We live in a world saturated with insta-models, selfies, filters, and fillers. There is a growing number of teenage girls and young women that are unhappy with the way they look and feel.  According to research, self-esteem for girls continues to decline during their teenage years. Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves, and with high self-esteem comes behaviors that clearly reflect them.  Teenagers with high self-esteem will be able to tolerate frustration, manage their emotions, take pride in their accomplishments, become independent, and assume responsibility. On the other hand, teenagers, particularly girls, with lower self-esteem become vulnerable to the ideal body image portrayed by the media, develop social anxiety, depression, and have difficulty managing their emotions.  Low self-esteem can easily carry into adulthood and interfere with future relationships and a life that is both healthy and fulfilling.  
It’s time to focus on shaping our daughters into strong, independent women who will exude confidence and take over the world. So, what can parents do to encourage their daughters to build confidence in their abilities? Here are a few ways you can start planting seeds of positive self-esteem in your daughter today:

1.Model self-acceptance
Use yourself as a role-model for positive self-image. Asking questions such as “Does this make me look fat?” or putting your own image down can have a huge image on your own daughter’s self-image. Lead by example. Practice daily affirmations and refrain from comparisons and self-criticisms.  This will help give yourself a self-esteem boost too. Be supportive and not critical, simply listen to what they have to say instead of giving your opinion. Believe it or not, they actually listen to what you are saying!

2.Praise her abilities and not her looks
It’s very easy to fall into praising how beautiful she is, or how gorgeous her luscious locks look.  Our culture has trained us to praise girls on their appearance but not their abilities.  Challenge yourself to compliment your daughter on her abilities twice as much as you compliment her on her appearance. Perhaps praise her on her achievements, skills, and talents.  Remember, it’s what she DOES that really matters.  Bonus points if you do the same with all the other girls (nieces, your daughter’s friends, other women in the family).
 
3.Let her have a say 
If want our daughters to be a good decision maker in that executive position then she will need practice. Let her have a say in appropriate decision-making matters whether it is about how to divide up the chores or how to spend family vacation time.  It’s not about giving free reign, but it’s about involving them in making a decision and learning how to deal with the consequences.  Teach her that her opinions matter.  Teach her howto think and not whatto think.
 
4.Paddling her own canoe
This goes along with giving your daughter a say in decision making matters.  Help her build resilience for life’s later challenges by letting her struggle but empathizing with her when she faces the consequences. If you create a perfect utopia of a childhood, she will have a difficult time handling adversity.  Girls are often portrayed as a damsel in distress, or a princess that needs saving.  It’s important for her to know she’s capable of dealing with difficult situations on her own and you will be there to support her in the aftermath. Remember it’s about finding her own way, not having her own way. 
 
5.Physical Activity
She doesn’t have to learn how to surf or take up horse-riding (well unless she wants to!). Exercising is a great way to increase feel-good hormones such as endorphins.  It could be as simple as taking a walk or going hiking together. Taking care of your own body teaches self-respect. It’ll also give you a chance to take care of yourself as well. 
It’s impossible to be an unwavering and confident woman all the time, but you can start showing your daughter how to love and care for herself by trying some of the ideas above. Raising a confident young woman is a long-term process. We’ve been instilled to speak or behave a certain way, so it’s okay if some days you accidently say things like “boys will be boys” or “that’s more ladylike”. Don’t give up! Perhaps practice some of these things for yourself first before you use them with your daughter (it’ll be a confidence booster, get it?).

Thrive Therapy Studio is now offering a Teen Girls Anxiety group. Topics of interest include perfectionism, school and social challenges, managing stress, and expectations. Check out the group description here. Call us today to reserve a spot for your teen daughter! 

If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
To stay in the loop on the services offered and to receive updated information about Thrive, please feel free to sign up for the newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 

Today’s guest blog was written by an extremely knowledgeable and talented psychologist, who is also the mother of a son diagnosed with autism. She shares about her experience receiving this diagnosis and the way she used her work utilizing strategies from ACT, CBT, etc. to eventually reach acceptance in this situation. We were truly inspired by her story and her detailed discussion of how psychological theory and coping strategies helped her and felt compelled to share with our readers as well!
 
The Day I “Truly” Received My Son’s Diagnosis of Autism: How Acceptance Led to Resilience
By: Shoshana Shea, Ph.D.
 
Daniel Gottlieb was a young, burgeoning psychologist, husband, and father when quadriplegia entered his life. He was driving on the freeway when he was struck by a giant wheel that unhitched from a tractor-trailer, flew across the freeway, and crushed his car. He was instantly paralyzed from the neck down. As he lay in the hospital contemplating how he could end his pain and suffering, one of the night nurses, who suffered from depression and had heard that Gottlieb was a psychologist, shared that she felt suicidal. Unaware that he had been contemplating that very idea himself, they talked through the night. Now, a prominent writer, therapist, and radio talk show host, he acknowledges that by listening to her experience, Gottlieb may have not only saved her life, but she likely saved his: Why? Gottlieb says that was because the nurse saw him as a person. We become identified with the waves and we forget that we are the ocean (Brach, 2012). When the waves thrash us around, we suffer. Gottlieb later shared in two of his books, Letters to Sam and The Wisdom of Sam that he stopped striving to be the man he always wanted to be and finally realized the man he was.
 
I will never forget when one of those waves came into my life on a crisp, fall day in November. When picking up my son from preschool, his teacher told me to call his pediatrician because there was “something wrong” with him. Those words numbed me; I wondered out loud “And what should I tell the doctor?  That something was just wrong?” Indeed, when I spoke with the doctor, I catatonically echoed the preschool teacher’s words, “There’s something wrong with my son.” I might have said what I feared, “I did something wrong.” The doctor responded by saying, “Well, we all worry about the big ‘A,’… autism, that is.” I don’t remember much more of that day; the specifics are a blur to me now. I was completely submerged under the wave, being dragged along the ocean floor. Coming up for air was a long way off. This felt like a tsunami to me, and I had already counted myself a casualty.
 
To use a metaphor from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT; Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 1999), picture a man trapped in a deep hold, with only a shovel by his side. In despair and desperation, he picks up the shovel and begins to dig. Not being one who quits, he puts all his effort into digging his way out. He toils through the night and as the sun rises, he takes stock of his progress. He is not only still stuck in the hold, but it is deeper than he ever would have imagined. He is baffled; why was the shovel there if it was not a means to get out of the hold? He things, “this is all I have…” Tara Brach, clinical psychologist, author, meditation teacher and dedicated leader in training therapists to integrate mindfulness into their practice of psychology, calls this a “false refuge”; a tool that is seemingly helpful and certainly available, but which is not. The first thing a man must do is drop the shovel, and yet he fears he cannot because what would he do then? Sit in the darkness and the pain of being in a terrifyingly deep hole?
 
In her book, When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chodron writes, “Reaching our limit is not some kind of punishment. It’s actually a sign of health that, when we meet the place where we are about to die, we feel fear and trembling. A further sign of health is that we don’t become undone by fear and trembling, but we take it as a message that it’s time to stop struggling and look directly at what’s threatening us… How we stay in the middle between indulging and repressing is by acknowledging whatever arises without judgment, letting the thoughts simply dissolve, and then going back to the openness of this very moment. That’s what we’re actually doing in meditation. Up come all these thoughts, but rather than squelch them or obsess with them, we acknowledge them and let them go… We can meet our match with a poodle or with a raging guard dog, but the interesting question is – what happens next?”
 
When I initially received my son’s diagnosis, I did more than my fair share of shoveling; I went through shock, anger, guilt, shame, reasoning, begging, pleading, bargaining, blaming, rage, numbing, and most of all, rigorous inquisitions of myself. If the shovel had not worked before that point, I was not going to let my son down, so I shoveled harder, with more gusto than ever before. It would take me six months until I finally stopped digging when the RAIN began to fall. The RAIN soaked my body and I bathed in my pain and tears.
 
I attended a workshop led by Tara Brach as part of a conference on Mindfulness (FACES, 2009). Dr. Brach led us through an exercise where she asked us to take something we were struggling with in our lives and say “yes” to what we were experiencing. She elaborated, “Saying “yes” does not get rid of the pain; it actually allows the experience to be freed and unfold itself; a space opens up. Some people notice fear, however, and do not get that sense of freedom. When we get stuck, it usually means we have not looked deeply enough into the nature of our experience…”
 
The acronym RAIN has been used in mindfulness to engage in a progressively deepening process:
 
R stands for recognize: “What is going on? What are we noticing?”  “They say there is something wrong with my child, or, maybe not?” “He seems alright…” This process involves also recognizing equivocation.
 
A stands for acceptance, wherein we allow the situation to simply be. Without knowing it, we often say, “this can’t be happening.” With acceptance, we say “yes,” and allow it to be. But I didn’t want to say “yes.” I was saying “No! This can’t be happening; this can’t be happening; this can’t be happening…” It was like if I admitted there was “something wrong,” I was signing up for my son never having a “normal” life. I was giving up on him. If I truly accepted his diagnosis, maybe it didn’t have to be that something was “wrong”; maybe it just was.
 
Another ACT metaphor is that of a ball and chain attached to our ankle. Burdens are cumbersome, often shameful, their weight unbearable. So we tend to act like they do not exist, and valiantly try moving forward in our lives. We try and drag our ankle but it just won’t budge. We tell ourselves, “I can’t be having this pain; more importantly, I won’t allow it!” So we stay stuck. Acceptance is bending down and picking up the ball and holding it close to our bodies. This way, we will likely move at a very slow pace, but at least we are moving. Jack Kornfield reminds us of the Zen Buddhist saying in his book, The Wise Heart, “If you understand things are just as they are. And if you don’t understand things are still just as they are.”
 
I stands for investigate our inner experience with heart, with kindness, with compassion. We use the Four Foundations of Mindfulness to further deepen this investigation (Mind, Body, Feelings, and Dharma, Kornfield, 2008).”

1. Mind: We ask, “What am I believing? What am I really afraid of? What is most distressing to me?” “What stories or judgments do I have of this?”, “I failed him.”
2. Body: “Where do I feel this in my body?” My head aches. My chest is tight. My stomach is churning.
3. Feelings: Agitation, sorrow, and fear.
4. Dharma: “The elements and the patterns that make up experience” (from The Wise Heart), “How locked in are we?” “What would I see if I were to go beyond this small self?” But I can’t come into my present moment because it won’t be OK; he won’t be OK. I won’t be OK. Pema Chodron says, “We can meet our match with a poodle or a raging guard dog, but the interesting question is - What happens next?”

 
This leads us to the final step of RAIN.
 
N stands for non-identification or non-attachment. We see our thoughts as thoughts, and not as who we are as a person. In ACT, this is called “defusion.” Tara Brach ended the exercise with the following words: “We unhitch ourselves, and we come home to who we really are. We are fully present. No longer identified with the small self. Back to natural loving presence. And we are then able to really ask ourselves, ‘So what am I needing in this moment?”
 
Before going through the steps of RAIN, I really thought I was accepting the situation. I had taken my son for a private evaluation. I was calling professionals to figure out whether I really needed to intervene. I was fighting against well-meaning friends and family, by telling them that he needed to be assessed, and they would push back and tell me to just leave him alone and that he would grow out of it. They would then contradict themselves by looking worried at other times, and asking me if I noticed he was doing something that other kids don’t normally do. I would perseverate, equivocate, and hide in silence and drown in self-pity. In the end, I came to realize that I was completely unwilling to accept that this was indeed happening. This lack of acceptance was impeding my process of resilience, and the ability to truly help myself and my son. I was never going to drop that shovel, and then, I did.
 
Resting in my awareness, I was able to let go of the struggle; my exit strategies had become defunct, and the tears flowed freely. At the next break, I stepped out and called the school district to schedule an evaluation to arrange for intervention. I haven’t looked back since. It is not that I haven’t indulged in self-pity or other avoidance strategies since then; it is that I always return to the truth and come back home to natural, loving, presence. I am willing, and I have dropped the shovel. My son has become one of the greatest teachers and remains so.
 
If you can rest in the ocean, you are not afraid of the waves (Tara Brach).
 
References
 
Brach, T. (Producer). (2012, March 7). Freedom in the Midst of Difficulty. Retrieved from URL https://www.tarabrach.com/freedom-in-the-midst-of-difficulty-audio/.
 
Brach, Tara. (2012) True Refuge: Finding peace and freedom in your own awakened heart. New York, NY: Random House Publishing Group.  
 
Chodron, Pema. (1997) When Things Fall Apart: Heart advice for difficult times. Boulder, CO: Shambhala.
 
FACES Conference (2009, April 2-4) Awakening to Mindfulness. La Jolla,  CA.
 
Gottlieb, Daniel. (2006) Letters to Sam: A Grandfather’s lesson on love, loss, and the gifts of life. New York, NY: Sterling Publishing Co.
 
Gottlieb, Daniel. (2010) The Wisdom of Sam: Observations on life from an uncommon child. Carlsbad, CA: Hay House.
 
Hayes, S.C., Strosahl, K.D., Wilson, K.G. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. New York: Guildford Press.
 
Kornfield, Jack. (2009) The Wise Heart: A guide to the universal teachings on Buddhist psychology. New York, NY: Bantam Dell.
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  Please also feel free to check out Dr. Shea’s website here.
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 

At Thrive Therapy Studio, we work with children and teens of all ages and often their parents are very concerned about one behavior in particular, lying. This is one topic that seems to come up over and over again regardless of the reason why we are seeing a child/teen in therapy. Parents ask all kinds of questions… Why does my child lie?  How can I make them stop lying and tell the truth? I’m so frustrated, what do I do? What’s wrong with them?  Are they a pathological liar?
 
Interestingly, lying in small doses is actually not a behavior that concerns me as a therapist. It shows a child or teen’s resourcefulness as well as their growing autonomy from their parents, which are all developmentally normal and generally considered good things. When we see a lot of lying, however, it is concerning to us as well as parents.
 
When parents talk to us about lying, it is often a conversation about what is wrong with their child or teen… Not so much about what they could be doing differently. Interestingly though, I am often going to focus more on the parent's behavior than the child or teen initially. First, I want to explore with the parent how their behavior may contribute to their child/teen’s lying behavior. Often, children and teens talk to me about being afraid to tell their parents the truth about things, even small mistakes that they make, because they have learned that their parents get really angry, yell, punish them, and generally “can’t handle the truth.”
 
Unfortunately, while understandable, these parent responses make children and teens feel unsafe around their parents and make them feel that they can’t really tell them things, particularly not hard things or mistakes they have made. For children sensitive to failure and who already struggle to admit their mistakes, this compounds the challenge of truth telling exponentially.
 
This brings me to the main way parents can prevent and reduce lying. Parents can prevent and reduce lying by responding to their child calmly and with an interest in finding solutions, rather than immediately jumping to blame, shame, and consequences for the child. For example, if you find out that your child did not do well on a math test, you felt they were well prepared for, rather than being angry and asking them “what they did wrong or how could this happen,” you can say something like, “I am so sorry to hear that test did not go the way you were hoping. It must have been hard to talk to me about it but I am so glad you did. What do you think might be helpful in the future or do you think there is anything you can do to improve this grade now?”  If you respond in this way, your child is much less likely to hide grades in the future and to talk to you about how things are going academically.
 
This does not mean that consequences should not be given. At times, consequences are perfectly appropriate, they just should not be given in a hasty way out of anger or shame, but perhaps in a conversation with your child or teen. You can even ask them what they think would be appropriate as a consequence for the mistake or situation that came up. For example, if your child accidentally broke something in your home, the conversation might go something like this… “Thank you so much for telling me what happened, I can tell that was difficult. I’m disappointed that the window is broken but I do know that mistakes happen to all of us. What do you think you could do to prevent accidents like this in the future?  What do you think would be a fair consequence?” Hopefully your child/teen would come up with something along the lines of being more careful to prevent this accident from happening again and then you could arrange for a way for them to help pay for the broken window. This makes the most sense as it is a natural consequence that results from cause and effect, something is broken and we pay to fix it.
 
Here are the basic steps for responding to difficult moments with your child or teen using the above example:

1. Connect and respond with empathy – Thank you so much for telling me what happened, I can tell that was difficult for you
2. Express some degree of your feelings calmly  
3. Validate that mistakes happen and are not the end of the world – #2 and #3 are combined in this example - "I’m disappointed that the window is broken but I do know that mistakes happen to all of us."
4. Come up with ways to work on this in the future - What do you think you could do to prevent accidents like this in the future?
5. Discuss consequences if calm and if appropriate for situation - What do you think would be a fair consequence?

 
Through these steps and a lot of patience, you can definitely help your child or teen respond to you in a different way and create a culture of honesty in your family! 

As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child therapy or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapy Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n. 

I was recently asked to contribute to a discussion on how spoiling may impact kids later in life and I enjoyed this topic so much, I decided to expand on it in a blog of my own. If you would like to see the article I contributed to, please check it out here.
 
As a child and teen psychologist as well as parenting consultant, I believe that spoiling your children has a huge affect on them in so many ways both later in life and while they are children. I am referencing “spoiling” in terms of not setting limits with your child. While this often goes hand in hand with “helicopter parenting,” for the purposes of this blog, I am only discussing spoiling. If you’d like to read more on helicopter parenting, check out my blog on it here!
 
Parents often inadvertently spoil their children because they are struggling to set limits for a myriad of reasons… it could be that they are unsure of how to set limits appropriately as it was not modeled for them by their parents. It could also be that they do not want their child to be upset, frustrated, sad, or angry with them. For some parents, their child responds in such a difficult way when they set limits, they simply don’t have the energy to keep setting them. In general, a lack of limits comes from a place of kindness and for many overwhelmed parents, fatigue. While this is perfectly understandable (especially coming from a very tired new mom over here!), unfortunately, there are some lasting effects for kids that do not understand or respect boundaries.
 
The following are just some of the consequences that can occur for kids that have not had boundaries enforced:

1. Low frustration tolerance and difficulties managing strong emotions
2. Poor understanding of cause and effect and how their behavior may effect others
3. Little drive and ambition, coupled with a general lack of success in one’s career or job
4. Lack of accountability

 
As you can see, these are crucial skills and qualities of being a successful and resilient adult!  
 
Consider the following example: A child I once knew had left their bicycle in the driveway where a car could hit it. I asked them, “what would happen if your parents hit your bicycle because you didn’t put it away?” The child’s response was as follows, “they’ll just buy me a new one.” I was so shocked, appalled, and most of all concerned. This young child had no real understanding of money, the inconsiderate nature of this choice, accountability, or responsibility. And honestly, why would he if his parents would just go ahead and get him a new bicycle?
 
Setting firm but loving limits for your children gives them an amazing opportunity to develop the skills to deal with frustration, understand cause and effect, learn accountability, and work towards goals which helps in understanding cause and effect. To help a child learn to treat his belongings with more care, parents could respond in the following way.
 
Letting the child know that you saw that their bike was left out in a place it could be hit. Explaining gently that while it can be annoying or difficult to remember to take the time to take care of our things, that is how we can show we appreciate those things and to ensure we have them for a long time. If the child continues to leave the bike out, I would recommend that you then have a conversation again about how having a bicycle is a responsibility that they might not be ready for and remove that privilege for a period of time (a couple of days). I would also explain that if something happens to the bicycle or a family vehicle because of the bicycle being left out, the child will be responsible for completing chores to pay for damages and earn back the privilege of having the bike.
 
An even more current example would be a cracked iPhone screen. So often, kids are coming in my office with cracked screens that seem to continually be replaced by parents, who often have insurance plans who pay for it. While I understand that financially this may make sense to parents, I do believe that there should be some natural consequence for a child who cracks their phone. Maybe they need to pay for half the fee or lose the ability to have it for a while. This is how they will learn both the value of money and the importance of treating belongings with respect!
 
A key element of these conversations around limit setting is compassion and kindness. It is okay to let your child know you are disappointed in their choice, but also let them know that everyone makes mistakes and that it is okay as long as we take steps to fix the harm we cause. This way, you are not being overly punitive but you are still setting and holding a limit with them. After all, the goal is to prepare our children for the world where there are rules, structure, limits, and at times serious consequences.
 
At Thrive, we are skilled at helping parents set limits effectively and with loving kindness – call us today for a consultation if you are struggling in this area!  We are happy to help and approach these sessions without any judgment. Parenting is hard enough, we just want to support you!

If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, teen or family psychotherapy services in San Diego CA, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 

We at Thrive hope all of our readers are having a very happy holiday season!  While I am actually on vacation from the office for the week to spend time with the new little addition to our family, Luca, I was reflecting on my intention for next year. As some of you may know, I am in the habit of choosing a word for each year as a symbol or guidepost of something I would like to focus my energy towards or bring into my life. I use this exercise with many of my clients also and wanted to make sure to bring this up before the new year to our blog readers! 
 
Life for me, as a business owner and new mother, has certainly been overwhelming lately. Interestingly though for next year rather than a word like balance or rest, I am choosing a word that helps me lean into the opportunities, experiences, and amazing abundance that has come my way. As I was reflecting on my word from this past year, gratitude, I realized that the trick for me in choosing gratitude over stress or overwhelm is to focus on the reasons behind my stress. I am often stressed or overwhelmed because of the needs of my growing business as well as because of the needs of my growing family. And honestly, I am lucky and blessed to have both!  So, I want to choose a word that helps to remind me of my blessings and that my busy life is amazing, wonderful, and so filled with love and laughter that I wish for more hours in my days. This year, my word is abundance. I will choose to emphasize the abundance in my life and frame the busyness with love and appreciation rather than stress.
 
If you would like to join me in choosing a word and setting an intention that this word represents this coming year, please do.
 
Here are some simple questions and activities that can help you in choosing your word:

1. First, take the time to reflect on the year behind you and the year ahead.
2. Consider what you feel you are needing more of or lacking in your life.
3. If there are stressors in your life, what do you need to get through them more resiliently?
4. Is there a different way to look at situations that are going on for you that have been causing difficulty? (Ex. Perhaps an added challenge is an opportunity to learn or grow in a new way).
5. What word resonates with you and embodies what you are looking for in your life?

 
I hope you do choose to join me in this activity this year!  Each year, the words I choose become my guide and they have been invaluable to me. Hopefully you have a similar experience. Please feel free to share your words in the comments either on our social media post or on our blog here!
 
And most of all, Happy New Year from the Thrive Therapy Team!
 
If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about therapy for adults, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.
 

The holiday season is upon us. And let’s be honest, the holidays can be quite stressful and exhausting! They can be demanding and overwhelming for the whole family. And feeling like you need to do everything to give your kids an amazing holiday can make it even worse. For you and them. Especially when they are displaying challenging behaviors and you start to feel resentful because they seem ungrateful. It is important to remember this time of year is not just stressful and exhausting for you, it is for your children too. Whether it is tests, finals, parties, school performances, extracurricular activities, family visiting, or all of the above, it is a LOT for them. It is a lot for ALL of you.

So try and remember this when your child is giving you an attitude, throwing a fit, wants to stay in their room, or displaying any challenging behavior. These behaviors are likely their way of communicating they are overwhelmed, over stimulated, or tired and in need of a break. And don’t forget about you, when you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, becoming irritable or short with your family members, take a break. Try to model for your family that the holidays should not be about being stressed and overwhelmed. You don’t have to do every trending holiday activity or event. Pick a few, or none. Make family traditions simple, and let them be about who you are as family and what you enjoy, and not what everyone else is doing. Remind yourself of this as many times as you need. Take a moment to look at your beautiful family. Enjoy them this holiday season. Have fun, be playful, and let the small things (or big things that no one cares about anyway) go. Happy Holidays! May this be the best one yet!

I think my best tip for parents on how to best survive, and hopefully thrive, during the holiday season is to manage expectations. So often, we can get so caught up in all of the "shoulds" of the holidays. We should go ice skating, make cookies, have the perfectly decorated home, buy gifts that are just perfect for everyone on our lists, see holiday lights, visit family, etc, etc, etc. The list really could just go on and on!  

I also notice that there is even more pressure on parents to do all. the. things. now that social media is so prevalent in our lives. We see other people posting their perfectly decorated cookies or homes and we start comparing and feeling that we need to do things that way also in order to have the perfect holiday for our kids. Or we see pictures of all the activities people are doing for the holidays and start feeling that we need to do the same. 

All of this combined with our drive to be the best parents we can be creates the perfect storm of expectations and stress. Interestingly, the things we are focused on and stressing about may not even be important to us or our families. Instead of trying to do everything this year, I encourage you to take the time to ask your family members one thing they would really like to include in your holiday season this year and then make your list of "to do" based on that. With all the rest of the time perhaps you can try to just enjoy yourself and even create some time to relax and create new traditions!

As always, we at Thrive hope that our blogs are helpful to you.If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy with one of us, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304.
 
If you would like to receive updated information about Thrive Therapy, please feel free to sign up for our newsletter through the following link: http://eepurl.com/cvGx5n.