5 Ways to Cope with Pandemic Holidays

As I have noticed with my clients, friends, family, and well, myself - holidays this year are feeling pretty complicated. Decision making about what to do and who is safe to see is just incredibly challenging and has been challenging throughout the pandemic. It seems like that challenge only increases as the pandemic continues to worsen this month as so many of us are just plain worn out from worrying about risks and missing our loved ones terribly. For those of us who are sticking it out as much as possible at home, I thought it might be helpful to share some ideas of how we can get through this situation and hopefully enjoy the holidays. 

1. Pick and Choose - The most important holiday tip that I share with clients is always to pick and choose what you do. I think it is crucial that we as parents decide what traditions are the most meaningful and important for our families rather than trying to do all of them. For families with older kids, I encourage parents to check in with their kids to see what they feel is enjoyable or to pick one tradition each to make sure you do. This way you can focus on those things and only do things that truly bring you joy. It’s like the Marie Kondo approach for the holidays! 
   
2. Focus on the things that are possible - I think it could be really easy this year to get very focused about all of the things we are not doing or missing out on. I know it was tough for my family to see so many others visit and gather with their loved ones for Thanksgiving and it took a conscious effort to focus on what a great day our little family was having instead. So, make sure to try to process the loss we are dealing with and allow a space for your children to do so too. But after that, focus on what is possible and how we can make those things fun. 
   
3. Create new traditions - Sometimes it can help to break out of the mold and do something new instead of a modified version of a beloved tradition. If you usually spent the night at grandma’s, maybe try to make it extra fun to stay home this year with jammies and a fort in the living room or something. The thing that is important is to try to determine if doing the modified version will make you feel more sad or happy to have some closeness to your usual tradition. If it will bring joy, try it out! If you think it will just feel like a poor replacement, maybe try something you haven’t done before. 
   
4. Focus on the Pro’s - I am a firm believer that there are truly pros and cons to everything. So, while we might be missing out on traveling to see family (I know we are!), we could try to focus on what we would not miss about those trips. For me, it is packing up and traveling with what feels like our whole house to keep our toddler entertained. And definitely the flights with a toddler!  So this year, while I am sad to miss out on the family visits, I am not entirely sad to miss out on the work part of the trip itself! 
   
5. Take some time to rest - This year has just been so incredibly intense that I think all of us could use a holiday season without some of the hustle and bustle. While I recognize that many of us truly love that part of things this time of year, we likely are not needing more pressure or things to do. So, I think we could take this time to really try to rest and enjoy whatever down time we can. I think it is really needed particularly because of the difficulty of 2020 but also to help us stay intentional in how we cope with our feelings about the differences in our holidays. It will be easier to recognize and acknowledge our emotions if they have time to be expressed and felt. If we rush through this time (because it truly does feel easier to be distracted), we might end up even more sad or grumpy in the long run. I would encourage you to allow yourself some space to access emotions, rest, and then cope in whatever way works best for you and your family. 
   

I know that this is not an easy time for any of us. Holidays are already a challenging time of year for so many people that adding in a pandemic that is spiraling out of control is just unreal. Perhaps the most important thing we can all do is to just go easy on ourselves during this time. Let’s try not to set up expectations that might not be met and just get through this time one day at a time, hopefully finding some joy and holiday cheer along the way. 

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