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 By: Dr. Erica WollermanI personally absolutely love that the word “adulting” has come to be commonly used. Using a verb to describe what it is like to be an adult really makes sense to me, possibly because I am a millennial or maybe because I remember feeling like I was most definitely not an adult when I turned 18. Sure, I loved the privileges of being an “adult” but I certainly have never loved the responsibility. As I’ve gotten older and am now a mom, wife, business owner, employer, and a new home owner, this has not really changed. I still remember when they let us leave the hospital with our son and my reaction was like, “wait, are you sure? We’re the mom and dad now, uh oh?” Now that our list of grown up tasks grows with our responsibilities, it is nice to have a verb to use to describe those things (I need to do some adulting) rather than to describe a state of being (I am an adult). Anyways, needless to say, this word resonates with me and seems to resonate with a lot of my therapy clients who struggle with being overwhelmed with the adult tasks in life. I thought it would be helpful to put together a list of tips to help us all through our more adult days! 1. One thing at a time This has to be one of the most important pieces of advice I ever give as a therapist. So often, we feel overwhelmed with the massive number of tasks we might find ourselves with when in essence, it is not even possible to do them all at once. Make a list and just start moving down the list. If you are overwhelmed, take a deep breath and focus on just one thing you can do, even if it is small, it’s a start! 2. Remember, no one truly feels ready for adult like responsibilities Most people feel overwhelmed when you look at the enormity of what we take on in our lives as people. We go from having things taken care of for us, to being the ones taking care of things for others either in our personal or professional lives. There is this false belief in childhood that our parents and the adults around us truly have it all together that perpetuates our feelings of not being ready or feeling inadequate for the tasks we have ahead. However, we have to remember that adults are just people who have learned to have more things they are responsible for and most likely use different tools to help them remember to do them. For example, it can be so helpful to put reminders in your phone for things like paying bills, rent, taking the trash to the curb, etc. It’s important to remember that you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed and that there are lots of tips and tricks to help you figure out how to “adult” successfully. 3. Talk to people who have already done what you are working on I believe it takes a village, not just to raise kids but to live our lives effectively. It is so incredibly important that we learn that we can reach out and ask people for advice and ways to accomplish the things we are trying to accomplish ourselves. For example, when I started my private practice and later expanded it into Thrive, I asked so many colleauges about their practices and experiences to help me understand both what I was taking on but also how to go about it in a way that would hopefully work for me. If you are a more private person, reading books, blogs, or listening to podcasts can be helpful too! 4. Don’t be afraid to ask questions I have found that people can be so generous in the sharing of their knowledge both in regards to business situations and personal situations. If you are unsure of how often you need to pay a bill or what the process is to do something, go ahead and call the office you need to call and ask questions. It’s okay to admit you have no idea about something and would appreciate an explanation! Many people are happy to walk their customers through these kinds of steps if you are kind about asking and thank them for their time. 5. Reminders This one may be a bit redundant as I mentioned it in the above comments, but reminders on our digital calendars or on paper calendars can be so helpful. In our current culture, we are all balancing so many different things and it is truly easy to forget due dates or appointments. Putting a reminder in whatever kind of calendar you use can be extremely helpful in staying on top of things! I hope this is helpful information for you! If you have other tips or strategies that help you stay organized in your “adulting,” please feel free to comment on this blog or reach out to us at Thrive! At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Dr. Erica WollermanWe all know that work can be a very enjoyable, but unfortunately also very stressful part of our lives. Even for those of us who love our jobs (like me!), the pressure and stress that can be unique to the workplace can get to you. Here are some suggestions about how to cope with it more effectively! Consider why you are stressed at work The first step in figuring out how to manage your work stress differently is really thinking about why you are stressed. Some work related stress is in the nature of the job while other stress is more related to the interpersonal environment or demands placed on you by your direct manager or higher ups. If you are stressed due to the nature of the job itself, it’s helpful to consider if a career change would help or if you need to relate to the job differently in some way. In this case, therapy is often helpful! If you are stressed due to the environment, it can be helpful to consider if feedback would be useful and well received. If so, definitely talk to your managers/higher ups. If not, perhaps consider if there is another job or position that would be a better fit. Again, therapy could be helpful in working through these questions and solutions! If you have decided to stay at your company or position, consider the following as ways to make the best of a difficult situation. 1. Boundaries For some, a big challenge is regarding boundaries and not setting them effectively. For you, setting boundaries might be more with yourself and in how much time you take to work on work activities outside of work hours (late night emails anyone?). For others, setting boundaries might be with your company and in letting them know what you need. You may need to consider asking for a reduced schedule, reduced demands on your time, a change in structure or responsibility, or more support. 2. Increase self-care I know that self-care is a big buzz word these days, but that is for a good reason, which is that taking care of yourself needs to always be a priority! I have noticed that particularly when clients are struggling with work stress, their self-care tends to reduce right away. Taking even 15 minutes a day to add in something that is an enjoyable and fueling activity for you (walking, running, art activities, playing with your children or pets, cooking, reading, meditation) can be extremely helpful in managing stress at work and making sure that it does not leak into your non-work hours with your family. 3. Take brief breaks Most of us tend to work even more when work stress is really high. It makes sense that we would want to reduce stress by just plowing through as much as possible. Unfortunately, sometimes our brains need more of a break in order to work effectively on our tasks. Taking periodic breaks of even just 1-5 minutes to walk, stretch your legs, close your eyes and take deep breaths, or to do a quick mindfulness meditation will help you focus more for the rest of the work day! 4. Meaning making Sometimes work stress is related to feeling that your job does not have meaning or value in the world. I am of the belief that making some meaning out of your job, even if it is just that you are providing monetary support for yourself and your family, will help you feel better about spending your time there. Consider your values and how your job helps you serve them in your life and try to focus on that on the tough days. 5. Find support Seeking out support from friends, family, a trusted colleague, or therapist can be so helpful when you are struggling with work stress. While it can help to “leave work at work,” it can also leave you feeling isolated with your struggles. Seeking a careful balance between talking about the struggles you are having and not ruminating or obsessing about them outside of work can be helpful. I have also found that most people experience stress in their jobs in one form or another in their lives so this is also a topic many people can relate to and understand. 6. Affirmations As many of my clients know, I am a big believer in affirmations and intentionally choosing certain coping thoughts to help you get through a difficult time, and work stress is not different. Affirmations, or intentionally chosen thoughts and phrases, can really help you cope. For example, remembering “I am a valuable addition to our team” can help when you are feeling a lot of self-doubt. Or, thinking “this is just one part of my life and career” might help if you are feeling a lack of success or appreciation in the workplace. I hope these ideas are helpful for you! If you find yourself experiencing a lot of work stress, or other kinds of stress of course, please reach out to us today! We at Thrive love working with adults who are balancing many areas of their lives and work with people from a collaborative approach to make changes. At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Dr. Erica WollermanAs a working mom and entrepreneur, I’ve learned that work/life balance is not so much a check on my list of things to do but more of a journey. It is honestly rare that I feel that things are all in balance and that I am doing a great job at work and a great job at home. This summer, my family bought a home, which was so exciting and overwhelming but of course also really threw my entire precarious balance off that I had felt I achieved some days since having my son and expanding my business 2 years ago. In trying to balance all the things, I have learned a few things that I thought might also be helpful for our blog readers! 1. Balance is going to come and go, learning to roll with it is definitely helpful. Just like how emotions are going to come and go and there are going to be great times in your life and not so great times, balance will be the same. Some days will feel like you are checking all the boxes of your needs and others the scales will tip a little in one direction or another. That’s okay and just information as to what you need to do next. 2. Pay attention to what your needs are. Since self care has become such a buzz word in our culture, I think it is easy to fall into thinking that balance or self care only means going to yoga or brunch. I’ve learned that it is important to really get tclear with yourself on what tyou are missing when you are feeling overwhelmed or out of sync with yourself. Is it time alone or with your significant other, or quality time with your whole family? Is it unscheduled time you are missing where you can be a bitt more free to do the things you want? Is it rest or checking things off your to do list? Is it having enjoyable plans so that you know there is something to look forward to? I could go on but the essence is to pay attention to what it is you need and what it is you are missing in your life and then problem solving ways to get it. 3. Start small. I can’t emphasize this one enough. I feel that often finding “balance” or working on “self-care” feels like just another thing on the usually giant list of things to do. As someone who religiously works walks into my days, it is definitely another thing to do. However, what I’ve learned is that having a few small things, like a daily walk, helps ground me so that I am much more efficient and effective in my days. For you though, it might be a daily meditation practice, working in a garden, playing with a pet, putting your phone away during dinner, reading a book, playing a sport, etc. If you are in a place of wanting to work on balance, find one thing that feels really important in your life and start adding it in little by little. 5 minutes here and there even makes a difference! This dialogue and process of figuring out how to manage feelings of burnout, stress, and overwhelm are so common in our therapeutic work with teens and adults at Thrive. Many of our clients come in feeling so overwhelmed and drained so a big part of our job is to help them figure out what is causing that and how to adjust their life to be more enjoyable! It really is one of my favorite things when my clients share with me the positive changes they have started making, partly from our work and discussions together! If this blog resonates with you and feels helpful in your life, we would love to hear from you! Either as a potential new client or as a reader! At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Dr. Erica WollermanWe get a lot of calls from people who share their current challenges and concerns and jump pretty quickly to what they want and believe they need. Tools. Coping Skills. Strategies. I find this interesting as a therapist who generally engages in very deep, complex work with my clients. Even with my clients who initially thought that they just wanted some “tools,” we also do some pretty deep work in understanding how their challenges came to be before we move on to tools. I believe in doing therapy in a way that you will hopefully get some tools and strategies to manage your life or symptoms more effectively, but also gain a deeper understanding of yourself, relationships with others, and higher levels of self-compassion. Some may wonder why this is a goal… I am of the belief that most of the things in our lives that we want “tools” to fix, are not as simple as they seem. For example, someone may want help making changes in the way that they use alcohol. Simple, right? Just stop drinking so much? Actually, this “simple” challenge is so complex once you get into exploring it. You need to consider why you drink, what alcohol symbolically represents in your life or self, what it does in your relationships to yourself and others, what habits you have around drinking, why you continue drinking, how successful you think you will be in stopping, and what feelings you might be using alcohol to either mask or cope with. There is so much to explore, understand, and process as people. Unfortunately, our quick fix culture has us reaching for quick fixes even in therapy. We want quick tools or strategies to manage our problems or challenges, rather than going inward to consider what is really going on in our lives. This is true for children too. Parents want their children to cope with stress better, especially in the teen years. And boy, do we have some really stressed out teens in our culture! It breaks my heart but that’s a different topic. So, we get calls from parents who want their teen to learn tools to manage stress. First, we need to understand the stress and explore it. Often, I find the stressed out teens I work with have completely unrealistic expectations of themselves to be perfect, or always on top of things, or to get into impossible schools. So, we need to explore those expectations, how they develop, what might be more realistic for them, or how to think about their goals in a more effective way. This is SO much more than tools. This is self-understanding and growth that will go a long way when that teen or child has challenges later in their life. My belief is that just stopping at providing tools or strategies for my clients is a short-term fix. It will probably work for a while and then some of the same things will come back up either in the same way, or different ways. I believe this is because often our symptoms or bad habits are products of a deeper challenge in meeting our emotional needs. In that deep, complex understanding of ourselves, we can truly figure out what is going on and how to take steps towards living a different life. At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. A note from Thrive's founder, Dr. Erica Wollerman: Welcome to our latest blog series! Since I am often the one writing our Thrive blogs, I wanted to make sure that our readers would be able to also get to know the amazing team I work with at Thrive. I am so grateful to work with each of these therapists and they each offer our clients something special. Since we have a team of 7, we truly have a therapist who will match most clients who reach out to us in terms of style and personality. Anoushey is an amazingly calming, compassionate, and warm therapist. We are grateful to have her on the Thrive team!  Tell us about you and why you wanted to become a therapist. My name is Anoushey and I’m so glad I get to share something about myself with you. Just like our clients, our lives as therapists are also shaped by our unique stories. I was born and raised in Pakistan, my upbringing, culture and education plays an important role in who I’m as a person and as a therapist. It also gives me an appreciation of the complexity of our emotional lives and the various factors that influence it. Becoming a therapist: My father read me stories when I was a child, some were fables while others were fairy tales but most were real life anecdotes of the human experience. The narrations were always rich and vivid with descriptions of not only what people did but also how they felt. These early experiences made me curious and appreciative of people’s personal journeys especially the intricate tapestry of emotions that were manifested and expressed through their behavior. As a teenager when I grew even more curious about mental health, I realized that in Pakistan mental health awareness and services were far and few. Nevertheless I came across an article one day that described the work of an organization providing services to children and teen survivors of Child Sexual Abuse in a safe and a confidential environment. This became a turning point in my life and led me to the path of pursuing therapy as my passion, profession and life’s calling. What do you love about being a therapist? I believe I always wanted to be a therapist even when I didn’t really know that a profession like it even exists! To be chosen as a witness, confidante and a companion in someone’s journey of self-discovery. What an incredible honor and a coveted responsibility and one which I accept with great pride as well as humility. How would you describe yourself as a therapist? I’m attentive, respectful, empathic and collaborative. I believe in my clients potential to be the best navigator of their own lives. I serve as an anchor, advocate and cheerleader and foster a non judgmental and warm relationship where my clients feel safe to explore and resolve their challenges. Do you have a particular theory or framework that guides your work as a therapist? I am a client centered therapist which means that I believe that our clients carry within themselves a vast resource for self discovery and fulfillment. My role as a therapist is to provide a warm and genuine environment that empowers the clients to tap into this reservoir. As their therapist, I view my clients with an unconditional positive regard which is a necessary component of our therapeutic relationship and one that nurtures the client’s self-growth. At the same time I challenge my clients to push their limits and take personal responsibility when I witness them getting stuck. I also rely on my education and training to use empirically proven therapeutic techniques to steer my clients as they encounter roadblocks. Who do you love working with in therapy? Any and everyone! Every detail and dimension of a client’s background presents a unique opportunity to understand not only the client but also the world that they inhibit. It also makes me a better therapist because I get the opportunity to be taught by clients from varied age range and backgrounds and form a more holistic worldview. In my professional experience I have worked with children for over 10 years and I absolutely love utilizing the tools of Play Therapy. I have helped children cope with trauma, navigate through adjustment and identity issues, loss, anxiety, depression as well as school related problems. Working with children and teens gives me immense joy as sometimes I might be the only grown up they feel safe enough to confide in or look up to as a role model. I whole heartedly embrace this privilege and model healthy boundaries, trusting relationship, emotional regulation, and fostering of healthy self-esteem. In addition I view working with parents and families as a crucial component of lasting change not only for the child but also for the whole family. Share one thing you are passionate about in your professional or personal life. Being curious about people and places is a personal and professional passion. I love traveling especially with my husband and my two boys. Through travel, I want to give my kids the gift of learning and celebrating different cultures. For more information about Anoushey and her work, please check out her bio here! If you would like to schedule an appointment with Jennifer, please also feel free to call our main number and ask for her or fill out our contact form here and note that you would prefer to work with Anoushey! |
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