Thrive Therapy Blog

5 Ways to Address Suicidal Ideation as a Parent

1/26/2022

By: Andrea Seldomridge

Wondering if your child is at risk of hurting themselves can feel incredibly scary. Sometimes it is hard to know if your child’s depressed mood is another part of being a child or teen, or if it is a sign of something more urgent. Maybe you are concerned that your child is feeling suicidal or they might have already communicated that they are indeed having suicidal thoughts. It can be hard to know how to keep your child safe when it comes it suicide or how to even broach the topic. If you are wondering if your child is experiencing suicidal thoughts or are concerned that their depression is something more than depression, here are some ways you can address suicidal ideation as a parent.

Check for warning signs. There are several potential warning signs of suicidal thoughts. These include experiencing a depressed mood, loss of interest in activities, increased substance use, saying statements like “I wish I could sleep and never wake up” or “no one would miss me if I was gone”, or talking about death and suicide.
Ask them directly if they are having suicidal thoughts. There is a common myth that asking someone if they are suicidal or bringing up the topic of suicide can put the idea in their mind. Research shows that this is not only a myth, but it is actually best to ask directly. This can look like “have you been having thoughts of killing yourself or thoughts of suicide?” This lets your child know that you see their pain, care enough to ask, and that you want to support them.
Assess risk. When we assess for risk in therapy, we always assess for if someone has a plan to commit suicide, an intent on doing so, and if they have the means to. As a parent, you can ask “have you made a plan to attempt suicide? have you thought about how you would attempt suicide?” and if so asking if they have access to the items they would use. If they answer yes to any of these, let them know you are glad they could share this information with you and that you will continue to be there for them. It would then be important to seek out professional help, such as contacting a therapist, calling a suicide hotline, or visiting your local emergency room if the risk is imminent.
Make the situation safe. Removing the means someone would commit suicide with is a way to help keep someone safe. For example, if a child shares that they would use medication to attempt suicide, you can keep the medication locked in a different cabinet. Additionally, I would highly encourage you to keep firearms locked and kept out of access.
Ask how you can support them. This can be different for every child, but if they are able to identify a way you can be there for them, thank them for letting you know. Be sure to avoid minimizing pain or providing a quick fix. If they are not ready to talk, you can let them know that it is okay if they are not ready and that you will be there to listen whenever they are. For many children, attending therapy can be a great place where they can begin talking with another person who will listen and support them. Lastly, another way to support them is finding small activities to engage in together, such as going on a walk or watching a movie. This shows them that you are there for them without feeling a pressure to talk.

If you are ever concerned for the safety of your child, seek out professional help. This can look like seeking out therapy for your child or calling the Access and Crisis line (1-888-724-7240). If your child is at immediate risk, call 911 or go to your local emergency room.

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.

As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.

To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

5 Ways to Support Teens with Low Self-Esteem

1/19/2022

By Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

Being a teen can be difficult to say the least. While it is a time of self-exploration, figuring out who you are and what you value, it is also a time when it becomes especially easy to compare yourself to others. A teen might not make the sports team or pass that difficult class, or may start to compare how they look to their peers. Most teens end up struggling with low self-esteem at some point. It can feel painful as a parent to see your child doubt themselves, but thankfully there are a few things parents can do to help their teen gain confidence in themselves.

Make space to listen rather than problem-solve. I think this is hands down the best thing one could do. Providing a space where your teen can share how they are feeling without providing a solution can make them feel heard and seen. It can be so easy to quickly point out what is great about them - there are likely several things that are great about them! However, sometimes it can end up feeling invalidating. Instead, you can just reflect to them how they are feeling by saying “I know you’re feeling down” or “I know you’re really frustrated with this class”.
Focus on efforts rather than outcomes. For myself, science was always the most difficult class and the tests that I never quite got the grade I was hoping for. I remember when someone told me “you worked really hard and that matters a lot”. It was so encouraging to have someone praise the effort I put into it, because even when I did not get the grade I could still be proud of myself for the extra studying. If your teen is dealing with low self-esteem regarding a class, not making the sports team, or just not meeting their expectations, try praising them for the efforts they put into it.
Encourage them to try new things. Encouraging your teen to try a new activity can help boost confidence and gain practice in putting themselves out there. Whether they do well or do not meet their expectations, you can reflect the courage it takes to try new activities.
Speak kindly to yourself. This is a great way to model positive self-talk! Many of us (including myself) are skilled in identifying the things we dislike about ourselves. Creating the habit of using positive self-talk with ourselves can be a good way to demonstrate it to teens.
Help them reflect on ways they have grown. When experiencing low self-esteem, all-or-nothing thinking can set it. It might leave them feeling like they have never been good enough and won’t ever be. Helping them identify things that were once difficult for them that they now do with ease can increase self-confidence.

Gaining self-esteem is a gradual process. Listening to your teen, reflecting their feelings, and being there for them are some of the best ways to help them increase their self-confidence.

5 Signs You Desperately Need a Social Media Detox

1/12/2022

By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

I think social media definitely has some positives. I still remember the day in high school I first signed up for a social media account. It was exciting to have a way to talk with friends outside of school in a time when most teens did not have their own phone. It can be a creative way to connect with friends and loved ones, especially those that live far away. However, I do think it has some downsides. It’s so easy to keep scrolling through photos and videos, seeing the highlights of the lives of others, seeing more ups than downs, and seeing fun nights out rather than potential lonely nights in. Maybe you’ve been feeling that you use social media too much or wonder how it might be impacting you. If that’s you, here are some signs that a social media detox might be beneficial for you and your mental health.

You feel down after looking through social media. This one might be obvious, but if you find yourself feeling sad, anxious, or down after spending time on social media, taking a break or reducing your use could be helpful. If you aren’t sure how social media is affecting your emotions, I’d encourage you to try to pay attention to how you are feeling before and after going on social media. It might give you a better sense for how it is affecting you.
You feel increased levels of “fomo”, or fear of missing out. Social media can make it seem like interesting things are happening all the time to everyone. It also makes it seem like people are usually with friends instead of having nights alone, let alone ever feeling lonely. However, social media often isn’t an accurate portrayal of real life. There is no possible way to be part of all friend hang outs or go to every concert that shows up in one’s social media feed. It’s okay to have nights at home by yourself! If you’re experiencing that fear of missing out, it could be an opportunity to be the one to plan a coffee trip with a friend or movie night. Others will likely be grateful that you reached out to them.
You’re comparing yourself more often to others. People usually document fun or celebratory events, like a promotion, rather than when they failed a big test or had an argument with their partner. You might feel like you are behind in life, not reaching various “milestones” at the speed others seem to be. I can guarantee you many others feel the same way. If you notice yourself feeling this way, this might be a sign to take a pause from social media.
You’re feeling more insecure about your physical appearance. It is so easy to start comparing how you look to others on social media. Photo filters that make skin look porcelain are ever prevalent. Remember that most people do not have perfectly clear skin or frizz-free hair all the time. Everyone feels insecure about how they look at one time or another, but if this is happening more often, I’d encourage you to take a break from scrolling and see if your level of confidence about yourself improves.
You feel urges to document your day or events you go to. It can be exciting to share what is going well with others, like showing photos of that good dinner you ate, or that you saw a gorgeous San Diego sunset (we really do have some of the best!). However, if you are experiencing urges to post when exciting things happens, there might be some reasons behind it. Does it ever feel like if you don’t post something, it didn’t happen? Or that you need others to see that you have it all together? Paying attention to how often you feel the urge to post on social media can be a good indicator if it is time for a social media detox.

Going about a social media detox can look different for everyone, so here are a few different ways. Cutting it all out at once can work really well for some people. For others, myself included, choosing a smaller goal is more helpful. This might be taking a break from a specific social media app of your choice. For myself, I have found choosing a time of day to not login has been the most helpful. I decided to not login during the first and last 30 minutes of my day. This has allowed me to have time to set intentions for the day and to reflect on the day before falling asleep. Committing to a small step can be challenging at first, but the positive effects on mental health can be significant.

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients. If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.

As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.

To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.

Setting an Intention for 2022 - Are we sure? Do we dare?

1/6/2022

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

So, my title is a bit in jest but also a reflection of the turbulent times we are in yet again as we start 2022. Honestly, it has been a whirlwind of a start for our family in 2022. We had a Covid scare that really shook me up and while everyone is okay (and testing negative), the steep rise in cases feels reminiscent of 2020 for me. It feels strange to just continue with life and making plans but it also would feel strange not to make plans for this year as I am also tired of just getting by!

So here I am, writing my annual blog about setting an intention for this year, wondering if it is a good idea at all since everything feels so uncertain yet again. Obviously, since I am still writing, I think it is a good idea but I also understand if anyone wants to take this year off from planning. I mean, we are all exhausted from plans, canceled plans, dashed hopes, and the struggle of managing our lives in light of a pandemic that seems to upend everything just when you get comfortable. So, dear reader, you have my full permission to just stop reading and stop planning and to cautiously enter into this year with the hopes that we make it through as unscathed as possible.

For those of you who want to set an intention, I fully encourage you to consider going easy with your plans. As I said last year, we need pandemic goals, not normal goals! I believe that it is important to counteract hustle and grind culture with some ease and grace. This is why last year, I set the intention of Grace. Interestingly, I had almost forgotten that but when I reflect on the year, I feel I held grace to just get through and to rest, read, recharge, and recover as much as I could. Now, I feel ready for something else but if you have not yet been able to rest, recharge, process, recover, etc. please consider setting your goals around this!

My word this year is “Queen.” While that might sound super bold and ambitious, the meaning is slightly different for me. You see, my name, Erica, actually means Queen (or at least I was told that by all the things I read as a kid and now it seems to refer to “Eternal Ruler” from all my google searching). I still remember how awful I felt about the idea of being a ruler or queen. See, I’ve always played kind of small and thought of myself as wanting to be small, unnoticeable, and not a Queen but something dainty like a princess. For some reason, even as a child, the word Queen was something that scared me and the power of it was not something I wanted to claim. Now I understand that this is likely due to systemic factors like misogyny and patriarchy but also my personality and being more of a people pleasing person.

As I’ve aged (gracefully I hope), I have realized that my fear of my own strength, power, and abilities has only hindered me both personally and professionally. My self-doubt and humble nature at times make me a better mom, wife, therapist, leader but also at times also means that I am not clear in my expectations and communicating them. It can mean that I do not lead with the confidence I would like to or that I play small in terms of my goals and ideas. It can mean that I avoid taking up space, having hard conversations that need to happen, or asserting myself and my vision.

My goal of setting my word as “Queen” is to embrace my inner leader, my confidence, my self-assuredness, and to really work towards going BIG. Last year, I worked hard to keep my life slowed down and to not take on too much and now I am feeling ready to really challenge myself to lean in and embrace my inner queen and power.

Professionally, we are expanding our office space (even though we are still telehealth) and this is something that I want to stop doubting and to just own the choice and the risk. I tend to only do things that I fully believe in and I want to communicate in a more bold way to others around me rather than expressing all my doubts. I want to embrace my role as a boss mom and a leader and to embrace my belief in my ability to lead. I want to play big and stop trying to be small. That is what the word and intention of “Queen” means to me.

One of the things I engaged in during 2020 and 2021 was a deeper dive into reflecting on our society and why I, like so many women, play small, try to be small (literally in my physical body and in life), and avoid owning our power. The books, Untamed by Glennon Doyle, The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, and Burnout by Amelia Nagoski and Emily Nagoski were the foundation of my interest and ability to work to claim my power and confidence. I can’t recommend them enough and would encourage you to check them out if anything I am saying resonates with you as well :)

So here we are starting 2022. I am going to bravely hope that I am setting a bold enough intention to challenge me and help me grow this year and that I can go easy on myself when I need it. You see, I try hard to use the lessons of each year’s intention that I have set so that I can use them all. I will be going into 2022 with the themes of Balance, Strength, Faith, Gratitude, Abundance, Nurture, Enough, Grace, and Queen.

If you would like to read more about my blog posts about setting intentions - check them out below!

2021 Blog Post (My word is not included, this is a reflection of trying to ease into 2021)

2020 Blog Post - Nurture

2019 Blog Post - Enough

2018 Blog Post - Abundance

2017 Blog Post - Gratitude

3 Questions to Help You Choose an Intention

5 Ways to Address Suicidal Ideation as a Parent

5 Ways to Support Teens with Low Self-Esteem

5 Signs You Desperately Need a Social Media Detox

Setting an Intention for 2022 - Are we sure? Do we dare?

By: Dr. Erica Wollerman

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