By: Dr. Erica Wollerman
January 1st was a very big day for us at Thrive, and really for me in particular as the founder of Thrive Therapy Studio. You see, this is the day that we celebrated our first year anniversary of being a group therapy practice! Not only have we celebrated our first year of being a group practice, but we have also been able to expand our team of clinicians and services offered over the past year. While reflecting on the year, I feel so proud of the work we do, families we work with, and overarching values of our growing company!
At Thrive, we offer a different approach to psychotherapy in the sense that our clinical team focuses heavily on the relationships we develop with our clients. We all have different approaches to working with our clients, but this very relational, client-centered, and collaborative approach remains the same with any Thrive Team Member. This is one of the most important factors that has gone into choosing clinicians to join us at Thrive as I truly believe that therapy works best when we are collaborating with our clients and building a bridge with them to their goals. We believe in building people up so that they can learn to change things themselves with our support rather than a top down more clinical approach.
Since we have many different therapists to choose from, I feel confident in knowing that we can truly serve our community in so many different ways and that most people seeking therapy will feel that one of us will be a good fit for helping and supporting them. We offer individual therapy for children as young as 3 up through adulthood. We also are offering parent consultation services, either in conjunction with individual therapy for a child or teen or as a separate service to support parents. Special areas of interest and specialty for us as a whole includes the following: Autism, ADHD, Behavioral Issues, Parenting Issues, Anxiety, Depression, and Adjustment Issues. All of us are well versed in working with children, teens, and adults with a myriad of challenges.
We have even started offering all of our services in Spanish as well due to our lovely bilingual clinician, Jennifer Gonzalez, LMFT. Jennifer is wonderful in working with shame around parenting and increasing communication in parent-child relationships (check out her bio here!).
Dr. Maria Fowlks specializes in working with teens who are going through the pangs of adolescence and need a supportive space. Check out her bio here!
Angela Bianco, ASW, is skilled in working with individuals who are feeling stuck, frustrated, or bored with current parenting strategies. Check out her bio here!
And I, Dr. Erica Wollerman love working with individuals of any age who identify as perfectionists! Check out my bio here!
As I mentioned before, I am so proud of how far Thrive has come in one year and so excited to think of how many more people we can support in the coming years! To stay in the loop on our services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself for adult psychotherapy, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
By: Dr. Erica Wollerman
I was recently asked to contribute to a discussion on how spoiling may impact kids later in life and I enjoyed this topic so much, I decided to expand on it in a blog of my own. If you would like to see the article I contributed to, please check it out here.
As a child and teen psychologist as well as parenting consultant, I believe that spoiling your children has a huge affect on them in so many ways both later in life and while they are children. I am referencing “spoiling” in terms of not setting limits with your child. While this often goes hand in hand with “helicopter parenting,” for the purposes of this blog, I am only discussing spoiling. If you’d like to read more on helicopter parenting, check out my blog on it here!
Parents often inadvertently spoil their children because they are struggling to set limits for a myriad of reasons… it could be that they are unsure of how to set limits appropriately as it was not modeled for them by their parents. It could also be that they do not want their child to be upset, frustrated, sad, or angry with them. For some parents, their child responds in such a difficult way when they set limits, they simply don’t have the energy to keep setting them. In general, a lack of limits comes from a place of kindness and for many overwhelmed parents, fatigue. While this is perfectly understandable (especially coming from a very tired new mom over here!), unfortunately, there are some lasting effects for kids that do not understand or respect boundaries.
The following are just some of the consequences that can occur for kids that have not had boundaries enforced:
As you can see, these are crucial skills and qualities of being a successful and resilient adult!
Consider the following example: A child I once knew had left their bicycle in the driveway where a car could hit it. I asked them, “what would happen if your parents hit your bicycle because you didn’t put it away?” The child’s response was as follows, “they’ll just buy me a new one.” I was so shocked, appalled, and most of all concerned. This young child had no real understanding of money, the inconsiderate nature of this choice, accountability, or responsibility. And honestly, why would he if his parents would just go ahead and get him a new bicycle?
Setting firm but loving limits for your children gives them an amazing opportunity to develop the skills to deal with frustration, understand cause and effect, learn accountability, and work towards goals which helps in understanding cause and effect. To help a child learn to treat his belongings with more care, parents could respond in the following way.
Letting the child know that you saw that their bike was left out in a place it could be hit. Explaining gently that while it can be annoying or difficult to remember to take the time to take care of our things, that is how we can show we appreciate those things and to ensure we have them for a long time. If the child continues to leave the bike out, I would recommend that you then have a conversation again about how having a bicycle is a responsibility that they might not be ready for and remove that privilege for a period of time (a couple of days). I would also explain that if something happens to the bicycle or a family vehicle because of the bicycle being left out, the child will be responsible for completing chores to pay for damages and earn back the privilege of having the bike.
An even more current example would be a cracked iPhone screen. So often, kids are coming in my office with cracked screens that seem to continually be replaced by parents, who often have insurance plans who pay for it. While I understand that financially this may make sense to parents, I do believe that there should be some natural consequence for a child who cracks their phone. Maybe they need to pay for half the fee or lose the ability to have it for a while. This is how they will learn both the value of money and the importance of treating belongings with respect!
A key element of these conversations around limit setting is compassion and kindness. It is okay to let your child know you are disappointed in their choice, but also let them know that everyone makes mistakes and that it is okay as long as we take steps to fix the harm we cause. This way, you are not being overly punitive but you are still setting and holding a limit with them. After all, the goal is to prepare our children for the world where there are rules, structure, limits, and at times serious consequences.
At Thrive, we are skilled at helping parents set limits effectively and with loving kindness – call us today for a consultation if you are struggling in this area! We are happy to help and approach these sessions without any judgment. Parenting is hard enough, we just want to support you!
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, teen or family psychotherapy services in San Diego CA, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
Blogs from the Thrive Family!
Musings from Erica, Panicha, Angela, Jennifer, and Maria
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Thrive Therapy Studio
5230 Carroll Canyon Rd. Ste 110
San Diego, CA 92121
"Watch your thoughts,
They become words.
Watch your words,
They become actions.
Watch your actions,
They become habits.
Watch your habits,
They become character;
It becomes your destiny."