By: Dr. Erica Wollerman
Thank you so much for checking out my second blog in this series! As I mentioned before, this blog series is definitely more personal for me so I do hope that the thoughts that I am sharing are helpful to some of you and hopefully not too terribly offensive to the others! Please feel free to check out the first part of this series here.
For my blog today, I am hoping to share a bit about how I hope to handle “mom shame” when I am a mom. As a non-mom for many adult years while working with kids, I have gotten a handle on how to handle my sensitivity around not having kids yet but now I want to start preparing how to handle my sensitivity as a new mom in a climate of judgment around parenting choices.
The whole topic of “mom shame” comes up frequently both in my personal and professional life, partially because I work with a lot of parents and spend a lot of time with friends who already have kids. I have noticed that the women who I talk with in both settings who seem to have the best handle on their “mom shame” approach parenting with a philosophy of, “this is what’s right for me, but you do what feels right for you.” Since I am what I call a “recovering perfectionist,” I really hope to embrace and embody this perspective as well because I hope to keep my own perfectionism and judgment about my mistakes at bay. Especially as a new mom who will be making a lot of mistakes!
As much as I know I can’t totally know what mom shame feels like yet, I definitely know what shame feels like since shame and perfectionism are flip sides of the same coin. Here are my thoughts about ways to work through the mom shame once it arrives on my lovely emotional doorstep, tears and anger and all.
Thank you all for reading! I have more ideas for future blogs on this topic that I will be sharing as things progress and would appreciate any feedback you would like to give me!
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Musings from Erica, Angela, Jennifer, and Maria