The Importance of Making Mistakes

By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

I have never liked making mistakes. This was always most prevalent for me in school. When I was in 1st grade, we had a spelling quiz each week. If you got a perfect score, you did not have to retake it. I have been told that most times I did not get a perfect score, I would cry. In 4th grade, I got my first D on an exam. I distinctly remember when my teacher told me and I could not stop crying as I was so frustrated with myself. However, there were other areas of my life that I was more than okay making mistakes in! Specifically, anything sports related. Playing kickball in P.E. class, I rarely kicked the ball far enough. I even remember when other kids would be upset with me that I was not a better teammate. But you know, it did not bother me! I just had fun and placed no pressure on myself to be perfect!

I think for a lot of people, we have certain areas in our life in which we are hard on ourselves, whereas in others we can give ourselves more grace. I was always “good” at school, so when I messed up, I had a harder time handling it. Whereas with sports, I was proud of myself if I just got through the game. The only way I became better at handling the fact that I would make mistakes academically was just by making more mistakes. I had to get used to the fact that mistakes happen, even if I thought they should not.

Childhood really is a great time for making mistakes! As adults, we at times want to shield kids from the negative results some of their mistakes might lead to. However, making mistakes is fundamental in development and there are some mistakes that might be worth letting them make to reach those developmental milestones. Here are a few reasons why it is important for kids to make mistakes.

1. They learn to problem solve. Through making mistakes, they can learn to tell themselves “Okay, this did not go how I hoped. What can I do now?” They will learn how to reassess the situation and develop a plan B. If they make another mistake, they can make a plan C. This helps them learn to not give up after one or two attempts and that in some way they will figure it out!
2. It teaches them they are human. This is something that I wish I had learned much earlier in life! They might put a lot of pressure on themselves and making mistakes allows them to experience failure. Experiencing, and more so FEELING failure lets them know that despite their best efforts, mistakes do happen! No one can avoid it no matter how hard they try.
3. They learn the world will not actually end. If they feel anxious they will make a mistake - and then make the mistake - they usually feel even more anxious. However, once they see that whatever they were most worried about did not happen, it can start to reduce the anxiety they feel.
4. They develop distress tolerance. If what they feared would happen does happen, it is a great time to increase distress tolerance. When we mess up, we might feel anxious, overwhelmed, or angry. All of those feelings are valid! By practicing making mistakes as a child, they can learn to slowly increase their ability to get through these difficult emotions or uncomfortable outcomes.
5. Being perfect does not define your worth. Lastly, they can learn that just because they made a mistake, it does not mean they are worth any less. They are still wholly and fully themselves, no matter what grade they get or how many goals they score.

Childhood is a great age to practice making mistakes, especially as the consequences of those mistakes often have smaller consequences than maybe some mistakes one could make in adulthood. Allowing your child to make mistakes while being able to receive your feedback and support can increase their self-confidence to try again.

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
As always, thanks for reading and comments are always welcome regarding any issues around child or teen psychotherapy services in San Diego by Thrive Therapy Studio.  
 
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