|
 By: Dr. Erica Wollerman I can’t tell you how often the topic of being “broken” or “damaged beyond repair” comes up in my therapy sessions. I believe that asking for help in the form of therapy is one of the most courageous steps someone can take. It is incredibly brave to reach out and say that you may need more support as well as to take the time to tell your story to a complete stranger. This is why it’s a big deal to me when someone reaches out to us to start the process of therapy for either themselves or their child or teen!
Interestingly, people who are asking for help definitely typically do not feel brave or courageous. Unfortunately, our culture leads people to feel that they are weak or flawed for needing help. This frustrates me for many reasons but a big one is that it makes it so incredibly hard for people to get to a place where they are okay receiving therapy and help. So often, people tell me that they are “broken, damaged, and a problem,” when they come into therapy. It is so sad for me to hear that they feel this way but provides a valuable opportunity for us to discuss what this means and why they feel that way. A favorite topic of mine when this sentiment comes up with my clients is to share about Kintsukuroi, which is the “Japanese art of mending broken pottery using lacquer resin laced with gold or silver” (reference from Wikipedia). Essentially, this practice means that when something breaks, it is not thrown away or considered broken, trash, damaged, etc., but it is then transformed into something new and even more beautiful. I find this to be such a beautiful philosophy and completely parallel to what I notice as a therapist about people who have struggled, and at times struggled in incredibly difficult ways. People are not weak, broken, or damaged when they have experienced struggle and allow themselves to come out on the other side of that struggle. If they allow themselves to process through the struggle and to allow growth to happen despite the awful things that may have happened in their lives, they often grow and develop into someone more empathic, understanding, strong, and beautiful. This brings up the concept of post-traumatic growth, which is the personal growth that can sometimes come from trauma. While no one would ever wish for trauma or say that they are glad a traumatic event happened (I certainly wouldn’t), many of my clients do acknowledge that because of the trauma or challenge they have experienced in their lives, they are different and often “better” people in some way that they appreciate. It is like the cracks were filled in with gold or silver just like a piece of Japanese pottery. At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Panicha McGuire, M.A.Instagram (IG) is one of the top social media platforms that most young adults and teens are using; however, it could potentially do more harm than good. Although IG is great for self-expression and creativity, it has also been associated with anxiety, cyber-bullying, and FOMO (“fear of missing out”) according to a recent study.
You may have heard words and sayings such as insta-worthy, #squadgoals, #nofilter, and do it for the ‘gram. Young people are spending more time on their social media accounts than ever before. Seeing your friends constantly enjoying picturesque vacations or showing off their new Yeezys can actually make people feel like they are missing out and promote comparison amongst their peers. These posts can create unrealistic expectations and low self-esteem. It creates an illusion that everybody’s life is far better than your own because only the good parts are shown. No one talks about the behind-the-scenes before the filter was added because it probably took the user 30+ tries to curate the photo of that mouth-watering blueberry scone. But it’s all worth it if you get more followers and likes because it gives you a sense of belonging, a sense of community. I know you might be thinking, "But Panicha, back in my day… this wasn’t a problem." Now before you tell yourself or your teens to uninstall IG, is technology really all to blame? Because if it’s not IG, it’ll be something else. Let’s dig a little deeper. Social comparison has always been a part of our culture, particularly a part of teen culture. Have you ever thought about whether someone’s life was better than yours or perhaps worse than yours? Does it make you evaluate your life choices such as your career or relationships? If Mary Sue is having a baby, then, should you? We have always been comparing ourselves to a standard or an ideal image of what others find preferred or attractive. So, if IG is here to stay, what can we do about mental health? Because simply protecting our youth from using social media isn’t going to solve the problem. There have been many suggestions for social platforms to work towards solutions such as algorithms that identify when someone is showing signs of depression through their internet searches or some magazine companies taking a lead on showing unedited photos on their covers. Here are some ideas of what you can do or recommend your teens to do: 1. Focus on gratitude and appreciation. Sometimes when you get sucked into a rabbit hole of scrolling through different posts, you can easily forget the here-and-now. Focus on the things YOU are currently doing and can enjoy. 2. Look at an image non-judgmentally. Try thinking about facts instead of using positive or negative words. Instead of “I wish I had money to go to Bali too”, say “Looks like the person is enjoying their vacation”. Or instead of “I wish I was that fit”, say “The person is athletic”. This can become a good tool when you begin to stir up some feelings towards an image. 3. Think about the root of the issue. Is Mary Sue having a baby really the problem? Or what about that one friend who seems to be going to a different country every month? Try asking yourself If those feelings are stemming from something else. Think about what could cause you to not feel as worthy or feel less-than. Are there areas of your life that is not making you happy? Or are you feeling like you have to meet certain expectations? 4. Follow different people. Sometimes the best method is to unfollow the person that we choose to compare ourselves to. Are certain posts making you feel less about yourself every time you scroll through? Take control of those comparisons and follow people who actually make you feel good. But also remind yourself, that those curated photos of their amazing vacations aren’t what their life really looks like. At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  By: Dr. Erica WollermanSo, as you probably noticed in my first blog in this series, I have a lot of concerns with positive thinking and its’ attempts to tell us not to feel our unpleasant emotions or think our unpleasant thoughts. However, there are parts of “positive thinking” that I think are truly helpful and worth mentioning here and are traits of someone with resilience and more of a positive mindset. Check out the first two blogs in this series here and here!
1. Focusing more on gratitude In my eyes, focusing on gratitude and intentionally seeking ways to show or experience gratitude is so important. We can often become habitual problem finders who just focus on problems or challenges, rather than all we do have to feel grateful for. In contrast to positive thinking though, I mention gratitude more as a daily practice or habit and not a response to feeling something unpleasant. Generally trying to cultivate a mindset of gratitude looks like noticing things you are grateful for at the end of a day or week – NOT trying to focus on gratitude in moments where you are really upset or struggling. That would be just like the whole, “think positive” suggestion and likely only make you feel worse. 2. Confidence that you can manage difficult situations, experiences, struggles I believe that having a positive mindset about your life could include the confidence that you are going to be okay. That yes, life has its’ struggles, but they really do make us stronger and lead us in new and different directions which can be exciting and scary. In order to have this perspective, you have to not only remember struggles you have had, but remember that you got through them and that there were lessons learned along the way. This part of having a positive mindset involves allowing yourself to remember and process your challenges, not to feel worse about them, but to see what you have endured and how resilient you are. Yes, difficult things are going to happen. But yes, you can get through it. 3. Cultivating memories of pleasant moments, experiences, even during times of struggle This is so incredibly difficult, but so important. We need to remember that all emotions are temporary, the pleasant and the unpleasant. As such, even when we are in deep pain and struggle, we need to have the deeper knowledge that we will not always feel this way. For example, when you are grieving a loss, perhaps of a relationship, pet, loved one, life path, etc. it is important to know that grief marks the importance of that relationship in your life. That when we love, because everything is temporary, we will know loss and need to feel that loss because our feelings and grief honors the relationship or experience. Hopefully this blog rounds out our series on Positive Thinking! While I am not a positive thinking proponent, there are definitely some assets of learning to cultivate a positive mindset and work on becoming a realistic thinker. At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. |
Blogs from the Thrive Family!Musings from Erica, Jennifer, Maria, Kim, Andrea, Molly, Abbey, and Ying-Ying Categories
All
Archives
August 2022
|
RSS Feed
Call Today! 858-342-1304Thrive Therapy Studio
5230 Carroll Canyon Rd. Ste 110 San Diego, CA 92121 |
"Watch your thoughts, They become words. Watch your words, They become actions. Watch your actions, They become habits. Watch your habits, They become character; It becomes your destiny." |
Contact Us |
Thrive Therapy Studio Therapists Offer Child, Teen, Adult, Marriage and Family Psychotherapy Counseling Services in San Diego, California.
