​What I hear most often from parents of the teens with whom I work is complaints about why their teen is not motivated to do the things that they want them to do. Why are they spending all their time on YouTube instead of homework?  Why are their social relationships so much more important to them than their schoolwork?  And so on. Often these parents would like for me to “fix” their teen so that they do what they are “supposed to do.” And honestly, I get it. I really do. They see their child’s flaws, mistakes, potential, and opportunities through their own adult lenses so clearly and it is hard, oh so hard, to just sit back and let their teen figure it out.
 
Before we get into this any more it is important to talk about teens and what they really need… Teens are at a particularly difficult stage of life because while they feel like they are just so ready to be adults, we know as actual adults, that they are totally not ready yet. Often, this leads parents to worry too much and dive in and save their kids more than is needed. In actuality, teens need autonomy and independence. They need to make mistakes and fall down as painful as it might be.
 
Remember when you taught your kids to ride a bike?  How hard was it to let go of them, knowing full well that they are likely to fall?  Really hard right. But you knew that letting go is the only way they would learn on their own. The teenage years are essentially the same. They need us to let go so that they can own their choices, responsibilities, and futures. As counterintuitive as that might feel, this is how they will build their own motivation.
 
In fact, I believe the following to be the most important ingredients to supporting and helping your teen motivate him or herself.
1. Connection 
2. Faith
3. Let Them Make Mistakes
4. Consequences
5. Listen and let them Lead

I will be sharing more information about the above ingredients to a motivated teen during my talk at Halstrom Academy on 3/30/17!  Please check out the below flyer if you are interested!  

If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about your child attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us either via email at ewollerman.psyd@gmail.com or phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. ​

As always, thanks for reading  and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around Teen Psychotherapy Services San Diego CA by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 

Thrive is excited to announce our first Parenting Workshop will be starting on Wednesday April 19th from 6:30-8:00. It will be a 5 week workshop where parents will learn practical strategies to parent with more intention in a small group setting. As a preview, we wanted to share Angela’s perspective and the things that she is excited to explore with parents during this exciting workshop!
 
Top three things I am excited to explore with parents during Parenting with Intention workshop series.
 
1. What kind of relationship do you have with your child? Exploring and discussing what it's like to parent your child helps to clarify what you're looking for and what areas you would like to strengthen. If you're feeling ineffective, tired, and disconnected from your child; focusing on your intentions in parenting will help you bring about the balance in your relationship. 
 
2. Parent as a coach. Using little moments each day to reframe your role as a coach to jump in and help your child through meltdowns and tantrums. What's working and what's not working? If you're feeling bored or frustrated with the power struggles; gaining a new sense of the "why" behind your parenting decisions will guide you in more intentional parenting. 
 
3. Permission to play! What does the quality time with your child look like? Discussing the intention behind the activities we choose to spend engaging in with our children will help highlight where we are setting our intentions. You will learn how to become more mindful while making an ice cream sundae together, reading a bedtime story, or looking at a tide pool. If you're feeling rushed or overwhelmed; slowing down and practicing mindfulness will help you tune into those intentions and embrace your relationship with your child. 
 
We hope you are as excited as we are to learn more and explore these areas further!  For more information about the group, please contact Angela Bianco, ASW directly at 858-952-8835 or by email at angelabianco.asw@gmail.com. Angela is supervised by Erica Wollerman, PsyD (PSY25614) and questions can also be directed to Erica and the general Thrive team at 858-342-1304!
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about your child or teen working with one of our teen psychotherapists, please reach out to us either via email at ewollerman.psyd@gmail.com or phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome!

​Parents who call Thrive are often feeling desperately in need of support for their family, their child or teen, and often themselves. While the issues they are calling us about vary, they talk to us about how they just do not know how to help their child or teen through the situation they are experiencing, how their child or teen has changed dramatically, and how they are losing touch with them and sometimes are barely even talking anymore. I can’t emphasize enough how much compassion we at Thrive feel for the parents we work with. We know they are scared, frustrated, and often feeling ineffective as a parent and that is why we always try to focus on supporting the whole family, rather than just the person in therapy with us.
 
Part of this is inevitably trying to determine how we can best help parents support their child or teen’s therapy or overall development. This blog is dedicated to ways parents can help make therapy more successful, even if they are not coming in to session.
 
Here are my favorite tips!

1. Avoid putting pressure on your child or teen’s therapy to produce immediate results. Often, parents want very specific results of treatment. We get it, you are taking the time to help your child and you want something to change!  While that is totally understandable, actually putting that pressure on your child or teen to “change, solve the problem, fix themselves,” you could be undermining our work in therapy. As hard as it can be, please trust the process and talk to the therapist about your concerns and the progress you are hoping to see!  We are often completely on the same page and want the same things, but know that we can’t force anyone to change and that change takes time.
2. After session, check in with your child gently.  I repeat, gently! You can ask them, how was your session today or is there anything you want to talk with me about from today?  If your child shares more, that is fantastic!  If they clam up, again, trust the process and just let them know you are there to talk if they want to. Please do not pressure them to tell you what they talked about. Their sessions are best left to be theirs and theirs alone.
3. Access your own support. This might be through a therapist, talking to friends who have children or teens in therapy, or a support group but just make sure that you are getting the support you need as a parent! 
4. Convey confidence in your child’s ability to cope and in therapy as a tool to help them cope. Letting them know that you believe that they will be able to get through whatever situation is going on for them and that you are there to help can help your child or teen feel more capable and supported.
5. If you are given feedback by your child or teen’s therapist or by your child or teen, please do your best to listen and take in that feedback. As therapists, our role is often to help our child and teen clients advocate for themselves and you can best support this by trying not to be defensive. Know that we as therapists are certainly not judging the parents we work with, simply trying to help families cope more effectively and understand each other more.
6. If your child is given coping strategies, tools, tips to try to use at home to help them cope, do what you can to help facilitate their use of those skills in a gentle, non-demanding way. It can also help to model some of what your child or teen is learning. For example, if they are working on expressing anger more appropriately, make sure to also pay attention to how you are expressing anger! 
7. Show support and a hopeful attitude towards therapy and the information given to your child. If someone is criticizing or judging them for being in therapy, make sure to defend them and acknowledge that all of us can use support for our challenges from time to time.
8. Avoid focusing too much on the challenges that are bringing your child or teen to therapy. Make sure to note the successes they are experiencing and the growth they are hopefully showing, rather than focusing more on the areas that still need work.

 
I hope these are helpful suggestions for you!  It is easy as parents to devalue your role in your child or teen’s treatment but your role is crucial to the success of their therapy! 
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Teen Therapist about your child or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us either via email at ewollerman.psyd@gmail.com or phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 
As always, thanks for reading  and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen counseling and adult psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.   

​ 
One of the most common challenges parents talk with me about is not necessarily recognizing that their child or teen might benefit from therapy, but how to talk with the child or teen about attending therapy. In our current culture it is so common for kids to feel that they are being told there is something wrong with them or that they are crazy when they are told they are going to go to therapy. Luckily, there are definitely some things that parents can do to help ease this process and prepare their child.
 
Here are my top 5 ideas!

1. Make sure that you talk about therapy as a positive thing, not a consequence or negative experience that you have to endure to feel better.
2. Discuss with your child your own experience attending therapy if you have attended. Share with them how nice it was to have someone who was there just to help you and who you could share your deepest feelings with.
3. Explain to your child or teen that you do not think anything is wrong with them or that they have a problem, just that you think it might help to have added support. Often, acknowledging that life can be difficult and challenging for all of us and that this is why we go to therapy can help them feel less alone.
4. Make sure you screen the therapist to see if you think it will be a good fit. At Thrive, we always have a parent intake session before the child’s session just to be sure that the parents believe that we are someone their child can trust and develop a relationship with. Remember, you know your child best and likely have a good idea of what adults they will relate to best!
5. If your child or teen is particularly reluctant to attend, make sure you do two things. One, let the therapist know so that they can be particularly supportive and gentle in getting to know your child. Two, try to add in some incentive to attending therapy like going to get a treat or a dinner together after session. Hopefully this will make the experience more enjoyable.

 
I hope this helps give you ideas about ways you might talk with your child or teen about therapy. As a sneak peak of next week’s blog, another way parents can make therapy more successful is by not putting pressure on therapy. Letting their child or teen work through things with the therapist without a lot of pressure to “get better” or “fix the problem” helps your child adjust to therapy and can help therapy to be more successful! 
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about your child attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us either via email at ewollerman.psyd@gmail.com or phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 
As always, thanks for reading  and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child, teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
​Written By: Erica Wollerman, PsyD