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By: Dr. Erica Wollerman  As a therapist, the topic of failure comes up often in my work both with adults and with children/teens and their families. Over time, the topic of failure and redefining failure has become something that I am very passionate about. Part of this comes from my own personal history, as well as from my work with those grappling with their fears of failure or experiences they believe are failures. Personally, I like to say that I am a “recovering perfectionist” because, well I work hard to defeat some of my perfectionistic tendencies, one of which is to fear and avoid failure. As a child, I often felt like a failure simply because I viewed myself in many ways as not good enough. This feeling was deeply connected, as perfectionism often is, to a deeper, underlying feeling of shame. Interestingly, the experiences that I have had through my life that have allowed me to grow and really work on my perfectionism, shame, and fear of failure have been horribly painful and difficult at the time. At times, I believe that I have most certainly failed during these experiences and while I would not necessarily “choose” them again, I can reflect on the growth and understanding they have brought to my life and believe they were worth it. I find that these are also the experiences that allow me to relate so much with my clients. So many of my lovely, amazing clients have experienced the same feelings and fears of failure and these experiences have allowed me to grow into the therapist that I am, who can hopefully support and help them through these feelings and fears because I have truly been there. Walking with my clients through this experience is still one of the most profound experiences I have in my work. So, that is a bit of the long, and personal, story of why I am passionate about redefining failure. I believe that if more of us believed that failure was an essential part of life, that it is productive and helpful, and not the worst thing in the world – we would as a whole be happier, more productive, and more resilient to deal with our failures. The truth is, we are all flawed as humans and we are going to fail and screw up and totally miss the mark sometimes. Isn’t it time that we accepted that and moved on rather than continued to punish and blame ourselves for our failures? I love this quote by Michael Jordan where he talks about his failures and how they ultimately led to his successes. So often, it is the failure that leads us to success and there are so many famous stories that show this. So, how can we as flawed humans view failure differently? I believe that we can think about and talk about failure differently for a start in the right direction. For example, we can look for the lesson and the opportunity to grow in every failure. I imagine that when Michael Jordan missed game winning shots, he spent very little time belaboring the pain of the miss and more time evaluating what could have been different and what he needed to learn to do better next time. If we start looking at every failure as an opportunity to learn something crucial for our success, it will likely feel differently and a lot less scary. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.  As those of you who follow our page will know, we have had a busy start to 2018 at Thrive! Not only have we expanded on our group offerings but we have also added a new team member, Panicha Sillapawatayanon, AMFT. We are so incredibly excited to continue expanding our services and support to be able to help more children, teens, and families Thrive in San Diego! Our new group offerings are as follows:
We love the opportunity group therapy provides to not only get more support for life’s challenges but to also help participants feel less alone in those challenges. We believe that the phases in our lives are unique and at times, best supported by others who really understand because they are going through it too! Plus, our groups are all facilitated by a therapist who is well versed in those challenges as well. Check out our group pages for more information or contact us now to sign up!  We also wanted to take this time to highlight our newest Thrive team member, Panicha Sillapawatayanon, AMFT. Since her arrival at Thrive, we have been so impressed with her enthusiasm and care for the children, teens, and families with whom she works. Panicha is passionate about helping families build stronger relationships and connections with each other as well as in helping children and teens manage their emotional experiences better. Panicha loves working with families affected by addiction, Autism, ADHD, Anxiety, and general parenting or behavioral challenges. We have been impressed with Panicha’s ability to connect with her clients quickly while also building in helpful skills to better manage their challenges. Check out her bio here for more information! Panicha Sillapawatayanon, AMFT (IMF 95676) is a registered associate in marriage and family therapy that is supervised by Dr. Wollerman (PSY25614). As our practice continues to grow, we plan to offer more and more opportunities for families, children, teens, and adults to receive support at our office. To stay connected with us and our offerings, please sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. By: Panicha Sillapawatayanon, M.A. Play is an important part of childhood. Play helps children develop cognitively, physically, socially, and emotionally. Children who play have healthy brain development. It’s through play that children learn to explore the world around them and start mastering challenges. And above all else, play is enjoyable!
Undirected play, or free play, gives children opportunities to learn new skills while moving at their own pace. Free play allows children to use their creativity, develop their imagination, and encourages them to learn how to share with their peers and resolve their conflicts. Additionally, free play helps keep them active through physical activity! However, parent involvement is always encouraged! Parents who play with their children build relationships with them that are loving and engaging. Even when parents simply watch their children play they are able to take a peek into their children’s world. Parent supervision is needed when children are playing outside too. It’s important to note that true free play isn’t passive play such as video games, watching tv, or playing on the iPad. Some examples of free play include:
Overscheduled children have less high-quality family time and are unable to receive the benefits of free play that would help protect them against the effects of stress. Ultimately, every family is different so parents can decide on the appropriate amount of scheduled activities that suit their family. But in my experience, many parents feel as though they can’t slow down or their children will fall behind. Some also worry that they won’t be good parents if they don’t match up to what the other parents are doing. Consider finding a good balance for your family between living (playing) in the moment and preparing for their future. Every child has different needs, so it’s likely that your family’s balance will look different from others. What if my children are bored? It seems that in our culture, we’re used to moving at a quick pace. We’re always looking for “what to do next?”. Children need to grow comfortable with silence and become bored sometimes. Feeling bored is a great opportunity for them to develop creativity! Avoid filling their free time with screen entertainment, and you’ll see how imaginative and creative they can become. It’s okay to say no to your children instead of feeling you have to go the extra mile or they will suffer or be deprived. Children will have plenty of time to be stressed and overscheduled as adults! If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to them by phone at 858-342-1304. As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio. To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. |
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