Child, Teen and Adult Psychotherapy Services in San Diego
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Mama, your needs matter too

3/1/2021

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The topic of our needs as moms, as well as the societal structure that keeps us from meeting those needs, comes up a lot in my sessions. So much so that I thought it would be helpful to share my perspective on this as a therapist who works both with moms and their kids. 

Interestingly, we get a LOT of calls from parents wanting their kids to receive support. What seems to be so much harder is for parents to find resources (time, money, energy, etc.) to have support of their own. Particularly moms. All too often, we are last on the list - even the list that we create. 

The worst part is that sometimes we then also carry shame around our inability to engage in the ever popular self-care. We feel that everyone else is doing all the things, all the time so we should be able to as well. We believe that everyone else is balancing it all perfectly, or at least better than we are so instead of speaking out about the issues we are facing, even in a global pandemic that has across the board disproportionately affected moms, we feel that we are letting everyone down. Even ourselves. 

And honestly, so many of us are just too exhausted to even think about what we need or how we can get those needs met. Plus, our tiny humans that we are responsible for are much more demanding than our internal systems saying, hey, I can’t do things like this forever. So we just seem to keep pushing on and on and on. For many, the pandemic has highlighted just how unrealistic the expectations we have of ourselves. It has shone a light on the systems of power at play in so many ways but also worn us down so much that it can be hard to make realistic changes now. 

What I think is important to consider is the cost. 

Unfortunately, like everything else in this life, there are pros and cons to everything. And there are certainly pros to trying to keep it all together and put your needs last. It might mean your family seems happier and runs smoother for the moment. It might mean that you feel productive and accomplished when your to-do list shrinks a bit. It might mean that your kids completed their homework today. It looks different for each person but there certainly are pros to these situations. 

However, there is also a cost. Most often, we are sacrificing our own needs, emotions, health, sleep, and even our sanity for our families. While I could go on and on about WHY we do this (which is of course important and perhaps the topic of another blog post), I think it is important to consider why we would STOP doing this. And that is because I find the cost to be too great. 

Why do our needs matter as much if not more than our loved ones?

Here’s what I notice in my life, friends, and my office. Moms are the ones who keep things going. We are the glue that holds our families together. And my biggest concern when moms are living lives that are not sustainable for them is that - the whole family will eventually suffer. I often think of the concept from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People called “Sharpen the Saw” which essentially says that we are the tools of our lives and we need to take care of those tools (ourselves) in order to live an effective life. 

I can tell you that this is 1000% true. Every time (okay, many times) that we get calls from parents about their kids, I feel that the parents most likely could use the support as much, if not more than their kids. When parents are feeling better and coping better, particularly moms, their kids tend to do better too. 

This does not mean that parents are the source of their kids troubles but it does mean that we are more equipped to help our kids with their troubles if we are meeting our own needs and managing our stress, anxiety, emotions, responsibilities more effectively. When we don’t do this, we are more likely to be the least effective versions of ourselves. For some that might mean we are less emotionally available for our families, we yell more, set less boundaries even when we know we should set them, we play less, we laugh less, etc. 

So, I invite you to consider how this might play out in your family. 

How are you meeting your needs?  

What comes up for you when you consider prioritizing yourself and your needs?

What would it look like to spend 30 minutes a day (heck, I’ll take 5 min if that’s all you have right now) on something just for you. 

What is the cost for you when you aren’t able to prioritize yourself?

Some of these questions might be uncomfortable. Setting limits and boundaries and taking time to care for yourself will likely be uncomfortable too. That is why the last question about the cost is so important, if we can remember that taking care of ourselves, having and meeting our own needs, is not SELFISH, but a gift we are giving our family, it will be an easier pill to swallow.  

Hang in there mamas. I know this pandemic has been a wild ride for most of us. We can do this together.
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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Why Starting Therapy Can Be So Intimidating

2/19/2021

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What do you mean I’m supposed to talk to a STRANGER?! And tell them my deep dark secrets?! I barely even share that to the people I actually know!

I get why starting therapy can be overwhelming and intimidating. It’s hard enough to talk to people you actually know, so why would you want to talk to someone you don’t know?

But actually, talking to someone outside of your circle can be liberating and refreshing. Here’s why:
  1. A therapist has no idea who your family or friends are or what your life is like. You could talk about your life and the people in your life, and what is said in the room, stays in the room. There are no prejudgments or expectations and there shouldn’t be! Your therapist also has no preconceived notions of you because they have yet to discover who you are. So feel free to spill your guts!
  2. You don’t need to impress your therapist. Your therapist does not care if you wear your best outfit or sweats. You could be at your worst or the messiest version of yourself, and your therapist will still hold space for you to just be you. 
  3. Your therapist is there for YOU. Just you. Whatever you need. It’s literally what you’re paying them for.
  4. In a private practice setting, 99.9% guaranteed that you are not your therapist’s most difficult client. Trust me. (And if you’re thinking that you’re the 0.1%, then it’s DEFINITELY not you. The difficult ones would never acknowledge that they are difficult.)
  5. You really don’t have to tell them your deepest darkest secrets if you don’t want to. You also don’t have to do it in the first session if you aren’t ready. Every relationship, including the therapeutic one, should be built. It’s a process, and it takes some time.
  6. If you don’t like your therapist, find a different one! If you are finding that your therapist is not working for you, you never have to talk to them again. Breaking up with a therapist is not like a dating relationship where you still have to see your ex on occasion and it’s awkward. You have zero obligation or responsibility to continue talking to that person, and there are no ramifications (as long as you tell them that you no longer want to see them so you don’t get charged a no-show fee if an appointment has already been made). Note: this does not mean that your therapist will not sometimes tell you something difficult to hear or that you should bounce around until you find someone who tells you only the things you want to hear, but finding the right FIT is important.

Anyway, in a therapy session, you have all the power to dictate whether you want to stay or go and what you want to say or don’t say. You can also tell your therapist how you’re feeling and address your concerns or anxieties with them during session. It’s crazy to think that you can tell someone all these things right off the bat, but here’s the craziest thing of all, it works. When you find YOUR therapist, someone who you actually like talking to, someone who understands you and will listen to you, someone who really gets you… it works.
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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Valentine’s Day - Two Therapist Versions, Single and Married with Kids

2/12/2021

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Since Valentine’s Day can be a holiday that brings up a lot of feelings for many people, Ying-Ying and I thought it might be fun to blog a bit about the way we view the holiday given our different life situations. I still remember the best advice I received while I was single, which was to remember that most likely I would one day wish for the things that were tough then. I remember feeling lonely and having too much time on my hands at times. While I always found things I enjoyed doing, I often wanted to spend that time with someone else doing things. 

Now, as a mom and wife (and business owner!), I would LOVE to have that kind of downtime and alone time that I used to have in abundance. Ying-Ying and I were chatting about this and it gave us the idea for doing a collaborative blog comparing what things are like for each of us around Valentine’s Day. We hope you like it!
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How do you typically spend your Valentine’s Day?
My husband and I usually spend Valentine’s Day with our son celebrating family love. We used to go out for a date night pre-pandemic but lately will just cook something nice and try to open a nice bottle of wine. 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​
I usually spend my Valentine’s Day giving to others and spreading love. I haven’t had a Valentine in years, and I know that there must be others who might be on the same boat or feel a little lonely too. I’ll make little gifts (e.g., origami boxes with candy in them) with small cards attached or bake some treats to give out. That way, everyone can feel a little love. At night, I’ve usually spent it with some close friends watching chick flicks or I’ve babysat so that parents can enjoy a night out and some quality time together.

Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

What’s your ideal Valentine’s Day?
Without extended family around, we have never been able to do this but it would be my ideal Valentine’s Day. I would love to be able to spend the morning as a family celebrating family love and then head out for a weekend/overnight date slightly out of town as a getaway. Sleeping in for me is now the ultimate gift (and one rarely received!).

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​
As a single person, I really enjoy spending Valentine’s Day treating myself and hanging out with close friends. Eating sweets, watching movies, pigging out on favorite snacks, and maybe even doing a spa night like mani/pedis and face masks.

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Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

Stay in or go out for Valentine’s Day?
We cook a lot all the time so this is definitely going out for me! Anytime I can reduce dishes - I’m in! 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​
​DEFINITELY staying in. I feel like it’s too crowded and overwhelming (not to mention probably overpriced) to go out. I’d rather just stay in and maybe celebrate on a different day when it’s less so.

​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

What’s the most difficult part about Valentine’s Day?
Embracing our life as it is post-child. I love our family and my son but sometimes it would be nice to be able to just indulge ourselves. This is true of any holiday or birthday though - with a toddler, our life revolves around our son much of the time. I try to embrace it because these days are long but the years are truly short and one day we will likely barely see him! 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​
Having my singleness be so apparent. Valentine’s Day decorations are everywhere and all my coupled up friends have plans to hang out with their significant others. It makes it tough sometimes to have alternative plans because everyone is already busy or preoccupied.

​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

What’s been your best Valentine’s Day?
My now husband proposed on Valentine’s Day in 2015! 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​
Well, I definitely can’t top Erica’s answer and in all honesty, I can’t really remember. But I’ve greatly enjoyed my last few Valentine’s Days because now I feel like I know what I like to do and know what I want out of it.

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​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

What’s your view on Valentine’s Day? Day to celebrate love or commercial scam?
I think it is a little of both. I used to be more frustrated by the scam part BUT now that our life is relatively boring/mundane, it is nice to have a holiday designed to celebrate our life together. 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​​
I agree with Erica. It’s a little bit of both! There are definitely companies that monopolize profits on the holiday, which seems silly because every day should be a celebration of love! However, I do think having a holiday is a helpful reminder to make extra efforts and gestures towards those we care about.

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​​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

Favorite Valentine’s Day movie?
Not that we watch many movies these days given that we are pretty tired by the time our son goes to bed… but all time favorite romantic movies would be Untamed Heart, The Notebook, or Love and Basketball. 

Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​​​
It depends on what I’m in the mood for. You’ve Got Mail is always a good one or Legally Blonde. With Legally Blonde, you can also watch all the sequels too. The movie, Valentine’s Day, has also made the list for obvious reasons. I’ve also watched Mean Girls.

​​​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

What advice would you give someone who does not have a person to celebrate Valentine’s Day with?
To enjoy being able to spoil yourself. I’m a believer in cultivating a relationship with yourself and having faith that even if things are lonely in your life for a time, they likely won’t stay that way. When you're single you get to just do what you want to do without compromise. So, order your favorite food, kick your feet up, and treat yourself in some way!  So many of us don’t do this because we want to have a relationship when we are single, but believe me, the most important relationship is likely always going to be the one with yourself since that is the foundation of how you will relate to others too. 
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Erica M. Wollerman, Psy.D. ​​​​​​​
​​​Celebrate love! Self-love included. And just because you don’t share someone to share the day with, doesn’t mean that you can’t share the day with others. Find others to hang out with if you want and make it a point to really treat yourself. I ALWAYS eat my favorite ice cream and wear comfy sweats/pajamas. It’s a time to indulge yourself because you deserve it!

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​​​Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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Grief: 5 Years Later…

2/5/2021

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Around this time in 2016, I had a close friend of mine die in a car accident. It’s definitely one of the worst things that has happened in my life. I can still recall the first 24 hours of receiving the news. I was devastated. It wasn’t real, and my friends and I struggled to support each other as we all were experiencing our own grief in our own ways. Triggers flew around with no warning sign, and I was a mess. Two weeks after the accident was also his birthday. Instead of celebrating another year of his life and looking forward towards his future, we all mourned his death and the loss of our friend.


I’ve experienced other losses in my life, but grief is funny in that it never really feels the same. Every situation feels different, and this one… this one has impacted me in ways much deeper and more profound than I could have ever anticipated.

Every year since, I have “dark days” during those two weeks between the anniversary of his death and his birthday. I allow myself to move a little slower. I give myself a little more space to be alone or to lean on others. I let go of any expectations to overachieve. I allow myself to cry when I need to, work when I need to, and reminisce about memories shared and wonder about memories lost, the moments that could’ve been.

Grief doesn’t have an expiration date. It’s not something you “get over.” It’s something you live with and move through. Grief changes you but know that your grief will change too.

I’ve been able to accept my grief. Am I still sad he’s gone? Yes. Do I still cry sometimes? Absolutely. Do I wish I had more time with him? Desperately. I still wonder about what he’d say or how he’d react to something. But I also now welcome the moments that remind me of my friend because it means that he was important and that his life mattered. It means that I was impacted and that he made a difference. I believe that’s what friendship is about. Human connection, and so I find comfort in my grief because it means that his life meant something.

If you know of someone who is grieving and want to give them support, the best thing you can do is to be there for the grieving person. Consider what you would want from someone (a hug, time together, distraction, meals cooked for you, etc.) and offer that but try not to expect anything from them. Since everyone grieves differently, it’s important to offer what you can but to avoid putting any pressure on them to grieve or respond in any specific way. 

I also think it is important that you do not try to fix grief for someone else. You might need to sit with and accept that nothing you say or do will make this time easier or happier. Grief is just hard. Period. But, it is a natural part of our lives and something we all need to wade through rather than avoid. And it is certainly helpful to wade through it with a supportive friend or family member if that person can allow the grief to exist when it is there and to subside when it is not. I often reference grief as being similar to a wave, it will come and go and the intensity can vary. While time can heal, grief never goes away but becomes more bearable. 

I found this article to be helpful on some tips on providing support to someone experiencing grief.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/helping-someone-who-is-grieving.htm

If you’re struggling in your grief, just know that you aren’t alone and know that we are here for you! Grief does not discriminate. It is something everyone feels it at some point in their lives. If you’re looking for some support, we are here to support you.
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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Realistic goals for 2021, aka “Year TWO of Pandemic Life”

2/2/2021

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So we are one month into 2021 and I think it’s safe to say that we need to gauge our expectations of ourselves accordingly… While it would be easy to get overzealous and set a bunch of goals for this year, maybe that’s not the best plan forward. Of course we want to make plans that help us achieve our goals as well as bring back some semblance of normalcy to our lives but, I hate to say it, we are still in a pandemic. 


I repeat...we are still in a pandemic and honestly, many of us are still very impacted by the events of the past year because they have not stopped… Kids are still home, virtual learning and working is still the plan, many of us are not vaccinated or seeing our social networks, and most of us are still desperately stressed, lonely, restless, etc. This means that we are likely not our best selves and I would advocate that any goals need to be ones that help you manage stress and take care of yourself better. Not to get things back to normal necessarily because that is just not possible right now. Even though we all still crave that path. 


Let’s start a bit smaller with some achievable goals first as we ease into the year. Maybe it is taking 5-10 minutes to meditate, walk, do yoga, read a book for fun, watch a show, laugh with your kids and forget about online learning. It could just be making an effort to be kinder to yourself and your family. Letting things go a bit more so that it feels less stressful. Whatever it is, let’s not overwhelm ourselves and overextend ourselves… That would just be overwhelming and disappointing when we come to the inevitable conclusion that we really can’t take on much still. While that is frustrating for so many of us, it can also be liberating to just focus on what we can control. 


So, while it is perfectly understandable to want to set goals in 2021 like it is any other year, it's not. And something to watch out for is that even if things with the pandemic improve - we might still struggle for a bit. Keep in mind that everything we have been feeling is cumulative and when we are out of this crisis, there is likely going to be a surge of feelings about the situation we just endured. The best thing is to set goals to help you endure as best you can and then remember that we will need to process what we just experienced collectively and individually later. 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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Meet Our Thrive Therapist - Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC

2/1/2021

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Tell us about you and why you wanted to become a therapist. 

I know how it feels to struggle or be going through a hard time. I’ve experienced both having good support and feeling unsupported during those times. It can be tough waters to navigate alone, and I believe that everyone should receive the support they need. For me personally, having someone to listen, understand, and validate my experience makes a world of difference, so being able to be a safe person for someone else is why I wanted to become a therapist. I also think it always helps to gain a different perspective, and that’s what I like to bring into my sessions too.

What do you love about being a therapist?

I love getting to know my clients. I love listening to their stories and learning about them: what makes them laugh, what makes them cry, what gets them angry. I find humans fascinating because you never know what experiences they have gone through and who they are until you get to know them! But my favorite part about being a therapist is getting to witness when people grow, and change happens. Nothing is more rewarding then being able to highlight those accomplishments and celebrate that with them. 

How would you describe yourself as a therapist? 
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Authenticity, compassion, curiosity, humor and fun! Those are probably the five words I would use to describe myself as a therapist and the values I hold as a therapist. (Also, I’m surprised I could come up with that because I usually have a hard time!) 

Who do you love working with in therapy?
 

My motto with this is “you never know until you try.” Every client is new and different so as long as we connect and you feel comfortable, then I want to work with you! What is great about my profession is that there is always room to grow. I want to continue to challenge myself as a therapist to grow and try because I never want to get bored with what I’m doing.

Do you have a particular theory or framework that guides your work as a therapist?  If so, describe it and tell us why you use that. 
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I’m client-centered and eclectic. I want to find what works best for you, and I like being able to pull techniques from other modalities. Finding the best fit is most important to me. Nothing fits better like a good pair of jeans! Just kidding (but not really).  If it doesn’t work, then it’s not going to be helpful or effective, so a client-centered approach with a lot of client feedback is how I like to base my work.

Share one thing you are passionate about in your professional or personal life.

HUMOR and having fun!!


Ying-Ying is accepting new clients at Thrive and available to support you and your family. Please check out her bio here for more information about her as a therapist and challenges she loves supporting people with. Click here to read more about Ying-Ying! 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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Welcome to the Thrive Team Alexina and Ying-Ying!

1/22/2021

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I couldn’t be happier to be writing this blog post today. While 2020 brought so many challenges for all of us, even in our Thrive family, we have been fortunate enough to be able to add new therapists to our team that started just this week. 

While I was a bit nervous about hiring during a pandemic and meeting candidates virtually, I have to say that both of our new team members just blew me away with their ability to connect, even virtually during an interview, and to both offer skills that will help our clients reduce symptoms quickly but also to dive deeper with clients into the roots of their challenges to resolve them in a more long-term way. 

They will each be writing blogs to introduce themselves to our audience, but I wanted to write a little something to share my perspective on them and just how excited our whole team is to have them on board! 

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Alexina Clarke is a Registered Associate MFT  (AMFT110916) who is supervised by Jennifer Gonzalez (LMFT98444) 
Alexina Clarke, AMFT
Alexina is a rare find. She is an associate therapist who also has a lot of specialized experience as she was trained specifically in Emotion Focused Therapy working with couples as well as individual clients. While she does not work with children, Alexina brings a unique perspective to her work with individuals as she views everything from a systemic and relational perspective that I find fits well with the rest of us at Thrive. Plus, she is bringing a whole new service to Thrive by offering couples therapy!  Alexina impressed me with her ability to connect with and understand the complexity of situations in a very deep and intuitive way that I think allows her to work with a lot of different presenting issues. She definitely is a welcome addition to our team! 

If you would like to read more about Alexina and her approach in therapy - please check out her bio here. If you would like to connect with her to discuss how she can help you and your family, please call us today! Link this to our phone number please!

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Ying-Ying Shiue is an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (APCC 5349) who is supervised by Jennifer Gonzalez (LMFT98444)
Ying-Ying Shiue, APCC
Ying-Ying is indeed a perfect fit at Thrive!  She works with everyone we all love working with - children, teens, parents, families, and adults and is incredibly easy to get along with. Her warmth and easy going personality won us all over pretty quickly. However, Ying-Ying is much more than just someone who can get along with all of us - she truly has the experience and ability to connect with clients quickly and then help them move into a place of change with her support. Her insight, easy going nature, and ability to address and understand complex challenges make her a huge asset to our team! 

If you would like to read more about Ying-Ying and her approach in therapy - please check out her bio here. If you would like to connect with her to discuss how she can help you and your family, please call us today!

As I mentioned, this was not an easy decision in terms of hiring during a pandemic but it has been so rewarding for all of us. Alexina and Ying-Ying bring needed new energy and perspectives to Thrive and we can’t wait to see how each of them progresses in their careers with us. 
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Please contact us today to learn more about Thrive, our team and how we can support you and your family! 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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How to talk with your kids about the attack on the Capitol

1/8/2021

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Wow. The start to 2021 has been pretty relentless so far!  What a week. 

I thought it might be helpful to share a bit about my thoughts about how parents might use the attack on the Capitol as a conversation starter with their kids. 
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While some families might not want to talk about what happened and why it was as scary as it was, I think it might actually be helpful if not unavoidable with kids home so much right now due to the pandemic. For many, we might just want to avoid the topic altogether because we don’t know what to say that would be helpful and not scary for our kids. And while I certainly do not have all the answers, I had some thoughts about it. 

One thing parents can always do during a difficult or scary situation is to lean into the facts to explain what is happening. We can say that a group of people believe that the election we had was manipulated in some way and that they needed to protest that and in a sense, take back their country. You can explain that while this is not accurate about the election, what these people believe is creating their reality and likely, some sense of fear and being wronged (accurate or not, this seems to be the feeling that led to the incident Wednesday). 

This might be a good opportunity to discuss how our beliefs do create our reality and why it is important to be open to differing opinions and facts. It’s also important to teach them words like insurrection, coup, and anarchy so that they can understand that this situation went far beyond a typical protest, as it did not seem that peace was the intended result. 

The second thing that parents can do is recognize that they do not have all the answers and know what is going to happen. Many kids are going to wonder if there will be consequences for what happened and it is okay to say you don’t know and I would then ask what they think should happen. 

If you have a more anxious child, take some time to unpack their worries and try to reassure them that while this is scary, it may not develop into anything more than what happened this week. We don’t know but we can focus on what we do know, which is that parents work hard to protect their children and that you are there to support them. Try joining them in their feelings and letting them know it is okay to be worried and scared. Then, you can try to share what you do to help yourself during these times (not the wine drinking but the walks, talking it through with trusted people, and focus on what you can control kinds of things). 

Parents can use these conversations as a starting point for discussions about social contracts and why we have government. Given the numerous examples in our families about these topics on a smaller level, you might come up with some examples of how anarchy creates chaos! 

Remember, the more parents avoid talking about the events of this week, the scarier it will feel for our kids. It is our job to put aside our feelings (to an extent) and unpack the situation together. Focus on how your family will face hard things together and that it is okay for difficult things to cause us difficult emotions and that we can handle those together too. 

I hope this is helpful. Let’s all hang in there for the rest of what 2021 has in store for us. Hopefully there are some less stressful times ahead! 

And always, if you or your family could use added support, please let us know at Thrive!  

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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2021 Intention Blog Post

12/19/2020

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So, for those of you who have been reading my blog for a while might know that I usually set an intention for each year around this time. 2020 has certainly not been a year where many of us have been able to keep our intentions, or resolutions for that matter. I debated about posting anything about setting an intention for next year as, well, I almost don’t want to put anything out into the world that will leave me disappointed! 

So much of the lessons of 2020 I think have involved digging deeper into ourselves and our relationships to figure out how we deal with extraordinary situations and difficulties. My word for this year ended up being Embrace (this is after a few revisions because I started with something else I believe). And well, as much as I might not like to say it, this is exactly what this year led me to do. I spent a lot of time leaning into and embracing things that have been hard and do feel that I have learned about myself, the world, and how to be a better mom, wife, person, and therapist. 

Do I dare consider setting an intention for 2021?  

I think I do. I would encourage you to as well to be honest. I think it is important to always consider how we can lean into or improve things in our lives, even during extraordinary times. 

My word for next year is going to be Generous. 

While I am often a very generous person, particularly at work and with my team, I struggle to be generous in the way I interpret my loved ones words or actions. The narrative that I come to most easily is often not the one that is kind and generous in spirit. I would truly like to work on this and considering the fact that 2021 seems like it might start out just as challenging as 2020 has been… I think there will likely be ample opportunities to practice my generosity!  

If you are considering setting an intention for the coming year, I applaud you!  I think it is brave right now to want things and to work on improving ourselves and our lives beyond just getting through the day. Throughout this pandemic, I have been so impressed with my clients who have kept on working through the things that come up rather than just hiding from all of it considering the immense pressures on all of us. 

For those of you who would rather not tempt fate and want to give 2021 some space to be an improvement on this year, I get it. I want it to be better too!  And it is entirely okay not to challenge yourself if that feels like too much. We need to all be compassionate and kind with ourselves right now. 

This is my last blog of 2020 as I will take a break for the holidays and resume in the New Year!  I hope everyone stays healthy and finds some silver linings in the messy world of ours. If we at Thrive can do anything to help support you or your loved ones, please don’t hesitate to reach out!
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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5 Self Care Practices I Do Daily That are Quick and Free!

12/11/2020

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Many people think that therapists are somehow immune from struggling in the way everyone else does. I am pretty honest about this being entirely untrue - as any of you who regularly read my blog or follow me on social media would know! All of us could use a little bit of self-care so I thought I would share my favorite things that I do consistently, pretty much daily, in order to help keep myself as mentally okay as I can be… particularly as a therapist during a pandemic! 

I do want to just say that please, please keep in mind that self-care is not a cure all strategy. I have a healthy dose of skepticism about the “wellness industry” and how much they are pushing us all to spend on ourselves in the interests of self-care. They almost seem to be trying to sell the idea that if you engage in “this activity,” you will never feel pain again. While I definitely accept the fact that some level of struggle is just a part of being human, I do try to find ways to lessen the struggle when possible.  So while engaging in self-care is not a cure all strategy to never struggle again, it can be helpful to keep yourself hanging in there… which is all many of us can do in this wild 2020 ride. 

I also want to acknowledge that for many people, expensive self-care items or subscription boxes are just not realistic or practical. Plus, during a pandemic, many previous forms of self-care (going out with friends, massages, shopping, etc.) are just also not realistic. Additionally, many of us, particularly parents just don’t have the time for long self-care rituals. So, for this list I kept it as simple and free as possible. Plus, this is all actually what I do to keep myself functioning for my family, clients, and business. 

Okay, here’s my list! 
  1. Walk - Every day I start my day with a walk. While I often listen to a podcast or even spend that time getting a bit caught up on emails, I try to just enjoy being outside and enjoying nature. I find this helps me feel centered and grounded throughout the day. 
  2. Gratitude list - Every day I make a list of 10 things in my life that I am grateful for. I have been doing this for just over a year now and honestly, it really helps me shift my perspective. Plus, I find myself noticing things throughout the day that I want to include on the list later. So it definitely helps direct my attention towards things that are enjoyable in my life all day long. 
  3. Meditation - This is a practice that I sort of fall into and fall back out of. I recently began using Headspace daily again and have been really enjoying it! I’m really hoping that by including it in my blog that I will stick with it a bit longer than I have in the past. 
  4. Playing music with my toddler - As my son has gotten older, he is getting more and more interested in music. He is not always the most outgoing, so when he really gets into it and dances all over the place, it just fills my heart with joy. I have recently made it my intention to play music and sing and dance with him at least once a day.  
  5. Starting my day early - Now this one might not be for everyone… but for me, waking up before my family has become an important part of my daily routine. Early in motherhood, I learned that I really like it when our house is set up for the day. When things are already packed to take to daycare, the dishwasher is empty, sometimes breakfast is made, and I have time to gradually wake up. So, every day, I set my alarm a bit earlier than I need to and give myself the gift of time and some peace knowing that at least the day starts setup well and without frantic running around. I believe this helps reduce my feelings of overwhelm. 

I hope this is helpful for some of you!  Most of the activities I shared do not actually take that long and are pretty accessible even in the busiest households during a pandemic. If these ideas are not for you, maybe think up a few others. Maybe journaling, having coffee alone outside, reading a book, or taking a long shower could go on your list. Self-care does not need to be expensive or dramatic, often it is just little things we practice doing over and over that help us feel more grounded and centered. 
At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: 
http://eepurl.com/dsgLNL.
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