7 Tips for Parenting Teens During a Pandemic

Well, here we are facing yet another week of social distancing and living with the challenge of parenting during a pandemic! As many other writers have also commented on, this is a time where we are all likely to have a variety of reactions but most likely we are also feeling exhausted. Exhausted with the daily changes we ae having to make and the dramatic impact staying home, often with our entire family, is having on our emotional health. The reason for this is because we are all experiencing collective trauma and anxiety from the fears we have for our world, ourselves, our families, as well as grief related to what was and what we are unsure about for the future. Most of us have not experienced a struggle like this in our world, especially one without an end date.

I have to say, this is hard. It’s hard for all of us and it seems to be impacting people in such a variety of ways that I thought it might be helpful to share a bit about what I feel might help our teens and the parents of teens get through this.

As I have mentioned in past blogs about the Covid-19 pandemic, we need to come to a place where we can embrace this new reality so that we can learn to cope with it. Unfortunately, our teens may struggle with this even more than we do at times. I can tell you, a cooped up and isolated teen is not a fun person to spend time with. Here are some ideas specifically to help parents with teens at home who are practicing social distancing.

1. Manage your expectations – they are grappling with a lot right now, just like the rest of us. We need to expect a period of transition for them rather than instantly being okay with this life and world we find ourselves in. Teens who already experienced depression, anxiety, or other challenges might even struggle more. Piling on ideas of all the things you think they should do right now is unlikely to help. Please manage your expectations and expect them to need some time to adjust and to grieve as well.
2. Allow some grace and time to adjust – I think this is good advice for anyone right now. Let’s all give ourselves and our loved ones some grace and allow ourselves to not be perfect in how we deal with this. Would it be great if we could all take this pandemic in stride, sure. Would it be even better if our teens would focus on improving themselves or working on the things they still need to do for their futures, of course. However, all of our adjustment and emotional well -being is more important than any of that right now. Let’s all try to take a minute to remember that we are all in this pandemic for the first time and we truly are all in this together. It is going to be hard to do this when we are all tired, frustrated, and struggling to be home so much but it is important to at least try for some grace and compassion.
3. Give them space – your teen is likely grieving their life right now too. They’re sad about all the things they wanted and planned to do and might not be ready to engage more with your family. Remember, they do not have the same perspective about challenges that we do and likely feel scared that they will actually never see their friends again. We are feeling this way even though we have years of experiences handling challenges. They don’t and are going to struggle so allow them some space to breathe if they need it.
4. Comfort and support – if your teen is scared and worried, be there with them. I would avoid platitudes and engage them on a deeper level. Yes, this is scary and uncharted ground. It will most likely change our world. This is how I deal with that – I focus on what could happen that would be good while acknowledging the fears about the terrible possibilities. I choose to take care of myself during this time and don’t just stop my life. It’s all about balance and learning to balance when to pause and breathe for self -care and when to take action and keep going. This is a perfect time to help them learn some of these strategies of grit and resilience.
5. Compassion – Let’s all work on being compassionate about the things everyone is sad about and grieving the loss of… It is truly okay to feel disappointed that our plans are being impacted and that we can no longer orient around the future being something we are entirely in control of. We don’t know how long we will all be home and that is truly a difficult new reality for most of us. For our teens, this can feel like FOREVER and so disappointing that events they have planned for and looked forward to are likely not going to happen (prom, spring breaks, summer trips, plans with friends, etc.). This is going to be so difficult for them and it is important that we show them compassion rather than judgment. Yes, these things might be considered “first world problems,” and I get that people are literally dying around the world, but it is also okay for our teens to be sad that their lives are changing. We all are sad about that so let’s try to hold space for our feelings and our kids’ feelings. This is a tough time for everyone and judgment is not helpful during difficult moments.
6. Model what you’d like to see – try to show them how a person can both be scared and uncertain, feeling those feelings but still continuing to function. Let’s show them what resilience looks like – acknowledging our feelings, feeling them, but we don’t live IN them. We can move through them and navigate what life is like now. Our teens will do better if we model this for them too.
7. Therapy – if your teen is struggling, help them continue or start therapy. Most teens are more receptive to advice from other adults than their parents so this is a perfect time to enlist a therapist’s help so that we can support their coping and help them gain some perspective.

I hope this is helpful for our readers right now! As always, my goal is to be a calming and helpful voice in the storm that can be parenting and my office is here to help for those who would like to talk more about parenting or who would like support for their teens. We are accepting new clients for video therapy sessions today!

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