6 Ways to Cope with Loneliness

By: Dr. Andrea Seldomridge

Loneliness is something we all experience at one time or another. For myself, I often associate loneliness with when I’ve moved to a new city by myself away from friends, or when I’ve ended a stage in my life, like graduating, and missed the sense of community that I once had. Sometimes it can feel hopeless that you’ll feel deeper connections with others and find people to confide in like you have in the past, or that you’ll be able to develop a new relationship altogether. Sometimes people feel especially lonely at the end of a relationship, or maybe after a fall out with a friend. Other times, people can feel lonely even when in a crowd of people they love. Loneliness can be caused by a whole variety of situations! Overcoming loneliness can feel difficult to do, and that’s okay too. Below I’ve listed some ways that can be helpful in coping with loneliness.

1. Know that it’s okay to feel lonely. Even if you have good relationships and maybe feel like you “shouldn’t” feel lonely, it’s still okay if you do. It doesn’t make you ungrateful, but rather it means you’re a person with a wide range of emotions! Learning to recognize and accept that you’re feeling lonely is a great start.
   
2. You aren’t alone in feeling lonely. As a therapist I can definitely validate that there has been an increase in feeling disconnected from others since the beginning of the pandemic. It’s definitely not just you. You might be surprised at how many others in your life feel just as lonely.
   
3. Consider what might be causing the loneliness. Like I mentioned above, there are so many reasons why someone might feel lonely. Identifying why you are feeling lonely can help make it easier to know how to cope. Maybe you aren’t close with anyone in your town, or maybe it’s been difficult to spend quality time with others. Maybe you just came out of a relationship, or maybe you feel disconnected even when with others. When was the last time you didn’t feel lonely? What was it about that time that made you feel connected?
   
4. Reach out to others. This might seem impossible, or it might seem that if I had people to reach out to, I wouldn’t feel lonely! I always try to think about who I can reach out to that I’m not the closest with, like an acquaintance or someone I haven’t talked to for a while. Sending a simple text to someone can really brighten their day. There’s a chance that they might be feeling lonely too and would be excited to know you were thinking of them. It can feel intimidating to do so, and it’s okay if you feel anxious. We all feel nervous to reach out to others at one time or another!
   
5. Allow time for relationships to grow. Sometimes I miss the day in kindergarten when I instantly made a friend with the girl I shared a desk with. Most of my relationships since then have taken more time to develop. Most relationships take time and effort to become deeper and genuinely connected. If it’s taking longer for you, that’s totally okay. Putting in extra effort can be exhausting, but it can definitely be worth it.
   
6. Find ways to enjoy your own company. While loneliness isn’t fun to feel, it can actually be a time where we can invest back into ourselves. Once when I moved to a new city by myself (I’ve ended up doing it a few times) I definitely felt lonely. So for one month, I tried to view my weekends by myself as a time I could learn to enjoy my own company more. I had been wanting to get back into knitting, so I bit off more than I could chew and aimed to knit a blanket because I knew it would take longer than a single weekend to complete. While working on the blanket, I was able to take time to think about what intentions I wanted to set for myself living in the new city. Towards the end of the month, I found myself looking forward to working on the project and having time to reflect on the week and recharge.
   

All in all, know that you are not alone in feeling lonely. Hopefully one or two of these ways can help make experiencing loneliness a bit less difficult and help you feel more connected to others.

​Dr. Seldomridge is now accepting new clients!
​She is supervised by Dr. Erica Wollerman (PSY25614). 

At Thrive, we take a positive, client centered approach to therapy that is focused on creating a genuine connection with our clients.  If you would like to talk with a Thrive Therapist about yourself, your child, or teen attending therapy via video sessions, please reach out to us by phone at 858-342-1304. 
 
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