Have you been feeling like your house has turned into a zoo?  If so, then you are not alone! When the shelter-in-place order started, these are some things that my younger clients have told me:

• “I love coronavirus. I get to stay home. I don’t have school.”
• “I’m good! I don’t have math.”
• “I got to watch movies and play all day! It’s great!”
• “It’s like vacation and I’m with my family.”

And as expected, these statements did not last that long.  Children don’t process loss or tragedy and adapt as quickly as adults do.  In about two weeks after my clients made these statements, I started to get phone calls and emails from parents about their children “acting out” and having behavioral issues.  It has started to sink in that the changes might not be so fun after all, and they are grieving their old lifestyle more than they knew.  And before you know it, the confusion, uncertainty, and frustration (combined with cabin fever) start to hit them all at once.  Although I can’t guarantee when things will get better for your child, there are ways that you can help support them and make staying at home more tolerable for everyone.

The first and most important rule of thumb is to be patient and be an active listener. Chances are, your child is not “acting out” on purpose.  I’m a firm believer that there is always an underlying cause for a behavior.  Often times, my clients have shared that they felt unheard or are angry about something in their lives.  Acting out is just a way to externalize those feelings. Imagine if I had taken out half of the words in your vocabulary and you weren’t able to convey your thoughts to me.  Your child’s behaviors are their way of conveying what’s going on inside. It may not be easy but patience can help your children feel that everything will be okay.

Staying active.  Children who don’t get enough physical exercise during the day can often become restless when it is time to settle down.  Anxiety, fear, and sadness can also show up as irritability in younger children.  Keeping their heart rate up, and spending the extra energy will help ease their anxiety and (hopefully) help them feel tired when it is time for bed.  Children are used to using both mental and physical energy 8 hours a day when they were going to school.  Because this component is missing, try filling it with other ways to keep them engaged.  Notice I didn’t say keep them entertained.  I know there is a lot of stress out there for parents trying to keep their children happy now that they are home all day, but that does not have to be the case.  This is about helping them spend excess mental and physical energy.  And for parents who work from home, some of these activities can be done independently after showing them.  Below are some ideas you can try:

Mentally challenging activities

• Starting a jigsaw puzzle
• Learning to knit/sew
• Learning an instrument (there are apps out there for this!)
• Scavenger hunt (can be done on a walk or in the home)
• Crafting (I’ve had clients stay engaged by making and donating masks to neighbors or hospitals)
• Commit to learning a new language for the whole family (maybe even practice holding a conversation in that language during dinner)

Physical activities

• Dancing (Just Dance 2020 on the Switch is super fun!)
• Walking or grooming your pet
• Jumping on the trampoline
• Relay races or obstacle courses in the home
• Twister
• The floor is lava (remember this one?)
• Musical chairs
• Virtual fitness classes for kids

Limit their exposure. This may seem strange for an article about behavioral issues in children; however, the current news coverage about COVID-19 has triggered a lot of fear response in children.  Children are always listening and observing even when you think they aren’t.  I’ve had young clients expressing their fears about getting sick, when things will open, how many cases are in San Diego and so much information that even I have not yet seen.  Children can easily misinterpret what they hear and become frustrated about something they can’t understand. In turn, this can bring about more confused feelings that may already exist.

Lastly, staying connected to family and friends can help bring about some normalcy in their lives.  Has your child facetimed their grandparents, aunts, or uncles lately?  It may be helpful to reach out to other parents and set up virtual play dates.  They might just show each other their toys or their room, but it is good to help them feel connected especially if they miss their friends.  I’ve recently helped a client set up a Netflix Party with their friends so they can have a virtual slumber party (it was a hit!).  This can be a real mood booster for some kids!

Remember that you, as a parent, are grieving too.  It’s okay that you may feel short lately and found that you can’t have as much patience as you would like.  Your children learn by example, so as long as you are trying and showing them that it is okay to pick yourself back up… that is an important life lesson on its own!
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Welcome to my blog series on play therapy!  The series will go over how play therapy works with children, teens, and even adults! I often get many questions and concerns from parents regarding the use of play therapy and how it works.  My hope is that this blog series can shed some light on some myths or concerns.  There’s a common misconception that play therapy is simply playing, and as many parents would think, “Why would I pay for someone to play with my child?”.  Play therapy is actually more than just play.  It’s actually a recommended treatment for children of all ages. Children communicate through play. They play before they even acquire verbal language.  Imagine a child who has witnessed violence and abuse in the home, their play would most likely reveal themes of aggression and violence with their toys.  Therapists use play therapy to help children express their feelings when they might not have verbal language to do so, or when saying it out loud is difficult.  The goal of play therapy is to help children express themselves through a comfortable medium, and learn effective ways to solve problems. 

What can I expect in play therapy for a young child or school-aged children?
At our practice, parents and caregivers play an important role in the child’s treatment.  I usually start with an intake interview with parent(s) to collect information about the child, and to discuss what they hope to see change.  When it applies, I also like to include the child’s teacher, providers, or other caregivers to get a good overall look at the child’s environment.  In the playroom, there are specific types of toys and games that encourage the child to express themselves such as dollhouses, instruments, or arts and crafts.  Depending on the child, I would either let them express themselves without any direction from me (nondirective) or I would guide them with specific activities (directive).  Play therapy sessions typically start at once a week and usually last 45 minutes.  In my experience, nondirective therapy works best for my clients that have difficulty opening up or have had traumatic experiences as these clients need time and space to resolve their issues. Most clients that I see, however, fall under the directive category.  This type of play therapy has more input from the therapist and includes teaching skills or asking direct questions to the child.  Although directive play therapy resolves issues quicker, it is best for certain cases.  During the intake, I discuss with parents what they can expect from play therapy and which direction I would be taking with their child.  Below are some examples of what play therapy would look like.

Play therapy with children ages 0-5
Play therapy with very young children (0-5) looks very different from play therapy with children who are more developed.  Therapy with young children have high parental involvement and often is used in family therapy.  I’ve worked with many parents and toddlers on building a connection or stronger emotional relationship, especially with those who have gone through a divorce, blended family, or separation.  I introduce many activities that would promote eye contact, soothing touch and interaction.  I’ve worked on reunifying some parents and toddlers who were separated at birth by helping them learn how to relate to one another.  For children who have some language, some activities I use to help promote expressing and exploring their feelings include: using clay to make facial expression, drawing, and painting.  To help explore what is going on in their lives or teaching them healthy communication skills through role playing, I might use stuffed animals, puppets, or a dollhouse.  With some children this age, giving them nondirective play also allows me to see themes of how they might be feeling or are treated at home or school. 
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What about school-aged children?
Play therapy with older children who already have verbal language tend to be more directive in my office.  Some examples include playing board games or card games to teach impulse control (not going out of turn, shouting out the answer, cheating), learning social skills through role playing, playing Candyland to express their feelings (ex. each color is a different emotion), creating fun ways to use relaxation skills, or drawing their support network.  If you come by our office, you might catch me playing red light green light down the hallway to help my client learn how to control their body. 
All in all, play therapy is about creating a healthy working relationship with your child.  Sometimes the feedback I get from children is that I’m one of the few adults they can trust to talk about difficult things with, and I also hear from parents that sometimes I say the same exact thing they have already said to their child but they happen to listen to me! As an adult, it can be very easy to sit opposite of your therapist and delve into the problems that brought you to treatment.  But for children, they need a more fun and creative way to get their minds working and that’s really what play therapy is!