Therapists Offer Child, Teen, Adult, Marriage and Family Psychotherapy Counseling Services in San Diego, California.
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      • Kim Macias, APCC
      • Dr. Andrea Seldomridge
      • Molly Llamas, AMFT
      • Abbey Stewart, AMFT
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